apologies...


it seems as if i have been apologizing a lot on my blog lately as i mentioned to a friend earlier this evening... perhaps it is because when i write here alot of the times i'm in emotional extremes... if u know me, you know i'm *such* a drama queen... and tend to exaggerate and tend to say stuff i dont meant when i'm mad and... yeah. i dont' think that's going to change. this is my "rant centre" the place where i can spill out my feelings and be heard without being heard... i don;t know if that makes sense...
i just re-read my blog about the invisible list person... ouch. wow. humhumhum how do i begin... i know this is going to lose me respect but i deserve it a lot. i was wrong. when i said i was sure about the invisible list thing i was wrong. well i didn't lie but i thought i was right when i wasn't. basically, i trusted icq over my friend and that was so so wrong of me. and all through that blog i was ranting on about how much i didnt' like that person and how much that person was a horrible friend when really it was me being the horrible friend the whole time. i should have asked them right off the bat but i didn't. i did try to talk to them on monday tuesday and wednesday without success... i didn't wait all the way until today... but i "found out" last thursday night and didn't try to talk to them until monday. i should have clearified it right away but yet again my pride and my anger got in the way of reasonable thinking. i managed to get in touch with the person tonight and talk it out. i can't even begin to explain what a huge relief it was to do that... just because i guess i've missed this person so much. (ahhhh so corny...) but yeah... it was just good to be able to sort of talk in an unburdened manner after what seems like so long to me. agh enuff about that.. what i am trying to say is not to the general public i guess i dont' need to apologize to the blogging community about this except for if i freaked you guys out a lot haha sorry =P but to my friend whom i falsely accused of doing stuff i am SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRYY!!!!! honestly i know i said this already so many times but gosh i'm so so so so so so so so sorry and if i could fillup this page with sorry's i would except that would not be very productive or anything... i could just write why i'm sorry and that would be prolly more better ahhh ok... you've been such an amazing friend to me for whatever period of time i've actually talked to you and it's weird cuz even though i trust you completely with all these things i so quickly doubted you because of the stupidness of icq without bothering to ask you (for so long) whether or not it was actually true. and that's so wrong of me and i'm sorry. and then you go and be all crazy understanding about everything and man i just .... i dunno what to say all i can say is i'm sorry for being such a crappy friend and writing all this crap about you that wasn't even true becuase none of it actually even happened really.. *i'm* the one who's immature and *i'm* the one who's "the lowly creatures that feed on the scum of the dirtiest pond water" =P omg i feel awful i even considered deleting icq from my computer but decided that was just too impossible for me to part with HAHA =P bah. gosh... i've jsut been such a bum this past month and a bit... i guess it's just cuz i just miss things like before but that is totally not your fault and i really need to grow up. ha i can't believe i said that now "guest" can come back and be like MUAHAHAHA you agreed with me hahahaha... but i guess they are right in a way i just didn't enjoy the manner in which they stated their thoughts. anyways... i digress too much... i wish i could make a more elaborate apology but just picture me on my knees with a puppydog face ok? =P luv ya so much =)
kk... i gotta go sleep becuase i have school tommorow... nites
ps. concept tommorow nite! :)