sweet game of bball tonite! :) P----- M -------S!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA yeah gurlies! we rule! ^_^ (<------ jo(p), me(m), heidi(s) ... we kick some guy ass gurlz! *^_^*) exersize rules! =)
what sucks? goodbye's. tommorow's gonna suck. =P

oh my gosh! you know what pisses me off? people who have low enough self esteem to push around other people for dumb reasons like their appearance. maybe it's just that grade nine's are immature, but by the sounds of it, a lot of grade ten's think it's pretty funny as well. there's this girl, and she's in grade nine.... i don't really know her, but i know she's a Christian as she attends the weekly ISCF prayer meetings and stuff... and so today i heard from a number of people that because of this girl's appearance, people in grade nine or people who know her call her "pug" or "manbeast" not only behind her back but also to her face as in they actually address this person by those names! and supposedly when she was in grade seven and i was in grade eight, some people put dog food on this girl's lunch tray thingy... ! how can anyone be so cruel?! like, it's not like people choose the way they look before they're born! i think people expect me to laugh when they say things like "oh my God she's so ugly i feel sorry for her parents!" or "she looks like a frickin dog!" but ya know, it's NOT FUNNY. cuz guess what? God made us ALL and he made us ALL beautiful. perfectly beautiful. and that person is just as much a piece of God's artwork as the next person.

boy, it's time like these that i realize why i enjoy being around Christian people and why i share my inner feelings and secrets with Christian people and not really non Christians... i'm not trying to be discrimnatory, but honestly, i don't see a lot of Christians hating others or tormenting them for their appearance. i'm not saying some don't as i'm sure they do... but not the ones that i know. and i'm sure glad my friends don't think i look like a dog or whatever but what if i did? would they not be friends with me? just because i looked different? well i sure hope people aren't friends with me because i look "normal" or whatever because that's a pretty DUMB reason to be friends with someone.

also, there was this other situation that i was in where i met this girl who was such a total sweetie! and so, her mother is extremely obsessed with health and stuff which would explain why she made everyone order four meals for seven people and three cakes for seven people but taht's totally beside the point, anyhoo, her daughter starts talking about how her mother makes her run at treadmill for half an hour every single day and tells her every single day that she's fat and ugly. O_o (quasimodo) now that is just gayass if you ask me. just plain stupid. i ended up telling her mom that the inside was way more important than the outside (me and my mouth) and now i don't think she likes me very much but i hardly care because if you treat your daughter in such a rude way i have absolutely no problem being blunt about how i feel. and it's pretty dumb to judge people by their appearance at all. just shows people don't have enough intillect to know what really matters-- the HEART.

i've been slacking so much lately in blogging :P not good. i'm gonna try to update every day from now on... TRY is the key word =P

You know what? i don't think i really understand snobs. especially snobs who are Christians. wait a sec... snobby christians. does that even work? well apparently yes cuz i know a few myself. well not technically KNOW i guess i should say since they don't give me the time of day. i dunno. maybe i'm just paranoid... but don't you ever just get the feeling that someone just does NOT like you? or they think they're too good for you? my history teacher told me that it's a proven fact that people give off energy and some ppl give off positive energy and some ppl give off negative energy... and there's actually supposedly a machine that can measure these electric energy waves that come from... your heart. which i sjust like whoaa.... i wonder what kind of energy i have. prolly klutz energy since did i mention that in the past week i've walked smack in to the middle of a tree, slipped on the sidewalk, slid down a muddy hill, and i'm sure i've stepped on a lot of toes too =P my mom always says i'm unbalanced. am NOT. i just went through like four topics in the last paragraph. lovely.

my mom bought me mr. sushi tonite =9 =9 thanks mom =D i think i've turned into a sushi kleptomaniac... what's a kleptomaniac? i have no clue ... but it sounds cool... i'll look it up later. but yeah. *droool* it's so crazy how i look at my self before sushi as being so narrow minded now after i tried it. but when i hadn't tried it i though it made perfect sense to not eat something that hasn't been cooked. i mean, gross right? but no. so if your'e reading this and you don't eat sushi. you are missing out. i'm telling ya .. i've come out of non-sushi eaters anonamous man! =P mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm thankyou charlie.

i get to see the guy i like in three days (count em 1-2-3) *sigh* "three days is the east and he is the rising sun" ah love.

i just found out today... that my cutey friend (let's call him george) is not exactly the person that i thought he was. kay... george is such a cutie... he's super super nice and he's got dimples and he's funny and seemingly his only flaw is that he talks a little too much about uninteresting things such as "in brazil....." . but um yeah, i found out today that he is obsessed with pornographic material. and i was like no way! cute lil george?!?! O_O but yeah, i asked him to clarify it and he kinda answered yes but not like "yeah i am a porno machine" ya know? and my other friend bryson was there and clarified the previous statement as being true. and now... i just find it hard to look at george in the same way anymore. is that wrong? should something like that change my opinion of him so greatly? i mean afterall, as my other friend said "all guys like porno." ... erh?

sna is today. no ride :(
pno rehearsal. haven't practiced since wed.
i'm feeling really dumpy. this weekend is turning out to be a total bummer.
well, at least it's not snowing.

funny how it's april and it's snowing. but in the actual winter it doesn't snow =P how does that work? i'm hoping it clears up soon...cuz... i dunno i'm sick of snow. i like it when the snowflakes are falling but the ground is so yucky and klutzy me keeps slipping on it. hmph. *grumble*

SNA is this saturday! and me and "my girls" *teehee* don't have a ride there =*( *tear* ... no one can take us out to Toronto on sat and back ... i mean... i know that it's like not exactly a convenient arrangement or anything but.. i just really really really really really wanna go. sometimes, i actually wish i lived in toronto where stuff actually HAPPENS. i missed my TC team reunion (GO JACOB!) last week cuz of living so far away and i'm missing sna cuz of that too =( well also cuz of that stupid law that people can't drive until they're 16 and THEN... we still can't actually drive by ourself until 8 mths after that. talk about a bummer =P how is that even fair? it's not. i feel so "trapped". and i guess we could take the bus but um hullo! that's like $80 there and back i think... so like, why should we have to pay just because we weren't born a few years before we were born. no fair no fair . but i guess i shouldn't really be complaining cuz i at least get to go places or whatever =P right TM? ;)

yesterday our math teacher said "does art (movies, tv, music, etc) immitate life or does life immitate art?" O_o quasimodo face =P i care not to think about such a confusing subject but i thought i'd blog about it anyways so other people can be inflited with the torment of this mind boggling question =D

going to make myself an eggo.

oh boy oh boy haven't blogged in a long time! :(
TC was AWESOME! so awesome in fact that it would take a incredible ammount of time to type about so i'm not going to :P also, it's been a few weeks since so i'm pretty sure many ppl know already anyhoo :)

i was reading my friend's blog (which btw for some reason won't load on my comp anymore so i read it from my dad's, alsowhy you may find i went to it a LOT of times because i was trying to see if it would show up :P ) but yeah ... she was blogging about the time where Paul insulted a high priest and stuff but he supposedly didn't know it was a high priest so he was like [not in these words] "oh sorry i didn't know that guy was a high priest so i shouldn't have insulted him cuz the scriptures say not to insult people of higher authority than you" [something to that degree] oh boy. i didn't know the bible said not to insult people with a higher authority than you. :P i can just think of the bazillions of times i've insulted people of a "higher authority" i'm sure everyone reading this can too. :P *sigh* but how does that even make sense? like, if your government is doing screwed up stuff you can't say they suck? erh that doesn't make any sense at all. and also, when someone is mean to you, blames you for stuff you didn't do, and tells you you can't be friends with the people you're friends with, is it not just to be angry with them? i guess it isn't right to react in anger towards anyone... :P but in terms of only the people of higher authority... being put in a place of authority does NOT give you the right to be an asshole or the like.

also in response to my friend's blog, i think birth control within marriage is ok. because who really wants to have fifty bazillion kids no adays? one could argue that God will give you however many kids he desires you to have. but i realy doubt that God expects everyone to keep having sex without any control ever. if everyone did that we would all end up with fifty kids running around like people in like india or wherever and that would be crazy and we'd over populate the earth and AH! it's a catastrophe just because people think it's wrong to use birth control. i don't know what the problem is with birth control. it doesn't kill anyone since the baby has not fomed at all so it's not like abortion or anything. well... i guess it is just up to the married couple of whether to use it or not. it's their life, and if they want fifty kids then so be it :) me on the other hand, i'm going to start a condom collection.

going to toronto in THREE HOURS!!!! *^_^* YAY! =) =)

Friday nite was Lifesong :) got to pick up some sushi right before so that was good :) and yeah. Lifesong was really good. i mean, it was funny and entertaining... but it also made me think about my life... and umm well the testimonies some were people talking about how they struggled and they already were Christians and stuff.. i guess that's how i've been feeling alot lately. It's like alexis said about the Dr. Jeckl and Mr. Hyde cuz it's like, i have two personalities... one is the sweet, bubblie, Jasmine who loves Jesus SO MUCH and loves everyone and bla bla bla... on the other hand there's the Jasmine who likes to swear, badmouth people, and does a great many un-Godly things. i think i really need to "get up" in my spiritual life... and decide once and for all. and perhaps... this is why i've had so much trouble deciding about baptism... :? i'm so glad for tc... just to be able to get away from the norm and just be with God and reflect on stuff ... but anyhoo, yah Lifesong was really cool and effective. and also, i got to chat with a lot of ppl :) and kevin gave me a sign to wear that says "Feel like talking? Ask me!" HA HA HA HA Clara says it suits my personality :P

Yesterday... praylude had a joint fellowship with the Mandarin Youth fellowship. we played bball for an hour and then jo, dora, tiffy, simon, and i decided to go jogging in the rain! LA LA LA fun :)_ and then we watched this weird video zzzz (no offense) and played bball for another hour... it was sosososososo fun :) only there was this snobby guy in the mandarin fellowship and dora got her finger jammed :( poor dora :( and also i am SO SORE! my whole entire body hurts :( i think i need to excersize more :P

crap! i have to pack :P ttfn! :)

YES! = ) = ) = ) MARCH BREAK! *^_^*
time to PARTEEEE!!!

what can i say? i hate school. that's about it.
oh and also tc is in 5 days! :)

cold hard butter just out of the fridge is nasty. :P it's hard to spread too :P
exercise is fun ... especially when you do it with your closest friends! but it's not as fun as the SAUNA! mmmm yeah! :) go us joy luck girls!!! ^_^ but wouldn't it be scary to be locked inside a sauna omg omg omg. you'd like be shrivelled and evaporated O_O
note: i think i just gained back all the calories i burnt off today :P hmph.
well anyhoo, tc's coming up! AHHHHHHH! *^_^* Toronto here i come! :)
Also, i have a prayer request: My cousin's pregnant!!!! :) :) but she has two of those... umm asists are they called? :( :( in her tummy so please pray for her safety and the safety of her baby! thanks!

sushi is so good. i wish i could eat sushi everyday. :) i resolved that after school on monday before work i'm going to get myself some sushi since i actually know what it is that we ordered haha as opposed to last nite, my day was great :) at like 9:15 i went to the rec center with heidi and jo and sat in the gallery while they swam laps ... i got to breathein a lot of chlorinated water vapour and indulge myself in my sketching meditations :) yay! at um 10:30 heidi dropped me off at clara's and we like sat around chatting and making fun of toby haha ^_^ he's so funny.. and i got to see my lil pics which look SO much better all put together in that humongous frame then on their own! soon after anita got back we went to grab some sushi and anita went to meet jess and yeah... the sushi man SO creeps me out! he's funny though... he loves clara! when we were leaving he's like "bye clara my angel" HA HA HA HA HA yeah... that man is so funny! ^_^ on the way back we were talking about our weddings... *sigh* i can't wait til my wedding ... it's gonna be SO amazing. i have a long while to wait though :( :P anyhoo, we had lunch which was SO GOOD but way too filling and watched A Makeover Story and the ppl on it were so funny... it was kind of ironic cuz they were married and when they got married their wedding nite was a movie and dinner and me and clara were just like O_O cuz well ok what kind of wedding reception is that? not one :P strange that we were just talking about weddings though :? anyhoo, so they were getting a makeover for their belated wedding reception and the guy was so funny he was trying to act so badass and stuff :) haha that show is cool :) after that i learned how to make a cube hahaha uncoordinated little me :P kinda got worried cuz tim said he was coming to get me at 1:30 and at 2:00 he still wasn't there but it was ok cuz he didn't forget me :D and then we went to church and had a bible study about the characteristics of God and then i came home and slept for two hours... my parents came home and didn't realize iwas sleeping and called jo's place to ask them if they knew where i was and i was right there sleeping :P haha freakos :) well there's my day :) i'm out lates

CANADA RULES!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *^_^* <3<3
hockey is cool and the hockey players are hot :9

on another note. just leave me alone.

how can people say they care if they don't show it? how can people just suddenly stop caring? right now. i feel like... like... really confused becuase i miss some people so much but at the same time i am SO ANNOYED with them. it's crazy. whatever. they don't have to care if they don't want to.

it's been so long since i've blogged :P
well ... the formal has been over for an entire week. everything seems so bo-o-o-o-ring :P because... i dunno there's nothing interesting to do or thing about as much. but OH WELL :D
ok AHEM
Friday, Febuary 8th, 2002.
The school day passed soooooo slowly. i remember watching the clock constantly waiting for the day to end and when i wasn't watching the clock i was day dreaming about what the night would be like. A lot of my friends didn't even go to school that day because they wanted to spend the ENTIRE day getting ready O_o ok... i'd have liked to skip school but no. anyhoo, the day finally ended and joanna, dora, kat, and i piled into dora's car and drove to her house where we proceeded to gather our stuff which had been left there in the morning so as not to wrinkle our dresses, etc. and i also borrowed a towel because i'd forgotten mine at home. why i'm blogging about that i dunno but yeah. k anyhoo, we then left dora's and drove to clara's actually DM drove because yeah, we already had our illegal driving experience and everyone knows how THAT turned out =P so we got to clara's and contrary to my fears, everything was cool and unawkward with everyone so *sMiLe* anyhoo, the next few hours were a mix of showering, watching Down to You (the most pointless movie in the world except for that Freddie Prinz Jr. was in it =9 yummmmm) and clara beautifying us heeheee :) thanx sweetie!!! ^_^ and ummm yeah Toby came =) and then the pizza came =) and we were watching Ever After (i LOVE that movie!!!) and Emmie came to say hi =) and yeah we were pretty much just bumming, eating, and looking pretty heehee i am SO glad we ate cuz there was no food at the formal :( :( and yeah but that's ok cuz i was full anyhoo =) but yeah the silly thing is, we had like more fun getting ready than at the actual formal itself O_o which doesn't make sense i know :P well we got to the formal a half an hour late and that was fine :) it was really pretty in there and it was fun dancing the nite away! :) a few flaws included david-- dora's stalker of the nite, and my feeling lonely the first slow song because =*( my date was in MISSISSAUGA =P hmph. but ya know, in the end i was actually glad i was dateless because i got to hang out with EVERYONE and drift amongst the different social groups and see all my friends and i wasnt attached to one person for the nite and i got to dance with more than just one guy :) i became unlonely ^_^ one guy was about to dance with his date but when he saaw me come by he ditched her to dance with me :) :) i am not a date stealer... she got him for the rest of the nite :) :) :) *grin* kat and marx were also the cutest couple there by far!!! afterwards, my dad drove us home ... we got home at around 1 am and dora slept over... "slept" i mean... we stayed up til 4:30 am talking about everything and stuffing ourselves with beefsteak pie and brownies O_o yeah... and we slept til 12:30 pm the next day. THE END. yeah it was really really really really fun :) :) i can't really explain it good :P

i took the "Friends" test on emode.com and i'm supposedly most like:
Rachel
She's everybody's sweetheart, despite some (mostly) endearing quirks. And it looks like you too, have a little Rachel Green inside you. (If you're lucky, you might share her good looks too). Some may see you as a little spoiled, or at times naive. But overall you're a total doll. Like the real Rachel, you make your way in the world, figuring it out as you go.
Sometimes your story-book ideals of how things should turn out keep you from taking life as it comes, but that lovable vulnerability just makes people feel closer to you. You have true compassion, an idiosyncratic side your friends delight in—and, of course, great taste. Reminder, o charming one: People love it when you call them "hun."
everyone take this test it's cool :) lates

the formal was yesterday. i can't believe that the only thing that's been on my mind ofr the past month has come and gone already. i can truly say it was an amazing nite... one of the best i've had. -- a few flaws perhaps, as dora and i discussed... but i would gladly relive that night again and again. i've decided that i'll go into detail about this next time i blog because i can't bring myself to describe it in the full way that i would like to because i'm really too upset at this point.

i feel tired. in mind ... i'm not physically tired at all. just like i don't care about anythign ... or ... ugh i don't even know how to describe it. i feel like i wanna cry but i'm not sure why. it's so dumb really. and there isn't really anyone to talk to. everyone's kind of busy. and for some reason i just don't really want to pray., i know taht's not a good thing and i want to talk to God but i just... i don't know. i feel so sad and i can't figure out why and that's really pissing me off. *sigh* i can't even explain it properly. this is so dumb.

artichokes.

how did that just make you feel? i'm not sure. why? i don't know. no, there is actually no particular reason that i put that there. sorry to all those reason loving people out there. i am greatly remorseful.
does everything have to have a reason? and if so, does the reason need to be something that is "life and death"? and am i supposed to know the reasons for everything? i think not. i guess i should not be the one to talk since i ask so many questions. i may be a drama queen but at least i don't look at every single situation and analyze it for the meaning of life.

also, QUIT BEING SO INCONSISTENT! i reallly don't like it when ppl act one way one minute and then change so fast the next. it's like today i'll be their really good friend and then the next day i'm just ignored or something. i dunno. i just get so confused with ppl. especially when they are close to me. it hurts ok?

i realized some things last nite and today. i'm a dumbass and i'm worthless. that's it. nothing else.

doing this right now is almost a form of meditation. crazy? maybe... but my mind is completely and utterly filled to the brim right now and over flowing into my fingers that i just can't stop typing right now or at least that's what it feels like.
do you ever think about your life.. no not just your life... your being. step back and look at the big picture of you and realize wow. and you're breathless. at least that's how i feel right now-- breathless. like every breath i'm taking is signifigant-- though normally overlooked as something just completely normal it suddenly seems like such a miracle. and the fact that right now i'm chillaxing in my pajamas (yes my pj's still :P), surrounded by junk and the wallpaper i used to hate when i moved here and listening to Mandy Moore's "Crush" seemingly everyone and everything has disappeared except for myself and my thoughts. i just sit and feel so content in everything.

well i took a good look at myself and my life today. especially since all my many plans were cancelled today i just had time to be alone and think. although a lot of this time was spent on the phone. :) it was nice though because i got to talk to a really good friend of mine-- we haven't really actually talk talked in a while :( but yeah ... somehow throughout our conversation she suddenly asked me how many times a week i actually talk on the phone. and i was confused but answered. i'm not going to tell the whole world that answer except that it's a lot of times.*blush*...and well, she pointed out that whenever i'm drowning in troubles or maybe if i'm only ankle deep in them, my first reaction is to tell someone. and she said it worried her because one day i'm going to turn around and find that there is no one there to talk to because everyone is occupied. "no way" i said. "that'll never happen" i paused. "but what if it does?" she said "what then?" another pause.. "i'd freak" i admitted. so from now on i am going to try and pray about the "traumatic event" first, secondly i'l think about past experiences/advice i have stored in my head and see if the problem is fixable by myself, and THEN talk to someone about it. *grin* that way, i won't be needy forever. hahahahaha
but that conversation struck up a thought in my brain-- the fact that i am SO LUCKY. God's blessed me with so much in life it's crazy. how i deserve such grace is beyond me... i don't actually. God is just so good. i guess that's just unconditional love for ya :) i realized that i'm so lucky to live in this life. that everything around me is so comforting and safe. where new experiences are exciting and no matter what happens it seems there's always someone for me to turn to. if one person's not there i'll got to another, if that person's not that then i'll go to another ... and so on and so forth. i'm so lucky to live here where i'm loved, accepted, and cared for. where i can call people up to drive me places, or people will just offer to do me these huuuuuge favors that just make my life experience so wonderful because i just have a place in the insane world and people that love me and care about me and when i face troubles or rejection, there's always people to stand by me. sometimes, i really do feel like a Princess even though technically... i'm not... but hey, afterall, i AM His Girl! "cuz i'm His girl, i'm an heir to His kingdom, and i'm justified and purified by the cleansing of His blood. i'm His girl and He's made me a Princess and He calls me beautiful and i think that's enough..." ~Fear of God~
i guess i'm really really scared to go to university ... especially when i realize i have only two years left. it's like a *whoa* when i think omg i'm gonna go off to some strange place where i don't know anyone and i'm gonna be living by myself and i think omg i don't even do my own laundry and what if i dont' meet people and i'll have no friends and pretty soon i'm just hyperventalating cuz wow. geez i'm just a baby.

O_o i'm such a drama queen.

new experiences are good once in a while. i went to clara's today at 11:00 supposedly for lunch but ended up staying there til 4:00 O_o how we managed to burn that much time surprises me...but yeah, i tried something i said i'd never ever ever ever touch. ... but i did. and it was soooper good! i tried sushi hahaha yeah all look at me in confusion... the reason it's so weird for me (if you don't know) is because for one thing, i barely eat seafood let alone RAW seafood. and i told my parents and friends that i would never ever eat it. but yeah the sushi man was scary but the sushi was good :9 yum!

i'm really really really excited about the formal! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~ that is an illustration of my excitement i can't put it into words!

oh! and also, i realized that i really appreciate it when people DON"T tell me how much they miss being old and being an adolescent. it doesn't help it makes me feel like an ingrate and like i should be enjoying the emotional rollercoasters i am going through so thanks for not saying it if you don't. and also, would everyone please just stop leaving?! :P

dress shopping tommorow... sleep time... nite. *

i'm FREEEEEE!!!!! ^_^ hahahaha exams are OVER yes! i'm a little overexcited about this coming week of doing NOTHING absolutely nothing mwahahahahahaha except bumming and shopping for the FORMAL! which is next friday! omg! :) :) *grin*

i made an interesting observation this morning as joanna and i were attempting to concentrate on math review for our exam that was only an hour away... opps.:P it's kind of weird but two of my friends are a lot alike! i commented to them when we were at Harvey's that from a semi side view, a looked like a miniature b... i guess they have some of the same outer traits: both chinese, short ;) . have glasses, skinny :P , same kind of hair style, yeah... ok that's a lot of the same outer traits... but today i came to the realization that many of their inner traits and interests, etc are alike as well... they are both computer literate, both like to read and are amazing at writing, both are quite technical about stuff, they both kinda are "undramatic" unlike myself.. they don't tend to make a huge deal outta everything that happens, both don't miss people very easily, both kind of don't really express their deep feelings a lot... kinda don't show everything they feel... yeah., ummm... yeah there's more but i am tired and i dont feel like typing anymo0re :P :) btw, i'll let you ppl guess for yourselves who they are just cuz i wanna see if other ppl agree :) teehee... and if you have no clue that either means i'm totally wrong or you don't know these two buddies of mine and in that case it's prolly doesn't matter does it? :) haha ok i'm out-- muah***