no time like girl time

the latest from UWP =P :

--while dev, maril, chris, quyen, and i are playing "up the mountain" and "crazy 8's for alchy's"---

marilyn: guys... my BUTT is warm.
quyen: it's probably red like your face.... like a BABOON!!!

quyen (as she walks to her room to get something): whoa.. i can feel my liquour jiggling!

janna says "focus on the positive" sooo hahaha i've been sleeping at uwplace alot and just bumming here alot which i guess is the bonus of living at home and not having a ride to school on fridays. lots of sleepovers a lot of chill nights hehe
mmm =) i want pizza.

tuesday
it's tuesday... so why do i feel like its gonna be a not so terrific day?

sick
thursday: fed/sweet dreams/homemade screwdrivers =P
friday: dave's party/dev's
saturday: element's (gahhhhh... a horror all on its own)
monday: bubble tease
i am dead sick of going out. i'm really not a party girl despite semi-popular belief. i'm a lounge around with a couple of friends in our pj's watching movies and eating pizza kinda girl. :P

EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee
although i AM sick of going out... i can not by any means contain my excitement.
right now at slc, they are currently setting up for a connnncerrttttt tonight in which a number of bands will be playing including Bedouin Soundclash!!!!!(which if you didn't know are artists of "When the Night Feels My Song" and my current favourites "Music My Rock" and "Shadow of a Man") omggggggggg =D =D =D

paid psych experiments
the psych computer must really like me because i keep getting picked for experiments! i did one yesterday that paid $5 and am doing another one today that also pays $5
mmm money,., haaa i need a job.

come clean
WHY is hilary duff unable to sing with ANY power behind her voice???!!! WHY does she not get ANY louder from the verse to the chorus? anndddd WHY do the lyrics not make any sense??!

family
haha i had a good talk with my parents today over dinner... which was nice because i pretty much haven't seen my parents for a week... cuz i just leave in the morning and come home late at night when everyone is already sleeping... and actually i haven't slept at home for the past three days. but yeah. it was good to catch up .

school
i finally bought my books today.

i'm really excited about PACS on wed nights.. haha me and chuckie hate enduring 3 hours of class BUT this wed it's gonna be good i think.. there's gonna be a guest speaker who started this organization called "Gold Star Families for Peace" becuase her son was killed in iraq. and also, we're supposed to watch a video about Ghandi.
haha i'm a nerd but i like learning about stuff i care about.

i'm a nerd. butttttt .... at least i'm not in chem/space club!!! BAhahaha

september smiles

people tell me i'm too depressing on here.---
good things are not completely non existent in my life =) ... just gotta look at the little details to find them.

These one point five weeks have not been NEARLY as boring as i anticipated. =) Part of that, is due to the fact that there have been like FOUR birthdays within the course of a week haha... which were fun but now i think i'm beginning to hate large groups of people. which is why i've CHERISHED one on one/two interaction. from fondue with christy bashing boys, to clayfield "studying" with alison and/or clara, to chicken teriyaki with janna and laura, to kershaw bumming at jackie's, to wednesday nights with chuckie, to grill/hmving with jiffy, to tuesdays with alison back at sch or just bumming at her apartment. something about heart to hearts lying around on couches or w/e. or laughing at webcam pictures or CRYING haha about poems... =) i NEED those moments.

you know what's funny? CLARA.
- ugly noises have now been "overpowered" by our love for CRYING noises/gestures. (mew mewmew, tear, and etc hahhaah)
- whiteninjacomics.com ... are making a comeback!! THIGHMASTER! "but don't eat it! it'll go straight to your thighs!" lol
- SPACE CLUB! ... well ... chem club too!!! who joins these clubs?? ... nerds you say? NO! my FRIENDS. lol ... oh wait, apparently nerds and my friends have become one and the same =)

what else...
haha jess and our obsession with OC and SUMMER hahah..
OH!!! hahahahahhaha... and also, laura's "ah bee" doll... CREEPY.

tomorrow me and dev are gonna make maeghan's banana bread. =) sweeeet.

so you see, or should i say, so *i* see, that there are some pretty fun things happening this term despite some of my frustrations.
even those times when i have absolutely nothing to do i pull out Tuesdays With Morrie that laur got me for my birthday and just soak myself in this book which btw is AWESOME. so good that i really REALLY dont' want to finish but i only have like 2 chapters left *sighs*

nineteen

became legal on the 15th =) haha ate some chicken teriyaki at soeul soul, shopped a bit, had a family dinner, excercised my rights a bit at caesar martini's...
but mostly it was really great becuase i got to see pretty much everrrrryyyyyone and spend time with people which is waht acutally makes me happy =).

anyhow, pictures speak louder tahn words anyways so go look at http://spaces.msn.com/members/jasy =)

here's a sample:

words from mother geese and partners in crime, pinks and blues... and the start of a new term.(2a)

deep breaths.

"it's called change. and yes, i know you hate this, but you also know you can't stop it. so you have a choice, you can sit and cry and screaming and be miserable, and it will still happen. or you can try to keep being strong and keep moving forward, while it still happens."

moomoobear: : but... but it's just so much easier to sit
and cry and scream... cry especially.

"oh i know it is. but i want you to remember how when you've done that before, you've felt dumb for doing that. so it's up to you. and if you choose to do the first, then you're also making the choice to have to deal with yourself after the fact and you are not allowed to wish you didn't do something..becuase YOU made the choice.
"pain is weakness leaving the body.. but outlasting is weakness leaving the mind." you can outlast this.. strength.. you're building it.. don't let things break you down. build up your strength so u can't be broken down."

english 102b.... novels and poetry. i loved.
THIS ... is still the same novel. we're just on a different chapter. in a different setting, okay so i liked last chapter's setting better. but the characters are still the same. they evolve. some appear less than i'd like. but it's still the same novel by the same Author and it can still breathe POETRY.

welcome 2A.

since i have nothing left to lose i dont' mind bearing my soul right now in order to get a little peace inside my mind. go ahead, tear me apart, i've already done that to myself so it doesnt' matter what you say really, it can barely hurt me anymore.

i feel like i can't turn 19 next week because i dont' deserve to celebrate.
what is this life?! ... what is there to celebrate about it?!?!?!?!! WHAT!?!?!?
not a thing.

when i woke up on thursday morning and remmebered wednesday night, it was clear to me that God had seen this big picture all along. that all i had tried to fight for had been in vain and that i hadn't heard him as clearly as i thought i had. does anyone know how humbling that is? to know that something you felt SO strongly convicted about was a total joke? that YOU are a total joke. that you proved all these people right beucase you thought you could but you can't.

okay so i admit it. i'm a screw up but that doensn't change how much it hurts.
it doesn't change what i still want fromt he bottom of my heart.
it doens't change how much it hurts to disappoint God or disappoint people who care for you. or yourself.

it seems like i'm too difficult for eveyrone. sorry that i can't be enough that i can't say or do the right things. sorry that i make you mad or annoyed or sad or frustrated. sorry that i put you in positions or tell you things that hurt you.
i feel like everyone's on the VERGE of leaving me by the wayside beucase they jsut dont' have the patience for me anymore. some have abandoned me once before and hey you're pretty much doing it again so GO. GO FOR IT GO. but i dont' mean that at all. beucase i want you to stay.

tell me you still love me and that everything will be okay.

but you can't.

i really thought it was over... but it's not.

different but familiar

it's been pretty cool the past two days... alison moved in yesterday so i went over to try and semi help and just to hang out so ended up bumming around and then emz came over from next door cuz she just moved in on sat night for frosh week hahha the best thing was when we were leaving beck from visiting jon and we were all freaking out about how creepy the area was and about the exorcism of emily rose hahaha i dunno. it's just good to laugh.
then we went back to my place and watched a walk to remember and just talked the night away ... well alison and i talked the night away haha emz passed out lol
it's just... this summer the only time we've really gotten to talk was on the phone or msn beucase whenever we see eachother it's almost ALWAYS in a big group of people so... that was really refreshing. then today laura picked me up and we went to see her new place which is soooo nice haha we ate white cheddar kd mmmmm -_-... and just bummed around some more which was also really nice becuase it has also been a long while.

i guess the point is.... it's difficult. it's difficult knowing that we all dont' live rigth down the hall or 1 minute away from eachother anymore. it's hard walking into ppls roooms that don't smell like them or how it used to smell last year or hug pillows that are in rooms that are not the same. pillows that carry memories of insane times... times that i miss. the COOL thing, is that these people are still my friends. and i'm trying hard to trust that things will be okay. but i can't help but wish that there was some ... solid.. thing. something that would show me "dont' worry. things will be okay. things won't disappear. and people won't leave."

give me first yearrrrrr >_<

=) : i spent the ENTIRE day PAINTING. not only painting but painting "allie from the Notebook" style (i'll let you figure out what that means). it's been so long since i've been "in the zone" .. it's crazy. it was great. stuck a sign on my door saying "painting aka meditating. do not disturb" and just shut out the world. i even went offline on msn haha ...
turned out oooookayyyy ... but i still have to put some finishing touches on it ...

=( : ... wow. ouch. ha... so the only thing to do right now ISSSSS... listen to Janice sing "Dai Goh" ... haha
woooopdiidooooo ...
and maybe a bit of raspberry?

i can't say this is my favourite summer i've ever had
i can't say that i did a lot of exciting things
or any?

but when it comes down to it, i really dont' want it to end
i want a few more days to bum, tan, PAINT.
a few more days of solitude
sadness even

fall... what is fall?

ALREADY proven worthless. already proven barren.

trust already broken and old habits resurfacing... this time, to be faced alone.

in a sense, i don't even want to turn 19.

NEW

bright shiny
NEW

ok except for the pictures.

but they WILL be new in a few days

*cheers*