happy birthday adrian!!! :)

and happy halloween! :)

praylude organized the kids section of the family nite at kwcac this year so that's where i was for halloween :) lol was fun :) and got a lot of cute pics of the kids and stuff :) --well on jo's cam :). and joseph's too i think?
i had costume block this year. so horrible. i ended up goign as a princess/queen. so cliche. *sigh* but--- i got to wear my gr. 10 formal dress haha! so that was fun :P :)
i like that dress. lol i've only worn it one other time--gr. 10 formal-- it still has the pizza grease dot on it (remember clara, jo, kat, dora, and nita? lol) anyways i'm not going ot talk about my costume flop anymore.. but i'll post a pics up tommorow if i can get my hands on some... :P

dora came over after and we went insane and took like 50 webcam shots...
haha it was nice to laugh . talk. chill. everything.

bah! i ate so much today!!! starch and carbs and all that jazz... lol
actually i didn't eat much == but what i did eat was basically junk :P
well whatev. back on the "anorexic diet" tommorow :P
(- 3.5 lbs and counting)

hahaha so definitely adrian is my favourite person of all time now lol
because he gave me JUU YUK GON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D (pork jerky)

SO good!!! --- ANNND i can actually eat it!!! muahahhhaha no starch ^_^

another day.
but i feel awake
because
i talked to God last night
really
talked to God
and so
i know
He's got everything under control.

is it true?

i slept in through iscf (interschool Christian fellowship) again today.
tired from lack of blood. tired from the sleep that drags you down in the mornings.
i guess it's the one day of the week that my sleeping in doesn't affect a car pool much... and it is always nice to sleep in since i have the first period of every morning off but i never get to anyways. but while my mom was driving me to school she commented:

"why dont'; you ever go to iscf anymore?"

"i dunno i can't get up"

"well it seems weird that you go to the events at night but you dont' go in the mornings... like you're unwilling to suffer for Christ."

is it true? i never thought of it in that context. i don'tthink about whether or not i am suffering for Christ when i shove my face into my pillow in the morning. i just think about how tired i am. i suppose that if i as a Christian am unwilling to get up a bit earlier to fellowship and to pray... then why should those who are non Christian see the value in doing so? and it is good. it's relaly great to start the day off with that... but oh the joys of sleep! but i'm reminded of something deb said last night about how we are so priveledged in this country to be able to pray and meet together openly and freely. and how we really shouldn't take it for granted. i guess if we're lucky enough to have it we shoudl use it. i don't think i am unwilling to suffer for Christ if i sleep in ... but i think i will make an effort to drag my butt out of bednext week.

five things that made me smile today:

- i got 8/10 on my biology quiz.
- dc talked to me
- i realized that i get half the day off on wednesday
- i realized that the O-C is on tonight
- pictures in my locker.

it's strange.
sometimes you can be sitting right next to someone but missing them crazily much.
because it's hard to do the right thing. and then when you think you did, you lose something you value so much. and it's hard to gain it back. because sometimes they hold it out in front of you so mockingly that you think you have it back for a second but you really dont' because it's all fake. and also sometimes you think someone is saying one thing but they're really saying something totally different. because you're not good enough. never good enough. and whatever they do whatever he does whatever she does- it's all skin deep. like a cut. little cuts everywhere. cuts shaped like the candy you can't get in waterloo, cuts shaped like laughter and condoms. all over.
you just can't see them.

woohoo! my team (kat tiff victoria pauline alice elaine and i) won for iron chef hahha :) yayyyyyyyy yay for no skillz and still winning :) hehe

congrats to vic for being in the paper and to justin for winning provincials for violin!! wow. justin is the best violinist in all of ontario.. coolio

stupid door

my stupid door won't shut without being slammed. the notch won't click into place.
like doors in life that just refuse to shut. and even when i slam them, come unclicked.
bouncing back to hit me in the face.

had a pretty eventful day :) it was nice to be up and about :) although my feet hurt alot from standing in my boots too long and it was cccold! *shiver*
but i had a good day nonetheless :)
went to a bunch of postconvocation picture sessions hehe :)
congrats to g, patty, jackson, and steve!!!! :)
also got a chance to chill with a bunch of pplz at cameron for dim sum :)
it was fun to hang out :) waiki makes me laff :)
and it was dibbly nice to see g, jeh, and patty... missed them alot...

after that jo and i headed over to pt's for iron chef nite hehe :) twas fun !!!! lol although our cooking skills had something to be desired i think my group (tiff, kat, victoria, pauline, elaine, and alice) did a really good job hehe :) our dishes had a movie theme >> American Pie (apple crisp lol), scary noodles, and Once upon a Time in Mexico lol (nachos) .... i dont' actually know who won but whatever :) it was a really good time chilling with ppl and eating *grin*

OH! and i finally gave blood yesterday!!! *wheee* :)

i'm having one of those mornings
in which my heart misses people so
writhingly. This is because i would like nothing more than to curl up on a big comfy sofa surrounded by you ande your love
and to cry.
and to have you tell me that it's all going to be okay.
plenty of fish in the sea.
don't worry.
or to take a walk in the rain
with a dog
or to sit inside a coffee shop and drown my sorrows with iced cappucinos
or it doesn't even have to be a coffee shop.
it coulgd be swiss chalet.
that's good too.
or maybe tcby. or in a room where we reminince on our past. past loves. bitter about how he has forgotten but delighted in his healing. "My heart may never mend
And you’ll never get to love me again" but "i will maeke it through the rain." hoorah! he'll make it through the rain... and for a moment everything else is forgotten save that joy.
or perhaps to dance in a mist of Ralph lightheaarted and lightheaded.
or stuff inhumanly large piecces of sushi into my mouth and laugh incontrollably.
but it's not the same without you.

but what i want more than anything else is not so extravagant as all that.
i just want a hug.
to be enveloped in safety and in love. so tight that my heart can't possibly fall to pieces
like it's doing slowly
i miss
you.

*btw, the spelling errors are intentional.

cure for boredom : random strange facts.

- In the theme song from "The Flintstones" the line after "Let's ride with the family down the street" is "Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet."

-Chewing gum while cutting onions will prevent crying

-In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes when you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase, "Goodnight, sleep tight."

-WHO IS THE MOST MARRIED PERSON IN HISTORY?

Mongkut of Siam - the king in The King and I - had 9,000 wives and concubines. Solomon, by contrast, had only 700.

ANYWAYS... gonna go read Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya sisterhood :P

tommorow is the grade 10 literacy test =) which meanss.... i dont' have to go to class til 11~!!! :D
and on thursday i dont have to go til one! :)
maybe it'll relieve some stress-- MANn... i am breaking out. and also i got a cold sore.
so gross. :(

i don't have anything to write.

i'm so sickened. my blog is turning into an event log. today i did this, today i did this.
have i no passion anymore? don't i get angry? scared? consumed?
actually i do... but maybe my outbursts have not been so dramatic. or maybe i've been getting too lazy to type out every detail of my soul. or maybe my quality of writing has decreased.

i've been reading my archives. this blog is nearing it's two year anniversary. and i can see that i've changed. that i've grown.
i think it's kind of cool.. but also kind of sad.
like a farewell.
or looking at a photograph of someone you used to know really well.

stay off the road

hehe had my first in car driving lesson today... it was my first time on the road... SO SCARY! ... apparently i drove past pt's house and he waved at me but i didn't see him lol hahaha i think it went okay though... i only almost ran into the curb once. :P but abel said for my first time on the road it was good! :D whee! driving is fun! :)

shop shop shop all my worries awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy !! :)
----
---
--
-
i got SHOES =D!!! ... white puma runners with a navy stripe and suede boooots =)
i love shoes.

iscf party at oh's was really fun!:) ... lots of laughs and yummy food-- coffeecakes!! mmmmmmm ---_--- ........ hehe and balderdash and guess who and bathroom seeing haha lol... those peeps are a blast :)

good day :)

"Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous; and it pricks like thorn."

feeling ditched on all sides.

i wanna know if we click. well... i think we do... but i dont' want to jinx it by saying we do and then what if we don't?
AH how stressful.
gr~

going to aj's today... we're gonna play geetar :)

i am not

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before
my Father.."

I Am Not Ashamed. Pass this on only if
you mean it. "Yes, I do Love
God. He is my source of existence and
Savior. He keeps me functioning each
and everyday. Without Him, I will be
nothing. Without him, I am nothing,
but with Him I can do all things through
Christ that strengthens me."
Phil 4:13)

no. i am not ashamed. but i am so sick of ppl sending me all these forwards abotu "if you love God, if you're not ashamed of God send this to this certain amount of people".
come ON. my love for God is not dictated by how many people i can forward an email to. and i dont' need to prove it to everyone or show off how much i love Him.
*rolls eyes*

battle of waterloo

battle of waterloo tonite!!!-- aka wci v.s. bci annual football game that we haven't won for 15 years
was gonna go but now i'm not anymore.

bye

bai bun :*( hope you have oodles of fun in kaz :D

One way to show that you're not talking to someone is to ditch them at lunch.

We started off highschool with three. Perhaps that is how we will end.

scatterbrain


good things
it's nice to know people remember who you are. even if it's okay with you now if they don't. i think it's even better this way.

*but i dont' think that's going to happen now :)
not so good things
at least i know i did something. said something. even if i spend the rest of my life mournign the loss of our friendship.*

i dont' know if i think this is good or bad


Don't stray
Don't ever go away
I should be much to smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes
When you and I collide
I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drownLet me down
I say its all because of you
And here I go
Losing my control
I'm practicing your name
So I can say it to your face
It doesn't seem right
To look you in the eye
And let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth
Indeed its time
Tell you why
I say its infinately true

Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you

And there's no cure
And no way to be sure
Why everythings turned inside out
Instilling so much doubt
It makes me so tired
I feel so uninspired
My head is battling with my heart
My logic has been torn apartAnd now
It all turns sour
Come sweeten every afternoon

monomers and polymers
BAHHH
bio now :(
ttyl

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATTY AND LYDS! :)


back at school again :( *sad face*
luckily this is my day with only three classes... so woot :)

also since poopie theguestbook.com is shutting down it's free service-- i added a haloscan comment thingy ... :) use it! :P

happy thanksgiving :)

got a chance to hang out with bun today before she leaves ... was really nice to be able to chat and eat and drink lotsa tea :)hehe... gonna miss her lots... but it'll be *such* a cool exciting adventure :) (for her not me)

what am i thankful for?

love.
i'm thankful for love.
that's all that matters to me.
i'm thankful most of all for the endless, saving, incomparable love of God that i have the undeserved priviledge of basking in every single day.
secondly, i'm thankful for the love of my family and friends that i have been blessed with. your love and support means so so so so so so much. you have no idea. in whatever way it's shown... it's understood. and it's recieved with much gratitude. i dont' deserve it but you guys are all there for me anyways.

hope everyone ate lotsa turkey and pie.
-_- mmmmmmmmm.........

*tummy rumble*
i can smell turkey creeping around my house ... turkey and stuffing and cranberry sauce *drool*
Going to auntie sarah's in like ten minutes for thanksgiving dinner ^_^
pumkin pieeeeeeeeeeeee :)
AHHHHHHHHHHH i lovelovelove thanksgiving! :D i'm thankful for FOOOOD! hehehe

rockton was OHkay... well it was cool but mega expensive!!! you had to pay admission and THEN inside you had to pay for basically everything too O_o so i'm out like $25 :P *bah* but all inall it was a good time :) only me dora tiff viv and roger went tho everyone else was in toronto, or sick, or had a piano lesson :P and i didn't get my baked potato :(

but hopefully there will be lots of potatoes at the dinner i'm going to now! seeyaz! :)

i keep waking up. i can't seem to stay sleeping.
eyes and body hot and hair damp i've been shoving my head into my pillow to blunt the ache in my head.
i think maybe this is because i took a four hour nap in the afternoon, just can't sleep much more. i'm going to rockton fair in four hours.

mmm -_- baked potato.

so it's finally friday.
friday finally.
and i am once again reminded of how much i don't like period c spare on day two mornings... the library is filled with bustling juniors who are oblivious to the fact that theyare in the library or that there are other people around.
i've seated myself next to the quietest person i can find. he reminds me of the little boy from sixth sense, the character not the actor that's why i can't remember his name. But he looks as if he sees dead people all the time.
on the other side of me, anna from rugby has seated herself. O_o... she has a really gross sneeze that seems to be aimed somewhat in my direction, i say bless you and try not to flinch.

i realize... i've grown used to first period peace and quiet. me time.

ugh. this retarded "substitute" librarian was just like
"uhhh is thta school stuff?"
"no.."
"make sure you're doing school stuff"
"oh ok"

actually it's NOT okay what the heck?? .. she thinks i'm like in grade nine i bet ... no . actually i'm in grade 12 in my spare. sorry that it urks you that not even all the computers are filled and i'm not doing school stuff. i'd understand if there was someone needing to get on to do school stuff but there really isn't so please screw off because i'm not in the greatest of moods and i am using this freaking blogging time whether you like it or not!.

*breathe*

this hasn't been a great week.

perhaps if i tell you why, it will defeat the whole purpose.
or perhaps it is because i refuse to get down on my knees and beg like a dog.

ultimately, it's all about respect. give it, and it will be returned.
if you don't respect me then don't be surprised by a cold stare or a reluctance of words.

i had the best day yesterday :)
God is amaziiiiiing!!!! He answers prayers :)
my two tests ended up actually being good!... it hink i did well anyways and questions i sat puzzling over came to me in time for me to finish :D woooot! :)
and today i got my chem quiz back and i got 80% and ditto with my physics group lab which i didn't think we were gonna do taht well on! :)

adrian came over for dinner last nite hahahaha... twas so funny ... and we sat around and he played guitar -- mad skillz! :) anyways he played this song which i completely fell in love with:

Come Home Running : Chris Tomlin

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, Daughter and Son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

kaykay gotta go-- eye appointment in .5 hr... bahhhh

calc and data management tests today..
both. yes both.
pray hard. please pray hard...

*screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm*

i hate school.

yes yesterday was a good day.. today... not so much. so far..
one goodthing... the computers at our school have miraculously sped up over the weekend... i am now able to blog in the normal blog "interface" thingy instead of the lite version :) yayyyyyyyyyy ......
-leaving my contacts in for 8 hrs today :P
-concept rehearsal after school--CHOIRGIRL-- oh how i wish i could quit.. but alas i need extracurriculars *sigh* at least it's only for half an hour.

good day

- eumie was the *best* upon hearing about spiderman... :)
- worship was so good... plus david dente spoke :)
- so many ppl here to visit!! :)
- my kids were cute -- although insane O_o
- esther's bday lunch was yummy and fun :) -- happy beeelated shter!!
- got to chill with g :D :D :D ... miss that. bumbum daniel is crazy-- two weeks is HUGE.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA :)

and i need to stop thinking about him. stopstopstop.

goodbye.

one of my best friends just died. all i can do is like cry and sit and try not to look at him.
spiderman.

i cna't believe this... it's like... today at olivia's she was saying "the problem with fish is that they die so easily" and i was thinking to myself "spiderman must be some sort of superfish he's awesome he'll never die" and ... then now... is life trying to freakin prove something to me?

if you think he's just a fish shut up. well whatever. think what you want but i don't wanna hear about it if you think that. spiderman was amazing.

contrary to popular belief fish can have personalities.
spiderman had hobbies..
he liked blowing bubbles some that stayed for a while and some that jsut popped at the surface. also he liked to swim around.
he had a favourite place..
underneath his flower where he'd sit, sleep, or ponder.
he was love sick...
he'd sit and daydream about girls from before and always make bubble nests just in case she came around his bowl and wanted to reproduce with him.

he was a really good friend...
he'd swim over to my side of the bowl to greet me...
listen to me belt out songs ... christmas carols... everything...
listen to me cry when i was upset about whatever happened...
listened to me talk about my problems...
sympathized with my lack of love life...

and no matter how stupid it sounds i always felt like he cared. he cared when i'd talk or whatever... the way he'd sit there intently... and no he wasn't getting ready to attack because he didn't puff up... he was a gentlemanly fish... and like... when no one seemed to give a crap when i felt like i couldn't tell anyone things... or no one really wanted to listen i could talk to him..

whatever.
i can't change it. he's gone.
i'm a fish killer. a friend killer.

my dad just said i look korean. O_o i think not. :P

hi! lights :D



hehehehe just got them today :P

trying to brainstorm a name for praylude's newspaper/newsletter thingy...
ideas?

disappointments can be opportunities.

i want to be his *best* friend not his girlfriend. and no this doesn't relate to the above statement.

ummmmmmmmmmmm........ it's SNOWING!
erh!??!
i dont' get it... it's october second. the SECOND DAY OF OCTOBER and it's SNOWING!
i dont' know whether to feel happy or sad...
i mean... on one hand i'm like "WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!" :D funfunfun
but then on the other hand i'm like "boo we kinda missed fall jsut a bit"
haha this is just so weird... all the gr. 10s in the library are all like "OH MY GOSH! SNOW OH MY GOSH!!!!!!" haha so funny...
although i must admit... it IS strange.
but haha nothing is never a surprise in terms of waterloo weather... :P

hahahha
so i was reading over my guestbook entries and realized that it only displays up to page ten ---
the oldest entry visible was by g on nov. 27, 2002.
http://www.theguestbook.com/vgbook/437497.gbook?9
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
FINALLY --- "guest" has been deleted hehehehehe :)
for those of you who dont' remember who "guest" is. he/she was someone who anonomously posted on my guestbook about something i wrote... i don't actually remember what they wrote but it was pretty harsh... and i guess i was really hurt by it because it was the first time in my "blogging history" that someone had ever remarked so fiercely abotu something i wrote. i couldn't remember what it was that i wrote so i decided to look it up:
sooooo...
go click on my Nov. 2002 archives and you will see that there were A LOT of interesting posts that month... *ahem* i can see that a number of them could have caused "rebuke" ... so i'm not quite sure which one it was ... crap :P ... if u remember kindly tell me cuz i can't stop trying to remember.
hahha
wow i was a really interesting person then... have i deteriorated in my interestingness?

i got contacts!!!!! :D keekeekerker
yayay!no more squinting!!!

oh yeah!i forgot to post this link-- the Christian fellowship at my school...currently called ISCF(interschool Christian fellowship---tell me if you can think of something better... we're trying to come up with a new name):

http://wci-iscf.blogspot.com

checkit out..not much there yet butjust you wait!!! :)