goodbye
oh apparently i'm naive now as well.
proud, naive, ... well this is it. take one good long look at me. cuz i'm not coming back the same.
goodbye.

>_<
it's one of those times again.. one of the times when my blog is of extreme use to me... when i feel my heart sink into my gut and i'm so confused .... and i'll be like "i gotta call.... no i gotta do.... no not that either... " and i really don't have a clue what to do or what to feel... you know what makes me so frustrated? when i dont' know what i want... like... i'll have this set way of doing things and that's what i believe in and that's how it's gonna be for me. period. but ... then i'll enter certain situations where these "ways" are unconciously self-compromised... and then when i step back and look at it... i realize how little sense it makes. like today i was watching Passions at my hairdresser's house and Kay was talking to Charity about how by forgiving Miguel for making love to Kay because he said that he thought it was Charity when he did it, would be hypocritical. and Charity was like "why is that hypocritical?" and Kay's like "welll... if you believe sex to be such a sacred thing and love to be linked to it sacredly then you really shouldn't take that and soften your standards and twist things to make it okay for Miguel to have compromised your beliefs jsut to get him in your bed. doing so makes you the biggest hypocrite i know." and... that's sort of how i feel except i'm both Kay *and* Charity.[oh btw, this is very NOT about sex =P] cuz on one hand... i believe so so strongly in a certain way i shoudl be treated and defend it quite strongly... but then on the other, someone goes and treats me in a way that i usually can't accept but.. for some reason which i don't know, i just let it be... and sometimes i even sorta like it. and then i wonder why sometimes i get upset about it and sometimes i dont' and maybe it's because i shouldnt' have let it happen like that in the first place... ?! if i make a "way" that "must be followed" should i not stick with it, no exceptions? ... if i don't, i sorta feel like i have no dignity... or maybe it's pride... maybe i really do have a "pride issue" ... maybe you were right...

happy belated birthday Jesus!!!! =)
christmas was great this year =) ... quiet.... nothing extravigant... alot of time at church and people's homes with family and friends =) food, cheer, and music =) a nice time to remember the GINOURMOUS gift God gave us--- JESUS =) He is truly the reason for the season! SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD!!!! no matter how much anyone complains about it being politically incorrect or whatever... i'm allowed to have freedom of speech too and i say I LOVE JESUS! *sigh* =) i love Christmas =)
here are someof the faces of Christmas...

and i just couldn't resist this ... this is Jesse!!! ^_^ the cutest baby *ever* =) one of them anyways =):



anyhoo... hope everyone had an awesome christmas!!!! =) post more later.. getting too tired of uploading pics =P

happy birthday!

HAPPY 15th WU BOY!!! aka wallace =)

Spiderman

spiderman, spiderman, friendly neighborhood spiderman... =) teehee... spiderman can swim =) that's rite! =) keke this is for eumie but feel free to read along about her feeshie =) ... he's doing good =) my sister hasn't terrorized him and i'm not forgetting to feed him or anything like that =) he *is* a really friendly fish! i'll like walk over and he'll swim over to the side of the bowl that i'm on hehehe... we had an interesting conversation about random stuff today he said he misses you =P he's also quite the model. he'll swim in cool positions and then sit like that for like a long time. or long enuff for me to take the picture anyways. he even looked at the camera and everything. it was quite quite cool =) lol looksee==>>



in the first one he's looking straight at the camera and then in the second one he's posing for a profile shot and then in the third one he's looking down at the camera =) hehehe

the past two days...

aside from watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers which was SOOOO GOOD!!! a lot better than the first one in my opinion... go see it! =) but pee first. i was holding it through the WHOLE movie cuz i didn't wanna leave ahhh... .. anyways aside from that was totally entirely filled with SHOPPING~ last minute tsk tsk. =P i was bored so i made an image inspired by my new MODROBES! but mine are navy blue =P... i shouldn't be buying myself stuff but ohwellies =)





on a totally different note... my friend Jeff's mom Pansy Lam passed away a few days ago... please keep her family and her close friends in your prayers... she was an amazingly sweet woman and a lot of people are hurting right now... i just pray God will lift them up in this time of suffering.

shopathon
went up to burlington to shopshopshop!!! ^_^ twas a LOT of fun =)

MITTENS I GOT MITTENS!!!! ^_^ *thanks way-mun* =) *props* LOL

will go more in depth tommorow. i'm sooooooo tireddd.... -_-zzzzzzzzzz

biology "class"
the scene opens in the WCI library where dora and jasmine are supposed to be in bio listening to MORE presentations but are sitting out here instead... lucky for them, mr. westoby is a nice friend =) =P

Jasy: sooooo.... what's up?
Dora: i have the runs...again.
Jasy: LOL yum.
so what are u gonna get tonite?
Dora: presents...isn't that what we're doing? eh? isn't brendan adorable?
Jasy: yeah and YEAH! heehehehehe... so nice. and funny =) "i make food for smart people"
Dora: if anyone gives him crap at the uw caf they're gonna hafta answer to ME
Jasy: muahahaha.... we should go there and say hi and stuff
Dora: yes. we should.


again.
wow. arent' our lives so interesitng?
Dora: i heard clapping...should we go in?
Jasy: do you really want to hear morrrrre people talk about genentics? O_o
Dora: i don't know what genentics are
Jasy: =P i meant genETICS.

yuletide


question: what the heck is "yule"?


Christmas is coming quickquickquick!!! ^_^ hoorah! accept NOT because i haven't even STARTED my christmas shopping yet! baaahhhhh... yesyes i know that's not the meaning of Christmas but i *still* wanna get the shopping done. come friday 'twill be MAD shopping. there is no better word to describe what i'll be like on friday. =P ... i am constantly brain storming for gift ideas... people must think i'm going crazy as i walk down the halls of the school making a mental note of interesting things people have on their backpacks or the clothes people are wearing... hoping and praying for inspiration... for some spark that will set off in my mind and produce a *perfect* list of all the presents to get people for christmas. *sigh* so stressful... not to mention my tight budget this year. ahhhh... =P


aside from stress from shopping... Christmas is always a huge time of reflection for me ... especially about the things that i'm grateful for. recently i've noticed i have magnitude of complaints and little emmissions of gratitude. so i decided that i need to think of one thing to be grateful for everyday. today... i am grateful for..... DA BEEN LOW!!! ^_^ muahahahahaha... we had "da been low" for dinner tonight. i have absolutely no idea what that is in english... perhaps hot pot... but i'm not sure if that's something entirely differnt. =P anyways... for people who don't know what that is it's... this amazing invention where there's this like electric pot in the middle filled with boiling water and all these raw meats and stuff ... and everyone has this metal scoopy thingy where you stick the food in and then dip into the boiling water to cook. and then you dump it in your bowl which is filled with a mixture of sauces like... soy sauce and sesame something... and yeah... oh my goodness SO GOOD LA!!! i love being chinese. *^_^*


was talking about diana krall to gen today and... okay seriously, don't u ppl think she sounds just like a man?? ... seriously i heard her song and i didn't know it was by her i thought it was by a GUY. so when i saw her in matt's "in rotation" stuff and downloaded "The Look of Love" and heard it ... i was like "WHAT??!??!?!?!" ... cuz i didn't know it was the same song since she really does *appear* to be female... lol that was so mean... sorry to diana krall fans =P

it's a non-titled blog! =) wait... or should it be untitled. yes. untitled it is. welll... it's saturday already... saturday night that is... technically one minute into sunday morning. which means there is one more day left of the weekend and then it's back to school again. heh, who am i to complain? at least i don't have finals unlike many. =P but yet i can't seem to want to complain about school all the time... i can't WAIT until after friday and then..... NO SCHOOL FOR TWO WEEkS!!!!! =) and guessss what i'm doing for those two weeks? jsut guess... that's right... NOTHING. absolutely NOTHING. welllll... i'm gonna do lots of stuff but academically? nope not a thing. i will do no homework or studying of any type. there is absolutely NO way. not that i need to beceause i have only one midterm in january. *basking in the thought of two weeks of relaxation*


drumming for worship tommorow... welll... today... i havent' drummed for so so long. and i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing. aiiiii i miss alexis!!!!!! but shmeh. i'm not out to impress anyone but God anyways so =) it'll be fun i hope =) i found myself wishing today that i could play saxaphone again... in grades 7 and 8 i played alto saxaphone for band actually although i am *not* a band geek (and this one time at band camp... =P ) i won the music award in grade eight hahaha and yeah. anyways. so i could play pretty well compared to some of the other ppl in my class and i liked it.. i *love* the sound of the alto sax ... we always got really nice parts of the song tooo... never like the same note over and over or anything... anyways. i miss it... miss jazzing up the room with my alto sax. yeah.. Praylude was rehearsing for our christmas thingy today... parts of it made me really pissed off... like the fact that this one person just *had* to play the lead role but since i got no help in writing it when i toldher i put her in the lead she was like "oh GOOD. i thought you wouldn't put me in it" and then today she was so extremely effortless in the part. okay i'm not the most avid playwrite but come *on*. why doesn't she just do it herself for goodness sake. but dora and jo and tiff helped to lighten the mood much =) thanks girls =) dora and jo by immitating shakira and singing opera and Only Hope[dramatically of course], and tiff by being all giggly and talking about boys =) haha boys always lighten things up ^_~ *grin*


word of the day: unpalatable
oh also... i miss art. i shouldn't have dropped art... *sigh* just one of those "i miss art moments".

i think...
i think i don't think fast enuff. haha... ahhhhh... okay. well somethign gy said to me today about being thankful for friends gave me this idea of starting this new blog all about all the ppl i appreciate and so i'm all like gung ho to do it and then i come upstairs and i'm like well i'll just read some blogs first so i'm all reading and then i get to erica's blog and lo and behold she just started a blog all about the ppl she appreciates HAHA... ahhh well it was her idea first =) so i will just have to write about ppl i appreciate right here. =)

there's been alot on my mind lately. "take a trip in the mind of a princess" heh well if you *were* to take a trip in there right now... what would you see... ladies and gentlemen please keep your arms and legs inside at all times .... bumpy ride ahead. well to your right here is what we like to call a "front". this is useful for reminding jasmine to keep a smile on her face and hold her head up when she walks instead of looking at her shoes. it is programmed to absorb some of the words that may try to slip past her head and out through her mouth but is only succeeding in catching some of them... repairs are currently being made as well as upgrades such as letting the "front" fall in front of the eyes so others can't see the feelings in them. and... oh i'm sorry. that is the end of the tour. the rest of the mind has been hit by a rather large storm and it is impossible for anyone to get through. thankyou that'll be twenty five cents please. ¬_¬ ... okay. the jist of it is... things are changing. and i dont' like it. if u kno me u kno i don't like change. change makes me spaz. =P but this change... *sigh* it's a direct hit on my pride. that's something else i've really realized. i have too much pride. i dunno... i have a question. is dignity and pride the same thing? ... just wondering. anyways.. it's just... been so crazy because i'm taking some of this really hard because of my immense pride and then i can't even talk about things to anyone ALSO because i am too proud to show others how proud i am. does that make any sense? like i know how bratty i am being yet i can't help how i feel so i try to hide my feelings as best i can so as not to let others know of how much of a brat i really am. for once i actuallyhaven't told anyone about my feelings... well that's not entirely true i guess. i've told like... three close friends bits of it. but none the whole thing and mostly i've just talked about vague vague feelings or small small details that contribute only slightly to the bigger picture. i've told God about it... but i am only praying for him to take these feelings away because... i just don't even feel justified in feeling them. ugh. i'm so frustrated... but something good came out of it. devotions haha... well... see a long time ago a close friend wrote me a letter and in it was this verse that Paul said that is *exactly* how i'm feeling right now. and funny but i remembered that verse so i took some time to flip flip flip and here it is:
"I do not understand what i do. For what i want to do i don not do, but what i hate i do. And if i do what i do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As is its, it is no longer i muself who do it but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that uis in my sinful nature. For i have the desire to do what is good but i cannot carry it out. " Romans 7:15-18
and...
"For in my inner being I delight in God's law but i see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work withing my members. What a wretched man am i! who will rescue me from this body of death. thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 7:22-25

i'm tired. but i'll just leave you with that. it was really encouraging to find that even paul struggled with the same thing. and God had a HUGE plan for him. i guess he maybe has a huge plan for me too =) aside: i love how paul is so real and genuine in his feelings. it makes him a much more interesting author/person

14 days untill christmas!!!! ^_^
wooooootttt!!!!
bhanu my cow does NOT have FOUR EYES! =P

amusing things today:
- mr. westoby signed my guestbook... and dora's but he signed for me in dora's and for dora in mine =) ahhh he is funnnnyyy
- *lines* of stationary hahahaa....

horrible no good very bad day


see: friends falling apart, things i once had slipping out of my grasp, hurting eyes,


hear:more and more and more bad news, my mere presence causing my friend sadness..., goodbye.


feel: broken hearted, tension you could cut through, tears flowing. ---numb---


taste: bitter words being hurled from my mouth, more "cussing", "clean and unclean water flowing from the same stream" >_<


smell: hatred, betrayal, sadness, more to come...


wish: to disappear, yet i have already become invisible.


i just want everyone to be happy...

oohhhh!!!!

i forgot to mention remember the other day ... on the third i was writing about this girl who wasn't a christian etcetc who i was praying for and wanted to reach or whatever? well she hasn't been to our church for a while but she came today and i was like SO psyched! ^_^ actually she came becuase her grandmother got baptised!!!!!!! which is SO COOL!! i mean, it's not *her* getting baptised but it's a huge step because... i guess... if her grandmother makes that type of a decision in spite of the pressure from her family... so can my friend. and yeah. i just wanted to share that cuz it was just really encouraging.

old?

haha i was reading Ivan's blog and i jsut wanted to say.... half of the stuff that makes him old also applies to me =) muahaha i'm old too heeeeee no ... but for *me* these are reasons why i've been in waterloo TOO LONG. but i still love it... most of the time =) here's what we having in common:
- you have to tell people that Wayne Pau DOES play drums and not just guitar
- you remember Erbsville Rd. used to be a dirt road with no houses west of it and you keep telling froshes and second years in the car that story over and over again
- oh and you also tell them that the Sobey's plaza (Columbia/Fischer-Hallman) wasn't there two years ago
- people say "Who's Dylan?"
- everyone knew Sandra
- English service at KWCAC was held downstairs [also, it used to be held in rms 5 and 6 with only a piano and a singer for worship]
- [ccf] actually had an CCF overhead guy named "alan liu"
- alexis a.k.a Britney is now in 3rd year

and here's some of my own .. [ahem] You know you've been in Waterloo too long when:
-all of the above
-longlonglong time ago grads come up to you and say "YOU'RE JASMINE?? i remember when you were *this* big and ......"
-you have pictures of yourself with Carey Wan only you're three and he still looks the exact same as he does now..
-you remember when there was no Food Basics, there was Superfresh.
-one of your best friends is now a frosh.
-oh wait did i mention some of the froshies are only 2 yrs older than me? as apposed to some of the grads i know who are 12 years older O_o ... oh my goodness.
-pastor tim used to be just tim. and you were here for his uhhhh pastorization? ... and remember all these parents going "you have to call him PASTOR tim now!! not just tim!" muahahaha i never converted fully =P ... rebelrebel lol
-you remember when at KWCAC rooms five and six didnt' used to be there, and neither did that back of the sanctuary where the english congregation sits during joint services... you also "contributed" in the building of these rooms by throwing little rocks inside the windows that were then holes...
and there's more... but it's gonna take up too much space so meh. wow man. but i still love this place. how crazy is it that in less than 2 years i'll be a frosh??? yo man lil jasmine who used to sit in the back of the basement english kwcac services and make fun of so and so being couples and stuff ... (ok i sort of still do that but not like i used to... i mean, i used to allllways make fun of jeremy tao (remember him?) and sandra being a couple and then i called shabba the other woman... man oh man.) but yeah... so crazy!!

there was baptism at kwcac today... Congrats to Ray and ummm Iris' mom =P on getting baptised!! ^_^ and also, congrats to Bun and AneeeetA for transferring membership muahahahaha ur one of us now ^_^ teeee* went out for lunch with tiff's family, my family, jo w, jo k, and emzie at sic duc hay... ok. i'd have to say that was *quite* a humiliating experience... i was introducing jo (siah) to my parents and they're like "oh hi" and tiff's mom is like "OHHHH!!! THAT"S THEIR SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!" o_O and i'm like "cha this is my *FRIEND* josiah." =P blech. and tiff's dad was like "oh it must take a lot to "take care" of these kids" and i'm just like beside josiah trying to hide under the table. geez man... i know he didn't mean anythign by it but come *on* take care? gosh we're not liek 5 years old and we don't run around screaming or anything. gargh. a bit frustrated. but it's ok. will deal will deal.
ooh! and also my aunt bought me things from hk including my personal fave.... a *sweetass* jean jacket that's furry on the inside and on the collar from ABERCROMBIE AnD FITCH!!! ^_^ woot! yeah.
ps. i'm gonna marry either shane west or milo v. (jess from gilmore girls)!! ^_^ yayayayayay *grin*

friends in high places...
Ladies and Gentlemen ... may i present... Mr. WALLACE WU (aka W^2) the VIOLINIST *not* violist. as The Record put it *tsktsk* i had to listen to this guy play for like 8(?) years, get it right!
*this* is my boy:

yeah... uhh the first pic is when he was 5... awwww isn't he so cuuuute? but he doesn't realllly look like that anymore although he still has the dimples. poke poke.[i have to reach up to poke now. O_o how sad] and the second is us having some freeeeezzziiiieee fun at 30hr famine yes i know i look awful but hey i just didn't eat for 30 hrs. that's what happens. yeah.. so wallace started playing the violin umm... maybe when i was 8 and he was 7? i think but i'm not positively sure. ANYHOO... this stupid boy used to force me to listen to him practice O_o and listen to violin tapes in the car and when we were at his house he'd either play for me or show me his violin stuff or... zzzzzz and i started to miss playing Lego =P yeah i've never really been a classical music fan.. but now that the kid doesn't squeak when he plays and he's in ARCT(mad mad MAD skillz) and he won some crazy competition it says in the article... he's realllly good and i enjoy the sound of the violin. sounds great in worship too ... i still don't think i could sit through a whole song of his though especially since they're like what 10 min long or something. *and* he has become not a violin geek anymore just madly madly talented. so go check that record link out and maybe u could even go to his special feature concert and go support my bestest boy =)

the future... pshaw.*what* future?


"i still find need to pray... sometimes i get tired walking through these ordinary days. if nothing else i get to see you even if we never speak all the words sometimes we don't quite know what they really mean. i dont' know where i dont' know how i dont' know why but Your love can make these things better." jars of clay~ i am SO SICK of this. i am sick and tired of not knowing what i want to do with my life. i'm sick of feeling all this pressure to know.. to do well in school... to whatever. it's like i'm in some kind of glass jar and these giant people are observing and analyzing me. my parents went to Parent Teacher Night today... basically it's not really interviews you just walk around and talk to all the teachers you feel like talking to or whatever i guess. no... my teachers didn't go balistic about how much they hate me. in fact they said mostly good things. so you must be wondering.."what the heck is wrong then?" well what's wrong is that apparently it's still not good enough because i'm not sure what i want to do with my life. hell i'm sixteen years old since when did sixteen year olds have to decide what they wanted to do for the rest of their entire lives. i know this is so contradictory to what i normally say abotu how not to treat me like some retard because i'm young. but i'm just so stressed. i'm sure many 16 yr olds are quite capable of knowing what they want with their lives. but not me. perhaps i'm just stupid. PERHAPS?? no. i AM. i know i am. the marks... fine. whatever... they're ok. i can improve and i WILL. i DON'T need to stop doing stuff on the weekend to do so. i don't. i have it under control. you know what's sad? the things i do on the weekend are normally church related. not that church is sad or whatever i love it. but it's not like i'm partying all the time or anything. gosh. i'm such a geek compared to most of my friends.... but yet... i dunno. anyway that's not my concern. i'm not worried about my marks because i know that i can pull them out without having to stop doing stuff on the weekends. i know how to balance it out without stopping doing the things i love most. but what i *am* worried about is the fact that i dont' know what to do!!!!! ok. the guidance counselor supposedly said if i dont' know what i want to do by Feb. 2003 i should definitely take five years instead of four. ok there is NO WAY i am taking 5 years. you know they shouldn't tell people that because it tempts me to hastily pick something stupid to take so i can get out in 4 years. gosh people this is a girl's life you have in your hands. my LIFE. something i do for the REST OF MY LIFE. and i am not stupid. i'm not. i've always been an enrichment kid up til grade nine people used to ask me for help argh... memories of the smart days... sorry. i'm just so frustrated. ugh i have a headache. so... i have two requests. 1. stop bugging me stop pressuring me stop talking to me about school. just NEVER mention school in my presence again. ok. well not never but as little as possible. i am handling it and i am taking my future into my own hands.i'll do what is neccessary on my own schedule. [btw if this does not apply to you don't feel like i'm accusing eveyrone of doing that. i'm not.]
2. please pray for me. thanks =)

oh and also... if you can be of any academic assistance please feel free to contact me hahaha... =P bah.

helpless


i heave a sigh as i hold my head in my hands. argh. i wish i read the bible more. it's just been so weird these past few days... last night someone who was a really good friend of mine was talkign to me about their life. i guess... well this person's being going through a difficult time and stuff and i was prepared for the bitterness and sadness about it all but i wasn't prepared to hear one thing. my friend told me that they aren't a christian anymore. this is on icq so like i read the msg and just sit there for prolly ten seconds totally stunned. you see.. not only do i care alot about this friend and love them so much and want them to be happy and everything... but this friend was also at a point in my life somewhat of a spiritual role model. it made me recall this girl i once knew when i was like 10.. i looked up to her so so so much and thot that is *exactly* what i wanna be like when i grow up. she was pretty and cool and smart... she cared about me.. and she was what seemed to me a devoted and spiritually mature christian. but then when i was like 13 i found out she became a mormon which she tried to sort of hide by writing in her letter that she'd "switched churches" i can't tell you how much that devastated me. i was so angry for a bit abotu how she could just lie like that or how i'd looked up to her for so long and she just.... and then i just cried, cried for my friend cuz i loved her and couldn't believe that she wouldn't be going to heaven. but it scared me that she used to be a role model to me. anyways. my friend i was talkign to last night didn't become a mormon. i guess he didn't even fully become a non christian but he does't want to be one. or he says he's not but he still believes in God... but he would rather burn in hell then live in heaven with the people who hurt him so bad and call themselves christians. i can't say all of these people who hurt him are completely wrong because there are two sides to every story and i know parts of both. and i can't say that it is justified that he bases his faith upon the actions of others. it's not. but gosh it makes me really think abotu the way i act. becuase i know that one thing i do could make someone lose everything and reject the one good thing in their lives which is Jesus. so crazy... doesn't it scare you to know you have potential power like that? anyhoo... i was praying and praying and just asking God to give me the words... i said some stuff but i think... that my friend just wants love. at least that's what i interpreted from what he was saying.
next thing is that this girl... i guess she's my friend although i dont' know her very well... called me tonight. i was really surprised that she did cuz she's never called me b4 and it's always been me calling her to tell her to come to Praylude or church or stuff... she comes to our church sometimes but she isn't a Christian... actually she's part Buddhist part Catholic... due to the fact that her family fluctuates in their choice of religion and she goes to a catholic school. so we ended up having this discussion about choice of religion and what she believes and how she feels all this pressure cuz she's not totally sure of what she "is" persay. and it was just so weird cuz i always want the opportunity to witness to this girl without having to seem like i'm pressuring her to become a christian. and so God just sets it into my hands... i mean *she* called *me* cuz she wanted to *talk* and she talked about this and stuff. and... i was praying for guidance but i wasn't sure of what to say and ... well... i'm not sure if anything i said made much sense to her. ugh. i feel like i'm walking in circles i'm so frustrated with myself. if God gives me opportunities like this i should be prepared to use them as greatly as i can toward his glory. gosh. i'm sorry Lord...

-_-
*breathe in*
*breath out*
can't *wait* til christmas vacation =)