Mr. Raymond Chen passed away early this morning... let's all take comfort in the knowledge that he's finally home with our Heavenly Father.
"ur telling me that there's no hope, i'm tellign you you're wrong, NEVER UNDERSESTIMATE MY JESUS, when the world around you crumbles, He will be strong" rk i know but....
last night everyone was worried about him... everyone was visiting him. except me. i stupidly decided to stay home and wait until today so i could go see him just before my volunteer shift at the hospital.
i even left school early today around 1:45 to catch the bus and be there with plenty of time to spend seeing him. upon arriving at the hospital i contemplated going to the gift shop to get him something before going up but since i realized i didn't really know what to get anyways, i decided to go straight up to the 5th floor.
stepping into the intensive care unit i peeked into the divisions looking for him or mrs. Chen... this searching was to no avail. anxiety suddenly filled my gut.. as a nurse asked if she could help me i quickly spewed out his name and asked her if she could help me find him. "are you a family member?" she asked politely... "umm.. no... a close family friend." ... sadness filled her eyes.. "i'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Mr. chen passed away late last night/early this morning... it was peaceful and his family was with him." i stood there for a few seconds unable to speak. "are you alright?" she said with concern.. i nodded, thanked her and headed back down to the third floor. i guess i was tearing and stuff... but i dunno... it didn't really hit me. and then i called G[thankyou...] and when i started talkign to her i just completely started sobbing. i guess out of sorrow, anger, shock, and worry all rolled into one. sorrow because he's gone, anger because i didn't go visit last night and waited til today, shock from finding out from the nurse like that, and worry abotu how Mrs. Chen must be feeling. it jsut seems liek there has been so much sadness everywhere lately. i mean, my friend's mom died a few days before christmas and now this?! .. Mr. Chen and i .. although we talked sometimes were not like really really close or anything... but i've always been pretty close with Mrs. Chen. i can't even begin to imagine what she must feel like right now. gosh to be married to someone for such a long time... and my friend sam (the chen's grandson) he doesn't get into 'loo from bc until midnight tonight. how must he feel? there's just been a lot of sadness lately. sometimes i get nervous abotu being sad because people have told me it signifies distrust in God. but i was talking to vidaloca and she said something that is so extremely true: "well being sad isnt controllable on ur part.. but God can control it.. its not an instant thing where you can totally just lift everything to Him and he'll suddenly make you not sad.. but its recognising that God has that plan.. although its hard to see.." so ... how do i feel *now*? still sorrow, anger, and worry... but less because i know whatever happens it is all part of a grand scheme of things that i can not see. be that as it may i have not lost faith in God for whatever reasons and i am convinced that He will take the misery we feel and turn it into something greater and more wonderful than we can ever imagine. we just have to hold on until then.. lift eachother up.. and focus on Him. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18