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ahhhh my guestbook is messing up i can't post on it =P
this is what i was gonna write:
angee: LOL i didn';t realize u haven't seen how it looks like omg i'll take more and post them for your viewing pleasure kekeke i like our wallpaper! well... actually in the very beginning i wanted to tear it down and paint the walls baby blue but my parents were like "noooo!!! auntie rebecca has a *special interior decorator* that made this! it'll take to much time to take down blabalbla but i ended up growing attached to the wallpaper because some of the patters look like turtles (i'll show u a pic lol) and yeah. i don't like the blinds =P we actually got new ones for me but they didn't fit so we were liek oh we'll get more later but we never did =P i guess if i ended up tearing down the wallpaper and painting it bbblue i'd want wooden blinds =) i like wooden blinds =) but yeah... the red blinds clash so much lol what kind of special interior decorator is this person? =P haha...
[it's cool cuz i live in angee's old house in her old room lol yeahhh so that's what that's all about hehehe... ]

I'm DONEEEEE!!!!!!!!! *gush* soooooo happy i'm finally free and i'm booked my weekend completely full of no work hehehe =) my latin exam wenntt... alright i guess. it's funny... i used to hate my latin class in the beginning of the year... i don't hate it so much anymore. i mean, granted a lot of the ppl are.... well they dont' ahve much in common with me ... but they are always so sweet to me even if i think they are *so* annoying and they most likely have their preconceptions about me. also i have a tight group of me, adri, tams, fiona, and tiff so that's always nice too... but yeah... i guess it goes to show that even tho ppl might seem really... strange... they can actually be pretty cool when it comes down to it... i dont' mean cool as in "popularity" cool i mean... like when u get to know someone better what makes them creepy to you may turn out to be jsut something taht is really normal becuase they are who they are. i guess. i dunno. but there are still some of the ppl there that i *can't stand* but i will work on that. anyways. the exam was okay.

i'm starving. *so* excited about lunch --- I LOVE SUSHI =) mmmmm....

my exam went okay =) thanks to everyone for ur prayers =) GOD IS GOOD =) [all the time!]

and here is a picture of the freak fish =P
*anddddd* i got my GEETAR on the weekend!!!!! =) yayayayayayayay =) kekeke here's a pic of my new "baby" =)hehehe she's better looking in person and she sounds absolutely AMAZING.

yupz =) have so much to write/talk about... but will do it later cuz it doesn't really fit in at all with these pics haha...

current mood: it's swinging violently.

if i could pick a time to die it would be right now.

i feel like i've had all the energy sucked out of me.

my math exam is today. actually it's in less than 6 hours. i can't believe i'm up. i'm debating on whether three hours of sleep will do me more good or bad. the reason i am blogging at this insane hour of the morning is because i wanted to inform ppl about this exam cuz--mad mad prayer needed please pray for me! i think i'm prepared but... just pray.

spiderman is rebuilding his bubblenest again. this is a really big one. i think i need to sleep. i apologize to people i've been mean to in the past few hours or whatever. gosh. i am so tired. going to sleep.

invasion
my dad and sister went and bought more fish. they got another fighting fish ... my sister picked that one out not surprisingly it looks almost exactly the same as spiderman except it's blue and black instead of red and blue. the other one. *well* . my dad supposedly picked this one out according to my sister and it is the SCARIEST thing *ever* i am so freaked out. it's sort of a goldfish... well i'm not sure if it's a goldfish or not. i think so though but it's eyes are like... there are like... *things*.. *poooofs* growing out of the side of it's head/eyes... like two tumors on either side of it's head or something oh my GOODNESS it's so scary and it just stares at me i'm just like *shudder* . wow serioulsy, i am so freaked out by this fish i will post a picture of him later for your viewing pleasure when i am able to actually go near it. yes i know i am a wimp =P it's somewhat cute i guess but NOT.

droop
oh how i loathe this thing they call school... a future? pshaw! i dunno how i will be able to wake up tommorow morning =P
which is *fine* because that means i will miss my biology test. >_<
random thoughts for the day....
-how much would someone be willing to sacrifice[*risk* is a better word] to do something they like ...?
-change is unavoidable but we don't have to dive into it either.
-who makes sushi with cooked vegetables in it??!! apparently uw cafe ppl =P *barf*
-oh on the topic of sushi... amused gy's handrolls =)... and rotational angles lol ..
-mmm sushi *drool*
-and back to biology....

Mr. Raymond Chen passed away early this morning... let's all take comfort in the knowledge that he's finally home with our Heavenly Father.
"ur telling me that there's no hope, i'm tellign you you're wrong, NEVER UNDERSESTIMATE MY JESUS, when the world around you crumbles, He will be strong" rk i know but....
last night everyone was worried about him... everyone was visiting him. except me. i stupidly decided to stay home and wait until today so i could go see him just before my volunteer shift at the hospital.
i even left school early today around 1:45 to catch the bus and be there with plenty of time to spend seeing him. upon arriving at the hospital i contemplated going to the gift shop to get him something before going up but since i realized i didn't really know what to get anyways, i decided to go straight up to the 5th floor.
stepping into the intensive care unit i peeked into the divisions looking for him or mrs. Chen... this searching was to no avail. anxiety suddenly filled my gut.. as a nurse asked if she could help me i quickly spewed out his name and asked her if she could help me find him. "are you a family member?" she asked politely... "umm.. no... a close family friend." ... sadness filled her eyes.. "i'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Mr. chen passed away late last night/early this morning... it was peaceful and his family was with him." i stood there for a few seconds unable to speak. "are you alright?" she said with concern.. i nodded, thanked her and headed back down to the third floor. i guess i was tearing and stuff... but i dunno... it didn't really hit me. and then i called G[thankyou...] and when i started talkign to her i just completely started sobbing. i guess out of sorrow, anger, shock, and worry all rolled into one. sorrow because he's gone, anger because i didn't go visit last night and waited til today, shock from finding out from the nurse like that, and worry abotu how Mrs. Chen must be feeling. it jsut seems liek there has been so much sadness everywhere lately. i mean, my friend's mom died a few days before christmas and now this?! .. Mr. Chen and i .. although we talked sometimes were not like really really close or anything... but i've always been pretty close with Mrs. Chen. i can't even begin to imagine what she must feel like right now. gosh to be married to someone for such a long time... and my friend sam (the chen's grandson) he doesn't get into 'loo from bc until midnight tonight. how must he feel? there's just been a lot of sadness lately. sometimes i get nervous abotu being sad because people have told me it signifies distrust in God. but i was talking to vidaloca and she said something that is so extremely true: "well being sad isnt controllable on ur part.. but God can control it.. its not an instant thing where you can totally just lift everything to Him and he'll suddenly make you not sad.. but its recognising that God has that plan.. although its hard to see.." so ... how do i feel *now*? still sorrow, anger, and worry... but less because i know whatever happens it is all part of a grand scheme of things that i can not see. be that as it may i have not lost faith in God for whatever reasons and i am convinced that He will take the misery we feel and turn it into something greater and more wonderful than we can ever imagine. we just have to hold on until then.. lift eachother up.. and focus on Him. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

sunday lalala =) i love sunday =)
i got to hang out with timmie poo lol today =) well him and a lot of ppl but i mainly had a good conversation with him which was great .. great to see him too =) it was funny... i just realized that he was 28 meaning 12 years older than me LOL so he's like "1986!??! i remember my favourite song from 1986 and listening to it while iw asdoing my paper route!" lol so weird.. but it was cool what he said after he said he didn't feel the age gap and did i? no... i dont' feel it either.. and he goes you know why? cuz you're mature for your age and i'm immature so we meet somewhere in the middle lol =) we're both actually 22 =P hahaha... =) it was funny =) but i *still* dont' blelieve maturity is bound to age NOPE NOPE! maturity is somewhat bound to experience though.. which does connect to age somewhat.. although i have friends who are sixteen and have a great deal more experience than some people who is thirty or whatever..but i am reserving another entry to rant about age and maturity hehe
simple
i "taught" sunday school today hehehe twas fun hanging out with kadin, elizabeth, karen, and joshua =) it's cool they're ages 5, 6, 7, and 8 (josh, karen, kadin, lizzie) yes. small things amuse small minds =P .. but yeah we had some fun chilling and talking about loving your enemies.. i think i learned something. i think i know all the principles etc.. but josh, kare, liz and kadin are really good at applying it to real life.. i mean, right away elizabeth's like "i hate my teacher. she yells too much" and i'm just like "yay! that's a way you can practice loving ur enemy!" and stuff.. like.. for me.. i know "love your enemies" it's been drilled into my head over and over for how many years in the church but i still see myself struggling with it even today... getting really really testy with the children's service coordinator who seems to thing he rules the universe and expects me to take up his responsibilities last minute.. or with my family rushing to church in the morning ... or with the last person who made some stupid age remark...or with the people who i have been struggling not to hate for the past week .. hard to keep a fake smile on. but i realized something from sunday school. it's not about pretending to like them.. it's about loving them. "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." that's something we talked about.. one of the ways to love your enemies is to pray for them. in that way.. they sort of become your friends. because you care abotu them enough to want good to come to them. i think that if i turn my mentality in this way it'll be better. turn them into friends that i am concerned about instead of people who i despise. and somehow those ppl that i have been struggling to put a happy face on for change from being a struggle to something natural. =) simple. things are so simple. thankyou to kadin, liz, karen, and josh for showing me that today =)

why?
and once again i am filled with false hope. like cherry coke you fill me with air that tricks me into believing i am satisfied and yet moments later you will dash my dreams and make me crave your presence once again.. the sweet taste only just lingering there reminding me of how much i want you to be there. i search everywhere for you. at every vending machine turning my head twice to see those black letters read your name. anticipating. waiting. waiting for the time that i will no longer be some sort of shadow in the back of your mind. why did you have to lift the reciever? like your hand has cast some sort of magic spell over me and as you spoke joy and relief rushed into me like a wave of moisture in the driest desert. and yet those few precious moments had to fade away so quickly... but not without a promise... the promise of return. at first, i could think of nothing more i wanted to do than to throw my arms around you in fond embrace however impossible but now... now i am just angry. "don't make me promises! baby you never did know how to keep them well" but your voice... i almost believe you. "is this how it ends with a simple telephone call?.. you leave me here, with nothing at all."
but still... "you know i'd walk a thousand miles if i could just see you..."
i miss you.

yay for matt in saying diana krall is not infamous and beautiful! but i am not going to say anything else because i don't want to insult anyone =)
you know who *is* infamous and beautiful? and talented and sexy and wonderful? .. my future husband. yes that's correct...Ewan Macgregor. if you don't know who he is he happens to be in the best movie in the entire world.. Moulin Rouge. =) hehehe.. i've been sort of obsessive over him and moulin rouge lately... watched it like five times last week =P.. I LOVE IT! ^_^ "The greatest thing you'll ever learn... is just to love and be loved in return!"

longing for love... =P
haha.. ahhhhh i want a formal date... =P i am having some love problems.. =P but i'm not the only one... Spiderman is also moping about with me about *his* love life which is sadly stopped by a barrier of glass.. =P twas interesting... cuz just yesterday jo, dora, kat and i were discussing fish mating and then at night while i was talking about Spiderman's bubbles [he's been blowing alot of bubbles] Euming somehow found this site that completely explains both the bubbles and the fish-mating it says [ this is for fighting fish]: The male's courtship display both intimidates rivals and attracts females. If he is unsure of the other fishes sex, the male waits for it to respond; if it is a female, she folds her fins to indicate interest, whereas if it is a male, he attacks. Before courting, the male builds a nest for the eggs by blowing sticky mucus bubbles that bind together and form a raft. The eggs stick to the underside of the raft, safe from predators and close to oxygen. After the male performs this display, he leads the female under the nest. He entwines himself around her and turns her on her back. She releases eggs into the water, which he then fertilizes. The eggs are laid in small batches, and as they are released, they sink down through the water. The male catches them in his mouth and blows them up into the sticky nest. He guards the nest until the eggs hatch. [ladywildlife] so anyways... that solves the "mystery" ... ew... i thought it was so cute that he was blowing bubbles before hahaha turns out he's just as lonely for love as me.. =P we've both been napping alot too =P .. i have so much in common with this fish. HAHAHA... =P

oh my goodness i forgot to mention this... ahhh this should really take a seperate entry on its own... but I GOT A NEW ENGLISH TEACHER! .. i know what you're thinking... "what's the big deal about that?" but .. i got Mr. Ball. *who* is mr. ball you ask?... WELLLL... let me tell you... Mr. Ball is seriously *the* most attractive man in the teaching business. He is *SO HOT* wow. well he has nice features.. nice brown hair... flawless skin... very cut body ... a smile that makes you want to MELT. *heartflutter* ... but it's really his personality that turns me on. i would *so* marry this guy if it was legal =P. he's really passionate about stuff.. sometimes when he talks he'll like semi yell cuz he gets really into it... he got 97% on his LSAT!!! smart guy! but he chose to go to teacher's college instead because he wants to help people! awwwwww... he said "if i can go to bed at night knowing i maybe helped one student... life is worth living" somethign like that anyways... *drool* ... he's coaching rugby too!! but... sadly sadly not the girls... =P ... at least he won't have to see me sweat like a pig. i respect him a lot... i mean aside from him knowing so much and being able to hold a great discussion with our normally unenthusiastic english class and him being so passionate about issues... he said this "I don't expect you to respect me until i have *shown* you i respect *you*. And until i have proven to you that i deserve your respect. I respect people who respect me and i respect people who speak their minds" OH MY GOSH!!! i love that! that's exactly how i think! like.. if a teacher respects me and shows me that s/he is worthy of my respect that's when i give it. and he has that very right in his mind. yayayayay and i SO respect him =) plus HI MR BALL I SPEAK MY MIND!!!!!!!! i speak my mind too much... but, hey, if he likes it... =) okay. now it is time to stop being giddy about my english teacher. Actually, please pray for my *old* english teacher Ms. Catherine Dewitte. she's gonna be gone til at least march maybe the end of the year becuase she's sick.. at first i thought it was her knee problem but the other day when someone was saying somethin abotu how she never taught anything Mr. Ball was like "yeah... cut her some slack.. she's a very sick woman and i think she's been like htis for quite some time which is probably why she didn't really teach" so i'm thinking it's her depression or whatever it is that she takes pills.. she's such a sweet lady... i think she's been through alot... or at least that's what i gather from my conversations with her. i';m sure God will take care of her though...

amused
i am thankful for the things and people that made me laugh today ...

at lunch, to avoid a certain boy figuring out that we were talkign about him [i was talking about him and he walked over without my noticing and everyone was like shut up shutup!!] i began rambling about fish. it went a little something like this:

Jasy: so he walked in to my hist.... my room. and i was like "what are you doing here? this is my room."
Dora: oh you mean your ... ummm .. father?
Jasy: yes yes. he said he left his fish in my room. i was just like "you haven't come back since i was FIVE!!! why are you suddenly coming back into my life NOW?!?!"
Dora: yeah.. he left you and your mom and your baby.
Jo: that you had with your fish.
[at this point the guy leaves and we stop having a make believe conversation lol]
Jasy: so yeah he came into my history room this morning...
Dora: i can't believe you had a baby with a fish! you disgust me! lol ... do fish mate with their gills? [she was totally serious]
Jasy: NO!!!! they *breathe* with their gills! ... the male fish *shoots* it out and the female catches it with...
Jo: OH MY GOSH!!! NOOOO!!! the female LAYS the eggs and *then* the male fertilizes them!!! O_o
[INCONTROLABLE LAUGHTER]ditz day! anyways.. i dont' know why i thought the male shot it out. -_- but at least i didnt' think they used their gills =P
Dora: kat, what did *you* think?
Kat: i don't really think....
Dora: no you don't.
lol lol we are such weirdos . =)
i have so much more to say...but it's more serious so i'll post later to keep this entry as pure fun =)

note: the previous entry that seems to be an entry from today is actually from yesterday ie. Wednesday January 8th i just didn't actually get a chance to post it before my internet crashed last night.

got some coffee with gy today at will's ... [was good to see u again] lol *loser sign* it's only been two weeks *roll eyes at myself*
i'm treasuring conversations lately... i think it's because i'm not having many "real" ones lately.. i mean, yes real conversations but less about more deeper things and more of those ones about "stuff" ya know.. i dunno lyds was blogging about it. like when you talk abotu computers or something. i guess that's a real conversation but i feel like i'm somewhat wasting my time because i'm not exactly developing my relationships much. although i supposed it could be argued that talking about computers is learnign about the person's interests. but i dunno. i'd rather talk about issues/feelings/etc... just me. i think i'm too "feely".


and... it's Geeko Freako Month! =P that's right... guess what i just did? i made myself an exam study schedule =P lol what a loser eh? well i'm taking my future into my own hands =P but yeah... i can't wait til this month is over.. i don't like school not one little bit. especially not around this time of year.

dumbos
this little bum grade nine just threw snow at my head. well it wasn't on purpose he was throwing it at his friend and missed.grrrr... i didn't like that one little bit. what was he doing outside anyways? GO TO CLASS haha.. well i guess i shouldn't talk i'm out of study again haha but i have a legitimate reason! ie. volunteering yo! =) but i don't have to catch my bus yet so i'm blogging keke =)


woes: formal is in a month...
i need a ... date, a dress, cash, shoes.
pathetic.

noooooo
guess where i get to go tommorow? O_o school. ahhhhhhhh....
feeling: dread.


i had a nice conversation with spiderman again today when i got home... i had a lot on my mind... i love how he swims right up to me or near the top of the tank in front of me like he's trying to hear me better through the water or something hehe... i'm gonna miss him so much i'm not being a freak i'm serious =P ... i play him songs too =) he likes Moulin Rouge just as much as i do. =)


don't like: life stages
i dont' like life stages. why? it separates people. how scary is it when you have close close friends who have moved on to a different life stage and suddenly... it's like things are changing. i always say... age doesn't matter. and it doesn't. and i dont' think life stages should matter if ur friendship is really strong either... but it's harder to stay as close as you are when they move away and go through totally different experiences you've never gone through... creates sort of a separation that was never there.. i feared this. now it's beginning. i miss you sometimes even when you're right next to me and i'm talking to you. am i a stranger to you?

should do devos and sleep... doing devotions every nite is one of my new years resolutions =) gnite

winter wonderland
at long last... SNOWBOARDING today!!! =) LOL... not exactly what i anticipated =) ... bright and early tiff, ray, jo, and i set off in ray's rumbly car to chicopee hehehe =) so we got our snowboards and stuff the boots smelled SO BAD gosh man... u think they would like... somehow let them druy out or something before giving them back out to customers...so ... we got our boards and went out.. we walked up the bunny hill a bit and did a run... [i have never been on a snowboard in my life] so i'm gliding down the hill weeeeeee... wow man i'm actually okay at... AHHHH!!! BOOOOM! FLIP... CRASH! owwwwww..... this happened for like an hour and a half and then i finally decided to switch my board for skis cuz i can ski and i thot i'd have more fun than just falling falling falling all day and staying on the bunny hill all day =P =) plus i figured i'd just get buffy to actually teach me how to board later =) hehe.. thanks buffy =) so yeah.. i went to switch and they made me pay FIVE BUCKS just to switch! what a rip off especially since snowboards are already more expensive than ski rentals! =P geez.. and then when i finally got thru we decided to have lunch and jo, tiff and ray all decided to switch too .. jo got skis and tiff and ray got *snowblades* so cool =) tiff and ray didn't have to pay!!!!!!! [apparently because ray is "lang jie" hahahaha but jo had to pay 5.75!!! aiiiii... it's corrupt i tells ya.. =P .. so yeah we had a lot more fun the rest of the day cuz we actually got to go on some better hills such as Front HAHAHAH which we went on like 50 bazillion times ... tiff couldn't stop on her snowblades so when she was about to crash in to a fence ray caught her and some like 10 year old girls were giggling at them LOL so jokes =) ... anyways it was really fun =) had a really good time chilling with ray tiff and jo .. yeah .. went back to loo chilled at ray's for a bit had some pizza yummm and looked thru yearbooks and pics and stuff and then went to st. cinn's and met up with heidi kat[kat's back!!!!] dora wallace kare[karen's back!!!!] waiki and alex and then after went to heidi and jo's and me jo kat dora heidi and karen had some girl talk time =) hehehe haven't done that in a while =) ahhh we're all so weird i just realized =) okay not *just* realized but yeahhhh... we were "reminincing" too... back in the day when all of us weren't in university and so different than we are now... it's interesting to see how friendships develope.. anyways... that's my update.. will post chicopee pics soon =)

2003
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! =) ... i forgot to post that i got over that last little spazz on the 31st teehee i do that too much =) overreact to little things. but at least i didn't say anything mean to anyone =) wow. i think that was my last spaz of 2002! here's some other lasts:
last thing i had to drink: sparkling grape juice hehehe alchohol subsititute ^_~ i'm underaged =P *goodygoody*
last song i listened to: Dance with Me : 112
last movie i saw: on video: Ice Age in theatres: Two Towers
last person i talked to: jo i think
hehe.. ummm... FIRSTS! of 2003...
first drink: sparkling grape juice again! haha..
first movie i watched: MOULIN ROUGE!!!!! [only the best movie in the entire world ... COME WHAT MAAAAAAYYYYY................] *^_^*
ooohh!!! forgot to put: Last accomplishment of 2002: I GOT MY G1!!!!!! FInALLLLLLLLYYYYY wei anyone wanna take me driving??! ^_^
[hint hint nudge nudge to you know who you are hehehee =P]