I've been wanting to write properly, but every time I think to do it, it's not a convenient moment. And every time I've got a chance to, I can't remember what I intended to write about.
I've just gotten out of the shower. My hair is drippy, and I'm towel-clad. Seems like as good a time as any.
I had so many things to Say when I was up at Willis' cottage this past weekend. But maybe it's something about seeing millions of stars so clearly, looking into the past, and spinning sparklers by the water. and beans, that makes my heart open up to the whole world.
One of my favourite parts of the cottage was walking between the cottage and the beach at night. The trees up north are reallllllly tall. Probably from being so old and not having people mess with them. There's something so special about walking down this quiet dirt road, head tilted back at a right angle to see the smattering of stars framed by the trees on either side. Nicole cried and said 'we won the fucking lottery' because we beat out zillions of other sperm and attached to that specific egg and now we're here. Even if we don't wanna be, we are. We're here and we get to see this crazy shit, she said. It really makes you feel like nothing's too big of a deal, after all, except This Moment.
On another one of these walks, Nicole, Anson, and I had a Serious Discussion about Snape.
And on another one, Anson told Nik and I that sometimes we 'communicate on a level that doesn't involve words'. And he was sort of teasing us, just. But I took it as such compliment. I'm going to miss that so much when I'm not here anymore.
I need to work on not operating so much on Extremes.
Today is about: Productivity and Positivity.
Here's what I need to do:
1. Paint something.
2. Carol Burnett illustration for M
3. Clean my apartment (for fort night!)
4. Invite everyone to fort night after deciding if it's tomorrow or Thursday! (Remember: Don't procrastinate on these, because you have to move a bunch of your stuff out this weekend.)
5. Call potential apartments for viewings.
6. Make more chicken salad.
7. Dishes. (n)
And, this, for keeping <3:
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Catching up (Again)
I applied to Emily Carr and OCAD for Illustration.
I got in to both schools. :)
After much deliberation, I've decided to relocate to Vancouver and pursue my BFA there.
I'm moving out of my Village apartment at the end of June. :(
I'm moving to B.C. at the beginning of August.
Change is terrifying, but exciting too.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
2013
Well, we've survived the Mayan-predicted apocalypse and barrelled through another holiday season!
So with the fervor that only comes but once a year (on January 1st) I blow the digital dust of my beloved blog and begin to write again.
2012 was by far this blog's saddest year, with the alarmingly low post-count of ... *coughs* two. One post relaying a conversation I had with a co-worker emphasizing the extremely dismal nature of my job (which, I have since quit to pursue art school)! And the other, I have to confess, I just wanted some place to upload a photo to. It doesn't even contain any words.
I feel like I should apologize. Like I've been awful with keeping up with a friend or something, and the blog's like "what, now it's new year's resolution time and you're calling me so you can feel productive?". Though let's be honest, blogging is not really even productive.
But I do miss it. I miss you, old friend, who was ever-present through my teenage angst and was a joyful assistant to my university procrastination!
I should tell you where I am these days:
The company moved to Toronto - and me along with it! I have a tiny studio apartment in the downtown core which I adore! And I have two new kitties (Ebby and Ponyo)! We make a cozy little family.
In August, I finally had enough of that god-awful place I called work for a year. Really, there comes a point where you realize you have to stop complaining and hating something but never doing anything about it, I guess. And you have to realize what your inability to function properly in an environment where you sit in a purple box day in and day out selling meaningless shitty software, in an office where literally nobody will tell the truth about anything, and where management continuously rapes you in the ass and then demands that you smile and like it... well you have to realize what it says about you as a person. That job made me this angry and bitter person. Vengeful, even. There was one day where I was sitting outside the office rage-crying and cursing terrible things upon those by whom I'd been wronged - and it hit me, like, this is how villains are born!! I think that's what finally got me to think it over properly. It wasn't just that it was a terrible place devoid of human kindness or logic. (Which it was.) But it's also that at the heart of myself, I am not a water-cooler-cubicle-office kind of girl. I'm an artist. And if I didn't kick my ass into gear to make that REALLY happen, it never would. And I would be stuck in awful places like that for the rest of my life. So I found the Toronto School of Art and applied for their Portfolio Development Program, and quit the craphole in September when I was accepted.
TSA was one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. And despite my fearfulness, I _thrived_ there. I made a lot of art and had some incredible teachers. I really made the right move on that one.
My life is now in a bit of a limbo again. I'm applying for proper art programs for fall and am on the hunt for a new job in the meantime. Hopefully something that pays the bills but doesn't suck the soul out of me. Wouldn't that be nice? ;)
Moving Forward:
I really want to get in gear this year. I want to take destiny by the motherfucking horns and be experience-filled and productive. I need to find a job, get into art school (again), develop a strong online portfolio/presence, learn to cook and start a food blog, be involved in a book club (check!), become physically fitter, save to travel... so many things! I just have to make sure I actually STAY motivated because I know I have this weird bi-polar nature about 'doing stuff'.
I wish no longer to be a "a great gasping fish, either squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or flopping hungrily toward ever more pleasure" as Elizabeth Gilbert so accurately and unintentionally described me, but I want to swim toward my desired destinations, despite obstacles, with strong gills and hard scales.
So with the fervor that only comes but once a year (on January 1st) I blow the digital dust of my beloved blog and begin to write again.
2012 was by far this blog's saddest year, with the alarmingly low post-count of ... *coughs* two. One post relaying a conversation I had with a co-worker emphasizing the extremely dismal nature of my job (which, I have since quit to pursue art school)! And the other, I have to confess, I just wanted some place to upload a photo to. It doesn't even contain any words.
I feel like I should apologize. Like I've been awful with keeping up with a friend or something, and the blog's like "what, now it's new year's resolution time and you're calling me so you can feel productive?". Though let's be honest, blogging is not really even productive.
But I do miss it. I miss you, old friend, who was ever-present through my teenage angst and was a joyful assistant to my university procrastination!
I should tell you where I am these days:
The company moved to Toronto - and me along with it! I have a tiny studio apartment in the downtown core which I adore! And I have two new kitties (Ebby and Ponyo)! We make a cozy little family.
In August, I finally had enough of that god-awful place I called work for a year. Really, there comes a point where you realize you have to stop complaining and hating something but never doing anything about it, I guess. And you have to realize what your inability to function properly in an environment where you sit in a purple box day in and day out selling meaningless shitty software, in an office where literally nobody will tell the truth about anything, and where management continuously rapes you in the ass and then demands that you smile and like it... well you have to realize what it says about you as a person. That job made me this angry and bitter person. Vengeful, even. There was one day where I was sitting outside the office rage-crying and cursing terrible things upon those by whom I'd been wronged - and it hit me, like, this is how villains are born!! I think that's what finally got me to think it over properly. It wasn't just that it was a terrible place devoid of human kindness or logic. (Which it was.) But it's also that at the heart of myself, I am not a water-cooler-cubicle-office kind of girl. I'm an artist. And if I didn't kick my ass into gear to make that REALLY happen, it never would. And I would be stuck in awful places like that for the rest of my life. So I found the Toronto School of Art and applied for their Portfolio Development Program, and quit the craphole in September when I was accepted.
TSA was one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. And despite my fearfulness, I _thrived_ there. I made a lot of art and had some incredible teachers. I really made the right move on that one.
My life is now in a bit of a limbo again. I'm applying for proper art programs for fall and am on the hunt for a new job in the meantime. Hopefully something that pays the bills but doesn't suck the soul out of me. Wouldn't that be nice? ;)
Moving Forward:
I really want to get in gear this year. I want to take destiny by the motherfucking horns and be experience-filled and productive. I need to find a job, get into art school (again), develop a strong online portfolio/presence, learn to cook and start a food blog, be involved in a book club (check!), become physically fitter, save to travel... so many things! I just have to make sure I actually STAY motivated because I know I have this weird bi-polar nature about 'doing stuff'.
I wish no longer to be a "a great gasping fish, either squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or flopping hungrily toward ever more pleasure" as Elizabeth Gilbert so accurately and unintentionally described me, but I want to swim toward my desired destinations, despite obstacles, with strong gills and hard scales.
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