my last post of the year

i guess i dont' really know what to say.

but i can't believe the year's over so fast. but packed with such an incredibly heavy amount.
this year has been a lot of things. some bad, some good... but mostly,
a hell of a lot of growing up and learning. and blessing.

no resolutions this year. just to keep on riding. keep on running. keep on living. to "keep on keeping on".

peace out y'all! haha see you in the OH FOUR! :)

amidst the bustling aromas and chatter of dishes, the crinkle of tightly held bags and the five hundred heels hitting the tiles in rapid disarray and the adrenaline of the power shop, and the exclamations of excitement and embraces and the faces of so many, and the voices of the ones you love and the ones you missed and the smile that won't go away and the joy locked fast in your heart there is a

pause.

and there is a mourning.

there is always one of these.
because i know that these little chinese hors d'oeuvres of joy, these camera flashes of treasured memory, these smiles of love, this laughter of companionship, these beautiful red and green keepsakes will disappear so very quickly.
because this perfection will dissipate.
because i can't bear it.
because of my hope that this
pause
is something like a photograph
that can not be smudged
a drawing that can not be
erased.

that i could keep this feeling even when it isn't real anymore
something like that.

sunday:

- churchie :)
- wall's bday gathering-- TABOO and pizza :) mm
- pump tires with clara and andrew haha... black thingy lost and found
- bum around with clara
- turkey dindin at pt's YUMMO
- anotherrrr dinner (surprise) at jo's haha

fun day :)

had a boring day but a fun night chilling with clara nita ivan and andrew :) had dinner at bt (yummo) and shopped adn watched princess bride (love that movie)
so like now i'm definitely addicted to this GUY australian idol guy hehe especially the angel song and "my beautiful friend" some of it kind of reminds me of my term. he has a really nice voice.

you guys haven't changed at all :) what the heck was i all scared about?

guess who had like the best day ever :P :)

i was lucky enough (and my parents were nice enough to drive) to go up to tdot today and chill for the day :) ... honestly i dunno how long "wanting: a trip to toronto" has been on my "currently" or how long i've been complaining about missing everyone... but i finally got to go thanks to ina and my parents :) and see g, jeh, patty, ina, and unexpectedly minima, belly, maxima, and jonathan and christine :)
annnd i got to see dim sum get carted around (we dont' have that in loo) and buy cute stationary and chinese junk food (MSG cookies!!!!) mmmmm :) i also got a (what's it called again clara?) "steamed bun" pink string thingy for my new camera which i am superrrrr proud of :P :) and g was nice enuff to drive me back up to loo on her way to windsor so car riding was nice too haven't done that in a while ...

took lotsa pics-- thankyou bro2's dad for the batteries they worked!! :) and i got to take "night scene" pics hehehe :)

and then i get back to loo and go to auntie sarah's and who shows up ten minutes later but clara and anita!!! who i haven't seen in like SO long 1.5 years and 8 months!
and like wow. i just... even when we were talkign i was just like staring like it was SO surreal! so nice though :)

what a day !:) this is liek the BEST day. i just... AHHH i'm so happy cuz like i missed everyone so much and... i can't even form sentences i'm so happy :P

oh! and happy anniversary Auntie Maureen and Uncle Keith!! :)

"I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." luke 2:10-11

*merry christmas*~

hehehehehehe :) crossing like FIVE things off my wishies list :)
WHEE
THANKYOU everyone!!! :)

church christmas celebration was tonight :)
i'd have to say this was one of the most joyous nights of this year :)
laughter, friends, family, food... it was all so bright. colourful memories :)
and at the end of it all walking out into the dark, crisp night to find snowflakes like sparkle-dust sprinkling out of the sky and glistening with the street lights. so beautiful so magical.

what could make this more perfect?... if i wake up tomorrow christmas morn and it's a white christmas :)

praise God. every happy moment like this... i just have to pause and thank Him for this opportunity to live.

post it notes - check!
a big hug and thankyou to waiki for postit notes hehehehee :) *muah*

went shopping in cambridge with my family today.. and we had BT before!! :) YUMMMO
i had my usual #102 and spring rolls soososososso good :) mmmmmmmmmmm

i don't often write about how great my family is. well now i am. i love my family. they are a freakin coolcat bunch of people.

scribblings of a weak spirit

that pull
the glinting crimson has on Eve
that even as her heart turns away
away
her eyes
unblinking
fingers long, hungry
and snatching
align with the black slither against the brown of the bark
and the sound of its smooth sibilance
drawing her into lustful inebriation.
crispness consumes and
tangy foam trickles off an oblivious chin
jagged pearls sinking into forbidden flesh
down to the core.
and then
oh and then,
the jar of waking realization, of panic,
the undoubted pain of fear and disappointment
wiping out all previous pleasures.
and how I must have wailed.

snowboarding with jo, kare, becca, jon, buffy, clarence, leona and audrey was super yesterday! :) thanks to buffy for showing me how!
even tho i sucked hahaha... but i managed to be able to stay up for like 5-10 sec without falling! wheeee! it was fun hanging out with becca and jon again who i haven't seen for SO long and fun meeting clarence, leona, and audrey!

manohman i think the funniest thing was goign around taking pictures with other people's things. i took a picture with an abandoned snowmobile and someone else's snowboard. :P

the drive back proved to be...errr.. interesting... an adventure! haha we got lost in collingwood. of course, i was no help considering i have no sense of directiona nd i can't read a map. :P when we finally got home we had golden mango tho so that was good :)

today i got a chance to chill with and bake cookies with jess :) we were both so hyper hehehe i liked our shapes :) good times :)

annnnnd....... i dont' have to go to school tomorrow! yippeee!!! :)

btw, linked up clarence's blog he has more pictures :)

winter hat-- check. i broke my GAP boycott today :P
went on our annual burlington shop, got a few presents but i'm not done :(

skiing/snowboarding tomorrow! ^_^ ... cept i have to get up in less than 4 hours. so i should probably sleep or something.

oh yeah, i forgot to mention-- saw Return of the Kings last nite and i just have to say that it was SOOOO GOOOOOD!!!! AHHHHHHH
i love aragorn :) but frodo annoys the CRAP out of me.

errr... so i'm applying to EIGHT universities..? O_o
haha

you know you're stupid when....

davis centre

i'm usually never at dc at this time of year... usually it's only during the end of january and the end of june that you'll find me plugging away behind one of the lit wooden carrells(sp?). But due to my course changes I've found myself with more catching up to do in terms of studying today than usual. just got a crapload of latin to do today which i'm hoping to mostly finish tonight.-- LOTR tomorrow!! haha...

ahhh well, a preview of what's to come i guess... maybe?
apps go in friday... *STRESS*
although i'd have to say, i'm liking school a hell of a lot better these days :) you can actually see me smiling in the halls :)

i am oh so sick :(
can't stop coughing, sneezing, sniffling :( booo. i don't want to be sick for the holidays!
at least i didn't get scarlet fever like meghan... i think that's scary cause in little women, beth dies from scarlet fever and in little house on the prarie mary goes blind from scarlet fever! :( piles and piles of kleenex also suck though :P

things are going really smoothly with course changes, i'm almost all caught up basically! :)

there was something i wanted to say but i forget. that's been happening alot lately. sorry this is so boring. my life is just so DULL right now. *sigh*

I LOVE THE O-C. aaaaaaaaaH!! sooo good! i'm sure i've said this at least 100 times on this blog but *AHHH* :) plus i love Touched by an angel, always makes me cry :(

"The world sees faces that are beautiful or ugly,
the world sees bodies that are strong or weak,
the world sees people who succeed or fail.
But God sees hearts. God sees the love in your soul.
He sees the beauty in your spirit. And that's the only thing that finally matters.
That's the only thing that lasts-- the person that you are, not the body you are in."
-Touched by an Angel

congrats to Di on your baptism!!! :)

btw, if anyone wants a copy of the video of today's service-- msg/call/email me and i can prolly burn you a copy hahaa :P ...

two things:

1. if you don't want to talk to me, i don't want to talk to you.
2. Saddam Hussein got captured today... but what are they going to do with him?

i really love waterloo right now.

check THIS out :

http://www.wingmusic.co.nz/listen.html

this is for REALS O_O

ONE WEEK!!!!!
six days til kurara's back and seven til eumie and nita are back !!! *^_^*
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

my rivalry with the AV lady
she always always watches me. eveyrone around me can be online gaming and she'll shut down my blogging. so yesterday she does this and i got so annoyed and i started typing in a notepad file so that i could take it and post it on my blog.

me: what the heck!!!! the guy on the computer next to me is GAMING and you shut off my HTML script!!!! [i was screwing with my template]
yeah OKAY.

so i turn it back on... and ... she shuts me down AGAIN!
so back to notepad i go...

me: and i repeat myself again.

suddenly, the curser moves down two lines and ALL ON IT'S own starts typing:

And I repeat myself. This is against school board policy!!!! Please read your AUP.

Needless to say i was deathly freaked out, and resisted all temptation to make some smartass comment back at her. :P i REALLY hope she doesn't know who i am in person!! :( so scary!! but i really do think it's unfair that she only watches me.

amnesia

remind me again
how to
relax,
smile with my teeth,
go crazy,
laugh and try hard to stop but
can't.
how do i
tell jokes
get excited
really excited for more than
just a minute to remember how not to
sigh loudly
rub the back of my neck and my temples
stare off into nowhere for hours
call and cry and complain at weird times

and then remember i have nothing to say because
i'm happy.
remind me again,
how to be
carefree.

questions answered

on monday morning i awoke from my two-three hours of sleep as nervous as i had been when i'd hit the pillow the night before. i'd spent most of the night freaking out and praying and reading scripture, scared that what i thought was God's will wasn't. and asking God to close the doors if it really wasn't His will and it was just some self motivated idea. But God opened the doors wide and the transition from sciences to arts went really smoothly! the teachers were open and supportive, the courses fit into my timetable, and i was able to get it switched THAT day :)

It's crazy cuz now i know it must be God's will for sure. even more sure than before this happened. i just think it was something really cool to have to trust Him... even though i knew what i wanted. i guess i was most afraid that even though i THOUGHT it was God's will, that it wouldn't be. but i think it was a learning experience to ask for the doors to close... to ask for Him to do it His way and not mine.

this term has been ... insane. beyond insane. this one day i asked g "why?? why is perseverance so important??!" and now i think i know. because if i hadn't persevered i would never have experienced this, i would never have gotten this contentment in being happy with what i was doing, and in knowing God's will. because if i hadn't HAD to persevere to get here, i would have taken it for granted. i wouldn't have placed this in His hands, and i wouldn't have known what a difference this is from where i was before.

For me... with perseverance came the ability to tell of God's grace, and the understanding that i DO need ot draw my strength from Him, and i DO need to trust not only His provision, but also His TIMING.

I praise God not only for my newly aquired happiness, but also for the lessons learned through the hardships throughout this term, the knowing of amazing people who support me, and the deepening of my relationship with Him.

praise God!!

"With man this is impossible,
but with GOD all things are possible."
Matt 19:26

You are now looking at THE one and only new and improved-- arts and business major -- Jasmine Choi. :) heeeeee!

it was all worth it. having to be patient is worth it.
God is undoubtedly always watching over me.

Thanks for all the prayers! *hugs*! i gotta go study for my calc test-- will blog more about what happened later :P

bahH!! i can't sleep without my moocow!!!!

=======

i'm scared.
so scared. so so so so so scared. mad prayer needed.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Prov. 3:5-6

decisions

A need for decisions has come with a realization that where I am now is not where I am supposed to be, or rather, this is not the path I am supposed to be taking. This term has been a jostling ride full of confusion, hurt, and questions of life. This is a journey I believe I was meant to take, in that whatever trials life throws at you, God will use the circumstances in order that your character be molded, and your experiences be a testimony of His goodness. However, through prayer, and ways I believe God has spoken to me, and even just by the simple parable of the talents, I think He is showing me another way. A way in which I can serve Him better with the gifts He's given me.

That being said, I can not say i know exactly where I'm being led, or what exactly will happen. But i do know this- that God wants me to be happy, God wants me to use what He's given me, and that God will provide for me.

In the end I can only just pray. Stay on my knees and pray for guidance, strength, and the support, TRUE support, of the people I love. Your prayer would be greatly appreciated too. Thanks. :)

thankyou

for your care today and,
even though our eyes have barely touched,
our beings barely connected, you
reached out your hand.

for wanting to know me, or
at least seeming to,
for punching out the numbers and
giving me your voice, listening to my sighs, and
allowing me to say stupid, immature things means more

than you can know tonight.

becuase it's hard you know,
to draw my strength from Him, to
think logically and
walk a straight line, and to learn.
He has to shout so loud
in order to get my attention, and maybe
you're right. maybe He's tryign to say something
with this too. i just find it so difficult to grow up because... well... i'm not really sure why actually. change takes so much heart and soul and tears and blood. when God is saying so many things to you all at once. it's hard to know what to do first and when you fail repeatedly to change to be
better. well... i guess i don't have the patience i KNOW i don't have the patience to ...
anyhow, i will learn. i hope.

just wanted to say thankyou.

i just

miss you so much right now
and even though
you can't hear me
is there
a chance
that
maybe
we're both looking at the same patch
of sky right now

wonder if in some subconcious surreal way
we actually
are
connected. heart to
heart.

wish that things had been
different.

want you to be the one who sees the cream
in the sea of white.

hate reality.

so i'm pretty sure i love my relatives :D they sent over allllll this stuff! i got an mp3 player, lots and lots of tops-- ABERCROMBIE :D and a tare panda graduating dolly haha (even tho that is sort of depressing) whee :)

i drove into the curb today O_o

a christmas makeover :P :)

uhhhhhhhhhhhh did he just ask me out?!
nnnnnnnno.

so it's finally december. :)
24 days til christmas :) wheeeeeeeeeeeee
starting a count down box on the side :P
new "do" for this place tomorrow, expect snow :)

something

it's a gentle
coolness
not blowing
nor wafting
but simply
floating from the right touching
the bridge of my nose (the right side)
the place right above my eyelashes (the right ones)
around my ear and
in (but still, just from the right)
the funny thing
it doesn't even rustle my hair
but it's there
and realer than anything else
my senses or my heart allow.

sorry-- allyssa is actually spelt A-L-Y-S-S-A :P
alyssa. you are very special. hahaha :P