because i don't have the "strength of words" to say it on my own, psalm143 + [me] :

O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief. [... i need you God. you are so big and constant and perfect. and i know i haven't really talked to you in a while. but please listen?]

Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you. [... i'm sorry. i'm sorry for all the stupid things i've done. but even more for just turning my back on you. the only one who really knows me ... ]

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead. [... i feel like the enemy is myself. just losing it. just doing all these things i hate. i despise. becoming a hypocrite just declaring my belief in one thing while acting without care... last night i was thinking ... love joy peace patience kindness goodness faithfulness gentleness and self control... which one of these do i have left? ... none. ]

So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed. [... i'm falling apart God and i dont' know where to turn anymore or what to do. i just sit and i cry. ]

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done. [... i remember grade 12 in that november rut how you pulled me out. when i thought i wasn't going to get into university you got me in. God i've seen you work in more than just that. i know the peace that a relationship with you brings me. i havne't forgotten all the ways you've taken care of me. ]

I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. [... i guess i'm saying that i know only You can cure this. no person's words or even hugs or support from the people i love most can fix this .. can fix ME. "broken is hard to fix" God.. but YOU fix broken hearts right? ]


Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit. [... so yeah, i'm pretty desperate. sorry to be impatient but it's like my whole BLAH is faling apart and just... crumbling... just... please]

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD, f
or I hide myself in you.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground. [ ... please give me wisdom and understanding ... and not only that but ACTION. motivation. MOVE me and FILL me with YOU cuz God ... i do want that. please fill me and don't let me jsut forget... ]

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant. [... please please please please please please please.

AHHHH PLEASE. ...

--- jasy]