i haven't blogged in an eternity. or so it seems now that i actually feel the urge in my fingers to hit the keys like punching bags electric currents of anger flowing from them rapidly... i've just had a confrontation with mr. anal. it wasn't amusing this time. i sigh as i realize how much the rage inside me was boiling ... is boiling. it's like a fire.. i try to keep it down but the sparks of bitter comments and cruel words can't help but jump out of my mouth. i can't remember a time that i have know mr. anal that he has not made an effort to make me feel like an outsider amongst my closest friends. from childhood i believe this is the weapon that he's used against me. to make me wither inside.. to make me feel small. well you win! it works! i feel insignifigant, i feel small. There was one thing he did say though... that might have made a bit of sense. but it doesn't make me feel good. he said "you always say stupid or get a life or other things like that! i hear you! i don't care you say it outside but just please! don't say it in our house!" ... i think i was pretty dumbstruck. a weapon i couldn't dodge because i've never seen in before. frozen i said something lame... i couldn't think of any wise crack or shield to really put up... maybe i have to work on that. maybe not. i dont' know. i just don't like the thought of him pointing out faults in me.

this monday was wonderland! =D tres fun!! got to see candace again which was cool and met her friend john (who dora thinks looks like kevin arnold) and her cousin jason (who was kicked out of his school and wasn't accepted in any other ones because he stupidly said absentmindedly that he was going to kill someone during the colombine incident O_o but he was actually a really funny and pretty nice guy) but the highlight of my day i'd have to say.... was..... meeting jon shaw (candace's hot hot hot hot bro) *grin* hahahahahahaha ... he didn't go on like any rides... so i opted out of Wild Beast to go sit and talk with him... it was ok i guess... i dunno if we had much to talk about... he's just really hot. and nice... and funny... and cool... but ... i dont' think he likes me. for sure not in *that* way. shmeh. why would he? he told me his girlfriend was voted by his school as "sexiest asian girl". joy. that is not an accomplishment i have made. i dunno. i have no hope of getting that first kiss in two weeks. by the way did i mention i'm turning 16 in two weeks and i haven't gotten my first kiss? yeah now the whole world knows my shame.

yesterday nite was kat's bday party! HAPPY BELATED SWEET SIXTEEN KAT!!! now i'm the only one left out of me jo dora and kat that is still 15 =P blech. oh wellies.... s'ok i guess... the party was fun and the food was good =) sushi =D ... i can't wait til mr. sushi opens up again on monday!!!!!! i miss my paradise roll! =P
anyhoo... there's more going on ... but i dont' really feel like making myself any more depressed than i already am... later dayz!

[written on aug. 22, 2002. forgot to publish =P]
if boredom could kill, i would have been dead hours ago.
so... i decided to blog :)
while i was watching Passions, this zellers commercial came on about how great their clothes are or whatever.. HA what a joke! :) a few days ago i went shopping with Vern and we were trying to get her some decent cheap black pants from zellers ... it was soooo funny we just couldn't stop laughing our asses off at all the black pants they were trying to sell.. old lady pants that had elastic and tapered in HAHAHAHA you have to see them to understand the humour in it all... they went up to vern's bra that's how sad it was. i think our unstoppable laughter somehow peeved the saleslady as she eyeing us coldly the whole time. anyhoo, that just came into my head and i realized i never blogged abotu a few days ago... so yeah.

saturday was daniel and tai jing's wedding [ CONGRATS!] =) tai jing was soooo gorgeous and daniel's vow made me cry... i've been thinking about what my wedding's gonna be like since it ended... i have a few things decided (besides my longtime ago decision for the room to be filled with jasmine flowers) i decided i'm walking up the isle to Pachelbell's Canon (sp?) but i haven't decided whether i'm gonna use the orchestral version or the piano version. also, i'm going to have 10 bridesmaids. ... but the thing is... i haven't decided whether i'm actually gonna get married ... due to what Paul says in Ephesians [i think it's Eph.] about wives submitting to their husbands... "Wives and Husbands
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. ]
~ what i don't understand is how the husband is like Christ, "the savior"? husbands didn't save the wife did he? the church submits to Christ because He gave his life for it.. He saved it from death and damnation. the husband on the other hand has done no such thing... it doesn't really make any sense. ... " [excerpt from an icq conversation]
so yeah... but i guess i have a long time to think about it-- not gonna get married anytime soon... but i do have someone in mine muahahahahaha~*~*~*

it was the last day of vbs today... :( :( :( the kids were soooo cute!!! ... welll.... most of them. li spent a lot of the day hanging with this one girl Yu Jie who's sooooo sweet and cute! she's like one of those kids that everyone likes -- even the boys all think she's cool and stuff :) she was telling me about how she was getting a baby brother and was soo excited ... and about how her painting got put in an art gallery and stuff! :) i'm gonna miss vbs... leading stuff is fun... but hey, at least i won't hafta get up so early everyday :)

went to westcourt to "help waiki pack" and then we were gonna see him off at the bus station... but what ended up happening instead was that heidi and him went to the station alone while i sat and talked to jo(siah) for two hours and jo(anna) and dora were eating all his chips and cup noodles *haha* but it was actually really cool cuz jo(siah) is sooo smart abotu the bible... and we were just talking about God and the bible and stuff for two whole hours... it didn't even feel like that long... i dont' think i;ve ever talked about God for that long... but ya know, after that... i think i'm gonna reallllly relally try to read God's word everyday... so that it'll strengthen my relationship with God and it'll help me defend myself against sin and temptation... plus, i guess it's always good to know your stuff so you can witness to others more easily.

anyhoo, g2g sleep... wedding tommorow... nite.

i need some temporary relief of my boredom and depression... and i need to update... so here's to killing two birds with one stone..

"let me take you down cuz i'm going to strawberry fields, nothing is real, and there's nothing to get hung about, strawberry fields forever" i'm so extremely mellow right now-- *sigh* i didn't have an extremely fantabulous day... [buncha stuff] and... well now... now i just feel as if no one wants to talk to me. well.. actually i've been feeling like this for like the past two hours. i don't know.. maybe i'm just being stupid-- prolly. but like, not very many ppl are *starting* conversations which is somewhat abnormal... and some ppl are even ignoring me! [well maybe they aren't ignoring me but it seems like it cuz they're online but they arne't replying... but that doesn't neccesarilly ... nevermind.] perhaps i'm just being really insecure and paranoid or whatever. but *sigh*... i just feel so down in the dumps. maybe the "nobody likes me business" bug is coming back =P blech.

vbs week..
Great Big God : Vineyard
Our God is a great big God [3x]
And he holds us in his hands.

He's higher than the skyscraper,
He's deeper than the submarine,
He's wider than the universe,
and beyond my wildest dreams,
and He's known me and He's loved me since before the world began,
how wonderful to be a part of God's amazing plan!
[chorus]

i LOVE that song... it's got such a catchy tune and cutesy actions... but u know what? it just hit me like when i was typing it... i haven't talked to God much today...maybe this "noone wants to talk to me" thing is God's way of saying "Hey! talk to *me*!" =) cool. i dont' feel so bad anymore... gonna go pray some i think. =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLADYS! :)
back again :) to stay for longer this time :) ... collingwood was a BLAST! =D as usual...
went to the beach every single day! *grin* i love the beach... there were these two guys this one day... who i think heard dora say "i miss my goats" and they came up to us and were like "do you know where the nearest dairy farm is?" "umm no.." "we grew up on the dairy ya know.... do you ever yell at the moon?" "um no do you?" " yeah! it's really cool .. you should try it sometime.." "yeah does it yell back?" "sometimes... and sometimes it comes and bites you in the ass!" [we laugh] "c'mon let's go swim out to the turd"
hehehehehe the turd is referring to this big rock in the lake that we fondly dubbed the "lockness monster" cuz last year in the dark that's what it looked like. but anyhoo, those guys were really cute... kinda weird.. but cute.

dora and i finished watching "A clockwork orange" this year... that is *the most* disturbing movie *ever*. dont' ever watch it... unless you like to feel extremely disturbed. i guess it's rated r for a reason but hey, whatever. while we were watching... it was around two pm... and this guy [i'm naming him mr. Girl due to his extremely high strung vocal chords that cause him to have an annoying girlie voice and also cause him to *squeal* alot. O_o] anyhoo, when we were watching, since mr, girl insisted on joining the girls' "slumber party" upstairs, when me and dora started watching "a clockwork orange" he, being afraid of all horror movies exclaimed "can you turn it down?!" argh... "no! if you don't wanna watch then go downstairs" i call back as calmly as i can. two minutes later "what year was this movie made in?!" "SHUT UP!!!" i felt kinda bad but his sis who is really cool was like "you had it coming" cuz he DID! i mean seriously i have never met anyone as longwinded, annoying, girly, clingy, or just ARGH! k. when were swimming, he insisted on following us everywhere (much like every other place we went) and dora and i, to get rid him, were like "let's play mermaids!!! we need to think of a mermaid name" and we weren't even talking to him... but we thot he might leave cuz what kind of freak guy would want to play mermaids? but he's like "i'm SEEWEED!!!! [squeal]" the thought just sends shivers up my spine. i'm gonna get nightmares just thinking about it...
anyhoo, other than the constant effort in *not* being extrememly mean to him, the week was really fun and relaxing...
i'm helping with vbs this week... the kids are cute :)
anyhoo, that's enough for tonite ... my creative juices aren't flowing... btw, sorry the pictures are screwed up... 0catch is weird..i think i'm going to take that poll down soon anyways...

i'm back i'm back!
and i'm leaving again tommorow =) hahaha... up to collingwood for our annual praylude retreat :) should be a blast =D
talked to a long lost friend from hk today.. he looks really different and he called me a doll HAHA this was over icq-- we sent eachother pics... but yeah.. it's weird cuz when we were just babies we knew eachother and our parents wanted us to get married and blablabla and then when we were a little bit older but still little kids someone asked me what i thot about marrying him.. and i said "ok la but gwo koy sew sew fay dee jeh!" or "he's ok. only he's a little on the chubby side" MEAN! i am MEANNNN!!! but anyhoo, i guess he got back at me cuz he's not fat anymore but i'm a little on the chubby side now =P blah haha oh well such is life i guess..
anyhoo, gotta get to church by nine am sharp tommorow so gonna get off line
for pics from pei and stuff go to http://jelloz.blogspot.com and then to her webshots ... i'll post my pics up when i get back and get them developed...
"I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna tell everyone
To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)
I've got no one to blame
For every time I feel lame
I'm looking up
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I'm gonna soak up the sun" Sheryl Crow "soak up the sun"
later dayz!