scrubscrub
guess what?! i finally washed my cow today =D HEEEEEE so clean and fluffy and you can see his COLOURS better ^_^
birthdays---present and past(oops)

umumum.... ok let's seee...
the 25th: happy 12th bday belita!!! :)
the 27th: happy birfday to superman!! (aka jeremy) check ur msgs on ur voicemail =P
the 28th: happy bday to tangy zip of miracle whip! (aka pat tang :))
TODAY: happy bday to ivan! =) heee


concept
they had this one red hot chilli peppers song umm ...Under the Bridge i think and my friend brandon was singing it and it was sooooo cool they had him walk down the isle with a spotlight of white light reflecting off his white white shirt and he's a cutie too combined with his amazing voice brandon looked like an angel (sounded like one too) wowwww... *full body goose bumps* that was my fave i think. plus justin with his mad violin skills completely sucked the breath out of me again! *full body goose bumps again* oh my goodness this boy is too talented whenever he plays violin or piano i just get so mesmerized... i rememebr when i was in grade 5 i used to like him HAHAH yeah justin =P but he already knew that. and the reason is largely because when i was at his house he was playing "Somewhere Out there" from Fivel Goes West on the piano and it was SO GOOD ahhhhh mad skillz mad skillz... plus robyn did a solo in one of the songs and it was SOOO good!!! yay i've never heard her really sing b4.. wow. and i liked this one song that Marley Otto sang (she is sooooo amazing) i dont' know her personally but she looks just like christina ricci no jokes! anyhoo, concept was great the skits were so funny too... hahaha paul botros in a speedo eeeewwww haha but it was funny =) after the show dora and i went to go get BBT but sweet dreams was packed so we went to mel's instead for milkshakes and dawn and joseph and elaine and uhh a bunch of ppl were there i guess having a snack after ccf and sitting at the table right next to them was robyn and sabs and all the director producer pplz from concept hee so i was like "hi!" .... "oh hi!" haha two big groups of ppl and then just me and dora... ahhh and then she went to the bathroom and it sorta looked like i went by myself (haha) so i was like rummaging through my back trying to look preoccupied hahahaha...

piano
i think i've been hanging around GY too much lately because i just played like an hour straight of piano hahaha twas fun actually.. i quit piano in april but yeah... was just havin fun banging out notes and playing my dad's chinese songs and stuff... actually i was playing from the book that Wings of the Dawn is in (the song mccf sang for lifesong) and yeah did i mention i got addicted to that song? cuz my parents have the cd and #14 is that song sung by this guy that has a NICE NICE voice and wow... i wish i could sing it with him but i can't cuz i speak ZERO mandarin. blah someone teach me mandarin!! i'm gonna go ask gen now to teach me how to speak mandarin or sing the song at least hahaha lateerrrrz..

concept

was awesome!!! =) ... awwww... i miss concept!!!!!! almost wish i didn't quit... but not quite... =P
mel's is a coooooooool place =) yummmmiiiieee milkshakes..
i'm so tired and out of it i'll blog more about it tommorow but.. yeah... shouts to erin, em, tara, robyn, amalia, brandon, brian, jasonsensation, just, esther, sabs, tami, and everyone else.. YOU GUYS WERE AMAZING =) sorry i'm not forgetting about you just tiiirrrreeeddd... ahhhhh sleep is much needed. nites nites ~*~*~*~*

apologies...


it seems as if i have been apologizing a lot on my blog lately as i mentioned to a friend earlier this evening... perhaps it is because when i write here alot of the times i'm in emotional extremes... if u know me, you know i'm *such* a drama queen... and tend to exaggerate and tend to say stuff i dont meant when i'm mad and... yeah. i dont' think that's going to change. this is my "rant centre" the place where i can spill out my feelings and be heard without being heard... i don;t know if that makes sense...
i just re-read my blog about the invisible list person... ouch. wow. humhumhum how do i begin... i know this is going to lose me respect but i deserve it a lot. i was wrong. when i said i was sure about the invisible list thing i was wrong. well i didn't lie but i thought i was right when i wasn't. basically, i trusted icq over my friend and that was so so wrong of me. and all through that blog i was ranting on about how much i didnt' like that person and how much that person was a horrible friend when really it was me being the horrible friend the whole time. i should have asked them right off the bat but i didn't. i did try to talk to them on monday tuesday and wednesday without success... i didn't wait all the way until today... but i "found out" last thursday night and didn't try to talk to them until monday. i should have clearified it right away but yet again my pride and my anger got in the way of reasonable thinking. i managed to get in touch with the person tonight and talk it out. i can't even begin to explain what a huge relief it was to do that... just because i guess i've missed this person so much. (ahhhh so corny...) but yeah... it was just good to be able to sort of talk in an unburdened manner after what seems like so long to me. agh enuff about that.. what i am trying to say is not to the general public i guess i dont' need to apologize to the blogging community about this except for if i freaked you guys out a lot haha sorry =P but to my friend whom i falsely accused of doing stuff i am SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRYY!!!!! honestly i know i said this already so many times but gosh i'm so so so so so so so so sorry and if i could fillup this page with sorry's i would except that would not be very productive or anything... i could just write why i'm sorry and that would be prolly more better ahhh ok... you've been such an amazing friend to me for whatever period of time i've actually talked to you and it's weird cuz even though i trust you completely with all these things i so quickly doubted you because of the stupidness of icq without bothering to ask you (for so long) whether or not it was actually true. and that's so wrong of me and i'm sorry. and then you go and be all crazy understanding about everything and man i just .... i dunno what to say all i can say is i'm sorry for being such a crappy friend and writing all this crap about you that wasn't even true becuase none of it actually even happened really.. *i'm* the one who's immature and *i'm* the one who's "the lowly creatures that feed on the scum of the dirtiest pond water" =P omg i feel awful i even considered deleting icq from my computer but decided that was just too impossible for me to part with HAHA =P bah. gosh... i've jsut been such a bum this past month and a bit... i guess it's just cuz i just miss things like before but that is totally not your fault and i really need to grow up. ha i can't believe i said that now "guest" can come back and be like MUAHAHAHA you agreed with me hahahaha... but i guess they are right in a way i just didn't enjoy the manner in which they stated their thoughts. anyways... i digress too much... i wish i could make a more elaborate apology but just picture me on my knees with a puppydog face ok? =P luv ya so much =)
kk... i gotta go sleep becuase i have school tommorow... nites
ps. concept tommorow nite! :)

Enneagrams

i was gonna take a little break from blogging after tuesday.... but why should i? :P
not a long post tho.. maybe later... went to angee's blog and then to take the emode test!! =) YAY for EMODE =D anyhoo... here it is:

Jasmine, you're a Type 4 - The Expressive

Friends, family, and colleagues likely appreciate you for this honest and expressive way of being. They're also apt to know that when they come to you with a problem, you'll offer them gentle, tactful advice, rich with examples from your own experience. As an Expressive, you're likely to be seen as someone who is strong in your own identity and in your perspective on life.

Being a member of this type puts you in good company. Singer/songwriter Sarah McLachlan, with her evocative, personal lyrics, and Bob Dylan, with his distinctive and poetic voice, are also Type 4s.

This means that compared to the eight other Enneagram types, you possess a strong sensitivity as well as a powerful creativity. Although you can often be introspective, that doesn't keep you from forming deep emotional connections with the people and places around you. In fact, your ability to search from within may just enrich your compassion and understanding.

blogging in the WCI library again...
"... and does not eat the bread of idleness"
*munch munch* ...


quarters...
quarters are good for calling ppl when you're skipping study to go volunteer but you actually don't have to go take the bus for another hour you just want to skip study cuz it's a pointless thing that they instill upon students cuz school is a form of prison. =P talked to jane for a bit hehe she's funny =)


glasses
i thought i just saw waiki walk into the library.
the guy comes about two metres away and i finally realize it's not waiki. not even close... the guy is cocasian (how the heck do you spell that? i was gonna put cockasian but cock + asian just didn't seem right... ) and he has no glasses and he has a flowered pattern on his jacket O_o. the only resemblance he bears to waiki is his haircut and the fact that his jacket is red. i need contacts or to put on my glasses but i have a headache so no. contacts!!!! i want contacts for christmas. ahhh sweet i jsut thot of what to ask for from my parents. here's my christmas wish list for my parents as of right now (not alllll these things i'm not that greedy):
* contacts
* new computer
*cell phone
*drum set
*the basement
*guitar
yeah... anyhoo, i think i should actually go catch the bus now... notice the cheerfulness in my voice? umm words? =) yayyayay back in a happy mood =) cuz i'm still on the honor roll!! ^_^ yay no devry for me =D ~*~ that is if i pass my math test tommorow *sigh* ... SEEYAZ =)

letter to my Heavenly Father
Dear God...
grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change...
oh but i just can't understand WHY!!... i'm sorry. you said "My command is this... love one another as i have loved you"
i *know* that ... i do ... then why does this hurt so much Lord? WHY is it that no matter how hard i try.... i still end up crying... screaming... spewing out words of impecable hatred... i just....
Betrayal. the very word sets off the situation in my mind and i cringe as the image of the person i thought was my friend stabbing me in the gut races throught my head and the tears fill my eyes again oh Lord there are so many tears.
i think of you Jesus.. You know betrayal. Two of your "best friends" betrayed and abandoned you in your darkest hour here Lord you understand like no one else could... and yet you cried out "Father forgive them for they know not what they do... " teach me oh Lord.. i want to walk in your truth.. give me an undivided heart.. i need you so much...
i think ineed to talk to the person and then i need to let go. but Jesus ... right now... could you just hold me... please.

love is what counts

do you ever have those weeks where a lot of annoying things are said and done to you or around you? well this happens to be one of those weeks for me. the other day, I heard from a friend that some certain people were talking about relationships...specifically romantic. somehow the situation of a 16-year-old dating a 21-year-old was brought up. and somehow during this conversation it was decided that such a relationship would not be able to function properly or last. i cannot even begin to express how absurd this idea is. first off, why would ppl even bother to talk about such a trivial topic?? why is it any of their business whether or not a sixteen year old dates a 21 year old or not? it really is their own choice of whether they choose to be in a relationship with whoever...the person they are interested in...and i don't think they should be subject to criticism from people who do not understand the feelings involving the relationship...puppy love, or perhaps even true love...and the basis in which their relationship rests. do ppl go up to 24 year olds who are dating 29 year olds and question the legitimacy of their relationship? no. and if so, the causes of their inquiry would most likely not concern age...and if it does, i suppose it might be because these ppl, along with the ppl who criticize the 16 year olds, have rods (with shards or SHRANDS) stuck up their ass and seeing other ppl happy just twists the rod and cuts the inside of their colon. well, let me twist your stick another way...i think you are full of crap and that you should go and find a gf or find a relationship...either that or just be content with whateer you have and don't go butting into other ppl's business. 16 year olds have more capability than you will ever know...age is not a factor in love. perhaps it may be a little more difficult for this relationship to work because a 16 year old does not know where they plan on going. this however, is something that can be easily worked around. the exact same problem will occur with dating university students and even married couples. don't give me that bull about how high school students don't KNOW about themselves or haven't disCOVERED themselves yet...some high school students have lived more than you ever will.

the cute virginity blog has been postponed until tommorow. tonight i have urgent ranting business to do in order to control myself from exploding in person. *supresss anngerrr... beee hummbbbllllleeee* it is SO SO HARD. gosh you have no idea. i suppose it is ok to feel stuff tho if i dont' react in an extremely negative manner... so i'm gonna try to let out all the negative energy here...


first off let me begin by saying how incredibly lucky i am to have a friend like Jesus. [ok it sounds like i'm accepting an oscar] btu seriously... friends come and go but He is always loving me.. always with me. i do value friends very highly though... perhaps too highly. at cell on saturday someone ... i think euming... said that girls can be so manipulative . let me tell you how true that is. ok. well... icq. you know how there is that neat little feature on icq called the "invisible list" in which you can place the icq numbers of the ppl you dont' want to talk to so that they can never see you online? well well well... this is something i use very rarely but when i do it's to block ppl that i dont' know who keep bugging me with sexual remarks or something. it is an INSULT to put someone on your invisible list. or for me anyways. and it's an insult to be on someone else's. gosh gosh gosh.... maybe i'm reacting to this so greatly because i dont'think i've ever been put on anyone's invisible list before... well before now. i think my number one pet peeve is to be ignored. ignoring someone... i find, is the LOWEST form of anger. the scum of all ways in which to deal with conflict. what? so you can't face up to me? you can't fight it out or make some sort of effort to resolve your grievances against me? what the hell. even when i'm completely pissed off i still at least respond to ppl and whatever and not go IGNORING them or putting them on my INVISIBLE list! gosh ppl would have to do something pretty dang mean to me in order for me to do something so drastic as to stick them on that list. well today i found out [don't ask me how... i have my ways... and yes i know for sure] that someone whom i *thought* was my "friend" [i scoff at the thought of that crap. this person to me now is nothign but the the lowly creatures that feed on the scum of the dirtiest pond water... ok. yes.. ] placed me on their invisible list. first off what an IMMATURE thing to do. yeah ok you call ME immature? right. whatever who's immature now? you arent' even mature enough to come up to me and tell me you dont' want to talk to me anymore. in fact in person you act almost completely normal but yeah that's right i can tell things are different even though you pretend not to be mad. gosh yo that was a month ago that all that crap happened and you're still pissed about that ?? why dont' you just go get a life honestly. and dont' tell me your'e not mad if you are. i don't care if you are or if you dont' want to talk to me! i do care however about the manner in which you deliver it. gosh dont' freakin lie about it and don't put me on your invisible list on icq. tell the truth and TELL ME if you dont' want to talk to me and i will deal. it is always your choice. not that i did anything but hey whatever. as long as i know and your'e not going on letting me think that we're friends but really we're not. you don't know... you can't possibly know how that feels... it really really hurts. i don't think you'll ever know about this. i dont' think you read my blog and i am never going to call you or email you or any means of communication. in person trust that i will do as you have done and act as if nothing has changed but inside, i'll dislike you more than you will ever know. and you definitely will not find out on icq because i have returned your favour.

amused
people say funny things...
dora: so how are we gonna get in to Jackass... ahhh! why is it rated R???
me: yeah i kno it's so stupid... and everyone is too busy to take us =P
jo: mmhmm
dora: well... we could *pretend* we didn't know it was rated R and see if they let us in....
me: hmm that could work...
kat:b b b but.....
jo: but what?
kat: but what if we get *ARRESTED*????
[hahahaha.... we never saw jackass =(]

today: "I don't disclose my *cycle*" [who said this is not to be disclosed either] HAHAHAHAHAHA


not amused
apparently i'm *cute* because i'm a virgin. explain tommorow. gnite

lazy
guess what? i get off school at 9:32 tommorow =D woot! this is somewhatly better than a pd day because i'll already be near like plaza and stuff so i don't need to walk down there to do stuff HAHA =P


beginnings
it's beginning.... the Christmas season... the time of year when the gently falling snow tickles your eyelashes for the first time in a long while and somehow your memory causes you to be giddy with the pleasant memories of winter. the memories of the murky slush, bitter cold and horrible traffic are neglected as i purposely place my new skechers into the crisp snow to savour the crunch sound that i know will follow. and accompanied with each crunch are images of smiling family and friends, lights, pine trees, and lots and lots of food. =) MUAHAHA i like food.;) and with all these simple traditions is the overall POINT of Christmas which is celebrating God's love in the gift of Jesus =) it's great... christmas reminds me of God's love in so many ways JESUS, the love that He shows us by placing people in our lives that love us, the beauty of everything around us.... *fuzzyfeeling*
hey check this, a *normal* picture (somewhat) of me and tiff on sunday ~ prettteeee snow!!!!


torn
you know what's frustrating? being torn between friends.... or rather, just having friends not like eachother.... i feel so bad. i dont' want to be disloyal to anyone. gosh. this is happening in more than one case ... BAH.....

opps


i think i need to apologize. i'm sorry about that picture *and* the rude explaination i posted yesterday.
okay. tiff and i *were* just really hyper and crazy but i guess that doesn't really entitle us to do whatever and not care about how ppl might interpret it. i guess when we posted the pic (which is gone now so if you never saw it forget about it.) we never really felt like we owed anyone an explaination which is why i was so irritated when certain people seemed to be "anal" about it. we were jsut like "whatever they just got no sense of humour" ... but i guess it's cuz they never offered an explaination or i never bothered to pay any attention to the explaination of why they didn't like it. i certainly don't want to portray myself like that for real which it could be interpreted as for real by some or it could be interpreted as some sort of alter-ego/ change in character that is part of me. it isn;'t. i dont' do drugs and i don;'t think that's cool or whatever. i guess it was just so far from the truth that we thot it was entertaining. and in reference to the caption.. we ARE church girls =) i love Jesus more than anything/anybody... and now that i think about it He wouldnt' be pleased by that either. so i'm sorry. this is a lot more sincere than the other one. i wasn't sorry yesterday that's for sure. but thanks to a good friend who took the time to explain why this might be objectional i was able to look at it in another point of view and realize it wasn't a great thing to do. =P thanks ^_^ kk ... will prolly post l8r but i wanted to do this b4 more ppl saw it.

sigh
aights. the pic below is pure jokes ok? wow. tiff and i were just really really really hyper it's not a big deal. we are not trying to look baddass we're not trying to promote the smoking of weed. i would take down the pic but then this wouldn't make any sense. maaan... it's like tiff said last night "i always have to clarify things with everyone and justify things with everyone" so true. so hears the clarification for those who didn't get a good laff outta it. sorry... just being crazy and weird.

icq deleted my list!!!! =( soooo... plz msg me thanks =)

snow is awesome =) snowwwwwyyyyyy pics should be up soon... i have my webshots linked now... i only have like lifesong pics and glo pics up tho ... gonna take me a bit but gonna get my pics up =)

kk... back to regetting contacts... l8r =)

high on life.
me and tiff.... are.... happy. rofl.... u'll see....

what tiff will never be... =P "punkrock prom queen.... "
don't i look cute? ... more like a deformed puppy O_o
my sister needs to stop eating so many beans.

tired.
gotta make a cd for worship but i just added two new links go check it out =P well erics isn't really new i guess i think she's already linked to losta ppl...
but let me introduce u to..... CHANGERBANGER =) HAHA now kat's the only "kreazeless" girl who doesn't have a blog... well... she's the only kreazeless girl who has a crease muahaha so i guess it all makes sense. anyhoo, dora has cool things to say go read it. i especially enjoyed the last paragraph of her latest post. TRU DAT girl!!! [btw this picture takes place inside the PIMPMOBILE lol]

last friday was a p.d. day for us =) HEIDI came home and us girls (me heid jo dora kat) went SHOPPING =) tried to convince heid to wear a dress to commencement but no luck :P heh. took some pics which i'll post very soon...
and after that i went to waiki's to chill a bit before Lifesong (ccf's evang thingy) which was awesome awesome awesome. God truly was working there ... everyone in it was awesome and gladys rocks!!!!! i'll post pics up too of it... soon... they suck tho.. id idnt' want to use flash cuz i didn't wanna disturb ppl... Lifesong reminded me about humility. something i think God was speaking to me about all that week. i jsut wanna stop holding grudges... wanna stop being so defensive... but i have a long way to go. God's been giving me less reminders this week ...and ijsut... forget. until yesterday and today... ARGH gosh i feel so crappy. how can i just ... i don't think before i speak. i wanna scream...
i love this song by Christina Aguilera "The Voice Within"... God is with me all the time... it's amazing. i kno she is not exactly the model of Christianity but she has an amazing voice and this song is good. :) it struck me particularily tonight. Jesus mold me.
The Voice Within
Young girl, don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl, it's all right
Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring and what it means

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within

Young girl, don't hide
You'll never change if you just run away (this part reminds me of something jehjeh said to me once)
Young girl, just hold tight
And soon you're gonna see your brighter day

Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside your soul
[Chorus]Yeah...
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know

new favourite song
a calming song for the freaky middle of the night =P
No Greater Love : rachel Lampa

Before I knew Your name
You knew my every breath
Before I found my way
You knew my every step
Before I knew everything that I need
You gave it all to me

No greater love than this
That You should lay down Your life
For someone such as me
I'd spend a lifetime wondering why
The beauty of heaven is here in my heart
And I know there can be no greater love...
than this

I never understood how merciful love could be
Until I felt His flame light every part of me
And I would give everything that I am
'Cause I have been saved
Yes I have been saved

repeat chorus
©2001 Dayspring Music, Inc./SGO Music Publishing Ltd./BMI/ His Eye Music/ Maggie Bees Music/ SESAC

i love Jesus. =)

english class

i'm at school rite now =) english... good times good times and for once i got a keyboard that the space bar is workin in.... robyn, nahayat, liz and harpreet went down to the caf and i decided to come back upstairs to the library cuz i'm a geek :P actually no. more just cuz i think blogging and printing off pictures is a better use of my time than hanging in the crowded caf where there's junior lunch rite now. plus i'm hungry and i dun wanna be tempted into spendin all my money on junk food :P bleh. need to save up those pennies for christmas :P
anyhoo... to clarifyyyyy.... AGHK! sorry. my blog is a venting spot...
ya kno (if ur a single girl) how sometimes you get into those phases where it jsut seems like everyone has a love life but u? and u wonder why? ... i didn't mean that i wanna be like whatever ppl and make out in the halls and stuff cuz no. i think it's rude. but when i see that kinda stuff ... it's sort of rubbed in my face that i dont' have a boyfriend and i wonder why. and sometimes that wondering turns into stressful thinking that's all. it comes and goes... other days i'm glad i dun have a bf cuz i'm so much more free :P like today. but gosh, sometimes a girl just really wants to have someone love her and cuddle her and tell her she's amazingly beautiful and the most amazing important person in someone's life :) God is really great for me like that (that was not meaning to sound like i have sexual feelings for God) just that he loves me so much and it's the most important thing to me. ... cuz without that i would have nothing to live for. so i'm sorry if i gave off the impression that the only reason i want to have a bf is to make out in front of lockers cuz that totally wasn't it at all. aiiiyyaa.... oH! and also thanks lyds for being soooo sweet ^_^ ur awesome =)

humhum. well now that i'm here in the library.. i'll describe my school's lib to you. unlike dc... it has only onelevel... and there are actually BOOKS in here. books you can read for leisure if ur an undercover bookworm like myself. there are nonfiction books too but not all of them are. i rememebr going to dc to study and wanting to take a break so i was like hmm maybe i'll just go read somethign and since this is a university lib there must be some more interesting novels than in my tiny little school lib... but i searched far and wide and came up with only textbooks and periodicals O_o. i think our lib is a lot prettier than dc i mean... i like the ceiling archetecture. i dunno how to explain it. but it's nice. i will post a picture of it later... OH! did i mention that i got a digital camera?? :D :D ... i am not really quite ready to convert to a digiphotographer... nope.. but i think digitals are convenient for taking pictures of nothingness that u just want for reference or for posting on the internet... no worries about wasting film :) and u can see it rite after so yay. but i still like *REAL* pictures better =P
speaking of pictures i wanna go print some off... bbl tonite... PD DAY TOMMOROW!!!! :D

Truth Beauty Freedom....

... and above all things LOVE.
all around me it seems that love has been quite in the air. it's as if eros has a certain fragrance that lingers near me but never with me like the scent of homemade cookies from home ec down the hall that i can never taste becuase i'm stuck in chemistry. or perhaps it's what i see... like that outfit from abercrombie that i just *need* to have but can't becuase aside from the fact that abercrombie isn't in canada, it is also too expensive. perhaps i just don't have the "money".. don't have what it takes for love anymore. not that i'm saying the past relationships i'vehad were love. i guess maybe i've never experienced true love. i haven't. the one time i thought i loved someone so much that it must have been deep and the truest love there ever was... faded a year and a half later. i still can't decide whether that was really love or not. some people tell me it was infatuation. maybe maybe not but i know that if it was it's not becuase i am incapable of being in love with someone.... but perhaps i *am* incapable of having a relationship with someone whom i love that deeply and who loves me just as deeply back. it's ok. i shoudl be ok with this. i tell myself "jaz u dont' need a boyfriend, you don't. u have everything. who wants to waste time on a stupid boy?" but i think i'm lying to myself as i walk down the hallways of my school and see people making out in front of the vending machine and i'm suddenly not hungry anymore and maybe slightly upset or when a couple in my biology class starts kissing while sitting in front of me and i wonder to myself why they can have it and i can't. gosh this is retarded.... does that ever happen to you though? you *kno* what you "should" be feeling but in your heart you're really longing for something else? there's this guy. i shouldn't like this guy i shouldn't. why? becuase he is someone i care a lot about... in a friend way. and i go and develop this retarded crush (cuz that is what it is a crush) on him and man it is so stupid. i never thot.. but see... i know what i *should* feel which is nothing and yet... what i do feel is my knees growing weak when i see him... my stomach doing a flip flop when i hear his voice onthe phone... i want it to stop.

trapped.