study break

reading week is over... poooop. didnt' really do all that much that's soooo exciting to get into but got to chill and catch up with a bunch of ppl and just bum around. which is really fun.

spent all day at slc "studying" ... tryign to study... whatever. any idea how boring CS is??? it's like.. DEATH. which btw, the sermon at cfc yesterday kinda made me laugh cuz the speaker (crap, what's his name?) was talkign about how when you don't like to do certain things that are right, it feels liek death hahaha.. and i always say "it's like... death". soooo yeah.

anyways now my brain is fried because i'm sick of reading about things that don't really matter like cpu's and search engines and stuff. *snore* ... at least i got to see maril, dev, and quyen and hang out a bit while studying... cuz i never see those girls anymore. sucks.

you know what else sucks? ... the fact that EVERYONE is in science. writing a genetics exam is mad suffering but at least everyone's suffering together. sitting reading cs ALL BY YOURSELF bites. BITEEEEESSSSSSS.

kay meeting bee for dinner now whee! oh btw, bee and i watched Punch Drunk LOve yesterdaya dn i hated it. never watch that movie. eeeeek.

reading week so far has been really really fun :)
spent a couple days down in tdot and hung out with a few cool ppl... saw some old faces... saw my best friend who i haven't seen for two months :D ... who came down with me back to loo :)
there's been some serious girl time in the last few days.
but it's good to be back :)... went sledding and had hotpot at westcourt today mmmm foodies...

i don't even know. i had such a great few days and now it's like i'm all blah again. just.. reading something JUST retriggered my thoughts on the things i'm unsure of. my summer... and my fall. especially fall. i hate housing. it exposes things. creates tension amongst "friends" ... but really, who IS a friend and who is merely a friendly acquaintance nowadays? the line is so blurred.
it's scary how you can be so crushed and so angry but you still can't walk away.
i dunno.. i dont' think i'm angry really, more just really really reaALLLYYYY hurt and CONFUSED. confused confused. i dont' know what i'm going to be doing... i feel so helpless and unwanted.

thinking over

sometimes, like now, i'm caught in this weird spot where i feel as if i'm sitting outside myself looking on. trying to kind of see why i am the way i am... take myself apart a bit... this is what i see right now:

1. I see a girl who is s l o w.
--people make fun of me about being slow alot... 1. i'm always late...and 2. yeah i'm just not really a hurried kinda girl... i just take things "man man day" ... it drives some people bananas. even my mom was making fun of me on sunday about how my turtle mittens represented my slowness :P blah.
but i'm not talking about that kind of slow. i'm talking about being slow at learning.
slow at growing up. slow at figuring out who i bloody AM.
i just keep screwing up numerous times, repetitively screwing up... and i wonder, WHY??? WHY can't i just LEARN!??!!... i thought i'd grow up when i got to university. but i just am falling further and further behind. WHY is it taking me so LONG???

which points to the next characteristic...

2. a girl who is STUBBORN.
-- maybe i just dont' care enough... maybe i just dont' want to walk faster because THIS is the pace i believe that i should be allowed to walk at ... maybe i can only take SO FEW people's criticisms and for the rest i go out of my way to prove that i dont' ahve to listen to them. why am i so immature? i have no idea.
maybe that's what contributes to my slowness.. the fact that i can only let so few people into this little heart of mine. so little shakes me.
God pretty much has to SCREAM in my face half the time for me to learn anything and He has to stick people in my life who will jsut continually shake me and be like GET UP and DO SOMETHING about yourself!!!!
and even when He sends people... i only listen to 1 in a million.

i think the stubbornness and the slowness really overtake the listening most of the time though. and then because i do let so few in and becuase i do care about what so few people say taht if someone affects me then they REALLY affect me. and i just end up not wanting to disappoint them instead of what i should REALLY be doing which is improving myself, learning, doing things for GOD!... which really, is what everything in life should be...

... and also what i wanted to do ... but i failed, miserably... and then worsened it by trying to cover my tracks so as not to disappoint people... which in turn is again, not doing things for the glory of God (and also was probably even MORE disappointing than just screwing up)... wow this is like a cycle eh?

i dunno what the point of this was. i just needed to think about things.
i guess i just have to take bigger strides. i know God hasn't, and will never give up on me, no matter how slow i am.

but has everyone else?

p.s. new links added and rearranged into alpha order :P

i love prayluders. missing the highschool days.

tonite viv had her really late bday gathering thingy... just got to hang out with some of the prayluders, plus some of the new prayluders aka old juniors... (yeeeahhhhh) ... was so fun and jsut brought back memories about how things used to be.
these people are so completely fun and funny. they make me feel amazing about myself whenever i'm with them. seriously. they rock my world. they make me feel like a superstar.

they are all superstars. hehe

group shot... lots of people mia tho...


me and my sister

procrastination

really, anything at ALL can be a form of procrastination.
sit down to study, and you suddenly really want to do your dishes. or insert pictures into a photo album, or go to the bathroom. or stare at a dent in your wall.

or in this case, blog.

AHHh crap. i need to study.

went to lunarfest last nite at fed haha when it comes to convincing people (aka a bunch of upper year ccf boys and others) to do stuff they dont' normally do, alison and i make a great team! haha it was fun :) check out pics:
http://spaces.msn.com/members/jasy

okay. going to study again now.... right after i go to the bathroom :P

lent

i've been thinking about lent again this year.. seems like a lot of ppl are doing it... "i'm giving up this thing and that thing" ... someone who was doing it asked me what lent WAS yesterday and i was jsut like "why would you do it if you dont' even know what it means??" but yeah i guess it came back to this article shabba sent me last year -- http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermon.asp?SermonID=42857&ContributorID=6699

"Jesus speaks to us through his Word, and he tells us that Lent is a time of self-denial, a time to give up something. But Jesus isn’t concerned with chocolate and CD’s – he’s concerned with what’s going on in our hearts. Lent is a time to give up those sins in our lives."

i may have posted the exact same thing last year, can't remember. but i think it's importnt to remind myself why i'm doing this.
so here's what i'm giving up for lent :P :

1. deep fried foods. haha this is my "material" thing... gonna try to stretch my self control a bit... and be a bit healthier at the same time ...

2. swearing and talking smack about ppl ... hahaha.. umm yeah...
okay . so here's something i know i do . and that i can hopefully stop doing. not jsut for 40 days.. but forever. :P

"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." James 3:9-12

it's pretty bad. this verse is so blatant. like "you praise God and then you talk crap about ppl who HE made and loves." "you praise God and then you curse"
my stupid mouth is what i've found impossible to tame ... but i think now, more than ever... i understand its importance.... AHh ..

Please keep me accountable. BUT here are the ground rules haha:
1. i am allowed say things about people if they have done something TO me .. i think it's ok to talk about what happened to me and to react to things that affect me. jsut not things that ppl cant' control that has nothing to do with me :P
2. i am allowed to use word substitutes... like "sugar" or etc... BABY STEPS!!!

startinggg.... NOW. haha

some pics from winter retreat:

'6chicks' -- jo, me, jackie, laur, kat, alison *heart*


cabin 5 froshie girls :D -sarah, laura, kat, bee, me, and liz



our small group! (the FUNBOYS haha) -- jiffy, joyce, herm, josie, joseph, pam, and i


dinner table sat nite -- brian, derek, dawnie, alison, maril, me, and jo


for more pics visit http://spaces.msn.com/members/jasy

How GREAT is our God...
SING WITH ME... how GReaT... is our God and ALL will see
how GREAT
how GREAT is our GOD.

retreat was ... well it was "good" ... but i'm still trying to process a lot of stuff right now. i wanna make sure it wasnt' jsut a fun time and that's the end.

pictures and thoughts to follow.

'All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had. 33With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all.'
Acts 4:32-33

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'
Phil 4:6-7

What does GOD want?