Let's rearrange / I wish you were a stranger I could disengage / Say that we agree and then never change / Soften a bit until we all just get along / But that's disregard / Find another friend and you discard / As you lose the argument in a cable car / Hanging above as the canyon comes between

listen to the song! (i love the fray)

-- and speaking of the above song.. i think it's important to spend time doing things with people who make you happy. the past few weeks, i've been extremely busy with school stuff and at the same time just using way too much energy being upset about this person and that person not giving me the time of day or changing or whatever. and then i realized that i couldn't take it anymore. i couldn't handle the stress of school AND making all this effort trying to figure out what's wrong with this person and that person or wishing things were how they were. and i realized that i shoudn't have to.
so i started just trying to be around people who make me HAPPY. and DO things that make me happy. like eating breakfast with kat and laur, or having bbt/williams with emz/dev/kat, phone talking for hoursandhours in the middle of the night, or going to molly's with jess laura and clara.... stuff like that. being around people that dont' make me worry 24/7 what i did wrong or what i should do next. to just enjoy things.

not saying things don't affect me still. ("wish.. i could disengage") but i just feel so much.. lighter i guess. :)

oh and jess said the funniest thing today while we were walking through waterloo park! she goes "animals in the dark are really creeepy!!!" i have no idea how they are but now i feel like they are... and we kept peeking over our shoulders while we were walking and running across the bridge lol so amussseddd...

hello world!

LOOK! -- miss dora chang aka my best frienddd is a STARRRRrrrr-- well, she's written an article for the TORONTO Star!!!

-read the article here-

my baby is a JOURNALIST. awwww heart tear sigh

lol sorry but this is a proud moment.

geez.

(S.F.Y.!!)

computer whore

maybe it's just because i don't own a laptop, but i am EXTREMELY put off by people who have a laptop and yet, insist on using the school computers at the same time.

for example-- i am currently at DP, sitting next to a guy who is reading some notes off uwace on the library computer. conveniently beside him, is a very sharp-looking laptop, all silvery, small and thin but not TOO small... just sitting there with the screen saver going.

oh wait. it stopped.

now it's jsut his desktop.

i dont' GET it. like... if i had a bloody laptop i woudln't be sitting here in freaking DP trying to do work. why is it that i had to stand aroudn waiting for a computer for like ten minutes and you already HAVE a computer to take with you wherever you like but you have to take up that extra seat?

*muttermutter* ... i can't wait til i get a job in the summer so i can finally buy myself a freakin laptop.

... friends come and go.

but worse than having someone leave?

not really being sure whether their gone or not or why they're going.

the past week i was feeling really ... TIRED. tired of being taken for granted or treated like crap for no reason. tired of thinking about all the things i needed to do. tred of being brushed aside. tired of failure. tireddddd.

but then last night after grad dinner, things slowed down a little. gladys was up for grad dinner so we actually got to hang out and catch up for the first time in a long time. we went to sobeys and bought tv dinners and just bummed around like old times. and this morning gladys kat and i had brunch at Angie's =) and then i met up with Jiffy and we did our hmv thing hehe and we went to golden mango and second cup (mm caramel carretto) and tonight jo and i finally got some time to talk (even if it was jsut in the car for like 10 min.) before watching Walk the Line. and carson kat jo and i had some good jokes by the end of the slightly irritating night haha =) so all in all it was a pretty good weekend. grad dinner was fun too =) a bit stressful, but fun.

anyways, in the car on the way to angie's, i searched gladys's cd's for Caedmon's Call : In the Company of Angels.. this cd that we used to always listen to in the car wheni was in gr 11/12 ... and i found it. and found this song that helped me through a tough time in the 12th grade. and it's jsut really comforting to listen to so i just wanted to share it. It's called Oh Lord Your Love.

Oh Lord I give You all I have
But it seems so little
When You have given me so much
I come to You with empty hands
And a heart that's fragile
You come to me with a wealth of love

Oh Lord Your love
Is new with every morning
Your faithfulness
It gets me through the night
You bid me come
You know that I am weary
Your yoke is easy
Your burden is light

And now I sing You songs of praise
But Your greatness is beyond me
I know I cannot comprehend
How You ancient of days
Stoop Yourself to call me
To be Your son, to be Your friend

is it ok to build walls simply to reciprocate other people's walls?

and i dont' ALWAYS want to be with people. as much as people like to think i do.
the key is being around the people who make you HAPPY.
but some days, sitting in my room alone, watching grey's anatomy and eating kd is perfectly satisfying as well.

i'm really enjoying our girls book study group thinggyyy =) we have really interesting discussion-- it's cool to hear different perspectives on th ings and see how God is working in eachother's lives and how we communicate with Him and see people who are SO smart and who can take all these things thye learn in school and apply them practically. it's so encouraging. and alsoerrrm.. bothersome in a good sense becuase it makes me evaluate myself and discover things that i need to give to God... and it's jsut cool to hang out and also get to know ppl betterr..
and i like listening to jenn read =)

why'm i such a black sheep?

"there are no solutions. no easy answers.
you just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.

most of the time pain can be managed--
but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it.

it's way below the belt and doesn't let up.

pain.

you just have to play it through,
becuase the truth is:

you can't outrun it...

and life always makes more."

(says meredith from grey's anatomy aka the best show ever)

wasted tears
everything i do is wrong. i'm even wrong about being wrong.
wasted tears, wasted night.

but i had fun with kat tonight afterrrr ccf =) we went to drop off emz at the bus station.
and then we went to see laur and sat around venting together for a while (people are dumbbb)
and then we went to sobeys and bought random stuff like tv dinners and hotstuffs and dow fu faaa and twix. and then we went back to my place and watched golden girlssss while we ate!

o/~ "thankyou for being a friend, travelled down the road and back again, you heart is true you're a pal and a confidente... and if you threw a party, invited eveyrone you knew-- you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thankyou for being a friend" !

what if you woke up one day and discovered you were two people at once?
or, rather, that the different parts that make up "you" could be split into two personalities?
i don't mean a DISORDER. just... like emotionally you're able to somewhatly seperate these things. i.e. your intillectual side and your artsyphartsy side (although this is not what i am referring to)

things i've realized:
1. they will always always be connected. no matter how seperate they seem to be.
2. we were all given ONE life for a reason
3. once' you've seperated it, it's very hard to put it back together.

and 4. in EITHER personality, i am STILL a drama queen.

He answers.
i posted BEFORE rehearsal (see below)... i was just like OH MY GOODNESS. so i just sat down before rehearsal tonite and prayed like insanely.

and then, at rehearsal, things just kind of fell into place. i got amy to sing with me so now i'm on beat and it sounds OKAY . i mean it's still a country song haha and it's not PERFECT but it's ok. and jon explained how it relates to the character in the script. and just... maybe it's like, for me, the "medium IS the message" kinda.
the song itself.... not what it says. but the fact that i DID have to take a lot of effort and time into finidng out what the heck it means... for me, that means pursuing God and meaning in every way i can but in the end, it's GOD who finds ME. and not the other way around.

i dunno if that makes any sense but that's how it's starting (finally) to speak to me.

lifesong -- friday march3 -- RCH101-- 7pm

no matter WHAT i do, it will always be wrong.

if i DON'T do it-- i'm not committed. a quitter.
if i DO -- i'm a hypocrite.
and now... i'm making it into a JOKE?

honestly all i can do is pray like hell .

BEFORE you try and use that "why do you care what everyone else thinks you shoudl jsut care what God thinks" line-- i DO care what God thinks. the problem is, that what eveyrone says is VALID.
yes. it IS bad of me to quit the DAY BEFORE (not that i didnt' try earlier).. it's irresponsible. *i* think.
but yes. it's also bad of me to get up and share something i dont' mean or understand.
and if people COULD interpret me as making something into a joke then maybe that isnt' such a good idea even if it isn't one.

so you see, everyone is right. so all i can do is pray and pray and pray.

please pray for me.

march
i dont' have TIME to talk about march.

overwhelmed
about a million things falling on top of me all at once and i'm glued to the ground.
step by step by step..

scary
why do people do such horrible things... to such good people?

song
t.y. mr. chris tsoi for the SONG :D (joey mcintyre : stay the same)
i love it. it cheered me up =) so i decided to make it my march song..
"don't you ever wish you were someone else. you were meant to be the way you are exactly. don't you ever say you don't like the way you are. when you learn to love yourself, your'e better off by far. and i hope you always stay the same, cuz there's nothign about you i would change."