so i applied to mr. sushi today... he said he'd call me but i dont' know if he will.
charlie doesn't own mr. sushi anymore...
i am hungry.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 30, 2005
i might
i might have to leave. oh i know, a part of me may be left behind as i walk away-- passing door frames and dimly lit computer labs in hesitation. and hesitate i will. in fact, this post is, in itself, a hesitation.
i'm fading. and even the hand that writes out this list of pros and cons is becoming translucent.
i might have to leave and it will be, partially, selfish.
but God tells me i can do more. now if only he would tell me how...
and the hands i held in the past would tell me i could do more. *they* have done more. and i too would like to.
and if, in order to do that, i have to leave, would that be wrong?
don't think it's a popularity contest please, because socially, i have no problems. people know that. but that's all they know.
to be frank-- it irks me that people think they can look at you. or read a few words and think they know who you are. just becuase you talk and laugh doesn't mean you don't think. doesnt' mean you can't do. this blog isn't the be all and end all of me. one night isn't it either. the way to care for someone, maybe, if you do, is to actually try to get to know them. NOT "find out" things about them through blogs or other people. spiritual maturity can not be determined by a glance. a person's character is something to be continually discovered, not so much a mystery uncovered. i am in no way saying that i have all the answers but these are some things i have been thinking about,
i'm standing with one foot out the door. but i wonder if God means for me to do more HERE.
i might have to leave. oh i know, a part of me may be left behind as i walk away-- passing door frames and dimly lit computer labs in hesitation. and hesitate i will. in fact, this post is, in itself, a hesitation.
i'm fading. and even the hand that writes out this list of pros and cons is becoming translucent.
i might have to leave and it will be, partially, selfish.
but God tells me i can do more. now if only he would tell me how...
and the hands i held in the past would tell me i could do more. *they* have done more. and i too would like to.
and if, in order to do that, i have to leave, would that be wrong?
don't think it's a popularity contest please, because socially, i have no problems. people know that. but that's all they know.
to be frank-- it irks me that people think they can look at you. or read a few words and think they know who you are. just becuase you talk and laugh doesn't mean you don't think. doesnt' mean you can't do. this blog isn't the be all and end all of me. one night isn't it either. the way to care for someone, maybe, if you do, is to actually try to get to know them. NOT "find out" things about them through blogs or other people. spiritual maturity can not be determined by a glance. a person's character is something to be continually discovered, not so much a mystery uncovered. i am in no way saying that i have all the answers but these are some things i have been thinking about,
i'm standing with one foot out the door. but i wonder if God means for me to do more HERE.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
i love much music. anyways i was watching On Set and after that was the Ashlee Simpson show or whatever so i watched a bit of it and it was an episode where she was writing Pieces of Me.
haha all i could think about was emzhei's obsession with that song and how it was played SO much at rev ... and then just all those times we'd blast random songs and run up and down the hallway into whoever's room and just sing and laugh and destress. half of us would have wet hair or someone would just come in to use dev's hairdryer which often was in my room. or some of us dropped in while we were waiting for our laundry to finish drying.
"all the pieces, pieces, pieces of me..."
this is one of the first times though, that i've remembered things and just SMILED. no heaviness in my heart wishing things didn't end... just a pure happiness that things happened. YAY! haha really, yay!
haha all i could think about was emzhei's obsession with that song and how it was played SO much at rev ... and then just all those times we'd blast random songs and run up and down the hallway into whoever's room and just sing and laugh and destress. half of us would have wet hair or someone would just come in to use dev's hairdryer which often was in my room. or some of us dropped in while we were waiting for our laundry to finish drying.
"all the pieces, pieces, pieces of me..."
this is one of the first times though, that i've remembered things and just SMILED. no heaviness in my heart wishing things didn't end... just a pure happiness that things happened. YAY! haha really, yay!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
learning about myself
things i'm beginning to learn. i'm so excited that the drama queen part of me wants to say i picked up all these things and God's shown me so much and WOW! this is so great! ... butttt... i know i've only touched the tip of the iceburg. just after such a deep dark rut... even just a little bit of sunlight is blinding.
its weird... campus challenge did not challenge me much to go and reach out to my friends on campus ... rather, it challenged me in terms of my own relationship with God and my lifestyle. i think that's a good thing. i mean we can talk all we want about wanting to share the good news and dadada.. but if our own lives and relationships with God are not good then what is there to share? a message of hypocrisy?
how God affects our lives-- that's where it starts.
from there, well, if God is doing such great things in your life then how can you even HELP but wanna spill it everywhere to everyone? :)
i kinda feel like that right now. OVERFLOW. i just... i'm overflowing with the JOY that comes with being closer to Him... in any case, here are a few things that i learned over the weekend:
TRUST. -- i have... a huge problem with trust. i constantly seek reassurance and just.. i dunno. for me, my "trusting" someone is being able to tell them things and trust that they can keep a secret. i think it frustrates people that i dont' trust THEM as PEOPLE. even some of my closest friends...
i'm learning that trust is something that is placed in someone's CHARACTER. when you know someone... you have to believe that the things that they do are for reasons that are valid even if you dont' know what those reasons are. Trusting God... well His character is MORE reliable than that of even my best friend. He's unchanging. and He always has the purest and best intentions. so when i'm not understanding my life... my struggles... i can still have peace in knowing that it's under control. "He's got it under control." i think i've said that a lot but never really UNDERSTOOD it. and now i'm beginning to.
LISTEN. thought about somethings this weekend in my quiet time with God that i've been trying to run from. Listen. and He'll speak. ... i'm nto gonna share these things cuz they're pretty personal and i'm not totally clear yet. but i'm being pointed in a direction. anyways, i've started journaling again. trying to listen.
MOVE. i know i talk a lot... in part it frustrates me because sometimes people think that jsut because i talk alot that means i don't think a lot. if you know me though, you know that i think alot too. even more than i talk. although, not always before i talk :P haha.. i'm an introvert by nature. shut up really i am. i'm an introvert who has extroverted skills. really, i hate crowds. i much prefer one on one time. sitting on the floor talking away 3 hours rather than loud parties... stuff that you learn in ISS150R haha...
anyhoo... i spend a lot of time with my thoughts. i talk to myself haha... (when people arent' around, obviously) sometimes when peopel are around but i try not to.
you know what the problem is? ... i think and think and think ... sometimes even PRAY and pray and pray but never DO. God's shown me things and i've sat complacent. He's given me dreams and i've waited for them to magically realize. i have troubles and i run or limply cry.
at cc i met some people who REALLY live their lives for God. every minute they try to squeeze just one more thing they can do to glorify God to the fullest extent possible. their lives BREATHE their faithfulness. they try their best, not for their own glory but for His.. as a testimony. i think that's one way in which my small group really challenged me.. in their sharing. and in my workshop on social injustice. i've always always always cared about this stuff... even just talking to maeghan about the orphanage in romania or wherever during the year.. i've wanted to do that for years but i NEVER take steps in accomplishing it. i just allow thoughts and dreams and hopes to fester in my mind.
i'm through with that. really. please hold me accountable. becuase i want my life to be a living testimony .... "a life worthy of the calling" because talk and thoughts are cheap. He expects more. and i expect more.
anyways i'll continue later this is getting really long.. :P ... and it's beautiful outside. :D so peace
things i'm beginning to learn. i'm so excited that the drama queen part of me wants to say i picked up all these things and God's shown me so much and WOW! this is so great! ... butttt... i know i've only touched the tip of the iceburg. just after such a deep dark rut... even just a little bit of sunlight is blinding.
its weird... campus challenge did not challenge me much to go and reach out to my friends on campus ... rather, it challenged me in terms of my own relationship with God and my lifestyle. i think that's a good thing. i mean we can talk all we want about wanting to share the good news and dadada.. but if our own lives and relationships with God are not good then what is there to share? a message of hypocrisy?
how God affects our lives-- that's where it starts.
from there, well, if God is doing such great things in your life then how can you even HELP but wanna spill it everywhere to everyone? :)
i kinda feel like that right now. OVERFLOW. i just... i'm overflowing with the JOY that comes with being closer to Him... in any case, here are a few things that i learned over the weekend:
TRUST. -- i have... a huge problem with trust. i constantly seek reassurance and just.. i dunno. for me, my "trusting" someone is being able to tell them things and trust that they can keep a secret. i think it frustrates people that i dont' trust THEM as PEOPLE. even some of my closest friends...
i'm learning that trust is something that is placed in someone's CHARACTER. when you know someone... you have to believe that the things that they do are for reasons that are valid even if you dont' know what those reasons are. Trusting God... well His character is MORE reliable than that of even my best friend. He's unchanging. and He always has the purest and best intentions. so when i'm not understanding my life... my struggles... i can still have peace in knowing that it's under control. "He's got it under control." i think i've said that a lot but never really UNDERSTOOD it. and now i'm beginning to.
LISTEN. thought about somethings this weekend in my quiet time with God that i've been trying to run from. Listen. and He'll speak. ... i'm nto gonna share these things cuz they're pretty personal and i'm not totally clear yet. but i'm being pointed in a direction. anyways, i've started journaling again. trying to listen.
MOVE. i know i talk a lot... in part it frustrates me because sometimes people think that jsut because i talk alot that means i don't think a lot. if you know me though, you know that i think alot too. even more than i talk. although, not always before i talk :P haha.. i'm an introvert by nature. shut up really i am. i'm an introvert who has extroverted skills. really, i hate crowds. i much prefer one on one time. sitting on the floor talking away 3 hours rather than loud parties... stuff that you learn in ISS150R haha...
anyhoo... i spend a lot of time with my thoughts. i talk to myself haha... (when people arent' around, obviously) sometimes when peopel are around but i try not to.
you know what the problem is? ... i think and think and think ... sometimes even PRAY and pray and pray but never DO. God's shown me things and i've sat complacent. He's given me dreams and i've waited for them to magically realize. i have troubles and i run or limply cry.
at cc i met some people who REALLY live their lives for God. every minute they try to squeeze just one more thing they can do to glorify God to the fullest extent possible. their lives BREATHE their faithfulness. they try their best, not for their own glory but for His.. as a testimony. i think that's one way in which my small group really challenged me.. in their sharing. and in my workshop on social injustice. i've always always always cared about this stuff... even just talking to maeghan about the orphanage in romania or wherever during the year.. i've wanted to do that for years but i NEVER take steps in accomplishing it. i just allow thoughts and dreams and hopes to fester in my mind.
i'm through with that. really. please hold me accountable. becuase i want my life to be a living testimony .... "a life worthy of the calling" because talk and thoughts are cheap. He expects more. and i expect more.
anyways i'll continue later this is getting really long.. :P ... and it's beautiful outside. :D so peace
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
maybe i'm in need of a new theme song. :)
here are a few lyrics that hit my heart hard and stayed in my mind:
We stand and lift up our hands
For the JOY of the Lord is our STRENGTH. (c.t.)
Your blood speaks a better word
Than all the empty claims
I’ve heard upon this earth
Speaks righteousness for me
And stands in my defense
Jesus it’s Your blood (m.r.)
Your hope in me is ENDURING peace in me. (s.f.)
here are a few lyrics that hit my heart hard and stayed in my mind:
We stand and lift up our hands
For the JOY of the Lord is our STRENGTH. (c.t.)
Your blood speaks a better word
Than all the empty claims
I’ve heard upon this earth
Speaks righteousness for me
And stands in my defense
Jesus it’s Your blood (m.r.)
Your hope in me is ENDURING peace in me. (s.f.)
Friday, May 20, 2005
Sun : Mae
[my current theme song:.. wow. this says it all... almost.:]
I’m a mess, I guess.
It’s what I asked for, it’s what I needed.
Well, you know me better than that,
Or at least you did and something happened.
But once again something’s happened.
The confidence you held in us is the rope we almost hung ourselves with.
At times I wonder if we really took the steps to break right through it.
I know that there were better days, but to see the light and to feel the rays.
Life was always back and forth and we were idling or making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I’m still waiting for the sun.
Someday will come back to us, if you’re willing let it go.
Why won’t you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way.
But some day we’re heading for destruction.
I’ll ask you what in the world should we do?
This light is green our break is through.
Are we not trying or are we trying too hard?
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight and reminisce.
But it’s bittersweet to me.
When time stands still as it’s trapped inside
The letterbox you gave back to me.
But I’m the one who keeps on reading.
But I’m the one who wants to let it go.
I’m the first to speak.
You’re the last to know.
Another scene that we’re creating,
I need to know if we’re still making useless progress.
[my current theme song:.. wow. this says it all... almost.:]
I’m a mess, I guess.
It’s what I asked for, it’s what I needed.
Well, you know me better than that,
Or at least you did and something happened.
But once again something’s happened.
The confidence you held in us is the rope we almost hung ourselves with.
At times I wonder if we really took the steps to break right through it.
I know that there were better days, but to see the light and to feel the rays.
Life was always back and forth and we were idling or making useless progress.
Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I’m still waiting for the sun.
Someday will come back to us, if you’re willing let it go.
Why won’t you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way.
But some day we’re heading for destruction.
I’ll ask you what in the world should we do?
This light is green our break is through.
Are we not trying or are we trying too hard?
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight and reminisce.
But it’s bittersweet to me.
When time stands still as it’s trapped inside
The letterbox you gave back to me.
But I’m the one who keeps on reading.
But I’m the one who wants to let it go.
I’m the first to speak.
You’re the last to know.
Another scene that we’re creating,
I need to know if we’re still making useless progress.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
the second day of school
a 'status quo' in the making
at slc waiting for my class to start and for myself to wake up. i think i might go grab a tea from timmy's but my watcard money is wearing thin. *sigh*
edit(10:54 am):
you know, i think mike is right. canadian history is really interesting! ... of course, its only the second class but considering how tired i was i didn't drift off even for a minute. i was so engaged haha... an hour passed by in the blink of an eye. i wrote all my notes in pink marker cuz i somehow lost my pen boo haha..
familiar faces
i ran into RIMA this morning!!!... it was so great to see a familiar face. especially one from my beloved south A ... *grin* ... she was starting work at 9:30 so we just talked and talked and talked about how our summers have been going and about the past year and how much we missed rez life. hehe rima is awesome. i remember our random craziness in the halls :P we didnt' hang out much but she was always such a day brightener during the year. haha we were talkign about the bathrooms today and who on our floor we think is insane lol ... "WHO is the person who kept peeing on the seats?!?!?!?!" haha we have our speculations.
ohhhhh that made me so happyyyyyyy :)
my mom made me this sandwich taht's in onion bread and my bag smells like onions. haha gross. that's one way to not make friends hahaha *aww*
things to look forward to: - O.C. season finale tonight!!!! ahhhhh`!!!
- campus challenge is tomorrow! coooolness. (yay jacq!! roomieees!)
ok gonna go catch up on some reading
a 'status quo' in the making
at slc waiting for my class to start and for myself to wake up. i think i might go grab a tea from timmy's but my watcard money is wearing thin. *sigh*
edit(10:54 am):
you know, i think mike is right. canadian history is really interesting! ... of course, its only the second class but considering how tired i was i didn't drift off even for a minute. i was so engaged haha... an hour passed by in the blink of an eye. i wrote all my notes in pink marker cuz i somehow lost my pen boo haha..
familiar faces
i ran into RIMA this morning!!!... it was so great to see a familiar face. especially one from my beloved south A ... *grin* ... she was starting work at 9:30 so we just talked and talked and talked about how our summers have been going and about the past year and how much we missed rez life. hehe rima is awesome. i remember our random craziness in the halls :P we didnt' hang out much but she was always such a day brightener during the year. haha we were talkign about the bathrooms today and who on our floor we think is insane lol ... "WHO is the person who kept peeing on the seats?!?!?!?!" haha we have our speculations.
ohhhhh that made me so happyyyyyyy :)
my mom made me this sandwich taht's in onion bread and my bag smells like onions. haha gross. that's one way to not make friends hahaha *aww*
things to look forward to: - O.C. season finale tonight!!!! ahhhhh`!!!
- campus challenge is tomorrow! coooolness. (yay jacq!! roomieees!)
ok gonna go catch up on some reading
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
happy tuesday!
so i'm back in schooooooool! hehe...
finished my first class this morning -- canadian history colonial period... *snore* i know but i have to take it in the fall anyways so thought i'd get it over with..
my prof looks like a man but isn't. haha ... and she talks SUPER fast! ... but she seems like a really nice person, or that's what i got from when i went to ask her for the course outline stuff.
actually, Canadian history's not THAT bad right now.. i always kind of liked history... and even though english and french settlers are not the most interesting characters of the past, it definitely beats sitting around at home doing nothing. and i met someone! ... haha lookie i'm making friends :P ... she lived at rev (southb) this year and apparently "has seen me around" ... but i dont' recognize her ooops... ohwello, its nice to have someone to sit with in class :) yay.
of course, its a little weird walking around campus. all the smells and memories that get to you. oh tuesdays. i went to sch to buy books... and missed alison like crazy. slc third floor trying to get caught up on some reading... it looks so empty. at timmy's over heard someone saying somethign about "laying down the law" haha i could HEAR janna saying "mama laura is laying down the law!" in my head. i keep wanting to go back to rev and nap. but hey, my motto for the day is "don't fake yourself into ever ever thinking about yesterday, that was THEN, this is NOW."
gonna enjoy being back in school and the stability that comes with it :)
so i'm back in schooooooool! hehe...
finished my first class this morning -- canadian history colonial period... *snore* i know but i have to take it in the fall anyways so thought i'd get it over with..
my prof looks like a man but isn't. haha ... and she talks SUPER fast! ... but she seems like a really nice person, or that's what i got from when i went to ask her for the course outline stuff.
actually, Canadian history's not THAT bad right now.. i always kind of liked history... and even though english and french settlers are not the most interesting characters of the past, it definitely beats sitting around at home doing nothing. and i met someone! ... haha lookie i'm making friends :P ... she lived at rev (southb) this year and apparently "has seen me around" ... but i dont' recognize her ooops... ohwello, its nice to have someone to sit with in class :) yay.
of course, its a little weird walking around campus. all the smells and memories that get to you. oh tuesdays. i went to sch to buy books... and missed alison like crazy. slc third floor trying to get caught up on some reading... it looks so empty. at timmy's over heard someone saying somethign about "laying down the law" haha i could HEAR janna saying "mama laura is laying down the law!" in my head. i keep wanting to go back to rev and nap. but hey, my motto for the day is "don't fake yourself into ever ever thinking about yesterday, that was THEN, this is NOW."
gonna enjoy being back in school and the stability that comes with it :)
Monday, May 16, 2005
baby steps
so i was talking to nicole the other day about wanting to be less dependant, wanting to stand on my own two feet more. and she was saying how if i do things in little steps, doing little things bit by bit building up independance, its easier broken down into manageable parts than jsut all or nothing.
makes sense.
just... what's the first step? ... what's something little i can do to be less dependant?
visiting
i like it when people visit. :D teehee... this weekend was full of visits... :D ... kat came home for the weekend, clara was here today!, and then tonite lorna came back!!! :D yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ......
it was a good weekend in terms of hanging out with everyone :) ... saturday was coool... hanging out with some of the kwcac gang again on mo's birthday like viv and esther and benny COOL. :) today got to chill with my *uglynoisebuddy* clara haha i slept through some "net puck" and we did evil things to ian's really ugly flat bear thing hahaha... so greatt... "what? can't i just come in to get an orange??" hahahhaa awww ian! you're a good sport!! :D
and thennnnnn after jon decided to save me from being stranded we went over to westcourt and i chatted with lorna and dave for a while ... twas good to catch up :)
i like visiting.
so i was talking to nicole the other day about wanting to be less dependant, wanting to stand on my own two feet more. and she was saying how if i do things in little steps, doing little things bit by bit building up independance, its easier broken down into manageable parts than jsut all or nothing.
makes sense.
just... what's the first step? ... what's something little i can do to be less dependant?
visiting
i like it when people visit. :D teehee... this weekend was full of visits... :D ... kat came home for the weekend, clara was here today!, and then tonite lorna came back!!! :D yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ......
it was a good weekend in terms of hanging out with everyone :) ... saturday was coool... hanging out with some of the kwcac gang again on mo's birthday like viv and esther and benny COOL. :) today got to chill with my *uglynoisebuddy* clara haha i slept through some "net puck" and we did evil things to ian's really ugly flat bear thing hahaha... so greatt... "what? can't i just come in to get an orange??" hahahhaa awww ian! you're a good sport!! :D
and thennnnnn after jon decided to save me from being stranded we went over to westcourt and i chatted with lorna and dave for a while ... twas good to catch up :)
i like visiting.
Friday, May 13, 2005
weak at the knees
what is good:
- God. I LOVE GOD. and that makes me happy.
- GIRLS and the OC haha
- boys whose brains have been mushed by ITUS hahaha...
- MY LOVER IS HOME!!!!! (kat's back to visit for the wknd haha ;) ) mmmmyesssss
- threesome* locals at sweetdreams.
-...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... ohhhhhh i love you seth.
(i made a realization about myself and boys-- i dont' want an ASSHOLE persay, i want someone HONEST. real. i want someone who is real.)
what is good:
- God. I LOVE GOD. and that makes me happy.
- GIRLS and the OC haha
- boys whose brains have been mushed by ITUS hahaha...
- MY LOVER IS HOME!!!!! (kat's back to visit for the wknd haha ;) ) mmmmyesssss
- threesome* locals at sweetdreams.
-...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... ohhhhhh i love you seth.
(i made a realization about myself and boys-- i dont' want an ASSHOLE persay, i want someone HONEST. real. i want someone who is real.)
Thursday, May 12, 2005
female friends
i am so superdork. haha and my friends don't help much either! ...
on me and jo's "visiting ppl" outing tonight... we stopped at MKV to visit derek, hafeez, and keith. so yeah it was nice to see them again and stuff chilled around derek's suite for a bit until one of his suitemates closed the door *oops* loudness and then we were like hmm maybe we should leave and i was takling about how hopefully they're not swamped with work all term so we can hang out "i neeed friendsssss!" i said to derek "actually, i need FEMALE friends more... i have jo and that's IT. i need female friends!!" haha so derek, thoughtful as he is, suddenly comes up with the "bright idea" of going down to the first floor where there are girls so he can introduce me to them.
i'm like "no... derek that is weird."
"it's okay !! just come down with me anyways i have to ask nicole a physics question."
so me and jo are like fine and we venture downstairs with derek. upon arriving on the first floor he goes into a suite and waves us in... so we walk in and he introduces us to some ppl yadayada that's cool ... then as we were leaving he goes to this girl who i have NEVER SEEN in my LIFE "this is jasmine ... you guys should hang out... she needs female friends"
O_O... i was just like "GAHHH.. please dont' listen to him!!"
hahaha... it was funny though... and i suppose well intentionned.
afterward, we went over to nicole's suite where i met kristina as in janna's best friend (coooool) who was having her "half birthday" so had some jello. that was nice cuz it was refreshing to be with some GIRLS! girls who dont' think you're a total freak because you are "seeking female friends" hahaha :P...
oh also, clara's friend adrian was there who recognized me RIGHT away and was like "hey! you're the girl jon ditched!!!!" i'm like O_O. haha.. thanks jon. thanks alot.
SUPERDORK!!!!
the rest of the nite went well :P we visited kevin... and jon... and KAI! ... and westcourt. and now i am home. lalala... that was my day of feeling social* haha
i am so superdork. haha and my friends don't help much either! ...
on me and jo's "visiting ppl" outing tonight... we stopped at MKV to visit derek, hafeez, and keith. so yeah it was nice to see them again and stuff chilled around derek's suite for a bit until one of his suitemates closed the door *oops* loudness and then we were like hmm maybe we should leave and i was takling about how hopefully they're not swamped with work all term so we can hang out "i neeed friendsssss!" i said to derek "actually, i need FEMALE friends more... i have jo and that's IT. i need female friends!!" haha so derek, thoughtful as he is, suddenly comes up with the "bright idea" of going down to the first floor where there are girls so he can introduce me to them.
i'm like "no... derek that is weird."
"it's okay !! just come down with me anyways i have to ask nicole a physics question."
so me and jo are like fine and we venture downstairs with derek. upon arriving on the first floor he goes into a suite and waves us in... so we walk in and he introduces us to some ppl yadayada that's cool ... then as we were leaving he goes to this girl who i have NEVER SEEN in my LIFE "this is jasmine ... you guys should hang out... she needs female friends"
O_O... i was just like "GAHHH.. please dont' listen to him!!"
hahaha... it was funny though... and i suppose well intentionned.
afterward, we went over to nicole's suite where i met kristina as in janna's best friend (coooool) who was having her "half birthday" so had some jello. that was nice cuz it was refreshing to be with some GIRLS! girls who dont' think you're a total freak because you are "seeking female friends" hahaha :P...
oh also, clara's friend adrian was there who recognized me RIGHT away and was like "hey! you're the girl jon ditched!!!!" i'm like O_O. haha.. thanks jon. thanks alot.
SUPERDORK!!!!
the rest of the nite went well :P we visited kevin... and jon... and KAI! ... and westcourt. and now i am home. lalala... that was my day of feeling social* haha
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
because i don't have the "strength of words" to say it on my own, psalm143 + [me] :
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief. [... i need you God. you are so big and constant and perfect. and i know i haven't really talked to you in a while. but please listen?]
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you. [... i'm sorry. i'm sorry for all the stupid things i've done. but even more for just turning my back on you. the only one who really knows me ... ]
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead. [... i feel like the enemy is myself. just losing it. just doing all these things i hate. i despise. becoming a hypocrite just declaring my belief in one thing while acting without care... last night i was thinking ... love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self control... which one of these do i have left? ... none. ]
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed. [... i'm falling apart God and i dont' know where to turn anymore or what to do. i just sit and i cry. ]
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done. [... i remember grade 12 in that november rut how you pulled me out. when i thought i wasn't going to get into university you got me in. God i've seen you work in more than just that. i know the peace that a relationship with you brings me. i havne't forgotten all the ways you've taken care of me. ]
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. [... i guess i'm saying that i know only You can cure this. no person's words or even hugs or support from the people i love most can fix this .. can fix ME. "broken is hard to fix" God.. but YOU fix broken hearts right? ]
Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit. [... so yeah, i'm pretty desperate. sorry to be impatient but it's like my whole BLAH is faling apart and just... crumbling... just... please]
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, f
or I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground. [ ... please give me wisdom and understanding ... and not only that but ACTION. motivation. MOVE me and FILL me with YOU cuz God ... i do want that. please fill me and don't let me jsut forget... ]
For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant. [... please please please please please please please.
AHHHH PLEASE. ...
--- jasy]
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief. [... i need you God. you are so big and constant and perfect. and i know i haven't really talked to you in a while. but please listen?]
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you. [... i'm sorry. i'm sorry for all the stupid things i've done. but even more for just turning my back on you. the only one who really knows me ... ]
The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead. [... i feel like the enemy is myself. just losing it. just doing all these things i hate. i despise. becoming a hypocrite just declaring my belief in one thing while acting without care... last night i was thinking ... love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self control... which one of these do i have left? ... none. ]
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed. [... i'm falling apart God and i dont' know where to turn anymore or what to do. i just sit and i cry. ]
I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done. [... i remember grade 12 in that november rut how you pulled me out. when i thought i wasn't going to get into university you got me in. God i've seen you work in more than just that. i know the peace that a relationship with you brings me. i havne't forgotten all the ways you've taken care of me. ]
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. [... i guess i'm saying that i know only You can cure this. no person's words or even hugs or support from the people i love most can fix this .. can fix ME. "broken is hard to fix" God.. but YOU fix broken hearts right? ]
Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit. [... so yeah, i'm pretty desperate. sorry to be impatient but it's like my whole BLAH is faling apart and just... crumbling... just... please]
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, f
or I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground. [ ... please give me wisdom and understanding ... and not only that but ACTION. motivation. MOVE me and FILL me with YOU cuz God ... i do want that. please fill me and don't let me jsut forget... ]
For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant. [... please please please please please please please.
AHHHH PLEASE. ...
--- jasy]
Monday, May 09, 2005
"summer"progress report
so many questions. so here are some answers.
What is your current situation with coop?
In terms of coop, i have not been able to find a job placement. Many of you may know that i had put a lot of hope in being able to work at World Vision this summer. Unfortuneately, I recieved a call from them the other day informing me that the position i applied for had been filled by someone who is actually in marketing.
So have you been applying to different jobs? Have you been looking? you know, you can't jsut sit there and do nothing about it.
As a matter of fact, yes. i have been looking. I've applied to many, many jobs on jobmine. but i have also been contemplating dropping out of the coop program as i evaluate the benefits and the fallbacks of it.
So if you don't do coop, what then?
As of last night, i had decided that i would sign up for some courses and get a part time job.... decide about coop in the fall. However, today, another opportunity for a job arose. Therefore, i sent in a cover letter and resume and I am waiting to see how that plays out.
Oh. so exactly what are you doing? why don't you make any decisions about your life?
Contrary to popular belief, i do try. and i am struggling like hell to figure out things about my life and about this term. i'm frustrated because it seems like whenever i finally "figure something out" the opposite happens. Change is shaking me up. However, i am determined to maintain composure and ya know... solve my own problems... be independant and goal oriented.
all that jazz.
any other questions?
so many questions. so here are some answers.
What is your current situation with coop?
In terms of coop, i have not been able to find a job placement. Many of you may know that i had put a lot of hope in being able to work at World Vision this summer. Unfortuneately, I recieved a call from them the other day informing me that the position i applied for had been filled by someone who is actually in marketing.
So have you been applying to different jobs? Have you been looking? you know, you can't jsut sit there and do nothing about it.
As a matter of fact, yes. i have been looking. I've applied to many, many jobs on jobmine. but i have also been contemplating dropping out of the coop program as i evaluate the benefits and the fallbacks of it.
So if you don't do coop, what then?
As of last night, i had decided that i would sign up for some courses and get a part time job.... decide about coop in the fall. However, today, another opportunity for a job arose. Therefore, i sent in a cover letter and resume and I am waiting to see how that plays out.
Oh. so exactly what are you doing? why don't you make any decisions about your life?
Contrary to popular belief, i do try. and i am struggling like hell to figure out things about my life and about this term. i'm frustrated because it seems like whenever i finally "figure something out" the opposite happens. Change is shaking me up. However, i am determined to maintain composure and ya know... solve my own problems... be independant and goal oriented.
all that jazz.
any other questions?
Sunday, May 08, 2005
happy mother's day
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Friday, May 06, 2005
blue
someone should make it clear that an attitude adjustment is really hard.
i was kinda proud of myself today... i took actually ACTION to make things better. wow, pat on the back and then SMACK on my face again. becuase i would eat soggy instant noodles if only...
but that's not going to happen. sometimes you jsut need that ONE person to be there.
thanks for being there tmg. oh things are so different without... but i'm not going to talk in circles.
goodnight*
someone should make it clear that an attitude adjustment is really hard.
i was kinda proud of myself today... i took actually ACTION to make things better. wow, pat on the back and then SMACK on my face again. becuase i would eat soggy instant noodles if only...
but that's not going to happen. sometimes you jsut need that ONE person to be there.
thanks for being there tmg. oh things are so different without... but i'm not going to talk in circles.
goodnight*
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
one final thankyouandgoodbye, and then a promise to start fresh
after an amazing weekend in toronto i rolled into a sunny-skied waterloo, into a new term. it's MAY. time to pull myself together, rather, let God pull me together after being so far from Him for so long.
gonna take a bit of "blog time" to thank and remember the people that made this year HOME.
if that was you, then keep checking. although i'll probably prompt you to check anyways :P
and meanwhile? i'm still looking for a job. gonna give world vision a call tomorrow, most likely a lost cause but it's okay. let's see where God's taking me this term.
looking forward to bluer skies. and if they're grey, then i'm gonna PAINT them blue.
after an amazing weekend in toronto i rolled into a sunny-skied waterloo, into a new term. it's MAY. time to pull myself together, rather, let God pull me together after being so far from Him for so long.
gonna take a bit of "blog time" to thank and remember the people that made this year HOME.
if that was you, then keep checking. although i'll probably prompt you to check anyways :P
and meanwhile? i'm still looking for a job. gonna give world vision a call tomorrow, most likely a lost cause but it's okay. let's see where God's taking me this term.
looking forward to bluer skies. and if they're grey, then i'm gonna PAINT them blue.
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