All we've got to do is be brave and be kind.

I read these lyrics from Baby, We'll be Fine by The National off a friend's facebook profile, and I haven't really been able to stop thinking about them.

"All we've got to do is be brave and be kind."

Shouldn't that be how it works?

I can't test this theory, because I'm not brave most of the time.

But I want to be.

It's funny the quotes that I keep close-- written on my board, propped on my dresser, written boldly on post-its. Things like:

"Courage, my love." or "No fear; just charm."

I never noticed how the theme of courage/fear-defiance played into everything when I'm the least brave person, almost ever. Maybe it's meant to be something I'm telling myself rather than a motto.

But hell, I wish I was brave right now.
I wish I was so many things that I'm just not.
I wish I could at least do a good job of pretending. At the very least.

I feel like a dead end road.

Oh, this is the cycle, love.

That cycle that explains why am I sitting awake at 4:30am cussing myself out instead of getting some goddamned sleep so I can get up, be productive, and prove that I give a crap.

I need to walk.

(I am. I can. I do. I will.)