Thursday Morning

I'm at the PO office waiting for checks. and later I'm ending canvasing early so I can come back to the office to do other admin stuff. It's pretty fabulous especially today because I'm inexplicably exhausted.

Tom Petty's Won't Back Down was playing in my cab this morning! The driver turned it up for me. Awesome guy.



Man, the one downside to sitting here waiting for these checks is that there is no coffee. and this morning it is necessary.

Life Developments

Working girl

Working two jobs is tiring. But it's going to be worth it in a few months. It will.

Public Outreach is pretty cool-- besides standing outside all day (which actually hasn't been that bad given the nice weather we've been having) -- it's nice to fundraise for something I actually care about (Amnesty International). The call centre seems really warm in contrast now at nights too! And tomorrow we're going to Stratford. Hometown canvasing. Should be nice.

Plus I'm getting more hours at the good ol' call centre

Space
We're getting a house! It has a giant backyard and sweet patio. And I will have a room.
And Pooja is going to make me a tire swing.

Everytime I think about how much it sucks to work so much-- I just think of the tireswing and know that everything is going to be Okay.

"Paul Baribeau took me to the giant tire swing
Gave me a push and he started singing
I sang along while I was swinging
The sound of our voices made us forget everything
That had ever hurt our feelings"

So it begins!

I got the job I interviewed for. It's for Public Outreach which is this place where you stand on the street and fundraise for different organizations-- specifically Amnesty International and Green Peace at the moment.

Training starts today. Luckily it's only going to be for a few hours but this week it's going to be working at Public Outreach, and then immediate going to the call centre after.

Ah well. Girl's gotta do....

One good thing though-- I found this KW Society of Artists that meets monthly. I'm going to the meeting tonight. I'm hoping it'll be a good networking/learning opportunity. :)

Must shower.

Make It Go Away

My Daily Forcast says:
You're a loaded weapon right now. True, you can't officially be set on 'stun' -- but you could certainly wipe out an entire offending species, if you so choose.

I know it's kind of crap, but sometimes these things are so frighteningly accurate!

I have an interview at 9:30am and I'm sitting here listening to Holly Cole over and over and over again because I'm too hot, too sick, too uncomfortable, too... frustrated to sleep.

make it go away or make it better: isn't that what love is supposed to do?
make it go away or make it better: cause I would do either one for you.

i'm not angry, and i'm not crying. i'm just in over my head.
and you could be the angel who stays on my shoulder when all of the other angels left.

Getting back into the swing of things

I'm going to try and blog regularly again. Because I have a computer now. And because it helps me organize my thoughts.. for living, I guess.

I met up with Christie today. I probably wasn't much company because I'm disgustingly sick, but it was good to catch up and see each other again. It's funny because the way things have been going lately, I've been thinking about her a lot. And how Karma is reality. We had wings for old times' sake.

I want to learn and change. But is that possible with a crushed heart? (Drama queen, drama queen.) I'm just saying. It's difficult to be constructive/productive when you're overwhelmed by emotion.

Fevers are tricky too. Am I actually so hot that I'm perspiring? Or is it my body's joke and I'm actually cold like I should be?

Something's wrong with the power in our kitchen right now. The light won't turn on, and the fridge is dark. There's a pot of pasta sitting on the stove that I'm afraid is going to go bad over night or something... well I guess I'd better eat it? :P haaaaa like I mind. It was made by Not Me. and it has mushrooms in it. Mmmmm.

My mission tomorrow: Get well, sell some books, and start up my auction painting.

When you gon' get up?

(a shout out to Amel for asking that (above) fundamental question.)

(and a shout out to Beyonce for tapping into the emotional side of my crap.):

I'm in this fight, and I'm swinging
And my arms are getting tired
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time,
I'm sinking in the sand , And I can't barely stand,
I'm lost in this dream , I need you to hold me.

I am not a project. But I am still my own project.

(Excuse my emo-drama-self-motivating bull, but I need to visually talk myself into fixing everything.)

All we've got to do is be brave and be kind.

I read these lyrics from Baby, We'll be Fine by The National off a friend's facebook profile, and I haven't really been able to stop thinking about them.

"All we've got to do is be brave and be kind."

Shouldn't that be how it works?

I can't test this theory, because I'm not brave most of the time.

But I want to be.

It's funny the quotes that I keep close-- written on my board, propped on my dresser, written boldly on post-its. Things like:

"Courage, my love." or "No fear; just charm."

I never noticed how the theme of courage/fear-defiance played into everything when I'm the least brave person, almost ever. Maybe it's meant to be something I'm telling myself rather than a motto.

But hell, I wish I was brave right now.
I wish I was so many things that I'm just not.
I wish I could at least do a good job of pretending. At the very least.

I feel like a dead end road.

Oh, this is the cycle, love.

That cycle that explains why am I sitting awake at 4:30am cussing myself out instead of getting some goddamned sleep so I can get up, be productive, and prove that I give a crap.

I need to walk.

(I am. I can. I do. I will.)

midnight mehndi

Futur-ama

Don Chancho Ignacio Valdez

Courage, my love

Dailybooth

Me: So I signed up for this website where you take a picture of yourself everyday and caption it.

Satish: I'm surprised you weren't signed up for that already!!

http://dailybooth.com/jazztastic

This




is





the




slowest





shift




since




before



i




can ever








remember.

Broke babies make their own fun

I have no money so I'm making things!
(visuals to come.)

What insomnia allows for

- night air
- watching cassiopia contemplate drinking out of the big dipper
- extended company of good friends
- 'What A Wonderful World' Radiohead and Louis Armstrong mashup
- the feeling of my sleeping kitten curled against the backs of my knees

Yes, I'm blogging again :P

It's funny because Mike and I were reading old blogs... and as dorky as it is, I also realize why I appreciate this shit. When I read my old stuff, I think "Who IS this girl?! That's not me anymore." That's a wonderful thing being able to physically see your own growth/change.

Some changes are easy to feel -- such as the change from being rich to being poor, which I have been experiencing lately. But slow gradual growth as a person isn't something you really notice and don't always get a chance to look back on.

Plus it's pretty funny reading about "like, how like amazing this day was ^_^ and how much i like totally love Jesus!!"

I'm going to COOK tonight. PEACE!

Today I am a Productivity Queen

Wake up
Brush your teeth
Feed the cat
Dress yourself
Go to the dentist
Go out for lunch
Get eyebrows threaded
Get cashmoney
Go to Roxton
Gather necessary items

Blog about it.

Get picked up by Deckster
Have coffee
Drop stuff off at home
Go to campus
See Laura
Go home
(Mop
Clean litter box
Paint)

*Everthing in parentheses are subject to changes after bed sighting.

June

I got a tooth pulled out today and aside from the bloody gauze sucking that I'm doing now, it was actually kind of a pleasant experience. The dentist was this hilarious guy who gave me laughing gas and said "drugs are good!" lol I was so high throughout the entire thing, I'm surprised I could follow directions. At one point I'm pretty sure my leg fell off the chair and it took a great deal of effort for me to heave it back on.

Aside from that, I had a really nice time with my mom today-- we talked about some really interesting stuff that she'd never shared with me before about herself and about my grandmother. It really provided me with some serious insight into myself and into spirituality. It's funny-- sometimes you think you know someone but really there's so, so much you don't. Stuff that makes you understand.

Life's been a little wonky for the past few days. Chancho's feeling it too-- he's nervous today... staring at something that isn't there, hair standing on end. It's kind of scaring me, but I locked us in my room (well, fai's room which is mine for the summer) and am painting and playing some music. Plus, the tylenol 3 is kicking in so good on that.

Things that make life good:
- my cat
- my paint
- taking 4 tylenols on the weekend by accident
- bonding with my mother
- the birthday cake icecream that's in the fridge

It's interesting how everything is interconnected. The way the shoes are scattered and the way the Swiffer is paused against the wall is so strongly connected with the mushy bowl of KD i have in front of me and the way the silence sags above the moan of the cars that are passing. The way you feel is connected with the way I feel and the way that guy on the street feels and the way the trees happen to be blowing today.

Everything is linked with everything, yet we are still alone.

The Night Makes You Think In Silence

In the silent dim glow is

me--

is you.

-- wrestling for answers.

live and learn

A couple weeks ago, Pooja and I were on the way to the bus stop and it started raining.

Me: Ughhhhhhhh..!!! Stupid rain.
Pooj: No man.... beautiful rain.

Beautiful storm.

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

Somehow listening to Will You Be There by Michael Jackson makes me want to type a few lines about my life.

I'm kind of at the point though, where so much has changed and so many little things have happened (that maybe I would've liked to write about at the time but now too much time has passed/there's too much and also too little to say) that I can't really sum it up. Fai and Pooj have just gone to bed and I'm slipping away too so going to make this quick-ish.

[Long wind blows through.]

Here's the moment:

I have dried paint all over my hands. I'm sitting on the hardwood floor in front of the couch which doubles as my pretty-much permanent bed. Waterloo's skyline mellows from the window on my right. Adele is loving on me. My foot is asleep.

No ruining it with thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow.

HELLS YES

Beware the Hatchers

My laptop has been funky again for the past little while so out of desperation, I'm using my parent's shitty desktop in their room. My dad has pretty much anhialated this computer with the amount of stuff he downloads/programs he uses on here. The thing is S L O W.

So my mother walks into the room and goes:

What are you doing? Why are you on this computer?

[Mind you, she knows FULL WELL my laptop's being messed up]

Me: My computer's broken.

Her: Which computer? [I only have one.]

Me: My laptop.

Her: Well don't break this one too. And don't download things. I don't want people to hatch our computer.

Things to do when you show up for work at 9am, but can't work til 1:

- intake indulgent substances
- come to the beautiful new main floor of DP where there is plenty of room because it is reading week!
- finish my '25 Random Things' list
- listen to calming music
- facebook
- watch grey's?

Watch Grey's!

Ah, there's the silver lining. :)

EDIT (10:12): Grey's isn't loading. I want this:

she really is!

I called Bee to say happy birthday today on my way to work.

Me: I'm on the bus.
Bee: The BUS??!
Me: Yeah. The New Jasmine takes the bus!
Bee: Wow! The New Jasmine is independent and green!

MMMMhmm!

I am currently making valentines.

Positivity

Really, it's better to give yourself reasons to smile through it then remember why you shouldn't. (It prevents you from doing things that are stupid and out of character.)

Today:
- i got to sleep in
- my computer is broken but that made me come downstairs and find the tea my mom made me
- nicole found my ipod at her place (which means i didn't drop it on the street! :) )
- i'm double shifting, but that means i don't have to find something to do between 1 and 5

I wish it wasn't so easy to feel dragged down.

Hey, Hannah's got it right!:

the problem with that is

I'm back in Waterloo, back at work after a more than fabulous weekend and it pretty much blows.

I'm just not sliding back in the groove too well today, that always happens though.

I completely 100% messed up the whole diet thing this wknd, so I guess its good that I'm back here where I can keep myself from eating!

And here's what Story of the Day told me today (how applicable.):

Money Matters
I think of it as an opportunity to find out how much money means to me, she said. So far, it means a lot more than I think is probably healthy.

We'll cast some light and you'll be alright for now

I should really be packing but I'm having soup and listening to Zero 7 instead.

Got some good new music from Sonya yesterday-- so good because she has decent taste and I've just been so bored of everything on my ipod. And there's really nothing like laying around in pj's, relaxing to new tunes. Not that I got to do that for very long or will get to do that much until next.. Thursday? Here's my favourite:



A lot of the ODAA office ladies say hi to me now because I'm there so often! And two of them came up to me in the kitchen the other day praising my healthy eating lol (I was taking a salad out of the fridge) and the one lady told me she eats 6 almonds every morning and that just gives you so much energy! :) The director of alumni affairs helped me figure out how to sort the recycling. And today I met the director of leadership giving which is cool because I've called some of her files before.

Life has just been very work-oriented lately. Working throughout the day and then hanging out with work people after. It's nice though, work friends are so chill and funny.

Also! Today is day 4 of healthy eating/hardcore diet! I'm going strong!!

Unfortunately, in exactly 1 hour I'm leaving for Toronto-- and I pretty much KNOW everything's gonna go down the crapper this weekend! Ahhh, well! I'll jump back on the bandwagon on Monday!

Happy Tuesday

Day 2 of Healthy Eating. Although I guess eating nothing but baby carrots isn't exactly healthy-- but i managed to get through the entirety of yesterday with no bread/pasta/potatoes/etc. And last night I bought a bunch of "healthy food" and lugged it to work. haha

I'm having a vegetable Soup at Hand for lunch (right now. and its not good.) and a spinach salad for dinner. Hardcore!!

This BETTER freaking work. lol

Also-- I finished reading Five People You Meeting in Heaven! And I'm going to compose two overseas letters today between 1 and 5! So productive.

Break over.

Fffffffffffffffffffffffffebruary!

Friggin. 2am and i have to get up in 6 hrs. I WORK SO MUCH I AM GOING INSANE!

Tomorrow i am DOING ART during the shift. I'm gonna sit at 17 and call and do freaking art because I'm at a creative standstill and it SUCKS.

Other things I plan to do tomorrow:

1. Finish Five People You Meet In Heaven (I always say this, but tm i really will.)

2. Eat no carbs.

PEACE AND LOVE. JOW TOW!

Organized Thought: Now in 3 Easy Steps!

1) I bought a Burt's Bees lip balm today. My lip is getting increasingly more chapped and I'm worried that it will never heal. I can't tell if its working or not but I'm slathering it on constantly. It hurts less at least, I think.

It smells like honey! :9

2) The working-all-the-time streak continues. I think I'm going to pick up even more shifts next week. Today I stayed at work for an extra 2 hrs helping John organize files, which is, surprisingly, kind of fun! haha

3) Met up with Ange today to talk about the Boar and I think I'm going to do a comic and help with a participatory art project. I'm a little unsure about the comic though. Because its supposed to make some sort of social commentary, and in all honesty, I don't know whether or not I have strong enough opinions for that.

Career Woman

Not by a long shot. But I have been spending a lot of time at work lately. It's funny, to go from being 90% sure of quitting, and instead picking up a million extra shifts. I feel like I live there. Maybe its because, until recently, work's the only thing I don't fail at. Or maybe its because I do desperately need the money-- that's the justification I prefer.

I'm looking forward to next week: Sound of Music, Winterlicious, meeting Maddy, Thrift Store shopping, etc. It'll be good.

A gift from Photobucket:

peace, love, and coraline

We're going to eat at Stone Crock in 15 minutes, I don't even know what they serve at Stone Crock. Soup? Mmmm, soup. Bitter cold is a perfect day for soup.

It shocks me sometimes how easily I'm won over. I can be fuming, spitting mad... but give me 15 minutes with someone who demonstrates any sort of remorse and I'm putty in their hands.

I want to see this:

art projects and the aftertaste of whopper

It pretty much sucks that I can't get to sleep considering I've got to wake up in less than 5 hrs so I can get to work by 9.
NTS: Wash tumbler so I can load up on the coffee tomorrow without killing trees.

As much as I hate work right now, I'm excited about picking up these morning shifts. It'll be nice to have a little extra cash, esp without the training hrs i usually get. (Not bitter, not bitter.) And it'll be good alone time to do little things while i call.

I think I'm going to try to get there early enough tomorrow to buy a new sketchbook and some sharpies and pens and stuff. Maybe by the end of the term I'll actually fill it. I have some ideas for a bunch of jewelry I want to make this term, too. But that's not really something i can work on at work haha

Gross. I just burped a little and the taste of Whopper came up. It's nice having Jo back, but these midnight fast food runs are killing me. (Even though they're totally my idea.)

I want to watch the inauguration speech again. Oh, 'bama. *sigh* you make me well up every time. <3

bonne nuit!

send this to 50 people on the night of the full moon while hopping on one foot and eating a pb and j sandwich and have good luck for EVER.

1. What’s your name?
jasmine, but i prefer jasy, really. mainly because i was always jasy growing up and i have a weird speech impediment when it comes to pronouncing jasmine. i mix up the m and the s sounds. jas is ok but only certain people can 'pull it off'.

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
jeans, cardigan, tshirt, sneaks. + dangly earrings or oversized necklaces.

3. Last thing you ate?
double cheeseburger @ mcd's

4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
CFC - crispy fried chicken (halal) -- i always kind of wanted to try it but it's been replaced by a mexican restaurant (which i love.)

5. I say Shotgun, you say:
damn.

6. Last person you hugged?
.. fiona?

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
i'm too busy dating my sharpie to notice.

8. Would you date anyone you met online?
maybe.

9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
freckle under my eye

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
the new mexican place @ university plaza

11. Who is your best friend?
pick one?

12. What time of the day is it?
2:18am

13. Who/What made you angry today?
talking about stupid people who did stupid things to my friends

14. Baseball or Football?
football

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
no

16. Favorite type of Food?
sushi

17. Favorite holiday:
christmas

18. Do you download music:
yes

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
no. unless they're wet.
.
20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
tacky

21. Would you date the person that posted this?
no

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
yes.

23. Do you love anyone?
too much.

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
ew, no.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
no. heights are not my thing.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
i might die.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
not that i know of.

27. How many pets do you have?
zero

29. Have you met a real redneck?
haha no

30. How is the weather right now?
frigid! winter's a bitch.

31. What are you listening to right now?
the blows - sin city lies

32. What is your current favorite song?
leonard cohen - hallelujah

33. What was the last movie you watched?
wanted

34. Do you wear contacts?
yes and by yes i mean constantly.

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
mcdonald's with jo

36. What are you afraid of?
so many things... heights, birds, holes, and more.

37. How many piercings have you had?
3

38. What piercings do you want?
i'm good with what i've got.

39. What’s one thing you’ve learned this year?
sometimes you don't learn from mistakes, you just repeat them.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
holidays: grade eggnog latte, summer: iced caramel macchiato, the rest of the time: the same but without ice.

What Magazines are you reading?
nylon.

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
water

43. Are you missing someone?
very much

44. Favourite TV show?
oh gawd. i watch way too much tv.

45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
HAHAHA! ... no.

47. Has anyone said you look like a celebrity?
when i was younger my parents thought i looked like some girl off nash bridges.

47. What celeb do you look like?
well, then i got fat.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
all my faves.

49. Favorite movie of all time?
the sound of music

50. Do you find yourself loved?
huh?

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren’t suppose to?
too often

52. Favorite smell?
mustyness

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
certainly butter

54. What’s something that really bugs you?
when people do things to "teach you a lesson"/"prove a point" like hide your wallet if you've left it on the table instead of just giving it back to you like a real friend should.

55. Do you like Michael Jackson?
a legend!

56. Taco Bell or Burger King?
burger king but only for the whopper

57. What’s your favorite perfume?
gap - dream (haven't worn it in years but its the scent i stuck with the longest)

58. Favorite baseball team?
don't watch sports

59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
no.

60. What’s the longest time you’ve gone without sleep?
2 days

61. Last time you went bowling?
i can't remember. it's possible i blocked it out because i sucked that much.

62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
on the floor of an indigo. a sales rep woke me up and said i couldn't sleep there because they couldn't tell if i was dead or alive.

63. Who was your last phone call?
alison

64. Last time you were at work?
last tuesday.

64. What is the closest orange object near you?
giant pillow i took from cl38

Bride Wars

Loved it. Nothing like a good movie to distract and lift your spirits.

Oh nine.

Holiday recap to come when I have more time.

But man, I just have to say that 2009's not really off to the best start.