WE WON WCSSAA SEMI FINALS!!!!!!!! =D
[jumping up and down]
wow girls that was AWESOME =) we DEFINITELY f*cked them up! =)
muahahahahahaha
and now for finals on tuesday... =)
we've got some ass kicking to do =)
Friday, May 16, 2003
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
blogging in the library again...
tara is madly finishing her essay...
and me? i'm escaping my ever pointless english class...
that baptism blog is still coming if anyone is actually still interested after an entire month.
but yeah.. i semi forgot until i read alan's comment in the gbookie..
and wow. i have to write abotu this.
"I've heard that the hardest time for Christians is in the weeks after their Baptism. So much prayer and preparation and then that
public testimony. Oh, how Satan abhors public testimony. The attack on our lives increases in some waning attempt to say, "You
stand up for Him but I can break you - where is your God?" But make no mistake. Amidst the disappointment of self and others...
Jesus Christ is still there. Patient. Strong. Still. Small. Voice. "
it';s weird. well not weird... more like... perfect. that right when i was at a huge point of self loathing i read that and ...
yeah see, these few weeks... well this month.. has been very challenging to say the least. i mean, i made a promise to God and myself that i was gonna work really hard to display His love in my life. but i couldn't understand because it seemed like there were more temptations then ever and at first i was okay but then they just kept coming and coming and i found myself failing in every way possible. and all i wanted to do was give up. because no matter how hard i seemed to be trying, i was still constantly disappointing myself and others. well.. i should say i AM still disappointing myself and others. cuz it is still kind of continuing. but i'm more braced for it now. because i acknowledge the fact that it's happening and have given it up to God. before.. well i thought it was just me.. id din't want to admit it because ... well i was just too proud. and i was thinking "gosh girl, you just got baptised and now you can't do anything right anymore. that can't possibly be normal." so i guess i tried to decieve myself mostly and pretend nothing was happening. but at least now i know i'm not some kind of crazy freak =) and i can just keep praying and not giving up =) so thanks alan cuz that was superb timing.
ps. HEIDI"S IN AUSSIEE!!!!!! =)
tara is madly finishing her essay...
and me? i'm escaping my ever pointless english class...
that baptism blog is still coming if anyone is actually still interested after an entire month.
but yeah.. i semi forgot until i read alan's comment in the gbookie..
and wow. i have to write abotu this.
"I've heard that the hardest time for Christians is in the weeks after their Baptism. So much prayer and preparation and then that
public testimony. Oh, how Satan abhors public testimony. The attack on our lives increases in some waning attempt to say, "You
stand up for Him but I can break you - where is your God?" But make no mistake. Amidst the disappointment of self and others...
Jesus Christ is still there. Patient. Strong. Still. Small. Voice. "
it';s weird. well not weird... more like... perfect. that right when i was at a huge point of self loathing i read that and ...
yeah see, these few weeks... well this month.. has been very challenging to say the least. i mean, i made a promise to God and myself that i was gonna work really hard to display His love in my life. but i couldn't understand because it seemed like there were more temptations then ever and at first i was okay but then they just kept coming and coming and i found myself failing in every way possible. and all i wanted to do was give up. because no matter how hard i seemed to be trying, i was still constantly disappointing myself and others. well.. i should say i AM still disappointing myself and others. cuz it is still kind of continuing. but i'm more braced for it now. because i acknowledge the fact that it's happening and have given it up to God. before.. well i thought it was just me.. id din't want to admit it because ... well i was just too proud. and i was thinking "gosh girl, you just got baptised and now you can't do anything right anymore. that can't possibly be normal." so i guess i tried to decieve myself mostly and pretend nothing was happening. but at least now i know i'm not some kind of crazy freak =) and i can just keep praying and not giving up =) so thanks alan cuz that was superb timing.
ps. HEIDI"S IN AUSSIEE!!!!!! =)
Friday, May 09, 2003
when the grinch stole summer holidays
study is cancelled once again and i, being too lazy to walk down to the 12 am sitting in the library again...
i went to guidance and picked up a summer school form ... gosh. the sufferings a girl's got to go through just to do highschool in 4 years. first off.
summer school starts at 8:30 am and goes until 3:00 !!!!! that's later than normal school. ok by five minutes but STILL. and PLUS... lunch which is termed the "nutrition break" is only half an hour long. how does one have lunch in half an hour?! i definitely need more than half an hour for lunch. geez. it's like they assume that people who take summer school are a bunch of people who dont' do anything or go to class during the year or something. HELLO. wronnnnng. geez man, have a little respect for my needs =P . although they should respect everyone's needs no matter what anyways. they get paid for this we don't. gah. i need more than half an hour to eat. >_< there's not even food allowed in class! is this a jail or something? i eat in class all the time in NORMAL school. we are not freaking juvenile delinquents. hmph. wanna hear the rest of these illogical rules?
ahem here goes.
i'll start with the food one:
food: food is allowed only in the cafetorium. [cafetorium?? O_o] please place gabage in conainers and/or in recycling bins. Bluevale: the front of the school is out of bounds during the nutrition breaks. [yeah. bluevale just so happens to be the one i'm going to]
also very ridiculous...
attendance: students must bring a note accounting for every absence. This note should be signed by a parent or guardian and should be given to your classroom teacher. After 2 absences [TWO!!!] further absence reluts in removal. Two lates equal one absence [ O_o what the hell? so if ur late like 2 minutes twice that equals 13 hours of not being there?!? is that reasonable?! i think not.]
i enjoyed this part of "dress" though:
"shoes are required" hehe
anyways. i just feltlike spazzing out a bit about it. since i can't believe i'm stuck doing this for the whole month of july. GAHHHH. ahh wellz at least dora and jo will be there to suffer with me.
oh also i just realized something else: being cooped up in a school for 6.5 hours = NO TAN!
woe is me. =P
study is cancelled once again and i, being too lazy to walk down to the 12 am sitting in the library again...
i went to guidance and picked up a summer school form ... gosh. the sufferings a girl's got to go through just to do highschool in 4 years. first off.
summer school starts at 8:30 am and goes until 3:00 !!!!! that's later than normal school. ok by five minutes but STILL. and PLUS... lunch which is termed the "nutrition break" is only half an hour long. how does one have lunch in half an hour?! i definitely need more than half an hour for lunch. geez. it's like they assume that people who take summer school are a bunch of people who dont' do anything or go to class during the year or something. HELLO. wronnnnng. geez man, have a little respect for my needs =P . although they should respect everyone's needs no matter what anyways. they get paid for this we don't. gah. i need more than half an hour to eat. >_< there's not even food allowed in class! is this a jail or something? i eat in class all the time in NORMAL school. we are not freaking juvenile delinquents. hmph. wanna hear the rest of these illogical rules?
ahem here goes.
i'll start with the food one:
food: food is allowed only in the cafetorium. [cafetorium?? O_o] please place gabage in conainers and/or in recycling bins. Bluevale: the front of the school is out of bounds during the nutrition breaks. [yeah. bluevale just so happens to be the one i'm going to]
also very ridiculous...
attendance: students must bring a note accounting for every absence. This note should be signed by a parent or guardian and should be given to your classroom teacher. After 2 absences [TWO!!!] further absence reluts in removal. Two lates equal one absence [ O_o what the hell? so if ur late like 2 minutes twice that equals 13 hours of not being there?!? is that reasonable?! i think not.]
i enjoyed this part of "dress" though:
"shoes are required" hehe
anyways. i just feltlike spazzing out a bit about it. since i can't believe i'm stuck doing this for the whole month of july. GAHHHH. ahh wellz at least dora and jo will be there to suffer with me.
oh also i just realized something else: being cooped up in a school for 6.5 hours = NO TAN!
woe is me. =P
Sunday, May 04, 2003
this has been somewhat of a disappointing week.
to top it all off ... i've been somewhat of a disappointment.
i dont' know how long i've been kicking myself becuase i can't do things right. and gosh. i screwed up pretty big..
i'm just so upset with myself because i've violated what is one of the most important things to me.. that being trust.
AHHH why am i such an idiot!?
i suppose i will just learn from the situation but... at the same time i can't stop being so angry with myself even if the other party is no longer upset with me. just cuz i really care abotu them... and i never mean to hurt anyone but i do. why must i be so incompetant? and why must my incompetance always hurt the ones i love most?
tried to take my mind off it but also wallow a bit in my misery... things i found most therapeutic:
- biking with di
- thick chocolate milkshake from st. cin's =) *drool*
- 3 Doors Down : Away from the Sun
- banging on the drums
- drumsticks at sobeys
- dixie chicks =) (thanks beata)
i'm so sorry...
to top it all off ... i've been somewhat of a disappointment.
i dont' know how long i've been kicking myself becuase i can't do things right. and gosh. i screwed up pretty big..
i'm just so upset with myself because i've violated what is one of the most important things to me.. that being trust.
AHHH why am i such an idiot!?
i suppose i will just learn from the situation but... at the same time i can't stop being so angry with myself even if the other party is no longer upset with me. just cuz i really care abotu them... and i never mean to hurt anyone but i do. why must i be so incompetant? and why must my incompetance always hurt the ones i love most?
tried to take my mind off it but also wallow a bit in my misery... things i found most therapeutic:
- biking with di
- thick chocolate milkshake from st. cin's =) *drool*
- 3 Doors Down : Away from the Sun
- banging on the drums
- drumsticks at sobeys
- dixie chicks =) (thanks beata)
i'm so sorry...
Sunday, April 27, 2003
what is the matter with me?
i feel like a mix of myself and this totally different person. a stranger i have never really encountered except maybe a few times in distant memories which i can not recall whether they were dreams or reality.
it's like... half of me is full of anger and swearing and bitterness. and accusations. the deep desire to break out and defy anyone who dares stand in the way of my happiness... and the vengeful attitude that propels me to blaming them for future tragedies i have predicted in my head.
and then the other half is glancing down at my w.w.j.d. bracelet that i *just* bought yesterday and thinking of the song that's been in my head this whole day
"I feel You near me
You sooth me when I'm weary
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed"
and wanting to keep my word to people that i am so angry at right now. and wanting to follow God's commandments. and wanting to accept things.
i dunno. i'm so torn up. i dont' know why i keep doing the "right" things when it woudl be so much simpler to do the "wrong" things. i guess i'm glad in a way.
but i still dont' understand why this situation had to occur in the first place. they didn't have a reason. eight months is a really long time.
they dont' understand. or care to understand.
whatever.
just gotta pray and pray and pray.
at least i got to vent.
i don't know.
so hard.
*sigh*
i feel like a mix of myself and this totally different person. a stranger i have never really encountered except maybe a few times in distant memories which i can not recall whether they were dreams or reality.
it's like... half of me is full of anger and swearing and bitterness. and accusations. the deep desire to break out and defy anyone who dares stand in the way of my happiness... and the vengeful attitude that propels me to blaming them for future tragedies i have predicted in my head.
and then the other half is glancing down at my w.w.j.d. bracelet that i *just* bought yesterday and thinking of the song that's been in my head this whole day
"I feel You near me
You sooth me when I'm weary
Oh Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed"
and wanting to keep my word to people that i am so angry at right now. and wanting to follow God's commandments. and wanting to accept things.
i dunno. i'm so torn up. i dont' know why i keep doing the "right" things when it woudl be so much simpler to do the "wrong" things. i guess i'm glad in a way.
but i still dont' understand why this situation had to occur in the first place. they didn't have a reason. eight months is a really long time.
they dont' understand. or care to understand.
whatever.
just gotta pray and pray and pray.
at least i got to vent.
i don't know.
so hard.
*sigh*
Friday, April 25, 2003
Sunday, April 20, 2003
Friday, April 18, 2003
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
ahhh the joys of study/spare period...
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
ahhh the joys of study/spare period...
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
ahhh the joys of study/spare period...
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
ahhh the joys of study/spare period...
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
i haven't had like any time to blog these past few days...
* monday's tournament was really fun =) WCI girls placed 3rd overall WOOOT =) i am impressed with us.
andi dind't even die. =) keke pictures coming soon. i take pictures better than i play hahaha
* new links added well they are sort of new..i just have been reallylazy =P ... the luvalee nita =) going to auzzie soon and lammy jamz... aka jw luva boy kekeke =) clickclick
* pt brough skunkie over last night!!! ^_^ ... okay well skunkie isn't exactly hername anymore but untilthere is a new name found... skunkie it is. =P she's SOOOOO cute^_^ she wassleeping in my bedlast nite and every so often she'd getup and jump on to my dresser and look out thewindow with her tail hanging down... ohgosh it was like a painting i just wanted to paint when i saw her but imightsettle for some photography tonight =)
* today is my last day of school for the week as i have another tournament tommorow ... yayayayay!!! ^_^ andthen Good Friday andmy baptism...wow...i'm getting really jittery now... i'm really nervous about sayingmy testimony in chinese... prayerwouldbe much appreciated...if you've ever heard me try to speak chinese you'll know it's much needed as well=P
Sunday, April 13, 2003
[saturday, april 12]
so much to talk abotu... but i wanna make this quick...
i had my baptismal interview today...
all morning i was having like a nervous breakdown getting so freaked abotu what they were gonna ask me or if i was gonna say the wrong thing... ak! ... luckily God provided me with friends to help me "practice" and tell me there was nothing to worry about =) ... right before i got into pastor henry's office i was madly madly praying for God to provide me with the words to express what i knew i knew.. and He did =) because the interview went great =) i didn't even say anything retarded or ramble on for too long about nothing hehe =) and also, i have been praying about saying my testimony after the baptism on Friday... asking God that if it is His will to let it happen... and so yeah =) i get to share! =) which is really exciting... except that i have to say it in english *AnD* cantonese O_o... yes. my chinese sucks haha
anyways i just had to blog about that because i'm really excited and really thankful to God for always hearing my prayers =)...
yup that's my story...
so much to talk abotu... but i wanna make this quick...
i had my baptismal interview today...
all morning i was having like a nervous breakdown getting so freaked abotu what they were gonna ask me or if i was gonna say the wrong thing... ak! ... luckily God provided me with friends to help me "practice" and tell me there was nothing to worry about =) ... right before i got into pastor henry's office i was madly madly praying for God to provide me with the words to express what i knew i knew.. and He did =) because the interview went great =) i didn't even say anything retarded or ramble on for too long about nothing hehe =) and also, i have been praying about saying my testimony after the baptism on Friday... asking God that if it is His will to let it happen... and so yeah =) i get to share! =) which is really exciting... except that i have to say it in english *AnD* cantonese O_o... yes. my chinese sucks haha
anyways i just had to blog about that because i'm really excited and really thankful to God for always hearing my prayers =)...
yup that's my story...
Thursday, April 10, 2003
so it's 9:42 pm and i am 12 min. behind schedule!!!! lol
actually id ont' have a schedule =P
but ... i do have a rugby practice at 6:30 am tommorow.
it seems so .... unreal to me... but it will be real to me when i drag my limp body out of my warm bed tommorow morning at 5:45. and will also be real to me when i am running around at a time when i am not even concious.
gah!
anyways... we have a tournament on monday which is pretty exciting =)... i'm gonna take so many pictures since i'll mostly be sitting on the bench anyways HAHHA =)
going to bed now. don't laugh =P .. i was supposed to sleep 15 min ago =P nite
Sunday, April 06, 2003
it's a baby!... fish.
so my dad says he'll pick me up at 10:30... at 10:57 g and i are still sitting at st. cin's talking about whatnot and wondering where he is... so i call to see what has made ppl forget about me annnnnnddddd.....
[ring ring] irina: hello?
jasy:hi... is dad coming to get me?
irina: he was going to... but my fish just had babies
jasy: uhhh... oh.....
irina: yeah so he'll leave now.. as soon as we catch them all... bye
jasy: seeya...
[click]
g: did you call?
jasy: yeah.... i've been abandoned for baby fish
g: take pictures!!!
---------------------------------------
so here they are.... :
baby fishies huddled in a corner
baby fishies swimming around
the proud parents O_o... gosh this is sad.
lol eumie this is all your doing lol ...
um. yeah. gonna go sleep.... we lose an hour tonight! =P
so my dad says he'll pick me up at 10:30... at 10:57 g and i are still sitting at st. cin's talking about whatnot and wondering where he is... so i call to see what has made ppl forget about me annnnnnddddd.....
[ring ring] irina: hello?
jasy:hi... is dad coming to get me?
irina: he was going to... but my fish just had babies
jasy: uhhh... oh.....
irina: yeah so he'll leave now.. as soon as we catch them all... bye
jasy: seeya...
[click]
g: did you call?
jasy: yeah.... i've been abandoned for baby fish
g: take pictures!!!
---------------------------------------
so here they are.... :
baby fishies huddled in a corner
baby fishies swimming around
the proud parents O_o... gosh this is sad.
lol eumie this is all your doing lol ...
um. yeah. gonna go sleep.... we lose an hour tonight! =P
Friday, April 04, 2003
Thursday, April 03, 2003
me
who am i?
i'm a girl... who is confused. confused abotu what is right and wrong.
confused about what to do ... what to feel....
sometimes... i just think... if i disappeared, everythign would be better for everybody. and it's probably true since i seem to be the cause of all these problems...
if not for me... well... things would definitely be simpler.
i try. i really do. but... but somehow what i know i *should* do and what i am "capable" of doing doesn't quite match up. and the wound in my heart will never fully heal. it's like a cut that has formed a scab but the scab has been picked off again and again... so that it can't heal. i know that it will.. and i know God will heal and take care of me...
but my weak patience is contributing to my downfall... i guess ... it's just difficult because a lot of bad things are happening in a really short time and ... well it's hard to always be optomistic and looking towards the future. but i guess it's not about these things. what i have or what i don't. what i'm good at or what i'm not... whether i'm even good enough for people... and perhaps i am putting too much focus on these things... i am trying. i really am. but it's not really that easy. not so black and white.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." matt 6:19-21
who am i?
i'm a girl... who is confused. confused abotu what is right and wrong.
confused about what to do ... what to feel....
sometimes... i just think... if i disappeared, everythign would be better for everybody. and it's probably true since i seem to be the cause of all these problems...
if not for me... well... things would definitely be simpler.
i try. i really do. but... but somehow what i know i *should* do and what i am "capable" of doing doesn't quite match up. and the wound in my heart will never fully heal. it's like a cut that has formed a scab but the scab has been picked off again and again... so that it can't heal. i know that it will.. and i know God will heal and take care of me...
but my weak patience is contributing to my downfall... i guess ... it's just difficult because a lot of bad things are happening in a really short time and ... well it's hard to always be optomistic and looking towards the future. but i guess it's not about these things. what i have or what i don't. what i'm good at or what i'm not... whether i'm even good enough for people... and perhaps i am putting too much focus on these things... i am trying. i really am. but it's not really that easy. not so black and white.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." matt 6:19-21
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