riddle

the stronger she gets, the weaker i get
she's getting beyond arm's reach, yet her hand is fastened onto my heart
it's scary how much alike we are, but how different,
almost as frightening as her adamant resolve to stay.

sloppy seconds

there are two days in the year i anticipate greatly-- christmas and my birthday.
christmas time is jsut a really happy time. and eveyrone's really happy and giving and everything around is just joyous. Although this past christmas was a total flop complete with conflicts and tears.
why do i like birthdays? because, for me, i don't feel special or appreciated very often. and on my birthday it's like the one day where i can feel cared about and like no one's gonna have excuses on why not to be with me. i can pick whatever i want to do and people will do it with me. i get to spend all this time with my friends and feel like i really matter. and everyone gets ONE of these every year. ONE day. and that ONE day that i get, is really important to me.
so, me being me, i started getting really excited months ahead of it and planning out what i'm going to do and stuff and telling people who will not be in waterloo to come up on the 16th (saturday, day after my bday) to celebrate with me. i chose saturday becuase the 15th is a friday and since a bunch of my friends attend ccf on friday nights i felt it would be okay to celebrate on the saturday instead especially since i share my birthday with my friend laura who would probably want to celebrate on the 15th as well. i had all these ideas and plans on how to make my 20th, worthy of a two decade celebration.

but there's no point in celebrating something when the reason you're celebrating no longer exists.

and there was a point tonight where i was just so boiling mad. but now, i'm not. i'm just hurt and sad.

so my birthday is cancelled. that is all.

three things:

WINGS + CAESAR'S = LOVE

secondly, i dont' care what anyone says-- pms exists. it deeply and truly exists. haha i have cried so often for no reason in the past week its just ridiculous.

lastly-- i think i need to quit being such a ... i dunno snob? i dunno what's wrong with me .. sometimes just word vomit comes out and i feel like i'm saying things that should really be left unsaid.

haloscan

there are several things i love about the commenting system i use. first of all, it allows me to ban people from commenting. and therefore, i am able to ban those individuals who cause me discomfort.
and! before, haloscan used to delete comments that were over four months old, but last night i discovered it restored to me all of my comments so i can go back to several years ago and read comments from back then yayyy =) what an effective time-waster!

july

can't believe july is half over.

i hate when you have so much to say that you can't say anything at all.

random goodtimes of july:
- sauble of course
- weekly WINGSnights* with christie jo kat carson (and this wk jacq!)
- waiki's visit
- weddingcrashers with kwcac girls
- mikey's "milkshake" chats
- practical jokes (cough)
- coffeehouse
- alison, alice, and steph visit! =)
- bbt with aaron ryan carson jess alice steph alison (i suck at slapjack)

... and other than that, i just can't believe how abruptly things end. it's hard to know how to deal with goodbyes.. how not to make things so *final*, but yet, to treasure the time you have left. i should take more pictures.

kreazeless meets sauble : canada day wknd 06


[in chronological order]:

"a doe!... a deer!" shouts dora, on the way there upon spotting a deer. haha which caused us to start this whole "i sing everything i say" bit bahaha

finally found an lcbo and then beach towels at giant tiger

first day everything seemed like it was going to go SO well! we got the tent up so perfectly, spent a few hours at the beach sunbathing, started to grill our burgers on our japanese hot pot grill and then....
...it breaks. so we had to build a fire (skillz) and roast the rest of the burgers on there. haha but it was okay. it dindt' ruin the night. we sat back on our "tarp" (becuase we forgot to bring lawn chairs :P) and drank and ate and were crazy. =) drove to the bathroom a couple times ya know...

'course, the morning comes very quickly. we're greeted by a very cross dora. (mind you, everyone except me was in their "time of the month" or premenstrual)
"GET up." says dora. "what timmme is it?" says kat. "is it 1:30?"

it was 7:30am.
haha so then we drove to the bathroom and got to the beach by 8:30 which was actually really nice beucase we pretty much had it to ourselves.
we made a sandcastle. a very practical one at that!
dora: the royal family put ME in charge of the defenses! these are the arrow towers.
jasy: what are we defending against?
dora: you'll be sorry when i make an army to attack the castle.
...i made some stairs for the interior. jo made a giant squirrel crawling up on the castle. and kat made a turd-looking tower. we made tuna and chicken salad sandwiches for lunch and ate on the beach :)

for the rest of that entire day we really did nothing except lie on the beach and that's how i got SO burnt and dark. until dinner time when we walked SO far for dinner, and everyone was in a crap crap mood except for me who was excessively nervous and trying to "keep the peace" even when there wasn't any peace to be kept. and we ended up eating at this family restaurant beucase it started pouring rain.
then we went back to the beach and sat in the car for hours and hours. no one talked. i got fed up and decided to go to a little cafe called Two Chicks Cafe which i decided is one of my favourite places in the world. i got an iced cap (thye have the BEST icedcaps ever) and checked my email. i debated seriously on buying everyone drinks to cheer them up, then headed back and slept some more. we were waiting for the fireworks. the fireworks were scheduled to start at 10. we'd finished dinner at 6. so at like 9ish. suddenly, it's very urgent for us to go back to the campsite to get a this flashlight that died the night before to charge it. hahahahhahaa i'm actually laughing outloud as i write this. so we LEAVE our "spot" that we've hogged and sat waiting in for the past 3 hours. and drive back to the campsite. of course, we get LOST. and that makes everyone that much more grumpy. then we get back to the campsite and ask the people whether or nto we can get our deposit back if we leave a night early... then we grab the flashlight-- only to find-- it works! so we didn't charge it afterall. then as we're driving back to the beach it starts pouring rain. and when we get there, all the cars are leaving.
no fireworks.
so we sit in the car agaIN. the sunset is beautiful so i go out and take a couple pictures and get back into the car. there are some people playing with their own fireworks or sparklers. i ask everyone if they wanna get some. they say no. if i get some will you play with me? maybe. so i get out of the car and decide to buy some stuff. i get all excited cuz the stuff is pretty cheap. but of course when i go to pay for it, i ahve no money left on my debit.

i get back into the car finally defeated. "wanna go talk in the tent?" someone says. okay. so we head back to the campsite again. of course, everyone there is completely wasted and we'd not planned ahead enough to remember that lcbo would be closed on canada day so we jsut drank what we had left over. there were some girls that were ummm "winning beads" and asked dora if she'd like to win some. that was freakish.

so we get into the tent and end up playing Truth (you know, like truth or dare but with no dares.. pretty much you just have to tell everyone everything they ask you haha) but it ended up being really good! because we had some SERIOUS girl talk. and laughs and secret revealing and we're finally all acting like best friends happy on vacation again. so you think that would've saved the night right?

wrong! kat wanted to lie down so we all started trying to open up our sleeping bags, only to reveal-- they were SOAKED!! except kat's. so all night i lay away shivering my butt off. i gave dora my sweater. and the people outside were screaming and setting off fireworks the entire night. at one point of the night, some fireworks went off and kat goes "it's raining!" and then went back into her peaceful warm slumber. dora and i just started laughing incontrollably "i dont' know whether to laugh... or cry!" Luckily, joanna ended up giving us some of her sweaters. so i didnt' die of hypothermia.

the next morning i'd slept maybe 2 hours, and we were talking about how we got no sleep and how it was freezing cold. and kat goes "_i_ slept great!!" yeah kat. great. thanks. so we got up and packed up all our stuff (we'd decided it would be suicide to stay another night). it took us like fifty billion tries to pack up the tent. i think this is where i finally kinda snapped. cuz i'd been trying to stay really really positive the whole time. but then in the car dora goes "so! we're going to the cafe! right? the cafe!!" looking at me and i just cheered right up again. hahaa it's jsut so easy. what the hell. hahaha
but i do love that cafe. and we went there, got icedcaps and hot water for our instant noodles and ate instant noodles and spam mmmm :)
after that we went to the used bookstore and got books! =) dora go eight. jo and kat each got two and i got one. The Secret Life of Bees. So we spent the day lying on the beach again reading our books. =) it was SUCH a happy day! dora started crying in tuesdays with morrie. kat yelled at us for singing beat of my heart haha and jo tried to drown herself in the lake! but we were all relatively happy hahaha

in the evening, we drove back to toronto to dora's place. we SHOWERED which was painful but heavenly. we cooked the rest of our food that we couldn't make and settled in front of the tv and watched Bride and Prejudice. then we lay around in dora's room and laughed incontrollably for hours about how ridiculous our trip was and how fun it was even though it was a disaster. and how sad and hilarious pms is.

we spent monday watching three movies before we (sadly) had to head back to waterloo. without dora. :(

but yeah. the weekend was incredible. and then it was so incredibly horrible that it was funny. and then it was awesome again. :) one bad day out of four-- that's not bad!

but what have we learned about ourselves? we are NOT camping people.
next year's canada day? -- ottawa.
but the beach was lovely. :)