So Small

I know it's hard on a rainy day.
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone.



So easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big, at the time.
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole.

While you're sittin' 'round thinking about what you can't change,
and worryin' about all the wrong things--
Time's flying by, moving so fast.
Better make it count, cause you can't get it back.

Morning Coffee

As far as morning's go, it's been a good one.

On our way to campus, Kat and I stopped by Starbucks where I satisfied my Pumpkin Spice Latte craving and Kat got a Green Tea Frap (without the melon shot of course).

One of the things I love about Starbucks (because I am a slave to good marketing) is their "The Way I See It" quotes on their cups. Delicious caffeine fix with a side of wisdom. Here's today's quote:

Coffee in hand, sun smiling down, we made our way through campus, pausing every so often to greet friends crossing our path, and now we're seated in the back right corner of Social Policy (prime classroom seat!). And what do you know, this class is actually really interesting!

Lucky for me because my laptop is about to run out of batteries.

Here's to good mornings! :)

Crossing your fingers doesn't really get you anywhere

I apologize for the lack of "real" updates lately. I promise this youtube song posting will end soon. Sometimes though, songs say it better than you ever could yourself, and so there isn't any point in writing about it because you're not going to do as good a job as the song will anyway. And it takes so much less effort.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud.
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.



Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe... just breathe.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you'd only try turning around.

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

non stop

I'm dizzy from commitments and obligations. From urgencies and expectations. (It's always about that.)
From playing catch up.

I can't even finish this blog, I have a meeting in 10 minutes and it's 15 minutes away at a reasonable pace.

celebrity of the day

I absolutely love Reba McEntire.

I know I'm a dork. I don't know how I suddenly fell into this country music rut. Laugh it up.

But I watched a special with Reba and Kelly Clarkson and I cried.

So cheesy, so good.

714

I think sometimes you can really surprise yourself at how much you can feel even after so long.

I think what's difficult is becoming very jaded toward most things while keeping a hold of just a few. Because investing very much in very little is almost more dangerous in investing a lot of yourself in everything. It's like putting all your eggs in one basket and if it just so happens that those baskets don't hold those eggs carefully (which is really an unrealistic expectation to think that any basket will always be reliable), then your eggs all break in one go.

Back to the old way

I'm kind of getting sick of the whole "composition" style of blogging.

It's starting to seem too much for other people and a lot less for myself which is why I've been geeking out on here for so long anyway.

So for now, I'm going back to the old way. Less boxes, less walls.

It's kind of reflective of life right now, I think.
It may be a result of biological events approaching, but it seems that those walls that went up almost a year ago are dissolving. It's not a good thing. It's like someone ripped off the bandaid too quickly. Like the bubble wrap's been taken off and now I'm feeling every bump, every scrape. Things aren't as meaningless. I am not so unaffected.

Maybe I just have to get over this "hump" before I get to that healthy balance.

My nails are at that stage right now. Long enough to get all that gross dirt and crap in it, but not long enough to look pretty. But I know that if I can just hold out a little longer and not bite them off, they can get pretty glamourous.

Fair Warning

This past Friday, I awoke to the smell of burning.

At first I dismissed it in my groggy state and willed myself to drift back out of conciousness.
Unfortunately, a short time later I found myself coughing and unable to tolerate the intense burning smell that was filling my bedroom. I don't know what took me so long but I finally panicked, leapt out of bed and flung open the door to a hallway filling with smoke wafting from the lower level.

"SOMETHING'S BURNINGGGGG!!!!!" I yell.

The story is pretty anticlimatic. It turns out that my mom had severely burnt some toast in our super-defective toaster. Days later, the smell of burning is still lingering. Yum.

What worries me is that our fire alarm didn't go off at all that morning.
Which basically means if a real fire were to start in my house, I would likely die.

Not to mention, someone should really inform the three people who are shacking up in my house for the week:

Warning: Toaster and fire alarm out of order. Permanent residents take no responsibility for resulting injuries and or deaths.

Theme song love

John Mayer : New Deep

I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been

Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my inner dwellings?
And look at the stars
Don't it remind you just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess

(*)

I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight

Stop trying to figure it out
Deep will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back porch poet with a book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm probably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'

A Tragic Loss

Does anyone else have that perfect pair of jeans?

The ones that make you feel comfortable yet confident, match with everything you own, and are worn again and again because you'd choose wearing them two maybe three days in a row rather than break out a cleaner (but less well loved) pair?

My denim of choice? Jacob Connexion. Dark wash. Stretch. Ahhh.

I love them so much that I continued wearing them even after they started wearing holes.

Sadly though, the holes are now too visible to ignore and I've been forced to retire them.

And although I'm looking forward to shopping for a replacement pair of "perfect jeans", I'm not looking forward to breaking the new one's in.

This Is Likely Why I am Wedding Dateless

I am gross.

My hair is stringy and is attaching itself to my sticky neck, further trapping the heat from this sauna-like bedroom against me.

My head hurts. My breasts hurt. Actually my entire body is sluggish and sore-- torn between taking today's second shower and staying right where it is. Unmoving. Perhaps forever.

It is impossible to fall asleep and somehow (stupidly), I find myself sitting in front of a bowl of Clam Chowder. Not good Clam Chowder, I might add! And I'm wrestling with yet another difficult choice:

Q: Do I choose the repulsiveness of actually eating this fishy paste or the guilt of dumping it out while less fortunate individuals go hungry?

A: Answer found on page I-hate-this-time-of-the-month.

It's not what it looks like...

Here's the scenario:

You are a waiter at East Side Marios.
Every Monday night, two asian girls come in to the bar to order half price wings.
They giggle a lot. A lot.
One of these nights, you see two other girls stroking eachother at the bar.
A few times you pass by the asian girls' table and hear snippets of their conversation:
"...where we should have the wedding... the church is too small!" ... "You're my date to..."
At the end of the meal, you ask if they want the bills seperate or together.
"Together." Says the girl on the left as she whips out her debit card.

True story.

Bee and I are a bit worried that the waiter at East Side's thinks we're an item. We're always there. We're always giggling. And last week, when an actual same sex couple was there as well, I happened to pay for Bee's drink.

Today we watched a basketball game together and contemplated whether or not Bee should be my date to an upcoming wedding. If it happens, I imagine the wedding reception will be yet another interestingly misinterpreted scenario for on-looking wedding guests.

"Are you a friend of the bride or groom?"
"Neither... I'm her date."
"Oh!..." *Trying to figure out when Jasmine came out of the closet.*

Goal Setting

I get what I want.
(I know I sound like a princess (ok, so I am one), but it's true.)

I don't always know what I want. But when i do, i have a strong urge to get it and will persevere in doing so. Unfortunately, these are usually very meaningless goals for the purpose of instant gratification.

Last week it was Black Cherry Icecream. This weekend, it was going to see Harry Potter.

My quest began on Wednesday where after much whining and pleading, Bee and Andrew still refused to see it with me. They don't like Harry Potter. And I think Bee had had enough childish behaviour for one evening. (hehe)

Thursday: Kat had promised her cousins she'd wait for them. Esther, unfortunately had already promised another group of people she'd go with them. She invited me, but I have high standards. I don't spend my time with just anybody you know.
Friday came. And tonight I decided, enough is enough! I'm seeing it tonight and that's that. So I called Joanna in Toronto; "Come up and see Harry Potter with me!". That was an almost. Wallace wanted to see it tomorrow.

But I wanted to go tonight! And so I did. With my sister. And it was good.

So there.

Eat-Over

This summer, Bee, Andrew, and I have been have had quite a few "eat-overs".

I call them eat-overs because they always start with food. No exceptions.
They start with food and then continue on to ... well, more food.


Tonight the items consumed included:
- 3 bbq boneless rib things
- 2 scoops of chocolate vanilla swirl soft-serve icecream
- 1 can of Chunky beef stew
- 1 can of WInnie the Pooh Heinz Pasta
- 1 Delissio (not delivery) pepperoni pizza

Maybe it's something about combining hot summer nights with a lot of eating that does something weird to our brains, because the night almost inevitably will progress to hours of hilarious but (very) un-intelligent conversation or creating Mii's in the likeness of certain "interesting" individuals.

And the next thing we know, the sun's rising again signaling another successful eat-over.

(As well as triggering the ever-lingering question of why on earth we wasted so many precious sleep hours away doing that... again.)

Fresh Face

I thought it was about time for a little change.

What do you get when you cross the laziest person in the world with the most scatterbrained?

My nails are long right now. (Relatively.)

My bookshelf and closet are clean-- and now for the floor and the desk. It's greuling work, you know.

I'm spending the long weekend with my three favourite people, also known as kreazeless. <3 I am a happy girl. Five nineteen. Enough said.

Extreme Makeover : My Home Edition

[the before photo]



... ahem, yeah. alot to do still. Step one? Clean the damn thing. *sigh*

Couple things about June

Save the environment. (Or at least try.)

Be careful. I'm moody.

I still haven't seen pirates.
Waiting for people is tiring, and so is trying to get people together. So i'm trying to decide how lame it would be to see it by myself.

I love this song:

rilo kiley : the frug

Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?
Pinocchio: Well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
Prince Charming: You don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: On the contrary,
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop It!
Pinocchio: Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!

spectrums of pain

When I was around eight or nine years old, a few friends (Jo, Heidi, and Wallace) and I were playing baseball in the yard of the Catholic elementary school adjacent to my block. Our version of 'baseball' wasn't always consistent, but it generally consisted of my yellow, wooden baseball bat and a tennis ball. We used our hats or jackets as bases. Usually there was a pitcher and no defined teams. Every kid for themself.

This particular day, I remember, the game had ended and we were heading back to my house for dinner. Heidi was swinging the bat around as we walked. I recall bending down to tie my shoe and when I caught up she must not have heard me because the next thing I heard was the crack of that solid wooden bat colliding HARD with my right hip-bone. I know I collapsed right onto the ground and couldn't speak for a few moments but maybe a minute later I was back on my feet and lightly making my way back to my house. I didn't even cry. I think I actually laughed when we were back at my house. There ended up being a WICKED bruise that spanned the size of my hand but nothing else. Weird, eh?

I think I have a very large physical pain threshold. I've ran around on a sprained ankle (which is why my ankles are so messed up now), and over the many times my right earhole has closed up, I consistently grit my teeth and force the earring in anyway, dabbing away the blood like sweat.

Sorry. I know I'm grossing people out. The point is, I have a high tolerance for physical pain, but my tolerance for emotional pain is greatly lacking. I cry easily over emotional hurts, I miss people easily, I run away from things I don't want to deal with, things that seem too hard. Part of me wishes that my emotional tolerance and physical tolerance would swap places. Wouldn't life be easier to live that way? Instead of building emotional walls, I could just try harder not to fall on my face or let my earholes close up. And to stay out of the way of baseball bats.

Which is far easier when you're twenty than when you're eight.

Michael Buble : Everything



"and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times... it's YOU, it's you, you make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."

purchase potentials

Sitting around at Bee's burning time and found something I want:





C'est moi!

summer days

Waterloo is boring.

Boring enough that I am choosing to-- get this --attend class. Haha... currently, I am relaxing in the dimly lit lecture hall in EIT in Laura's marketing class. :P -- Maleck is the prof and I'd forgotten the actually entertaining quality of his voice and this class is reminiscent of econ220 except it's way better considering its not 8:30am.

The funnest thing I can find to do lately is eat. With friends, mind you. ... So i have about 8 friends in Waterloo this term. Count'em -- 1. Kat 2. Laura 3. Janna 4. Bernice 5. Andrew 6. Alice 7. Steph 8. Nicole (disclaimer-- if i forgot you, it's probably just because i don't really hang out with you often. not that i don't consider you as a friend.) And I only really hang out with 4 of them.

And have you ever tried to find actually entertaining things to do in Waterloo? Trust me its not an easy task. At least during the day. Options? Basically all i do is eat.
Starbucks, Morty's, Chill&Grill, Mikey's... um yeah.

Someone entertain me. -_-

About Me
*updated my 'About Me' section on facebook and felt like sticking it on here.

I recently stopped biting my nails, but sometimes revert back to my old habits.

Some people say I'm a bit of a drama queen and I have two ways to cope with my wild influx of emotion:
1. Draw
2. Eat

I'm easily bought. And honest (mostly).

Current addictions include Tazo iced tea and Youtube.

Oh. And I'm redecorating my room this summer if I get around to finally getting it cleaned.

I L♥VE TORONTO!

- i'm just a city girl at ♥.

Ana Free: Cover of Bic Runga's Sway

"And there's no cure, no way to be sure why everything's turned inside out, instilling so much doubt. It makes me so tired. I feel so uninspired. My head is battling with my heart, my logic has been torn apart."

indignant

I was going to make an entry on my recently updated "summer goal" list. But recent events have caused me the need to discuss one of my pet-peeves, if only to relieve myself from this swelling pocket of indignation in my chest.

Two things that rub me the wrong way:

1. When people suggest in a manipulative manner that I do something. It's as if they assume that i am either too stupid to see through their ridiculous tactics or that I need people to 'trick' me into doing things. I am not a child that needs to be bribed with candy to go to bed. (This annoyance goes hand in hand with that other pet peeve i have of people trying to "teach other people lessons".) It's condescending and rude to assume that you 'know better' than someone and that it is your position to be 'getting' them to do things in the way you deem best (unless you have recieved specific permission/respect from this person to do so).

If I want to do something, I will likely do it. If I don't want to, I likely won't.

But if I somewhatly want to do something (or am considering it) and someone treats me like this, I will be strongly pushed in the direction of doing the exact opposite of whatever that person is trying to coerce me into.

2. When people directly order you to do something or imply that you "have to".

"You HAVE to _____!!!"

Actually, no. I don't. Not unless you happen to be an officer of the law or something-- are you?
Seriously- tell me. Who the bloody blank do you think you are?! (that IS directed to someone specific)

It makes me so angry when people act like this. Go ahead and make your own personal rules, but leave me out of them. Especially if you really don't have any authority over me at all and are just acting like a condescending jerk.
Honestly, I really had to hold myself back tonight.

Likewise with number 1, number 2 also generally causes me to do exactly the opposite of what that person is 'ordering' me to do.

--

It isn't that I don't respect anyone and that I don't listen to anyone. It's just that the people who actually do have influence over me know it, because I have told them, or I will actually willingly approach them for advice and do what they say because I do respect them.
And I'm not okay with giving people the impression that treating me in that manner will get them the results they desire.

Whew! End of rant! lol

et fini!

"s u m m e r came like cinnamon... so sweet!" - c.b.r.

worn out

until 6am : studying client-centred therapy and REBT
6am-7am : unsettling, nightmare-ridden 'nap'
7-8:40am : more studying
9-10:30am : SOCWK w Ind 2 Theory and Practice Final
10:40am-12am : unsettling, nightmare-ridden 'nap' 2
12:05pm-12:15pm : frantic shower
12:30p : meeting at mikey's
sometime during the meeting: unfortunate accident
2:00pm: return home AGAIN to deal with unfortunate accident

... and I have another long day/night of studying to look forward to. Someone shoot me.

*edit 5pm
-- when i got back to the library, i walked down the to basement to set down my stuff and back upstairs to get a mint Aero only to find that my watcard wasn't working. So I went BACK downstairs to get change, and back upstairs again only to find that the chocolate wasn't $1.25 it was $1.50-- at which point i decided there was no way in hell i was going back downstairs and borrowed 25 cents from a random stranger.

Today is not my day.

library juice

I came to the library particularily early this morning because Kat had her exam at 9am. Since its beautiful out, I detoured with Kat to RCH before heading over to DC, cut through EIT, picking up a cup of "Midnight Obsession" coffee on the way.

This has seriously got to be the most caffeinated coffee on the planet.

I did a little googling and found that it is a dark roast from Africa and the specific brand I purchased is from the Baden Coffee Company's Sleepy Monks Fair trade brand:

The Baden Coffee Company promotes Fair Trade Coffee under its Sleepy Monks Reserve brand, which is organic, shade grown and bird friendly. "Sleepy Monks Own", a blend of five Fair Trade beans of separate origin, has become one of our most popular coffees.


library art



... this blog is getting some serious love during exam time

Since I have been basically living at DC for the past week -- i thought it would be appropriate to show you a general idea of my "study area" -- with labels! haha
*click the picture to enlarge it

blue

hit kind of a 'down' day.

but Denise brought me the Ginny Owens Live cd and its cheering me up a bit :)

"when you're lost inside yourself and you can't find your way out-- you gotta find something, something to sing about." - live once, ginny owens

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 7 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books (list to be determined)
- re-do my room (been saying this for the past few summers but this summer-- i SHALL!)
- go to the gym thrice weekly
- stock up on new makeup and new nail polish :)
- and new shoes.
- learn to COOK! ha!
- learn how to edit videos and start a vlog
- start my 'comic' slash me and bee's company

... to be continued.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

at club dc - 'hard at work' as usual

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 9 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books (list to be determined)
- re-do my room (been saying this for the past few summers but this summer-- i SHALL!)
- go to the gym thrice weekly
- stock up on new makeup and new nail polish :)
- and new shoes.
- learn to COOK! ha!

... to be continued.

i really do


nataliedee.com

song of the day

She said, "What good is tomorrow without a guarantee?"
She can lick her lips and smile
And make you wanna believe

Chorus:
That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 10 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books

... to be continued.

I kind of hate waterloo right now.

Carson said i get like this everytime I see Dora... I go through a phase of not liking people very much except for a select few.

I can't help it!

I need my kreazeless.

Just feel like without them, I'm not REALLY myself... It's like i forget after not being with my kreazeless for so long how different i am with them... how natural and ME I feel ... how i can let loose and be myself and like they KNOW me. No expectations, no presumptions, no judgements, no... criticisms!

And i never laugh so hard without them.

It doesn't help that finals are upon us. Doesn't really add to the appeal of this city.

Sometimes (rarely, but sometimes) games can be amusing.

Mafia-- is a serious thing. Perhaps unwise to play with a group in which a lot of the people are still "getting to know eachother"... and who don't know how to play the game. It can produce a great deal of tension as experienced at the 3rd yr girls sleepover.

Which was a pretty funny considering it's just a silly game. :P

Taboo is another good one. (A game that I actually like ALL the time!)

bee: what would you say for BLT?
me: YUMMAAAAYYYY!!! :D

However-- regular Taboo is just never going to be that fun to me anymore-- what's better? JEOPARDY taboo!! ... "WHAT IS BUNGEE JUMPING!!!!"

Jacqueline: It's... something you do on a mountain....
Jo: TIME!!
Alison: What was it?
Jacqueline: Bungee jumping!... can't you do that on a mountain?
Bee: ...... you mean... SUICIDE?
Alison: *rapidly flails arms* BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!

two years today

and on an unrelated note-- sometimes i feel like dealing with people just isn't worth the frustration. I mean, it's not a constant thing, but sometimes people can be so inconsiderate. And they can have such high expectations.

The ultimate expectation of course, is that you are supposed to just sit there and comply and try and try and try even when nothing you do is appreciated. Sit and wait for things to be 'convenient' for them, because in their minds, that's when it should automatically be convenient for YOU too, right?

Sometimes I miss my 'hermit term' because I never had to deal with any of this stuff.

Oh I know, there are a million other factors. But when you're annoyed its easy for perspectives to be slanted... it's easy to just focus on that one ugly spot on the wall.

Welcome Home (You) : Brian Littrell

I can't get this song out of my head.
It's really cheesy, but also, really addictive.

quotes from 'club dc'

bee: wow. that was the longest pee ever. I think my bladder lost its elasticity.

__

guy1: did you say naughty?
guy2: NOT...
guy1: ohhhhhh.

__

asian: she'll probably ask something like "at what angle is the leaning tower of Pisa at?"..
non-asian: ...less than 45 degrees?
asian: 5.5 degrees.
non-asian: ... less than 45 degrees.

reality check (aka wow, i suck.)

"We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.
The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him.
This is how we know we are in him:
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." 1John 2:6

AFTER FINISHING SHOPAHOLIC and Baby I have the ridiculous desire to begin, from now on, each blog entry in caps lock-- similar to the beginnings of each chapter in the book.

Shopaholic and Baby is fabulous. Better than Shopaholic and Sister in my opinion. I finished it in two days which my boss said is quite disciplined because she would have finished in one night. Unfortunately I do have to put it down for such frivolous (in comparison) things as... oh you know. Class. Work. Friends. Stuff like that.

Today we were dropping Koko back onto campus after preparing for our Palliative presentation and I asked Koko what song she wanted to listen to from my ipod.

"I like Chinese songs though," She says in a don't-bother-because-you-won't-have-anything-i-like voice.

"We're not as white as you think!!" Kat retorts almost instantly.

Laughing, I shoot Kat a dubious glance.

"Okay," correcting herself, "I'm not as white as you think. I watch ket jap."

A blog was really useful before, when i updated it daily, because it allowed me to record my thoughts-- sometimes i'll get lost in mini epiphanies, or maybe i'll suddenly think up good line of poetry or think of something funny or interesting -- but pull me out of the thought bubble for a while and those thoughts are lost and i find myself hopelessly trying to recall them.

On an aside-- know what was really fun? St. Paddy's Day!! :)
Last minutedly, kat, jo, jess, clara, and i went over to aaron and carson's and drank our brains out while playing taboo, eating wings and shanghai noodles, singing along(badly)to aaron's guitar playing (mostly just vitamin c over and over and over), and running screaming around the house incoherently. LOL it was so much fun! and I pick that over lining up for hours outside of a bar any day!! :D

I'm beginning to realize our "time" together is really limited... and I'm trying to treasure simple, happy moments more. 7man party, chocolate covered strawberries and bananas, NV 70% off sale hehe, mochas, and shopaholic and baby! These things make days smile-worthy.

understanding the "new me"

I used to be pretty clear on what was real & what I made up, but with everything going on in the world, none of that seems to matter, so I just decided to talk less & smile to myself more, so as not to add to the general confusion. -brian andreas

Watch this.

No, I don't know her. I just stumbled upon this by accident. Just watch it.
There are no words. bahahaha

'poon choy'

-- basically just a big tub of meat.

It's the second best thing about chinese new year. (we all know what the best thing is. ;))

feb one four

i was toying with whether i should study the day away and pretend it doesn't exist or have any effect on my life. certainly that would be the more mature thing to do. more dignified approach. yes, that would definitely be the ... oh screw it.

I HATE VALENTINES DAY!!

so there.

so you know how i never answer your calls?

well those days are over! :D

hello baby (phonelove*) hehe i love my dad

happy monday

I don't feel like this morning has been the best start to a new week.

I woke up with a scratchy throat and a stuffy nose. And the same headache I've had for two days that starts at the back right of my neck and shoots up to the upper right part of my forehead.

And now I'm at DP studying. blech.

positive thoughts:
- got myself a half hotchocolate-halfhazelnutcoffee,
- i snagged the best seat in the library (imo-- the computer in the left corner right in front of the Library Staff Only elevator. I like it because it's way over against the wall and nodody walks by and peeks at your screen or bumps you with their bag.
- its bee's birthday!

and at least its the last week before reading week! :) four days!!! go go go

the secret

the secret to good blogging is *hushed tones* the belief that your life is INTERESTING and worth talking about!

i used to think life was very interesting in highschool :) i always had something to tell! nowadays if you ask me how things are, my standard response is "okay, uneventful.. *shrug*"... but no more!! at least on my blog i will pretend to invest a great interest in my life.

chin fat

my dad asked me if my thyroids were swollen today.

i'm just like: WHAT!!! .... *pause...* ... WHAAAAT?!!?!

seriously, now.

ipod love

jiffy got me the most adorable ipod case (merci beaucoup!) which i love and felt the need to share with everyone!
It looks like this:

catching the bug

i thinking i'm re-catching the blog bug, i'm not sure why. my inner nerd is making a come back!

distractions

as of late my favourite has been watching tv and movies on the internet. it's such a fun thing to do by yourself! sex and the city at my fingertips! little miss sunshine two feet away!

was on the phone with dora for a few hours last night. it was supposed to be this 10 minute conversation to tell her about my latest "its driving me insane" story and to get away from the world of waterloo but for a few sweet moments. who knew it would turn into a 3 hr phone call? ... ok, guilty. =P but nevertheless, it was much needed. i miss my best friend. and i miss laughing incontrollably til i think i'm going to die from lack of oxygen.

we were talking about My Big Fat Greek Wedding. so after i got off the phone, naturally, i wanted to watch it! but its not on alluc :( and peekvid is down. so i looked it up on youtube and this clip is all i could find. not even one of the funniest parts! but still very satisfactory.

lists lists lists

there's something about lists that make me feel like i have my life slightly more under control.

it's as if having an organized manner of stating how far behind i am makes me less far behind.

makes no sense at all.

can't wait til reading week!

hey february!

february

... is alive with a renewed sense of "maybe i haven't lost ALL my luck?" accompanied by an awakeded spur of motivation (or urgency at least)

... began with breakfast with mamalaura && kat @ symposium. yum!

... is all about the Beatles.

... is new. which means i can still shape it. i can't change first year. or second. or last term. or yesterday. or one minute ago. but february? i have like a fresh tub of playdough!

bullet dodged

"Open up the skies of mercy,

rain down the cleansing flood...

... its your KINDNESS Lord"

i enjoy solving problems with humour

bee: just don't look dumb.
jasy: dumb?
bee: yeah. like, don't put a lot of shiney things in your hair.

"I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day"

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in."

Psalm 3:11-12

may my life be one unbroken gaze

difference number 1

i used to think there wasn't any difference but there is. the first one, is that everything.... LIFE... just seems way more beautiful and meaningful with Him than without.

Native?

So I'm training new callers... and one girl I was training starts talking to me about her friend from her small town.
"My Native friend from my town's name is Jasmine, so when i saw that your name was Jasmine i was like so shocked! Because the only two Native girls i know are named Jasmine!"
*pause..*
"Umm... I'm not Native.... I'm Chinese."

Do i look Native? (It's kind of cool but ... weird! i always get korean but never native)

can you say dumbass? (my very own "dorkism")

I've been trying to be more responsible about my work schedule because i'm putting in a lot of extra hours doing training, sitting at the recruiting booth, and doing interviews-- the times for these are sporadic and i didn't want to miss any, so i copied all the times from my boss's email onto a piece of paper that i carry around.

For today i had written down: Interview -- 10-3pm

Unfortunately, the only ride i could get to school was at 8:30 this morning before my mom went to work, and i didn't want to WALK considering it's snowing a lot outside and i didn't think one measley hour of sleep was worth a cold walk to school. So i drug myself out of bed at around 7:30 this morning, left the house at 8:30 and getting to school at around 8:40, spent a WHILE in the bathroom fixing myself becuase i didn't want to look like I'd just drowned and came back to life while i was interviewing people.

I went up to the office at around 9:15 thinking, hey, maybe it's not so bad that i'm 45 minutes early because i've never done an interview before and i could take this time to figure out what i need to even do and get some coffee. So i get upstairs and start chatting away with Pete and Joanna (2 of the supervisors) and somehow i get to talkign about how ridiculous i am that i signed up to do interviews from 10am - 3pm.

Joanna: uhhh... there aren't any interviews this morning...

Me: WHAT??... uhhh ghzala sent me an email!!

At this point, Pete, Joanna, and I are kind of running around and getting all freaked out and worked up about why Ghzala would send me an email saying 10 - 3 when there aren't even any interviews! We go into their office and tell John who is also thoroughly confused.

Me: SERIOUSLY guys this sucks! I can't believe i got up at 7:30 in the morning for no reason! I'll show you the email!!

I pull the email up on the screen and here's what it it says:

Interviews:
January 10 - 3pm

Me: SEE??? January 10.... oh... oh my God... oh my God i'm such an idiot.

Of course we laughed at me for a while and then it wasn't so funny anymore when i realized how tired I was and how i'd left my cellphone at home and how this day SUCKS. >:(

*sigh* I need a cup of coffee desperately.

finally winter

It's finally really winter here. The snow's coming down like a blizzard, my ears and face practically freeze off everytime i go outside-- and i'm loving it! :) I think it's the wait that did it. Like I've been anticipating snow for so long, i'll take anything i can get!

This term's beginning has been basically the opposite of last term. I'm seeing people a lot, going out a lot while school's still just getting started... bursting out of my hidey hole so to speak. And i've been enjoying it but i know it's not going to last... moderation... organization.. it's difficult.

Okay this is a really boring blog entry :P so i'm going to stop now. bye!

a 2007 motto

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

- Pope John XXIII

p.s. notice how "on the ball" i am this month? definitely the marks of a new year. *grin*

Christmas is in 5 days

Last year, Christmas was a BUST. This year it just seems to be slipping right by me.
I haven't done a single bit of Christmas shopping, i just noticed that our Christmas tree has been half set up, sometime when i wasn't home (probably studying or writing finals). There are only about three houses on our whole street with their lights up.
My blog banner is STILL November as i write this-- but hopefully i'll change it tonight.

Even the weather is forgetting Christmas. The lawns are green. The temperature -- 2 degrees?

I'm finding it difficult to aquire any Christmas spirit whatsoever. It's slipping by me, it's slipping by everyone else too by the looks of it.

I will just DIE if someone types in my comments "you're missing the meaning of christmas". I am not missing the meaning of christmas-- i am simply stating that the festivities and excitement, the bustle and cheer that are generally associated with this season are amiss.

Studying economics at SLC with a tin of Shanghai noodles.

Me: Omg these are so good! I haven't had them in forever! Remember when they used to have these on the steam table? That was the best time of my life!

Kat: Yeah. It was too much work.

Me: Yeah but it was still the best time of my life!

Kat: .... we were young and naive.

Did you know?

did you know this was what happened to candy canes when you put them in hot chocolate for a little while?



I didn't.

The human version of Roz from Monster's Inc. is sitting across the room from me. Not joking. Just change her hair from grey to brown.

turkey cold cuts

Turkey in a cold cut tastes like PAPER.

I keep trying to find something to compare it to but paper is the closest thing i can think of. The texture is like paper. The taste is like paper plus something else i can't put my finger on.

Real turkey is way better. I wished i was American over this past weekend.

Okay, maybe not American but IN America? Absolutely!

I wish i was there for turkey on thursday and then I wish i was there for Black Friday.

Pause for Melodrama!

It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now

Yes i'm talking about procrastination.

*giggle*

Back to the profiling and analyzing of the White Rose movement!!!

my inner child

my inner child likes to skip.

monday aka the day from hell

sometimes i truly believe that mondays were sent from the depths of hell for the soul purpose of torturing me and perhaps drive me insane.
My time on campus on mondays extend from 8:30 am to 10pm -- that's 13.5 hrs. over half the day including sleep.

OOOOOH! :D a TURNAROUND!

i CAME on here to whine about how my mondays suck and i fell in the mud and i want to cry!

but then Jess comes in and yayyyyy and then Alison calls and now i am going to ML for Tims. :)

Hope for monday!!! (yes, i'm a dork shut up)

my return to humanization

hi. i'm back. (oh look, it's november!)

world vision
I'm part of the world vision UW chapter and we did this One Life Experience event on monday... basically its like you walk through this replica of places in an African village while listening to the life of a child affected by AIDS in Africa... and there's like a photo exhibit and a prayer wall at the end and some fundraising stuff... we're trying to raise 15 000 to build a well and also raise some money to stock medical clinics and purchase medication to prevent mother to child HIV transmission... i think the event went pretty well... i dunno.. i like doing stuff liek this. i feel like i'm actually using my time to do something i really care about. and i'm meeting some cool people too :)

i met this one girl whose first year roommate told her she was going to hell for reading cosmo!!! LOL "meet you there" was her response *snickers* (so thankful for kat)

dooly's

is way, WAY nicer on the inside than on the outside! chris, dev, maril, and katrina came up from toronto on friday to visit :) and along with kat and emz, we decided to do something "new" lol and go play pool! ok, so i didn't really play pool. me and chris just sat at the bar "grey's anatomy style" and ranted about life :) it was nice. i really miss her. damn pharmacy stealing my friends haha ;) ... after that, we went to sweet dreams and had bbt and a very violent game of errrrmm whatsitcalled that game where you slap the deck when the card and the number called match? and THEN we went back to my place and watched Uptown Girls haha even though me and emz were the only two who stayed away.

I miss first year. (oh, and someone left their bra in my basement! its still an unsolved mystery :P probably funnier left unsolved :P)

today
Today two very happy things happened to me-- me and kat got starbucks and i got my dearly beloved caramel machiatto ... AND!!!! i bought the Fray cd, finally. mmmm nothing like the smell of new cd :D

and one more happy thing is going to happen in an hour:
Janna, Laura, and i are going to have lunch at V1!!!!
HRAYYY!!!! RES FOOOOD!!!!!

Spicy chicken here i come!

ahhh, it's good to be social again. ;)

oh no WAY!!!

it's SNOWING.

montreal madness

This past weekend, the cheungs, jo, herman, and i headed up to montreal in a packed van for Jackson and Rebecca's wedding (congrats you guys!!!). The wedding was beautiful and it was fun running around like fools in downtown montreal and shopping too!

several highlights from this weekend:

While sitting at the banquet, i decided i didnt' want to finish my salad. Of course, i'm sitting beside Eric Cheng so he's going on at me about how i shouldn't waste it so impusively, i turn around to the random guy sitting behind me and i'm like "Hey! Want some more salad?" and he goes "Sure!" and takes the plate from me, finishing up my salad. Apparently, for the rest of the night the guy was looking over my shoulder at every course! LOL .. and by dessert, he goes to me "hey... i can help you finish that if you want" -- i'm like DUDE this is chocolate mousse! well, i didnt' say that but i was like "umm no... i want this... but you can have this if you want" Pointing at the yellow berry garnish. And he goes "OKAY!" and snatches the berry off my plate and eats it!! lol best dinner ever.

We wanted to stop and get poutine before heading back to waterloo--

Uncle Michael: Should we go get PO-tine?
Auntie Sandy: No!! that isn't how you say it!! Say it like me-- PRO-tine.
LOL

I had a good weekend. :) and now i am going to go eat thanksgiving dinner! tata

i love SCH lunches with my ppic. : )

the answer

i think i've figured it out.

why have i been like this?

i was so confused because i just felt nothing but utter indifference. And usually, if you know me, you know that i am rarely indifferent. and usually i feel great extremes.

but finally, today, i got angry about something. And i'm so glad i did, because it actually felt pretty good to CARE about something. and then when i stepped back and took a look at it. I realized, maybe it wasn't even such a big deal, but it did hold possible answers to my "behaviour" over the past few weeks.

i think i just got sick of trying. i got sick of always being the one to bug people to go out and do this and that. i got sick of always being the one to call or message. of being the one who called around to get people together. of being the one who WANTED to spend time with my friends and feeling like i always had to take the initiative. I got sick of being "slotted" into people's plans. Got sick of caring all the time what other people wanted and what other people felt. Got sick of fulfilling other people's expectations. Maybe the birthday thing even factored into it a bit-- maybe that's when i realized "why should i even give a crap about other people anymore? why don't i just take care of myself?" becuase even when thinking about what was supposed to be MY day, i was still having it revolve around other people.
Maybe something subconciously snapped in me. And i just started reclusing. And i wont' lie, i've been enjoying it. Just being with ME. and hardly needing to worry about other people. Selfish? Maybe. but i know that usually, most other people do this. Take care of themselves and worry about other people second.

Thing is, i didn't do this on purpose. Maybe i just wanted to start protecting myself so badly... and i am a person of extremes... that i went from all to NOTHING. really fast. i just got very very ... jaded.

I just want to find a healthy balance.

as of late

i haven't posted much because i just really haven't really been much of a fan of ..errr.. communication or connection with anyone. HA! ... so sad.

My desire for social interaction has dissapated almost entirely.
Mostly i just havec indifference left.
On some days, desire is replaced with dread.

For now i will attribute it to my monthly visitor... although, this has been going on long before it came around...

other than that, it's freezing cold. i love joanna's laptop. and i bought a poster today.

adios.

hold that thought

alright so the birthday plans are on hold again.

it's just that sometimes-- i wear blinders. i have my mind and heart set on something and i just look right straight ahead. i kind of kill my peripheral vision. i dont' look at any options because all that i can see and think about is that. whatever that is.

I've had a "voice of reason"less summer-- which, is a person by the way. But then i just spoke with that voice... and, not saying i'm changing my mind on things... but i do see the need to take off the blinders and give it a good, fair, thinking-through. Otherwise, i may do something i regret later.

It's just confusing sometimes.. because i'm not always sure what is important. In fact, i'm often not.

birthday plans (attempt 2)

So here's what i'm thinking i want to do for my birthday-- it's not set in stone obviously, but i'm getting a bit excited about it (which is probably bad because i'll most likely end up bitterly disappointed but i just wanted to give it a chance) ...

well! During the day (this is Saturday, September 16th)... I want to go back to Grand Bend!
I want to lie on the beach and swim and eat cake and drink pina coladas. =) (obviously this means good weather must hold out, but *crossing my fingers* sept 15th usually is still pretty warm)

and then at night, i want to go to Phil's.

*smiling proudly at my newly formulated plan*

i believe in the sand beneath my toes

just got back from a cottage in grand bend for a few days with my sA girlies! --- what an EXCEPTIONAL three days!!!! :D

It was SO, SO good to just be able to all be together and relaxed-- no one stressing about school or other committments-- just allowing ourselves to enjoy eachother's company, eight girls lazy and laughing. :) Well, not TOO lazy considering we did all help cook four fantastic feasts. FEASTS. seriously, we were always so stuffed! The first night we had cheeseburgers with like lettuce and tomato and we had corn on the cob and baked potato... the next day for brunch we had eggs, bacon, potatoes, grilled cheese, toast, fruit salad (like apples, pineapple, pears, grapes, all chopped up together... last night for dinner we marinated and skewered chicken, mushrooms, onions, green pepper, and cucumbers and bbq'd them, plus we bbqed hotdogs, and corn on the cob, made baked potato again and we made our own margaritas... and then this morning we had the baked potato from the night before along with some failed pancakes, cucumber and bologna sandwiches, cheerios, milk, and fruit salad, and regular salad! TADAAAAAA!!!! I am so impressed by us. Quyen was soooo skilled with her working the grill and all haha i dubbed her the "dad" of the wknd-- and of course, maril's always the mother of the bunch-- eating her corn very clean and helping me put on afterbite and stuff lol... Our meals were very picturesque. We ate outside on a picnic table by the bbq, with really pretty johnson&johnson candles burning to keep away the mosquitos, and at night with a lamp in the middle of the table to light it, with music playing through the window, and with our food spread out in front of us, honestly it was awesome.

Other than stuffing our faces-- our cottage was a one minute walk from the beach, so we spent a lot of time there, swimming and suntanning to our hearts' delight-- listening to katrina read, playing with the "fun ball", hanging on to the green floaty thing for dear life while being knocked around by waves, making foot prints in the sand and hearing maril scream bloody murder when the waves destroyed them, taking a million pictures...that kinda stuff.-- and there was a strip mall by the beach so we went shopping there too and we all bought the same ring (plus one for kat and emz too who were mia), we also went to goderich yesterday beucase it was raining out and we went shopping haha, we lay around the cottage listening to music and braiding eachother's hair, and we watched a LOT of Grey's Anatomy (i think we were up til 6am today watching grey's... but h'ray! i'm caught up!!!). Surprisingly, other than the margaritas there was no alcohol consumption lol which i originally DID want to play "I Have Never" but now i'm glad we didn't drink because it reminded me of first year, when we could just chill a whole lot and not drink at all and laugh hysterically and love eachother and have a blast without going anywhere or doing anything special.

Some of my favourite moments:

- maril's freaky scream hahaha
- me jo and maril posing as "charlie's angels" and trying to photograph our shadows and having chris and dev staring at us from afar being like "what the..."
- all meals.
- quyen's baywatch imitation && "I LOOK ONCE MORE!" hahaha
- sitting on the pull out couch with chris and dev and maril, and Graduation by Vitamin C playing and everyone incl jo katrina and aneta swaying lol -- well, actually i'm not sure kat and aneta were swaying .. but they were helping us keep time haha

- STARGAZING-- we went out to the beach around 11pm last night and honestly it was BEAUTIFUL. we could see all the constelations-- and the big dipper was RIGHT in front of us over the water, you barely had to look up. it was like looking at the painting of the water and the sky and the big dipper was huge right above the water...

- CAKE-eating.... okay so quyen's bday is on friday and so we had cake for her-- but it was special beucase we at it ON the beach. we had our mat spread out, and the cake was right in the middle and the 8 of us we lay all around it, and just ate it directly out of the tray with our forks right on the beach with the sun shining down on us. :) "i have never"...

there were more fun things too but those are the ones that come to mind right now :) the stargazing and the cake on the beach was pretty sweet and i'm hoping people send pics fast becuase i want to paint those two things i think... :) ... anyways now i'm back and i'm sad. goodbye's are really hard (chris is going to pharmacy at ut in the fall) and i guess things aren't going to be the exact same. but ya know, these girls, they're like sisters. and we stick by eachother. so i know that things are going to be okay.

*finger wiggle* (lol maril)

august's first "note to self"

something everyone knows but, that i myself often do not put into practice-- someone gave me this advice yesterday and i thought i'd jot it quickly down:

"Never say anything to anyone about anyone that you would not be willing to say to that person's face."

Simple. Yet saves you so, so much trouble.
Gossip is a snowball.

riddle

the stronger she gets, the weaker i get
she's getting beyond arm's reach, yet her hand is fastened onto my heart
it's scary how much alike we are, but how different,
almost as frightening as her adamant resolve to stay.

sloppy seconds

there are two days in the year i anticipate greatly-- christmas and my birthday.
christmas time is jsut a really happy time. and eveyrone's really happy and giving and everything around is just joyous. Although this past christmas was a total flop complete with conflicts and tears.
why do i like birthdays? because, for me, i don't feel special or appreciated very often. and on my birthday it's like the one day where i can feel cared about and like no one's gonna have excuses on why not to be with me. i can pick whatever i want to do and people will do it with me. i get to spend all this time with my friends and feel like i really matter. and everyone gets ONE of these every year. ONE day. and that ONE day that i get, is really important to me.
so, me being me, i started getting really excited months ahead of it and planning out what i'm going to do and stuff and telling people who will not be in waterloo to come up on the 16th (saturday, day after my bday) to celebrate with me. i chose saturday becuase the 15th is a friday and since a bunch of my friends attend ccf on friday nights i felt it would be okay to celebrate on the saturday instead especially since i share my birthday with my friend laura who would probably want to celebrate on the 15th as well. i had all these ideas and plans on how to make my 20th, worthy of a two decade celebration.

but there's no point in celebrating something when the reason you're celebrating no longer exists.

and there was a point tonight where i was just so boiling mad. but now, i'm not. i'm just hurt and sad.

so my birthday is cancelled. that is all.

three things:

WINGS + CAESAR'S = LOVE

secondly, i dont' care what anyone says-- pms exists. it deeply and truly exists. haha i have cried so often for no reason in the past week its just ridiculous.

lastly-- i think i need to quit being such a ... i dunno snob? i dunno what's wrong with me .. sometimes just word vomit comes out and i feel like i'm saying things that should really be left unsaid.

haloscan

there are several things i love about the commenting system i use. first of all, it allows me to ban people from commenting. and therefore, i am able to ban those individuals who cause me discomfort.
and! before, haloscan used to delete comments that were over four months old, but last night i discovered it restored to me all of my comments so i can go back to several years ago and read comments from back then yayyy =) what an effective time-waster!

july

can't believe july is half over.

i hate when you have so much to say that you can't say anything at all.

random goodtimes of july:
- sauble of course
- weekly WINGSnights* with christie jo kat carson (and this wk jacq!)
- waiki's visit
- weddingcrashers with kwcac girls
- mikey's "milkshake" chats
- practical jokes (cough)
- coffeehouse
- alison, alice, and steph visit! =)
- bbt with aaron ryan carson jess alice steph alison (i suck at slapjack)

... and other than that, i just can't believe how abruptly things end. it's hard to know how to deal with goodbyes.. how not to make things so *final*, but yet, to treasure the time you have left. i should take more pictures.

kreazeless meets sauble : canada day wknd 06


[in chronological order]:

"a doe!... a deer!" shouts dora, on the way there upon spotting a deer. haha which caused us to start this whole "i sing everything i say" bit bahaha

finally found an lcbo and then beach towels at giant tiger

first day everything seemed like it was going to go SO well! we got the tent up so perfectly, spent a few hours at the beach sunbathing, started to grill our burgers on our japanese hot pot grill and then....
...it breaks. so we had to build a fire (skillz) and roast the rest of the burgers on there. haha but it was okay. it dindt' ruin the night. we sat back on our "tarp" (becuase we forgot to bring lawn chairs :P) and drank and ate and were crazy. =) drove to the bathroom a couple times ya know...

'course, the morning comes very quickly. we're greeted by a very cross dora. (mind you, everyone except me was in their "time of the month" or premenstrual)
"GET up." says dora. "what timmme is it?" says kat. "is it 1:30?"

it was 7:30am.
haha so then we drove to the bathroom and got to the beach by 8:30 which was actually really nice beucase we pretty much had it to ourselves.
we made a sandcastle. a very practical one at that!
dora: the royal family put ME in charge of the defenses! these are the arrow towers.
jasy: what are we defending against?
dora: you'll be sorry when i make an army to attack the castle.
...i made some stairs for the interior. jo made a giant squirrel crawling up on the castle. and kat made a turd-looking tower. we made tuna and chicken salad sandwiches for lunch and ate on the beach :)

for the rest of that entire day we really did nothing except lie on the beach and that's how i got SO burnt and dark. until dinner time when we walked SO far for dinner, and everyone was in a crap crap mood except for me who was excessively nervous and trying to "keep the peace" even when there wasn't any peace to be kept. and we ended up eating at this family restaurant beucase it started pouring rain.
then we went back to the beach and sat in the car for hours and hours. no one talked. i got fed up and decided to go to a little cafe called Two Chicks Cafe which i decided is one of my favourite places in the world. i got an iced cap (thye have the BEST icedcaps ever) and checked my email. i debated seriously on buying everyone drinks to cheer them up, then headed back and slept some more. we were waiting for the fireworks. the fireworks were scheduled to start at 10. we'd finished dinner at 6. so at like 9ish. suddenly, it's very urgent for us to go back to the campsite to get a this flashlight that died the night before to charge it. hahahahhahaa i'm actually laughing outloud as i write this. so we LEAVE our "spot" that we've hogged and sat waiting in for the past 3 hours. and drive back to the campsite. of course, we get LOST. and that makes everyone that much more grumpy. then we get back to the campsite and ask the people whether or nto we can get our deposit back if we leave a night early... then we grab the flashlight-- only to find-- it works! so we didn't charge it afterall. then as we're driving back to the beach it starts pouring rain. and when we get there, all the cars are leaving.
no fireworks.
so we sit in the car agaIN. the sunset is beautiful so i go out and take a couple pictures and get back into the car. there are some people playing with their own fireworks or sparklers. i ask everyone if they wanna get some. they say no. if i get some will you play with me? maybe. so i get out of the car and decide to buy some stuff. i get all excited cuz the stuff is pretty cheap. but of course when i go to pay for it, i ahve no money left on my debit.

i get back into the car finally defeated. "wanna go talk in the tent?" someone says. okay. so we head back to the campsite again. of course, everyone there is completely wasted and we'd not planned ahead enough to remember that lcbo would be closed on canada day so we jsut drank what we had left over. there were some girls that were ummm "winning beads" and asked dora if she'd like to win some. that was freakish.

so we get into the tent and end up playing Truth (you know, like truth or dare but with no dares.. pretty much you just have to tell everyone everything they ask you haha) but it ended up being really good! because we had some SERIOUS girl talk. and laughs and secret revealing and we're finally all acting like best friends happy on vacation again. so you think that would've saved the night right?

wrong! kat wanted to lie down so we all started trying to open up our sleeping bags, only to reveal-- they were SOAKED!! except kat's. so all night i lay away shivering my butt off. i gave dora my sweater. and the people outside were screaming and setting off fireworks the entire night. at one point of the night, some fireworks went off and kat goes "it's raining!" and then went back into her peaceful warm slumber. dora and i just started laughing incontrollably "i dont' know whether to laugh... or cry!" Luckily, joanna ended up giving us some of her sweaters. so i didnt' die of hypothermia.

the next morning i'd slept maybe 2 hours, and we were talking about how we got no sleep and how it was freezing cold. and kat goes "_i_ slept great!!" yeah kat. great. thanks. so we got up and packed up all our stuff (we'd decided it would be suicide to stay another night). it took us like fifty billion tries to pack up the tent. i think this is where i finally kinda snapped. cuz i'd been trying to stay really really positive the whole time. but then in the car dora goes "so! we're going to the cafe! right? the cafe!!" looking at me and i just cheered right up again. hahaa it's jsut so easy. what the hell. hahaha
but i do love that cafe. and we went there, got icedcaps and hot water for our instant noodles and ate instant noodles and spam mmmm :)
after that we went to the used bookstore and got books! =) dora go eight. jo and kat each got two and i got one. The Secret Life of Bees. So we spent the day lying on the beach again reading our books. =) it was SUCH a happy day! dora started crying in tuesdays with morrie. kat yelled at us for singing beat of my heart haha and jo tried to drown herself in the lake! but we were all relatively happy hahaha

in the evening, we drove back to toronto to dora's place. we SHOWERED which was painful but heavenly. we cooked the rest of our food that we couldn't make and settled in front of the tv and watched Bride and Prejudice. then we lay around in dora's room and laughed incontrollably for hours about how ridiculous our trip was and how fun it was even though it was a disaster. and how sad and hilarious pms is.

we spent monday watching three movies before we (sadly) had to head back to waterloo. without dora. :(

but yeah. the weekend was incredible. and then it was so incredibly horrible that it was funny. and then it was awesome again. :) one bad day out of four-- that's not bad!

but what have we learned about ourselves? we are NOT camping people.
next year's canada day? -- ottawa.
but the beach was lovely. :)

best no-pledge ever

when we do calls and don't get a pledge, we have to write down the reason why the person decided not to pledge, be it finances or their dog died or whatever.
today when i was working, a guy gave me the best reason ever for not pledging (or at least the most creative i've gotten compared to the usual sub-par "I have three kids in university" bit). Essentially he told me that he believes that the government should be supporting universities, and not relying on fundraising to do so. It's a vicious cycle, he says. The government says that if tax payers support the universities by donations, they will increase their support for the university. However, once they see that more people are giving, they will want to support universities less and less thinking that tax payers will just make donations to their post secondary institution of choice (of course he went into GREAT length about this extrapolating to elementary schools selling chocolate bars and the united states and stuff for around 20 minutes).
THEREFORE, he concluded, i can not possibly give you money, beucase by doing this, i am contributing to the deterioration of our supposed socialistic society and encouraging the quickening steps of this country towards capitalism.

haha! made my night.

what a swell week(end)!

my dora came up on thursday, and that night a bunch of ppl went to kzone haha to sing and be stupid =) dora and i butchered when you believe and a whole new world, jane and karen did hardcore canto songs, chris and kev came which was awesome because i hardly ever get to hang out with them plus chris is hilarious, we sang offkey happy birthday to hannah, kat knocked over someone's drink, haha oh and christie kat dora and i did testtubebaby shots which were abso_lute_ly disgusting. they look like actual embryos.


for some reason, that night, dora and i started speaking to eachother in chinese accents. and then, for the _entire_ weekend, we couldn't stop. and we started infecting (and annoying) other people with it. and honestly even now i can't stop. my _thoughts_ have become in a chinese accent, and i am strugggling with grammar and intonations when i actually speak normal english. engrish. oh mah gaaahhd.

friday was PHIL'S. :) it was a good time seeing a bunch of highschool/elementaryschool friends and letting loose.



saturday was planning for camping and at night, chris's sister's stag&doe! goodtimes with the sAgirlies... i got PIED in the faceeee by rolvin and NOone helped me! sadness haha but it was funny. esp since dev and i got our revenge :) after the stag&doe, carson jo kat dora and i got a ridiculous amount of food from sobey's and ate and watched Shop Girl at kat's.


sunday we went to toronto bright and early for christie's baptism at grace gospel :) it was a really joyful service, and it was really cool to hear christie's testimony. christie challenges me alot in the sense that compared to her, i have a really "easy" time being a christian, and yet i take for granted the freedoms i have to spend with and for God. after the service, we all went out for dim sum haha the boys cheered for the sew mye and ha gow and then the waitresses ignored them and walked away. meanwhile, they were telling the girls how beautiful we are and begging us to eat more food. lol ... after dim sum dora jo kat carson and i went to commerce for bbt and met up with andrew and bee. after a time of chatting and dropping dora off at home, we picked up jacq and headed back to waterloo.




and so ends my practically perfect weekend. i'm sure i just bored everyone to death but i don't care! i am happy! :) and next wknd is SAUBLE! :D yayayayay.

special

i spent the better part of the afternoon at square1.
my mom and my sister went to go buy a grad dress and i got the chance to sit down with my dad at second cup and just chat.

i realized that i really appreciate just being able to share our lives with eachother. something i really admire about my dad is that he really loves God and loves our church and is passionate about his service to God and to others at our church. he's passionate about musical worship, yet, he doesn't seek only to serve in the ways that he finds the most enjoyable. he's always seeking ways to best serve other brothers and sisters, even when what the best thing is isn't the funnest or most exciting thing for him. A servant heart. yes. that's what he has.

and i think that's special.

oh the horror

what on earth is waterloo coming to? i am shocked and appauled!
of all the wastes of time and energy...

ten digit dialing???!
>=(

_not_ impressed.

girl talk with alex haha
nachos and a seabreeze at the keg with gladys
three dip bread and "forgetting i'm not in highschool"haha at moxie's with janey
disney store, starbucks, and laughs(always) at fairview with bee and andrew

let's not forget another date with my boyfriend, albeit, he slept through most of it.

and quality ME time. :) spent in the way we love most, shopping. <3
polka dot shirt from h&m
pink T from hollister
visited zara and seriously considered another polkadot top, but in the end, we sadly parted ways. & urban outfitters has stolen my heart. but not my wallet! =)

my heart feels like its had its chance to breathe.

i'm about to head out to catch the bus, but not before i grab my chicken pad thai from spring rolls *drooool*

things that waterloo needs to get:
1. h&m
2. hollister
3. urban outfitters
4. a subway system
5. the people i love who are not already there

i was going to say spring rolls, but i think part of its appeal, is having to travel to get it :P

tralala* i am happy. =)

can't do waterloo anymore
things are too fuzzy here. disappearing
and messy, sloshing all over
and my eyes are like cups filled to the very, very tip
and i've been tense, trying to carry them smoothly

don't spill

so i'm packing up my eyes
and my backpack
and taking them away for a very little while

escape r u n away.

deep thoughts by me

I work at the UW Call Centre. For those of you who don't know, it is located in South Campus Hall. During one of my shifts today, i went to the bathroom and when i flushed the toilet, the flush was SO violent.
Here is a phoenetic example of how it sounded: SHHHLLLLPPP!!!BAMMM!!!WHOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!!! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The water looked like aggressive rapids slash whirlpool whatever.
So I thought to myself after this dramatic occurance-- i should blog about how violent the toilets are at SCH! And about a milisecond after _that_ thought crossed my mind, i realized how ridiculous it was to blog about the violent toilets.

And THENNNN
i thought about how there are people who title their blog things like "Deep thoughts of blabalbal" or "My Deep Thoughts" or "Deep Inside my Mind" ... something to that effect. Pardon me if your blog is entitled in such a manner, but i am not thinking of _you_ because at this moment i can't even come up with an example of any specific blog! But, come on, really. I've always cringed whenever seeing such titles on people's blogs. Because!--

1. That means that whatever you post has to be super... "deep"!.. so to speak, and if you post silly things or trivial things, people will automatically assume that those, as the title indicates, are your deepest thoughts!

2. Why would people be so cocky as to proclaim their "deepness" to everyone? "Oh my gosh everyone, i am so deep. i post my deep deep thoughts online so everyone can be enriched by my deepness." ... i dunno. just something about that rubs me the wrong way.

by now, you are probably wondering why i lack such a great deal of a life to take the time to write all these shallow shallow things.
well this is what happens when i work at the call centre for eight hours straight!
but really! normally my thoughts are VERY deep! ... deeper than deep! Honest!!!

ok i am going to stop now. and go to bed before i hurt myself.