*merry christmas*

I’m home. Back to the familiar sights and smells … a few things changed… but my family is still my family =) and my laundry smells so much better at home than at rez. I can change in my bedroom without telling someone 10 times not to turn around hehe…
I can’t believe 1A is over… what a term. Four months gone just like that… When I was in high school/jr. high my older friends would always tell me how amazing university was, how you build the most amazing friendships and how God shows you so much. And I couldn’t have possibly understood that. This term, God blessed me and showed me so much through so many amazing people. Today, I got so frustrated. I thought to myself, ‘what was the point of all this if it’s just gonna end??? People just leave and everything that was built must be rebuilt’… but a wise friend reminded me that each term is not a separate entity. Instead, life is like this novel, and each ‘section’ (in this case, each semester) is like a chapter. The next term, things change, but the characters still remain… they don’t disappear… it’s still the same story. So perhaps I only have a glimpse of what God will bless me with over the next few years. But I’d like to share a few of His blessings for me in 1A. And at the same time, say a little *thank you* to those of you who have been “main characters” in this chapter of my life. [note: all names under each heading are in alphabetical order]

Kreazeless
Maybe we’re not all in the same city but we’ll be best friends for life. Sorry girls, you’re stuck with me. I thank God for holding this bond strong… coming into university, one of my biggest fears was that kreazeless would fall apart… but I should have trusted that nothing could come between us…


Dora: I missed you so much this semester… but you were still always there with our crazy phone calls that racked up my long distance bills lol you’re the one with whom I can say anything lol we’re always saying what other people are thinking but are too afraid to say. :P I think everyone here is sick of hearing about this “dora” … but too bad because you’ll always be my best friend. … hardly anything has changed…. the laughs will continue…
Jo: my oldest friend. Our friendship has grown stronger in many ways this term… and yet, it’s been stretched further than ever before. Just because you live next door to someone doesn’t mean you talk all that much. But I praise God that the conversations we DID have were beneficial and that we have only grown closer this term despite the fact that we’re not together 24/7 like we were before. It doesn’t matter what people see or think … we’ll be best friends forever. From preschool to the first days of kindergarten/elementary, jr. high, highschool, and university. We’ve shared so much of our lives together. I’m glad to be able to continue to grow with you now…
Kat: can’t believe we’re roommates hahaha… didn’t so many people tell us we would kill each other?? And we didn’t! ha! .. thankyou for your patience. What’s been cool is some of the conversations we’ve had late at night, you’ll be reading and I’ll be fooling around on my computer … and all of a sudden we’ll just delve into thoughtful discussion. You challenge me with your sometimes random spurts of “I need to start doing devotions more regularly”… and encourage me with our sharing of how the friendships we’ve made this term are more Christ centered… you are considerate in how you leave me your eyeliner when you go home for the night… you make me laugh with your random emotions and falling off the bed and stuff hahaha… it’s been good times girlfriend, looking forward to another term with you. A less messy one? ;)

South A
South A is my floor at Ron Eydt Village where I’ve been living for the past four months. I was excited about the experience but scared too… living on an all girls floor I was like whoa.. it’s gonna be so catty and stuff… communal bathrooms? How can that be home? Home is where you make it. Let me tell you—this place has been like home to me because of all of you. I’ve been beyond blessed with a bunch of girls who have been like my “family” (most of them MOMish haha) at rev. Jo and Kat are included in here but they’ve already been afore mentioned.




Aneta: WHERE IS THE LOVE????... hahaha thanks for this term… remember when we would just flop around (before exams started) and talk about whatever? Haha Costco… you freaked out so much when you found out I knew NO songs hahaha but soon enough you had me singing along to Carl Henry – hey we met our goal! Haha I know all the words =) … we bicker a lot… disagree about a lot… it’s sort of funny :P but in the end we both know we’re still great friends. That means a lot. Next term we must have more of those days where we just feel the urge to look good and sing in the showers… too funny =P
Dev: how do you put up with me? You’re one of the most patient people I have ever met in my entire life. You just sit and listen to me whine and whine and whine and cry and whatever else. I can flip out at you and you don’t get mad. You’ve assured and reassured me again and again that you care. I guess that’s why that “best friends” things goes beyond a frosh week joke. Fun times girl—night talk, freaking out about boys, scrapbook!, song of the week!, last beautiful day of November, eating brown food and drinking tea, Halloween weekend (being stared down at a SriLankan grocery store! Haha), your “mom”ness, squirt and your bed is so freakin soft! … there’s more but i would eventually like to finish this blog entry :P thanks devinkapaiva.
Chris: it’s been amazing getting to know you so much better … I remember the first time the “quiet” chris spazzed out I was like “whoa… who IS this girl” but now I know that’s just how you are hahaha… I means a lot when I just need to get OUT of the building and get some air.. to take things off my chest that we can go walk around outside … admire the prettiness and just talk about everything. We’ll both miss people next term but throw in a little bit of karaoke, accidentally in love, sociology… we’ll still have a blast heehee.. thanks.
Emzhei: my hakka sister. Seriously, before you I have never met anyone I’m not related to who is hakka. Man.. I don’t need to write this, you already know what you mean to me. You challenge me every day with your selflessness and perseverance… all this crap can be going on in your life but you shove that aside and you’re right there for everyone—especially me. How many times this term were you up til 3:30 when you had 8:30 class just listening to me rant about everything? So many . I can always cry with you. We had some fun times though eh?... remember the guitar playing haha and making fun of marilyn, and our cartilage piercing!!! And so much more… I dunno where the future’s going but I feel so blessed to have you as a friend here and now.
Laura: Laura you’re like the clear head of the hall… floor.. whatever. Everything I confide in you, you think out rationally, simply, as if the answer was so obvious. Ok maybe it was, just not in my crazy frazzled brain haha… you’re never letting me put myself down and helping me up when I am. If only you were around more but you sleep at like 10pm hahahaha joking joking :P … thanks for your hugs babe.
Janna: there’s something you said to me that really made me smile… you say this a lot but it’s actually really encouraging—“I believe in you”… I guess we haven’t had super much time to talk about everything but I guess this past term I’ve had a lot of self doubt and whatever and when you say that it just gives that little *=)* to put me back on track. Boy talking with you and laura is always so much fun—it’s so sad. I live vicariously through you guys with your hot boyfriends hahaha… cough cough. Hopefully they don’t somehow stumble upon this and think I am a freak. =P
Marilyn: maril you are just this wonderful person in a tiny package :P .. it’s crazy how much people make fun of you and you take it and take it hahaha I mean, if someone told ME I had broad shoulders and hairy fingers… lol jk jk… I probably got to know you better before anyone else this term, since you were the only one who stayed weekends because of your Saturday labs haha… too bad.. but we had fun didn’t we? Just talking about random things, walking to random places, almost getting hit by trains, and gushing about whatever boy… you were one of the few that shared both my “floor” life and “ccf” life and that means so much to me. Because both groups of friends mean the world to me and the fact that you were there through it all … well I’m just so thankful. Thanks for being such a great friend to me all the time listening to me bch and moan and letting me fall asleep on your bed all the time haha stop shining lights into my eye you psycho :P
Quyen: babe you crack me up. Seriously, whenever I need a lift you’re there. You fob me up too hahaha … thanks for the tension songs… I guess we didn’t get much of a chance to talk about every single little thing this term—seeing how you don’t stay weekends and you’re all the way on the other side of the hall haha jk … but you’ve been an amazing friend to me. Offering to help me clean my extremely messy room even though I KNOW you hate mess. Haha… you’re always so fun to chill with and joke around about randomness. Thanks for lightening up the place. It can sometimes get too … dramatic. Especially with ME around :P
Whitney: my ARTS friend!!!!! Wits… I don’t see you that often… but when I do it’s always nice to have midnight heart to hearts … good to get an artsy perspective on things haha jk but yeah… it’s really awesome having you to talk to about stuff…and just bum around and eat jap snacks and candies from a tin hahaha… those are so good and from a good movie … even though your friends think I can’t speak Chinese I CAN. Thanks for being there. We need to go to pacific and take card pictures yayyyyy!

6Chicks
Don’t make fun. I just needed a nice heading for these girls so I could make a blurb about this. … six girls from ccf… the ones I grew closer with earlier on I guess, started meeting up with each other weekly to share and pray with each other. Seriously, you know how people say that friendships that are Christ centered last and are so meaningful? I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that to its full extent until this year. I can’t tell you all how much it meant to be able to meet up and just be so open and to just lift everything up in prayer. Even before that whole prayer thing started, we were still there always keeping each other accountable. Even when we disagreed on stuff we wouldn’t just keep it inside but we cared enough to talk about it… to make sure issues were resolved and the right things were done. You girls are like sisters to me. I remember this one time when Alison was praying (and everyone was crying again hahaha) and she was like “we’re not blood… but we’re close enough”. Jo, Kat, Alison, Jacqueline, Laura--- thanks for being like family.


CCF Frosh
I keep hearing people say “the frosh this term were really close”… and we were! So praise God for this amazing group of brothers and sisters =)




ccfGirls
The “6Chicks” weren’t the only CCF girls that meant a lot to me this term… with time, God blessed me with even more girlies that are really amazing. It was awesome to see God grow a small group of girls bigger especially the few times toward the end of the term where we all got together to pray at slc… and kat flushed her phone down the toilet and bee said we were “interesting” haha sorry had to add that in somewhere.
Hey, it’s pretty much just gonna be us girls next term. Thanks for all your prayers and funness (especially around exam time). Emzhei, Jo, Marilyn, and Kat are included but have already been mentioned.

Alison: what to say… are there words to describe this strange relationship of ours? … I guess kat referred to it as a “love hate relationship” but it’s so much more… :P … you keep being super mean to me all the time but I still keep “coming back”… why? Because I know you care anyways. Because you’re this amazing friend who ‘wastes’ her time on me and who tells me I’m like Kleenex when I’m sobbing thinking I’m good for nothing. Because you’re not afraid to kick me in the butt when I’m doing something stupid and tell me to wake up. We can argue a lot about all this crap and then two seconds later sit there and laugh and laugh (sometimes about the same crap). You challenge me to evaluate myself, question my motives, and lead a God centered life. And we have fun. Whatever this friendship is I know it’s not fake or superficial. Thanks for everything.
Bee: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… EeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEe hahaa.. sorry that I shafted you in the beginning of the term. My loss. I missed out on monthssss of hanging out with an insane but beyond cool chickie named Bernice. Freaking out with you is always therapeutic and fun haha… you make me forget about stuff when we do silly things like run around and build baby snowmen and do “photography” shots and draw pictures and eat breakfast (grr to the person who sneezed in my EGGS!) haha and yet you’re there to really talk when I need to and give good advice –thanks!… stay the way you are bee, we’re gonna have a blast next term!
Clara: clara keh keh keh .. hahahha… you crack me up girlfriend… it’s been fun getting to know you more … “studying” at slc, taking crazy pics, singing Christmas carols, shopppppinnnng!, watching movies... fun times =) … thanks for your encouraging note =) I like notes! And for your prayers both with just the girls and at the 10oclock prayer meetings, those meant a lot especially before/during exams. Oh! And for your words of wisdom you left on my desktop :=)… hahaa sorry about my “habits” that you don’t approve of ;) hopefully I can modify them or they’ll grow on you by next term ;) haha …
Jackie: I remember in the beginning of the term when I used to confide in you for every little thing. We used to mega hang out… remember walking outside mikey’s just talking and talking and crying but .. then it got cold?... thanks for that. You were the first friend at UW I considered to be even remotely close to knowing me. You were like the first new “real” friend I had. I guess we both got busier and more distant during the term, but I don’t consider you as any less of a friend than you were back in September… that meant and still means a lot. Maybe we’re getting “back” now. I’ve enjoyed the conversations we have … you inspire me to continually seek after a stronger and closer relationship with God daily. Your honesty and openness is treasured and your prayers all the more. Thanks for your song sharing hehehe yay michelle branch and starfield!!!! We will be forever more, soulmates!—even though we’ve figured out that we don’t have *everything* in common ;)
Laura: laura you’re awesome. Thanks for always looking out for me and keeping me accountable (even though you abuse your power!!! Haha)… I remember that time me you and kat went out and just shared our testimonies with eachother at Williams, that was really cool to be able to talk about stuff like that. I guess there was a point where we didn’t agree on certain things and I thought that maybe you didn’t like me anymore because of it… but it was totally nothing like that because you were just being the caring sister that you are. I’m so glad you got us all to talk about it because I guess it’s really important and awesome to be able to be open and honest about stuff like that. Thanks for your funness… too bad those lights went out on us eh? We still gotta get jon back for his snowjobs—winter retreat? Hehe…

ccfBOYS
It was a blessing to have a lot of closer Christian guy friends this term. Never had that much before… nice to have some “testosterone” in the mix… except.. most of these guys had more estrogen than some of the girls hahaha jokes jokes (sort of).

Andrew: Andrew TSOI!... you are one crazy guy. Probably the first guy I really got to know this term. Econ was fun … us and our many variations of tic tac toe and our note writing… livened up Larry’s class (not that larry smith needs to be livened) =) … thanks for our heart to hearts on the way back from class, at timmy’s, and etc… it’s good to see the deeper side of Andrew sometimes =) But also good to see the funny dorky side who makes fun of marilyn all the time and makes stupid but funny jokes and plays yanni on the piano. Thanks for a great term. Stay that way, I’m actually on stream with you!
Bily: your cheerful cartoon face makes me smile =) guess that’s why every time I saw you I’d just get so happy and “HI BILY!!!”ish hahaha… it was fun having fun with you! I have many memories of you captured in my camera considering you stick your head into every possible picture hehehehe =) it’s a good thing! (most of the time haha) it was nice actually having serious’er’ conversations with you nearer to the end of the term. Nice to have guy friends to confide in ya know?... it’s nto the same as girltalk, sorry man. But I respect that you are very in touch with your feminine side ;) thanks for the origami rose, and for spending all day TRYING to figure out how to make us each something different. Missing you already bilyboy… you’d better fly down from bc and visit!
Chris: sorry that I didn’t get to hang out with you much this term… but that “allnighter” at slc was fun … I enjoyed watching you fart on everyone while they were sleeping and taking pics of it hahaha how old are we like five? =P… you are cool because you like cows. Better chill with us more next term!!!
Eric(frosh real frosh): eric you know what’s really fun? Hahhaa screwing with your mind lol .. just kidding. Although you have to admit, the whole “hating” thing was pretty good. Thanks for your friendship this term man, our all-nighters for psych, actually hanging out with you was mostly very late at night… next year you better not try to kick me out of the “group” haha just because I am on co-op, anyways I DRAW THE PICTURES and we both know that the pictures determine everything. Haha thanks for all the foodies and the chocolate milk. For caring enough to trek all the way across campus to bring us stuff. I gained like a gazillion lbs from drinking 2 packs of hot chocolate a night. See you next term.
Herm: oh herman…thanks for your friendship this term. Thanks for times where we’d just sit and talk about stuff. For webcam conversations. For prayer. It’s hard to know what to say… but you’re just always THERE for me. And that meant so much. Means so much. i know you’re in montreal.. and I miss you already but I know we’ll be friends forever in the Lord. Fun times with snowball fights, movies, nights at your place, night at my place haha… it meant a lot to be able to spend your last night here with you. Thanks for that amazing powerpoint. It summed things up so well. Put in audiovisual how much this term meant and the strength of our friendships. Powerful stuff man. Visit me, we’ll go shopping.
Jon Lau: little jon!!...you make me laugh hehe It was really fun just chilling, singing K... haha (i love your boyband singing), did you get some fingerless gloves for Christmas? :) I’m glad to have gotten to know you and have you as a friend even if we didn’t get to hang out as much as i would’ve liked :P But it’s quality not quantity time that matters right? You still have to finish your story... you know what i mean. Miss you—visit!
Jon Lo: Wow... the crazy quartet was back together again for a term!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve never spent THIS much time in the same city as you before, but it proved to be a lot of fun. I’ve missed the old K-camp/tc/wonderland times, but this term at UW has proved to be really amazing... to be able to grow, fellowship and pray with you haha and do silly things like toga party, “study”, and have snowball fights haha almost as good as our old water fights :) with the four of us around we can never run out of fun- glad to share this new era with you.
Kevin: KEVING! I hardly saw you at all this term. But i like you! I wish we hung out more this term. Thanks for the chats and jokes we DID share =)
Victor: qwoei ujdfiwop awdkjrtlisut jd sdfie wmoifdg [ 8394820 k9wer wekr9wi0 wwpe9r8 w –i know you can read elvish, so you must’ve understood that sentence. Hahaha just kidding it’s a very cool trait… hahaha it was fun chilling with you this term.. especially those “interesting” conversations we had at slc on msn even tho we were sitting across from eachother. I love that your guitar is named after me. And that you have the most insanely strong memory of anyone I’ve ever met. Will miss you next term =( but hey, you live in Toronto so you can visit us! =) continue to charm the ladies with the elvish! (good luck with that)

upperYEARS
Just wanted to say a short thank you to the upper years of ccf that were there for me this term… I guess I a lot of the people in ccf that I was closer with graduated these past few years and I felt like I knew a lot of the upper years but only superficially. But these people have been REALLY supportive of the frosh. Doing random nice things for us, praying for and with us, giving guidance, just chilling with and getting to know us. Especially the prayer meetings during exam time at slc… whoever started that is my hero. That was so needed and appreciated. Means a lot.

Andrew: you’ve been like a big brother to me these past few years. We go “way back” hehe but this term in itself was so much fun… especially being able to worship with you… thanks for showing me the ropes with that eh?... and for your last words of wisdom. Will hold them in my heart.
Dave: my buddy dave!... we’ve known eachother for a few years.. but never truly talked until this term. Thanks for listening to me freak out especially in the beginning about my insecurities. Thanks for your brotherly advice and for driving us around in your sexy blue car… LIZ PHAIR! P.s. don’t be influenced by Alison, you are a NICE GUY.
Deb: deb… thanks for your friendship these past few years =) thanks for always taking the time to make sure I was doing okay this term and for inviting me out to women’s cell even though I came so few times (never thought it would be so busy)… it’s always fun to hang out and chat =)
Eric (frosh not frosh eric): ericcheng! Thanks for your caring and considerateness… your cheerful smile always rubs off on everyone hehe… it’s nice hanging out with you more since you are a frosh now… sort of haha thanks for driving me around and having us over at westcourt for dinners and stuff =)
Jenny and John: Thanks for leading frosh cell… it was the group that began the foundation for a bunch of the friendships I treasure so much. you guys are God-sent =)
JT: You took the time to spend with a lot of us this term.. just to chill with us and get to know us… you studied with us and you jabbed me with a pen so I would get up and study (maybe) and not fail my exams hahaha… you’re a real pal =) except when you helped mike almost kill me during the snowball fight ;) hehe
Mike: Michael!! You finally added me to your msn list!!!! I win! =D Haha thanks for always doing nice things for people… for having us over for dinner at westcourt all those times. Way to throw me on the ground and kick snow at my faceeeeeee haha you are so mean. but in the end, you’re a cutie patootie anyways! Whee… keep that cheerful disposition, it’s contagious.
[to both you and JT: I’ll EAT my CRUST okayyYYYY?? Hahaha, if you throw bread at me at winter retreat I will CRY. =P]
Ray: It was cool being able to chill with you again this term in econ… thanks for helping me out and landing me that 87 on the first midterm… God knows I needed that mark considering how badly I did on the second one eeeEEEE.. sorry man, but you will never convert me into a fitness freak like you hahaha props for trying though! =D

peoplewhoSTAYEDclose
One of my biggest fears going into university was that I would lose touch with everyone from my “past”. I guess I’m really blessed to have a lot of people who kept in touch. But I just wanted to say a few thankyou’s to people who stayed close. Dora is included but she was already mentioned before.

Gladys: I never have reason to doubt but I do. I won’t even apologize because I feel like I might do it again. *sigh* … but thanks for being there. You’re like family to me. I may not always see you but I know you’re always there whenever I really need something.
Ina: We didn’t even talk much this term… it’s been so busy. But I just wanted you to know that it meant a lot to me that you’d message me all the time to make sure I was doing okay and to see if I ever needed anything. Thanks.
Janey: Thanks for the calls… the emails… the calling me to hang out or eat when you came up to loo. It means a lot to know that someone remembers I’m alive and actually takes an effort to stay close. Thanks for being there.
Shabba: You will always be my big sister. Since I was nine years old you’ve stuck around for me… thanks for the advice… you were a constant this term. Something I really needed. Things seem unstable a lot, but you were always there. Thanks.
Tiff: my girl and aunt tiff hahaha… we had some fun times this term even though we were two hours apart =) … your visits, wayne and jess’s wedding… hey… these all seem so THEMED =P I’ll leave that up to your interpretation haha you always make me laugh babe. Glad we could stay tight.
Viv: I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you that much this term… I could have definitely called more …hung out more. Guess it’s just so easy to get caught up. But you continually took the effort and that means so much to me. Good to see you around at timmy’s and chill once in while … sorry that it leads to you doing “rebellious” things hahaha it’s okay. You can live on the edge a little ;)

Okay it’s finally over. I have nothing to say except after writing this… I realize that the term was kind of themed—it seems that prayer was huge. It IS huge. The power of prayer is huge. And God’s blessings for me this term were HUGE. ThankYOU =)
p.s. if i forgot to thank anyone, i'm really sorry. REALLY. i'm sure you're important in my heart even if your name wasnt' on the tip of my tongue.

the editor apologizes for the delay in the promised post ...

never thought i would have so much to say about this term.. about the amazing people that i've met/grown with...

that's right. i said you're amazing okay? ... OKAY???? cut me a break guys ;) hahaha... the post will be up in time for CHRISTMAS :D

on the agenda today:
- much much muCHHHHh last minute christmas shopping
- KWCAC christmas dinner -- prayluder reunion :D <3 i'mreally looking forward to that.
- finish up that post :D

miss everyone so much. merry christmas eve!

already there have been too many goodbyes said...
gotta wait one more day til i can scream as loud as they can.

see you soon (?) ... you will be missed.

tomorrow... a big huge huge huge huge HUGE blog post coming. seriously.

life is a gift

what is there to take from tragedy?
"And time waits for no man... seasons come and go.. in the midst of an ever changing world, this one thing i know...
you've got to LIVE every moment as though it was your last
before the thief of always steals tomorrow from your grasp
before the chance to know His love, has somehow passed you by... let your heart reach out, right here right now, for the LOrd to touch your life" jaci velasquez

--- my deepest sympathies and heartache.

cookies
i tried to "bake" cookies today... (the precut pillsbury kind of course) ... i didn't know that i had to preheat the oven. and in the end so many of them were charred black. and a few undercooked. i have problems. :P

jacqueline leung
i saw jackie today and it made my day. :) you are special and very existant in my blog hahaahaha ^_^

"pk"
i experienced true "pk"ing today... PK is a new term i learned from alison this term. i won't type what it stands for here because i am not sure who reads this anymore sometimes.... i'll say it's chinese and i'll leave it to your imaginations. anyways pretty much it means like wiping out or falling on your face. well thanks once again to alison i got to physically try out the newfound term :P hahaha slipped and slid down a little hill on ice ... my backpack like flipped over my HEAD and a boy was there that i don't know very well. HOW EMBARRESSING. i am sure he was thinking "what a dork" ahh well. i'm a klutz what can i say? not that it helps when your friends ask whether they can PUSH you though :P haha..

sleepover
me, jo, maril, emzhei, JT, herman, and chris are camping out on the third floor of slc for the night. it's now four and JT, herman, marilyn, and emzhei are all sleeping :P sleep is for the weak lol i wonder who of me jo and chris will last the longest haha You know exams need to end WHEN.... oh.. and guess what? joanna doesn't even have an exam tomorrow... you know you're a nerd WHEN...
*jo says: i just didn't wanna be ALOOOONE at rez tonight.... and this is where eveyrone is :P*
you know you have no friends WHENNNN hahhhahahahaha... jk

okay back to chinese. can't wait to see the sunrise from up here.

i miss when we had time to play like this...
(by jess's request ;) )

jo, jess, alison, justin, oops i forget his name, and i on "cube" night lol


my roommate is a nervous wreck
hahahhaaha... first of all, she has been crying SO easily this week ... just now i was playing the song "I Give You My Heart" and she turns around on her bed and goes "this song is REALLY MOVING" and her voice was like shaking. she cries everytime we have sharing/prayer time. tonight we were talkinga bout how the boys are all leaving next term and then i was like "you know what's weird? we won't see alison for a whole year next year" and kat goes "... she'll visit... SHE'LL VISIT!!!!!" i swear she was gonna cry. BAH she makes ME want to cry. lol last night she flushed her cellphone down the toilet. and she cried and laughed at the same time... hahahhahahahaha

prayer
it's so good to lift eachother up in prayer even during this crazy time.
how blessed am i? so very.

some visuals (i have no idea why some of the pictures came out bigger tahn others)
pretty much living at the slc this past week

sometimes when we get bored of doing this:
(1. marilyn and chris hard at work 2.bee studying and keeping warm at the same time 3. jo and herman sleeping on the job lol)





we get .... "creative":





AHhhhh... back to studying... will post more pics after exams are done.

congrats to my best kat on your baptism!!! :)

aaaahHAHHHh.. i'm such a spaz. i think i'm manic depressive aka bipolar. seriously. i can get so easily saddened. it's liek WHEEE!!!! cry... WHEEE!!!! ... uh yeha. ok .
speaking of bipolar-- my psych final went really well i think! i finished in 45 min because i knew almost all the answers and yeah.

it's snowing!!!!!! so pretty outside and the snow is stay on the ground packing snow!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........ me and bee made an itty bitty snowman and then we made another one but it fell to it's death. : (

okay i should study econ now *cry*...

it's really funny because i basically have no concept of time anymore..
i eat breakfast between 2 and 4:30 am every day
i live at the slc and fresh air is breathed only by walking between home and slc
i have like 5 cups of tea every day...surprisingly no coffee!
i haven't talked to dev and aneta (two of my best friends on my floor)for over a week.
when i met up with bernice for breakfast at 4:30, some random girl sneezed on my eggs. it was so gross. haha
I'M gross. today i forgot whether i showered yesterday or not... i did. but i forgot. how gross is that?
i'm getting a "wakeup call" from alison in two and a half hours.
but i'm still studying more... possibly until 6:30 or 7.

one hour of sleep seems adequate to me. ok. back to studying.

and every time i try to fly i fall... i feel so small.

mini-rant

i'm not saying that i want, as clara put it at prayer meeting tonite, "Fairweather Friends"... but there are times, like now, where what i want the most is for someone to just sit there and tell me they care about me and that everything will be a-ok. i find myself really frustrated.
like, i can be sitting there crying and i won't get a hug or a "dont' worry... it's okay" ... i get "you shouldn't feel like this, you're doing this wrong, you think wrong in this way " stuff to that kind of effect. or i'll be stressed out over something and instead of getting a "dont' worry, everytihng will work out" i get a "you should have done it this way, if you had done this-- this situation wouldn't have happened" or a "hwy are you thinking about this, it's not important"

it's seems like people lately just love to tell me what i need to improve upon.

CLARIFICATION: i DO appreciate people's constructive criticism, helpful hints, and caring advice...

but when that's all you ever hear... it gets to be... too much? maybe i want to hear some words of encouragement or SOMEthing, because to be honest i feel like no one loves me for me anymore!!
maybe i'm jsut a baby. i need to be stronger. i need to grow up.

right now-- seriously, all i need is a hug.

once upon a time there was a jug. so this jug figured out that people don't like jugs. jugs spill things everywhere. jugs pour drinks for people that don't want them. jugs try to pour without thinking about it and then end up splashing and stuff. everyone can just peer into the jug and see exactly what's inside... well that's what they thought because they could see a certain colour and consistency. so eventually the jug got sick and tired of disappointing people and being a problem. so it became a bottle.

so the bottle sits. it's a tinted, ribbed bottle... so you cant' see what's inside clearly. it has a cap so nothing spills. it's sure of itself. and it's always "half full". always.

people seemed to like the bottle. so the jug decided never to change back.

the end.

i'm writing a paper on second generation immigrants...
i never hated research so much ever in my entire life. in highschool i could do a paper the night before and get 90% on it.
what's wrong with me now? ...

<3 jackie got a bunch of us girls long stemmed roses.. SO NICE :D ... thanks babe, you made my week. <3

on that note... imma gonna get back on the paper *grumble* ... can't believe tomorrow is december... WHERE DID THE TIME GO!??!?!

proactive

michelle nurin's roommate gave me her proactive today!! apparently she doens't use it anymore so she gave it to me and it's pretty much brand new so yeah! the stuff costs like $60 right?a nd i've wanted to get it for so long but now i get to try it out for free! woot

accountability

before university people kept telling me to think about and figure out where i stood in terms of alchohol and stuff like that before i got to university. i guessi never really took the time to do that..i should have... i guess not really thinking about it left me feeling pretty stupid. because of certain events, the issue of alchohol consumption was brought into the light this past week, and it was interesting to discover the contrasting views about it even within the small group of ccf girls i spend the most time with. kat, jo, marilyn, emzhei, alison, jacqueline, laura, and i got together tonight and just talked about our views and just shared with eachother... i was a bit afraid beforehand... i guess scared that there would be all this tension and that we would be judging eachother or whatever. but it proved to be a pretty beneficial evening and it showed that we all care for eachother and are willing to listen and hold eachother accountable for the boundaries we set for ourselves. i guess it was good for me to think about my own boundaries too some more. sometimes you dont' think about things in a certain angle until it's brought to light. but yeah.. i dunno it also meant alot that emzhei and marilyn came even though emzhei wasnt' there that night and marilyn wasn't that comfortable. they knew my fears and that i wasn't sure how much i trusted ppl and etc... and they came to support me. which means the world. God has really blessed me with incredible friends -- both to hold me accountable, and to give me loving support. all these girls have in some way shown these things to me and for that i am truly thankful.

linkiessss

i added new links :) checckiiit

sometimes i want to know...

What do I mean to you?

is it so wrong to ask... or wonder...

"For you formed my inmost parts; You covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise you, for I am FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE; *marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalm 139:13-14

and when i fall down on my knees and pray... my heart is captured when i hear you say... come with Me my child to a secret place... I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.

late night / early morning

Kat's alarm clock went off for the fiftieth time this morning and she calls over sleepily at me:

Kat: for some WEIRD reason.... my alarm clock says it's 10:45...
Me: really??? that IS weird... [check my alarm clock] oh weird... so does mine!

our late night psych study group... i look like a retard but hey it was really late and we were really tired... :

football :)  

november at rev in waterloo

november 6th


november 8th


i love the first snow. like sifting icing sugar. :)

my turn to think about priorities...

i once heard someone say that when you make God your top priority that everything else will just fall where it's supposed to. Sometimes, you worrya bout all this stuff... and like sometimes i tell myself i don't have time for God because of school and because of friends... i guess i haven't been thinking about how God is lord over *everything* including time. and if i honor him by giving him my time how much more abundantly will he bless me in terms of things like school and friends and etc tahn if i just try to take things into my own hands?

and besides... i've been feeling so frustrated and empty without that time spent.

and yet i can't seem to find that motivation. that *feeling*.

why is there always something in the way?

maybe by emotion, i have, in these past months, given up late night phone calls, attachments, and advice givers... but i will not let emotion make me give up my relationship with God. gotta kick my priorities back into gear.

prayer requested.

super super weekend!!
movies, dora came up, toronto, cartilage piercing, horror movies, shopping and crazy laughs

in such a good mood but yeah. after tuesday-- (colour + banner + song)change :) plus a bazillion pictures :)

update

been jsut so busy with midterm stuff ... but i'm doing okay now... wellafter monday... i had my last of the first set ... and then i only have two in my second set so it's all good :) i'm pretty happy... i've gotten my econ and afm back... econ i got 89% and my afm i studied one hour for (i had my psych midterm on the same day and was going insane) and i got 65%! :D i know it doesn't sound that great but that's really great umm yeah

this weekend is going to be absolutely awesome!!... starting tomorrow....
tmrw nite-- kat, jo, chris, dev, marilyn, emzhei, quyen, and i are going to galaxy for a movie (either grudge or shark tale)
fri-- DORA COMES HOME!, commencement, kreazeless chill time.
sat-- head out to toronto, meet up with emzhei CARTILAGE PIERCING (finally), shoppingg, dev's halloween party + slumber party!!
sun-- me and dev hitting up walmart--woooot, meeting up with kat and maril @ the beach!

i can NOT wait. :)

it's been a rocky few weeks. i totally deserve this weekend. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

weekend
this weekened i was sort of missing last weekend alot cuz last weekend we had a pizza party and were all psycho and fun ...
this weekend everyone was pretty mellowed out and we didn't really do anything til tonight we went over to my house.. like house house and watched 13 going on 30 again wheeeee :) i love that movie

digital arts communication specialization? hmmmm...

buckley's
finally took some buckey's today... ugh. it DOES taste awful... actually not even so much the taste as ... the smell.. and the fact that it BURNS your lips and your throat and now my chest is getting all burnyyyy :P ... let's hope it WORKS. i've been sick since thanksgiving >_<

study break

a shaky week, but things are relatively back to normal.. i can't wait until today is over. i hate exams. i dunno how well my psych went. practically all the multiple choice questions i got were NOT in the review package. he said he was taking the questions from the review like wth... ugh. pisses me off that i stayed up til 5:30 am studying the stuff that i dnd't even need to know. and the stuff i decided not to really spend time on is on my exam. ironic, the affects of sleep and the REM cycle took up 4 questions out of 36 on my multiple choice. >.< guess who didnt' read that, or get any sleep?? >:(

i've been considering a double major-- sds plus economics... hmmm...
i'm finding myself actually really enjoying the business part of my program.. ok aside from accounting :| but it's not *that* bad i guess... i dunno about a career in business, hence the dbl major, but yeah. i dunno. just something to think about.

first time i've studied at dp since june... but i'm on the main floor becuase i'm still coughing and it's way to quiet upstairs. i've mainly been studying at either slc or in dev and aneta's room... slc is crazy packed these days though i guess because of midterms+24hr tim hortons. it's so great. my new addiction is the MOCHA thanks to emzhei.. i had two extra large mochas last nite and i have at least one every single day.. >_< so bad.

anywyas that's my 10 minutes. back to accounting and financial management. joy.

panic

welps... looks like i'm gonna be pulling my very first all niter of university tonight >_< ... pray for me... i think i'll be okay but at the same time.. very not. :P

i dunno why but like the more stressed i am the more i wanna not do work.. like i wanna take webcam pictures but according to dev i'm "not allowed" so i'm gonna go back to studying now *scream*

omg tmrw i'm gonna have a party :P

happy thanksgiving :)
i have so much to be thankful for.
mostly i jsut look at all these blessings i have and i'm thankful to be alive.

p-mall
went to pmall on sat after wayne and jess's ceremony with kat, jo, mo, and alison...i got my second hole pierced and we took a fobby card pic hehehe



congrats wayne and jess!
went up to toronto on sat. for wayne and jess's wedding!!!! *so* beautifullll *swooon* i cried so much during the ceremony :P and the reception was really fun ... lol so many laughs... and so much wine haha
picspicspics:

heeeeee! all married ;)


the girls + pt


hahaha.. this is the table for the wedding party lol.. we wanted to sit in the chairs but we felt bad so we just stood behind it :P


the *real* cake cutting (as opposed to the fake one haha)


the first dance-- i almost cried *again*




bah photobucket is messed up .. the photos that are too big they resize to make them PUNY. grr. and i have 8:30 class tomorrow so everyone will jsut have to live with the crap pictures.

good to be home

so i'm home for the first time in a month ... pretty crazy :P but it's good to be back... i guess the nice thing about not being here for so long is that you learn to appreciate some of the things...

for example, showering. like ok. normally every day when i take a shower at rev it's jsut not that enjoyable... cuz i have to wear flipflops cuz i worry about the dirtiness and whether or not ppl pee in the shower (yes, there are people on my floor whose hygene i question :P) and i hve to try and balance my towel and clothes on a slippery crap hook which, 3/4 times leaves my clothes in a pile on the floor. the showering stall is dark and dingy. and SMALL. so small that when i towel off i actually have to be really careful because i dont' want my towel touching the wall or the shower curtain (gross). furthermore, i can't sing. normally at home, i belt out God knows what in the shower all the time, the acoustics are great. at rev only emzhei sings in the shower, but she's so good and i dont' ahve that much confidence in my voice, especially early in the morning.

needless to say i just had the sexiest shower ever. left all my clothes in a pile on the ground splashed my barefeet around on the clean tub, turned the water up to the max temperature and stayed in there for a good 15 minutes. which is a lot shorter than the showers i used to take, but good nonetheless.

ahhhh... now for my soft squishy bed... -_- :)

YAYYYYY the song works!!!! dev got me hooked on this song and i listen to it around 20 times every single day so i just thought i'd share :P stacie orrico : i promise
haha so niceeee!

so i wrote my first university exam this week -- econ101... i think it went alright.. although i guess there is really no telling with larry smith... in certain questions, allthe answers (or several) were correct, and it was just a matter of puicking the "best" answer. i hate multiple choice questions like that... but the exam went alright none the less. (knock on wood)

annnnd ... after 2:30 today--- i start my 4.5 day weekend! *wooot* :) haha going home for the first time since school started ... but i'm gonna miss all my rev girlies :*(. ok naptime, later.

i can't wait til this week is over.

ok so there's jsut a dark cloud hanging over my head. i'm not at my top happiness or as aneta said today "you look more depressed than usual" :P... i was looking forward to friday cuzi was gonna get my cartilage pierced at p-mall but i can't do that anymore so my wk is shot. ok not really. but it does put a damper in it. i was gonna go to bed but i jsut felt like i was gonna pop so i had to come here and write stuff. ... *sigh* i dont' really feel like going into all the stuff that i feel and what triggered these feelings but jacqueline said something today that made me go "EXACTLY!"=-- nothing profound, just what i feel like i need. she said "sometimes all you need is to know people are there for you and care for you" (not in those exact words)but yeah...maybe i'm feeling a bit abandoned. and i know that it's stupid and selfish. but i feel that i have a right to mope as long as i'm not demanding anything from anyone, and i'm not.

anyways... happy thoughts happy thoughts... hmm well took a bit of a break from studying today to go to frosh cell --- went to k-zone! woot! was superly duperly fun and was most certainly a day brightner :)
... pictures...

this is the tree in my banner, it's on the path on the way to slc at the top of "the hill" so i walk past this tree several times a day and i just think it's gorgeous. i wanna take pictures of it in all the seasons... becuase... becuase i'm a nerd! lol:




this is on the path from renison back to REV ... me and emzhei were walking back and i made her stop like fifty times so i could take pics :P :




who says studying isn't fun? lol lol ... JT, marilyn, jo, and freako kat in "the room" at slc... hahah we were *so* productive ¬_¬ lol:


anyways going to bed now.. gotta get up early to study.

changes

it's been three weeks.

how many things have changed in me since i got here i'm not quite sure... of course, as usual i'm hoping that while there are aspects of me i would like to improve, that my overall character doesnt' alter too much.

i find though, that every day things tht were so important to me getting less important and being replaced by different things. i find myself wanting less and less to know what others think about every decision i make. i'm picking up the phone less. and i'm venturing downt he hall more. i'm wanting freedom, but i'm also wanting accountability from my peers. but somewhere here within these three weeks where i keep thinking about this new start thinking about what's important to me... thinking about making my own decisions, being my own boss. i feel so stupid. i got so scared yesterday ...God is so HERE. like i'm reminded of Him all the time because i have so many christian friends, i have cell groups, ccf, church, etc etc... but i havne't really spent time with God. and i haven't given any of these things up to him. at ccf biblestudy on friday nite... what hit me the hardest was the verse where moses is questioning his own competancy:

"11 But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
12 And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you [1] will worship God on this mountain." "

this reminds me of the beginning of university when i was scared out of my pants that i couldnt' do anything. and now i'm not scared anymore. but everything is jsut *me* figuring out what's right for *me*.. i'm trying to "do" all these things but i get frustrated because even though i'm doing stuff i'm messing up stuff, i'm fighting with people, i'm doing alot of things that are a horrible witness ... why? because when moses asks God who he is to do anything... God doesnt' even *mention* moses' name in return. becuase everything is what He does through us. i've strayed far. i've been "doing" too much and trusting too little. i dunno. i dont' even know why i'm sharing this becuase it doesn't make any sense. but i just wanna get back. there's this starfield song jacqueline sent me that made me cry yesterday. everyone should listen to this song :

Can I Stay Here Forever

Through forgotten convictions
Misplaced affections
I'm losing the sound of Your voice
I've been chasing after emptiness
Trying to tidy up this mess
I swear I've been down this road before
I want to get back to where it all began
When I would long for only You

Like a child I'll take You at Your word
As these mountains of doubt, they fade away
I'm longing to trust and love You more
So for me this is beautiful
A brand new thought, and a brand new world
Can I stay here forever here with You?

I've lost sight of what first drew me
To the love that pursued me
The joy that inspired my song
The friendship that was all I knew
The arms that I would fall into
Seem miles and years from where I am today
I got to get back to where it all began
When I would wait for only You

Can I stay here forever
Here with you?
Surrounded by Your mercy
Clothed in Your truth
Always, I'll stay
Always here with You

Can I be here forever
Here with You?
Can I know what it's like
To deeply love You?
Always, Lord, let me stay
Always, here with You

things i didn't expect:

-my feet to be all blistered from walking so much
-that i could miss ppl so much even though you've only known them for 3 weeks and they are only gone for two days.

a mess of things

i feel likei havne't updated in a long time...i knowithasn't been long but everything i've been writing about is like "i did this...and then i did this"...

i don't know why but i thought i'd just automatically start growing up once i got into university .. of course, this isn'tthe case at all. i can't believe summer has been over for two weeks. i haven't done everythigni wanted to do... two books still stand unread, grad pictures still unwritten... and suddenly school's started.all i've really talked about is how fun everything is, and it has been! but i just wanna take some time to share my inner struggles.

accountability
i guess i wasn't prepared for accountability... even though i'vebeen praying for it for a while. there are a lot of temptations here. more so than in highschool... and i keep trying to figure out for myself what is right or wrong or inbetween... what is overstepping the boundaries for me? last year and years past all i'd do is call someone up and be like "is this ok? or is this not ok?" but i just feel like i need to just make my own decisions about certain things. i mean, some things are just a matter of opinion, and it's time i formed my own. but then what happens is there are things that i really misjudge becuase of the heat of the moment, surrounding influence, curiousity... etc.. And God placed someone there to hold me accountable to my actions. i thought that was what i wanted, but at the time i was frustrated. i wasnt' preparedfor someone to straight up tell me how stupid i was being, but now it's like wow. i am blessedwith such a good friend. unfortuneately, i went and made a different mistake instead...

ok i'm stopping here. trying to be vague is just like writing nothing. what i really just wanted to say is that praise God there are ppl here keepign me frommyself. and to my friend-- thanks.

eighteen

a big hug and thanks to everyone who remembered my "day" and took the time to send me an email or msn msg, or call me to say happy bday, or celebrated with me :) thanks for all the cards and gifts and well wishes ... being remembered and spending time with friends is what i wanted the most :)

special thanks to: gy who came all the way up from tdot to see me on mon nite and my floor girls for the cupcakes and the card and all the scrapbook stuff and everything love you girls and deb for seoul soul lunchie and floor girls, jacqueline, alison and jon for bbt :) (ok basically all the ppl i actually spent time with :P)

anywyas i have more to say but i'm so tired... i love you all :)

so first day of classes today... 9:30... so dev, aneta, and i walked down to slc to get timmy's and hten they headed over to mc and i went in the other direction to renison which i wasn't exactly sure where it was so i was sort of panicking :P thank God, i bumped into elsie who just so happened to be in my class so i got there okay :) Lifespan Processes: Normal Events... actually, i think i'm becoming a nerd on the first day becuase i am psyched to read this stuff and psyched to write my paper... it sounds really interesting and ok i'll stop there becuase my old slacker self is disolving off me... gawd please don't let me become a keener! lol just kidding :) i'm just really happy to be able to learn what i like learning about. its' really great :) ok i know it's jsut my very first class. but STILL!

i really need to stock up more on snack food... i was jsut down the hall at whitney's and she has those really good japanese crunchy msg party mix things hahah plus last nite dennis had those fizzy party inyour mouth candies.. gotta get me some of those... frosh 15 is looming.

a few more pics for your viewing pleasure :P dev developed a bunch for me over the wknd!! thanks dev! yay scrapbook!
1. jacqueline, me, kat, alison, and jo at bubble tease
2. rez frosh bbq ... mmmm burgers ;P
3. marilyn speeding up the treadmill on dev lol i love this pic

was gonna post pics but i just got home and my eyes are like drooping so i think i'll do it tomorrow.... this wk's been a blast... still not quite over yet!
everyone went home for the wknd :( :( :( haha at least marilyn's coming back tmrw.. i'm shortening every word.. i think it's text msging that's making me do this. :P

anyhow, adios amigos, bonne nuit.

rez life 101

soo... have the past two days been totally great? ... absolutely. :)
my internet's been messed or slooooooowwwwwww... bah. rez net is having some problems. we all keep getting kicked off msn and our explorer is like.. snail's pace. but i finally got on blogger so i can update everyone on the status on how university (or at least living) is going.

moved into REV yesterday(sunday)... there was a PARADE of ppl in here.. so random... but cool, lots of ppl to help haha.. my sister like put away all my clothes and stuff yayyyy :D here's (1) me and kat before we finished unpacking, you can see my FLOWER laundry hamper! :D (2) my family standing in our room

1)



2)



ok so i heard horror stories about REV but man, i'm loving it here. i guess the thing is i'm on an all girls' floor so parties would be right diagonal (coed floor)... so it's nice becuase no one's too loud here so you can *choose* whether to party or not. not that there have been too many parties. i mean this is the first *real* day where everyone's actually moved in. so i'm in south a and it's just been really cool ... our don meaghan is uber nice and the ppl on our floor are uber nice :) everyone is really cool but we've formed a little tighter knit group already which is really cool ... basically with me, kat, and jo, emzhei, dev, and anetta (who all went to the same hs in tdot), and marilyn... it's super cuz they're all really fun and stuff :)

oh the a/c stuff is ok too cuz kat and i have TWO fans in our room :) sooo nice. tahnks mom and jiffy!

faculty frosh stuff and opening ceremonies was tonight ... so funny, the theme is "ciVILLAGEization" so like every section is a civilization and South is vikings... so we were painting like viking stuff our ourselves or whatever and i painted beards on me and kat lol ... the stuff was ok tonight... but it got a little long... but the cheering is fun :) kinda like TC only way way bigger :) check out some pics of (1) me and kat and our beards! YAAAAHH SOUTH! haha, and (2)me, kat, dev, jo, and marilyn about to get drinks

1)



2)



anyways that's my update! gonna crash now, gotta get up at like 7 -_-

all my bags are (almost) packed, i'm ready to goo...

well this is it i guess... pretty insane how fast time goes by.
i figured out tonight that i have way too many clothes :P

so many butterflies in my stomach... but no matter, the show must go on.
going to pick up my key at 8:30 tomorrow

....... oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness...

too many goodbyes

tonight we had our praylude grad dinner thingy at mikey's... just a time to spend time together and thank people before we "head off" to our respective universities and new chapter in our lives... the great thing was just being able to get a chance to talk and say thankyou and just to hear everyone recount the way we saw God's love in eachother and for others to embark their wisdom upon us, perhaps one last time. I'm just filled with this huge overwhelming desire to jump up and praise God for this amazing fellowship and church i've had during highschool, this wellspring of support and love, the funness and closeness of our fellowship is... jsut really abundant.

of course it was an emotional time... our sharing sent most of the girls and some of the guys into tears, words touched me. and of course goodbyes are never easy. dora had to leave earlier to drive back into toronto... and i dunno what happened i think i was like demon-possessed for a bit there the amount i was crying.... i guess i've just never had to say goodbye to my best friend before not knowing when we'll see eachother next. ... life without the full unit of kreazeless this year is just unimaginable (and i mean that in a bad way)... anyways the pictures of me are pretty nasty considering i was totally bawling all night but i posted up a few group shots:

most of praylude (i look 300lbs in this one):




grads with PT and Chris (you can see my swollen eyes looovely):




grad girlies (aka: girl's cell bunch):




kreazeless for LIFE. and longer.:



i just wanna thank everyone again... great times, great everything. best of luck to everyone and stay close. <3

happy birthdays go out to:

-my future (in five days) roommie and bestest kat eeek i'm the last one to turn eighteen now!!! booo ... ok so i'm always last but still! come home from florida safe babe

-ina, the CFO of the drama queen club! lol ok so i'm out of the loop in terms of 'clubness' and i had to go look up on google what exactly a CFO *was* but anyways happy bday :P :)

tomorrow is wonderland... but i'm not excited. boo. i feel really sluggish. and i hate that my summer's ending. i mean, sure it'll be a good time hanging out before school starts.. esp with some of the ppl who are going out of town [heartbreak] but i dont' know what's wrong with me.
okay i'm getting a little depressed right now. basically a lot of it is stemming from my nonexistant pathetic lovelife too .. i mean i can't help it. i just found out from dora that her and kat had this whole romantic time on the cruise and kissed by some gorgeous boys and from joanna that guys are offering to help her move and here i am sitting here ALONE.

and yay i just found out that dora made the whole thing up hahhahaa how completely dora.

and now i'm just sad that kreazeless is splitting in the fall. BOOOOO

taught sunday school today and jo and i showed veggie tales esther as a part of the lesson haha i think it's mostly becuase we wanted to watch it:P .. but actually one of the songs in it served as a good reminder for the coming week. .. term... year... it's the one esther says sings when she's afraid to go see the king and when she jsut doesn't want to be where she is, it's called "The battle is not ours":

Mordecai: You wanted to know why you became queen. I told you God must have a reason.Perhaps he put you here, for such a time as this.perhaps This is the reason.

Esther: Tell me why, I don't understand. Tell me why, or show me your hand. Tell me why because I can't see my way through ~What now...should I...do ~(music plays ) (drums play)

The battle is not ours
We look to God above
For he will guide us safely through
and guard us with his love
I will not be afraid
I will not run and hide
For there is noting I can't face
when God is at my side
No, there is nothing I can't face
when God is at my side

i thought it was cute.. :)

well... there are officially nine days left until i pick up and move into REV...i've been asked by a few people why i'm moving out when i live in waterloo anyways. i have a few reasons for this:

1. i'll meet more people.
2. i want to be more independant. my parents moved to england on their own when they were my age, and i'm fairly sure they want me to have at least a bit of that experience even though mine is on a *much* smaller scale.

other comments/questions i'd like to address:
1. no, i am not going to go home to do laundry
2. no, i am not going to go home for dinner every night
3. no, i'm not moving home even if i want to kill kat :P

with that out of the way haha... i've been trying to think a bit about what i need to do/get before i move in... i updated my wishlist to more university/residence friendly items... i'm trying to get pictures of friends blown up for my wall... goshhhhh... i'm so nervous. i am SO NERVOUS.

*sigh* this was such a pointless post. >.< trust trust trust!!!!!!

at frosh connexions on saturday, it started off with a bit of worship... actually i think it was a lot of worship but we were jsut late getting there. i didn't really know any of the songs but there was one song (which i can't find for the life of me), i dont' remember the title, all i remember is that it was really simple and one part just went
"i'll do my best, i'll do my best whoa, i'll do my best for You" overand over and over..
it kind of scared me becuase i tried to sing it but i couldn't. i could only stand there and sort of mouth the words. i guess becuase i just felt like a hypocryte.

this is not my best.

somewhere within me there is more. ... isn't there?

Ment--err no.

let me reitterate my sensitivity toward the word 'mentor'. i dont' care how long ago whoever said whatever, it still bugs me, and i never said i needed or wanted one. it really burns when you think someone is like this great friend and like you pour out your heart to them and turns out, they just think of you as some "mentoree" or something.. like gawd... i didn't sign up for that camp. sometimes i think i shoudl just stick to having friends my age or younger. of course then i'm reminded of older ppl who i've actually built true friendships with and have to retract that statement. but almost nothing stings more than actions or words that jsut speak to me once again: "i'm not your friend, i'm your mentor."

chinese soup bracelet

tiff and i went to the bead store yesterday and i couldn't think of what to make haha so i started looking at the beads and so many of them were like things that look like they shoudl go in chinese soup :P so i made a chinese soup bracelet :P... yes. i know i'm weird. haha.. ebri says it looks like it owuld dig into my wrist but it doesn't :) beads starting from the big circle thing with a hole in it and clockwise are as follows: round coinish thing with chinese characters (to make it chineseyish), 'lotus' bead, frog!, 'red bean', weird white thing, mushroom, weird orange thing, boh-boh stuff that goes in chinese soup :P, 'green bean', pig, 'dung gua', 'snake', weird white thing number two, and 'dried up prune/plum thing'... hahhahahaa ... aw man. the bead store is so *the* place to be. :P


going back to toronto tomorrow ... but only for a few hours for frosh connexions ... should be cool to meet other loo frosh :) ... gonna head to bed.

my version of shabba's "Diss of the Week"...
the Diss of the Summer

While in hong kong i attended a church that my family used to attend when i was a baby and when we went back for vacations... of course, i hadn't been back in nine years and my family had been going to church with my grandma... but for the sake of english worship, i decided to go back to my old church. The guy who was the chairman that day is a family friend of ours so he made especially sure that he talked about my dad and i.

"Joseph [my dad] has not been back from Canada for nine years. it's great to see him as he was a former member of this church."

then i thought he was gonna skip me, but i was so very very wrong.

"Jasmine is his daughter and well, we can really see big changes in magnitude and size."

cough 'nuff said. :P

was in toronto for the past few days... twas good-- very relaxing which was exactly what i wanted and needed.

spent saturday with dora, we went to her family friends' bbq which was good but i was so jetlagged and we didnt' really have mcuh to do so we both like fell asleep on their couch while watching diving/swimming :P anyways we went back to her place and were being our old crazy selves haha we wrote a "poem" lol about how there's all these girls in toronto who wear clubbing clothes all the time :P .. maybe we're hicks but it's still retarded, we also watched Van Wilder which was hilarious... twas good to just chillax... -- here is our composition hahaha:

Clubbing Girls In Toronto

Clubbing girls in Toronto
Always wear clubbing clothes.
On days when they're not clubbing,
They still wear clubbing clothes.

Clubbing girls in Toronto
Talk like brats wannabe fobs
Even though they were born in Canada
They still talk like brats wannabe fobs.

Clubbing girls in Toronto
Wear really high-heeled shoes.
When they go for long walks
They still wear high-heeled shoes.

Clubbing girls in Toronto
Wear fifty layers of make-up.
When it's time for them to sleep
They still wear fifty layers of make-up.

Clubbing girls in Toronto.
Clubbing girls in Toronto.

sunday i went to mcbc with patty and jeff whcih was nice to worship in english and stuff which i didn't get a lot of in hk :P afterwards we went to patty and gladys' softball game which was really cool cuz i've never watched softball before :P i was jsut like spinning my head around trying to figure out where the ball was half the time :P we saw a clubbing girl there and i was like OMG and jeff was like "shhHH!!" hahhaa after the game we went to ten ren's for bbt and then i went back to gladys' place and had some quality ME time. it was so nice seriously cuz i havne't acutally been ALONE for a month and just to sit there even, doing anything. like i washed dishes and i was so happy cuz i could jsut stand there in an empty house and talk to myself. haha it's hard to explain my glee at spending time with me. anyways gladys came back and we chatted and watched ally mcbeal which is really good and sad and funny! and then i had the best sleep i've had in over three weeks-- no need to freak out about not getting up in time, no frigid airconditioning, no hard ground... oh the sweetness of it.

today i decided to spend with me too hahaha it was so beautiful. i went to indigo and read for 3 hours and then went outside to a hot dog stand and bought a polish sausage, bought a smoothie, and walked down the street to that fountain place thingy where i shared my lunch wiht a pigeon. it was the perfect day. the perfect temperature. and then i headed to the bus terminal and hopped on a bus and came back to waterloo.

and now... i'm bored again.

hey so i'm back in loo town... and yeah. i miss hk a lot. too much.
a part of me just wants to hide out in my house and sleep. becuase i've beenback for so little time and already things are beginning to bug me.
but on the other hand, that would be stupid becuase i guess something i've learned is that God puts you where he wants you when he wants you there. there are good sides to every place, and somethign to take away from every situation.

anyways, i'm excited about helping out with the last day of vbs, seeing all the ppl i miss <3, and i absolutely adore the air here. :)

you know what's even worse? when you have to say goodbye on the phone. or when you don't get to say it at all. and you just leave.

and when people lie to you.

and goign back to a place ... i won't even say it it's a waste of time. i hate this.

going to eat my last meal of sew lung bao and sang jeen bao. goodbye to all my family and friends here. i'll miss you and i love you all.

I HATE GOODBYES.

hung out wiht my cousin fiona basically for the whole day today... went up to her place just to look around and say hi to her cutie son and then headed down to Festival walk for the day... shopped, ate... and then jo came down and we all kinda shopped together... buying disposable underwear for kat's family BAHAHA... such a joke we were freaking out at everything in watsons lol it's not our fault canada doesn't have cool candy or water :P

after that met up with my aunt and uncle and my cousin's sona nd husband for supper.. mm shanghainese... and then shopped again... bought esprit stuff and yeah...

ok so after that i said goodbye to all of them.

ugh it's not fair. three weeks is too short.

anways i just got home from eating thai food with my aunt (that wer'e living with)... sweet... mango shake mmmm... i can't do this. i can't say anymore goodbyes. the older you get the harder it gets. sucks.

monday august 9--12:25 am

random pics: 1) moi and my fob hair :6 2) napkin queen nikita :P haha





today (sunday): the service at emmanuel was pretty good... my friend ian was playing guitar for worship and the team was pretty good... there was this girl playing bass and it made me wanna learn how to play bass :P after church we had lunch with the ling's and the fung's so it was good to chill wth janet again and stuff

we (when i say we i mean my immediate family plus my goojeh and nikita) met up with my parent's friend frances who i knew when i was like three but i left pretty early on cuz i was so tired and went home to sleep for a bit... and then after we went out to this Hak Ka restaurant to eat *sweeetnesss* with my mahmah, yee poh, sumsum, ping guo suk suk, and wingwing... it was like inside some mall in tsuen wan so me and my sumsum went shopping after and i bought like four shirts and three bags meeheeheeheee...

oh yeah i'm never coming home.

Sunday august 8 --12:48 am

had lunch with my uncle's parents and brother's family today :) and then met up with bonnie in causeway bay... was nice to see bonnie again haha she's so glam all "hk'ed up" so yeah we ran around and shopped i got a purse and some make up and some other stuff :) and we had mcdonalds icecream. i think i've been to mcd's at least 6 or 7 times since i've been in hk hahaha it's SO much better than mcd's in canada!

went to stanley for dinner with my fam and janet's family... stanley is really really nice, i suck at barganing though, although i made an attempt at this one store. anyways the stores were basically closing by the teim we got htere... we ate dinner at this nice german restaurant with pillars overlooking the.... harbour? ocean?... yeah. and it was soooper nice to eat potatoes. which i love. which ihavne't had for 2.5 weeks ! lol ... i had a yummy pina colada and me being my loser self i would like to type that i sat sipping my pina colada, wearing a wide-brimmed white hat, watching the waves lap onto the rocks and smelling the sweet sea-salt air. of course it was totally so dark and i was sitting at a round table with like 10 other people haha.. but it was still good and also the apple strudel was lovely as well :)

hk mishaps

haha so a few things i forgot to mention:

on wednesday i got a haircut... i suppose it's not exactly a mishap... i mean, i intended to get a haircut... and it's not that the person did a bad job or whatever, but that (i think) i explained wrong of what i want and ended up with a really SHORT cut. it's *OKAY* ... okay not really. i dunno i just feel like it's really weird. it's short and really REALLY layered ... kinda fobby ... i suppose it would be cute if not for the fact that i think it makes the top half of my head look bigger. not like my head isn't alreayd big enough as it is :P also, (i think) when it's brushed back in a certain way it looks somewhat like a mullet which is the worst hairstyle of all time. but if i brush it in a certain way it looks okay .. anyways it takes too much maintenance so i hope that before university starts it grows out so that the shortest part is at least to my shoulders.

thursday i banged my leg on the rotating metal thing getting into the mtr i have the HUGEST bruise. it spans about two inches length and width-wise and is purple, pink, yellow, and blue.

tomorrow i'm heading out to my old church that i used to go to -- they have an english service and i know the guy who's playing guitar for the worship so it shoudl be good... much needed after a week of incomprehendable freaky lutheran service and a week of no church at all although i confess that lack of facilities shouldn't keep me from staying 'connected' with God. ---- ehhh on that note, i'm off to read another chapter of pdl :P tdl!

august 6, 12:22 pm

i've gotten used to hong kong again... i guess each environment has it's ups and it's downs. The obvious 'up' of hong kong of course being shopping :) ... been dooing a lot of that!

my aunt's resort last week was nice :) really relaxing.. i learned some sammi cheng kareoke songs :) got to spend a lot of time with my aunt who i haven't seen in nine years .. really good. reconnecting with family is just so nice. i wish my relatives lived closer to home ... or i could just never go back to canada... which is what i'm wanting right now.

the transportation here is the best thing. waterloo's public transit is the lowest of lows. but even toronto transportation isn't that good. now when i go back i'll have to go back to walking or begging for rides. it's so sad..

wed-- met up with enoch (my "arranged" husband hahaha so jokes), jeff lam, jo, and alex... hung out at times square and ate mcd's and sushi hehe and then went to this really nice coffee/icecream place near there in causeway bay... after that, slept over at jo's haha hogged all the blankets lol

thurs-- called dor, kat, and mo in the morninnggg :) made and ate jung haha well i only made one ... and then met up with my parents adn aunta nd them for lunch at this viet place... after that we went to all these wholesale stores-- bought beads and a maJILLION other things hahaa all in bulk hahaha... went with all our stuff to my uncle's place, he lives in this like restricted area where only these busses can get in and like htey have all these facilities it's so nice! anyways we bbqed and sorted our stuff :) i love bbq... missed out on two weeks of it this summer!

meeting up with janet and edward today .. and then dinner at janet's tonight gotta gooo seeyaz!

August 2nd--10:04 pm

i spent four days (monday tues wed thurs) in a farming village on mainland china, about five hours away from Shenzhen, called MmmWah (lol my own phoenetics). I expected it to be a place with no airconditioning and no internet, a place in the middle of nowhere where i would be basically cut off from the rest of the world, a place where i would spend many hours sitting around melting. It was all these things. But it was so much more than that. It was a place where the warmness of family i had never seen radiated, where i'd sit at the breakfast table and look out at rice fields and mountains, where i made friends with kids through the sharing of sketchbook paper and muji pens (which by the way are a big deal for these people), where everyone sits outside in the night air sipping tea, watching the motorcycle lights float by, and where the rain falls through a hole in the roof into a hole in the floor and you get up from your shotglasses of tea and wooden fans and kids run outside and yell "lok suay" in Hak Ka, a dialect i can't quite master the understanding of.

i miss it.

my pictures are really crappy (shaky for some reason) but i think even the best photographer couldn't do my feelings justice. in a way, it's really hard coming back to the busyness of hk even after four days at my aunt's resort in china... it's too cold...too hectic... to unappreciative. anywyas, check out the pics. haha a few things to note: the washroom was okay cuz my aunt had a normal bathroom installed for my grandma :P, they don't drink water they just drink this really good tea ALL the time, i will never eat bak cheet gie ever again, and i was never bored. you sat, but you were always busy. i dind't even have a chance to write postcards or read pdl.

view from the front door



rice farmers



our house

hullooo... heading of to china tomorrow morning -- ancestral farm country-- lovelyyy... no a/c. nohting. i'm going to die. DIE I TELLS YA. and i just learned that i'm staying there for FIVE DAYS before i head off to the nicer part of china for only two point five.

anyways.. hopefully it'll be okay ... gonna do some thinking, do some postcard writing...

be back in a week!

disclaimer: sorry if you find my listing off everything i did boring but it's also for my own documentation of my trip :P

Sunday, July 25, 2004.  7:54

hullo! this is my third morning here but it feels like it's been way longer... like in a good way!!!... feeling pretty comfortable here already... also feels like longer cuz my days have just been completely packed it's insannnnnity! i get so tired by the end of the night, not from jet lag but just from exhaustion! lol it's weiirdd.. hoping to post pictures soon but there hasn't been a spare moment to do so... tonight prolly. anyways, this has been my schedule thus far:

friday: -arrive at my 'goo jeh' (dad's sister)-take nikita to musical theatre to watch the kiddies sing SO cute! - take nikita skating, shop at the mall that used to be connected to the old airport..err yeah... i hate mcd's cuz i was so hungry from not eating on the plane-meet up with my 'yee' (my mom's sister) for lunch at a shanghai place for SEW LUNG BOW mmm :9-meet up with my 'mahmah' (dad's mom), 'yee poh'(dad's aunt), 'ping guo suksuk' (his name + dad's bro :p), 'sumsum'(dad's bro's wife), and my cousin 'wingwing' for dinner -meet up with clara at harbour city for bbt :9.. met emily from japan and alison tsang who works in hk :)

saturday:-meet alex at the mtr at 9:15am-meet up with jo and heidi at causewaybay-shopshopshop at times square-- alex got me a guess watch for an early birthday present !! SO nice! .. was gonna get these shoes from Lane Crawford that were soooo niiiicee but i opted for the watch instead, more practical :P -ate lunch at a really nice sushi restaurant mmm sashimiiiii :9 -more shopping -- MUJI!!! i went to the infamous muji hahaha i'm in love.. heidi and jo couldn't stop laughing cuz i was going insane and alex was like "hurry up hurry up" and they kept lining up for me but getting to the front of the line and i'd still be looking around haha i'm goign back cuz i didn't fulfill all my desires but i got a lot of pens and a scrapboook and a pencilcase and BLOTTING PAPER which proves to be actually REALLY useful in hk !!!! .. after that we went to the 10 dollar store! heehehe and took card pics! :D -met up with my family to go to my 'mahmah''s house for dinner so funny... our whole family tried durian (gross!) and yeah it was really nice :) there was a general kinda closeness that was present even though we ahven't seen eachother for so long. -went to visit my friend Janet's family! it's really cool cuz we've known eachother since birth... she's been in boarding school in scottland! we've been neglecting to keep in touch over the years haha but it's awesome we just totally clicked back, i was so nervous it would be weird but it was good :) we're gonna go shopping and i'm dying my hair purple and getting it dipped in hot oil :)

anywyas i gotta get goinnng aeeek!

OH! btw, my roomate next year is kat! hahaha

Friday, July 23, 2004: 8:52 a.m.

i made it! :)
plane ride was actually alot shorter feeling than i'd initially assumed ... the food was so gross. other than try to eat, i watched everybody loves raymond, slept a bit, scribbled around in my sketchbook, read plane letters and a few chapters of PDL, and twisted around to avoid the bump created by the little boy's foot who was sitting behind me :P

driving away from the airport i was hit with jsut a flood of emotion... the mountains look like a painted backdrop and the colourful silhouettes of the buildings remind me of an oversized version of the board game Hotel. reminds me that my blood is in this city, in a way. i want to go back to the hospital where i was born. this place IS me.. a walking contradiction. the beauty of ancient china and the glamour of the new modern age all meshed together. not that i'm all the beauty and glamour hahaha i just MEAN... nevermind lol i'm so happy :)

and now i'm on the 17th floor of my aunt's building in ho man tin :) sooo nice! ... my cousin nikita is the coolest most adorable funny person EVER so gonna post up millions of pics later!!!! ^_^ i lub herrrrr!!! my sister's trying to hog her but she likes me betterrrr!!! she does she does! hahha.. anyways we're gonna go watch her play thing and her skating stuff later and then meet up with my grandma for supper :) and after that probably meet up with clara for bbt! cooz~ anyways i'm gonna go breathe in what oxygen i can get before we go outside again :P

i'm off! :)

leaving in like 5 hrs.. but leaving my house in like 1.5 hrs
heading off to my 'homeland' for three weeks :) SEEYA

but yeah, i'll still be blogging in hk :P

still waiting on my cow.
 
sooo ... got my rez package in the mail today turns out they gave me my second last choice and put me in REV aka v2 ... hahaha... so at first jo, who also got v2, and i were like freaking out at our misfortune... we've heard horror stories about this place. but now, i'm actually pretty excited... not sure who my roommate is yet, hopefully not someone who brings their boyfriend in and .. yeah. not fun. but i'm getting revved up for uni :) seems realer. seems closer... it'll be fun.
 
leaving in twooo days.. wed nite at 10, a.c. terminal1 .. ak! hong kong kong..

a few things i need before i go back to hong kong.

1. Give me my cow back. whoever has my cow had seriously better give it back now. my four year old cousin loves him and she thinks i'm going to bring him back to hongkong with me. and i intend on bringing him back with me. look. seriously, whoever you are if you read this, i'd really like him back. i swear, just give him back and i won't even be angry. i dont' know what motivation anyone would have for taking my old cow and not telling me or giving him back. i am leaving in five days. now would be a good time to give him back.
2. i can't find my battery charger, has anyone seen my battery charger? :P ... ok and for anyone who "maybe you lost your cow too" is running through their head right now... NO. i did NOT. tiff placed him with her things, left, came back and all her stuff was there and my cow was gone.

landslide : stevie nicks
(dixie chicks cover is good too! usually not much of a country girl, but i have a weak spot for dixie chicks and i absolutely love this song...)

I took my love and I took it down_I climbed a mountain and I turned around_And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills_Well the landslide brought me down_Oh, mirror in the sky, What is love?_Can the child within my heart rise above_Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?_Can I handle the seasons of my life?_Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you_But time makes you bolder_Children get older_I'm getting older, too

"childlike enthusiasm"

i am so sick of italian food hahaha... but i love del dente purely for their bread and mints. watched under the tuscan sun at dor's -- i liked it! ... empowering like "i don't need a man to be happy." :)

went to renison and tlaked to the magic computer course registration lady who got me into ISS105R so now i'm taking prereq's for sds ! yay :) china101 apps are still being reviewed by the committee.. i hope and pray that i get in.. eek ! but if not i guess i'll take that as a sign that i'm not supposed to go to china this summer after all..and yah i'll take greek or something.. maybe not though because it's supposed to be really hard? but i'm really thankful that my courses got fixed up a bit

vbs prep these two days (even though i'm gonna miss it :( ).. oh updated viv's link (ovaltine) to her aa pg and added janey's chickvegas which eveyrone already has anyways so i don't know why i just typed either of those two up but i am so tired gonan crash now. ... orrrrrrrrrr finish my book :P almost done! nite

i dont' know who this song is by...

good wknd
sat: -chilled at wall's
-dinner at the choi's (not me) greek foodies!
-watched princess bride with jo on tv
sun:-lunch at marbles with patty
-gluttony lol mmm pieee... and durn quote wall! :P
-hung out at westcourt
-went to watch hockey

gotta finish writing up my grad pics.. and get some breakfast... check out dor's new xanga --- http://xanga.com/changerbanger86

uptown girls

I LOVE IT. ahhhh so cute!

"grownups never stay friends with kids" how frickin true

and "every story has an ending, but in life, the ending is just another beginning"
that's my favourite. i really dont'w anna grow up... i can't stop thinking about it.. had this conversation last nite that just made me not be able to stop thinking about this inevitability of having to .. man i'm gonna throw up. hopefully the fall will be a good beginning. but for nnowwwww... still being a crazy 17 yr old living up her last summer... sort of.

ARGHHHH!H!!!
no one has a freakin right to tell me what i can and can not eat!

oh my GOSH. i am so pissed. i'll eat whatever i flippin wanna eat when i wanna eat it.

at least now i can stomp away and slam a door. in hk i won't even be able to do these things. what the hell am i gonna do in hongkong? we're gonna wring eachother's necks if this continues.

random nice things

shabba and poopoohead -- hearts and love.
sometimes i can just really use a day brightener.

oh yeah, still a bit bummed i won't lie. but i feel like learning from the past a bit. university is not a total bummer, it hasn't even begun. my life is not getting screwed up, it's just getting turned in the direction it's supposed to go. patience? trust? ... i'm relaxing.

bummed.

i'm so frustrated... had my course selection session today
this is not a good start to university at all. like, the courses i'm supposed to take for my major are restricted and UGH i've already explained this too many times it's so tiring. but basically once again things just dont' seem to be working out all too well.. i had to email the person to get slotted into these classes maybe they won't even let me and like FRIGG!.. i prolly won't get into china 101 either which rules out working for evergreen in china next summer for me and just *ugh*

i just thought things would be clearer.

my stupid email won't activate either. and i don't even feel like doing anything right now. i jsut wanna retract into a ball on my bed and cry or something.