lessons in life
::the first half of the week::
think for a moment of all the people you care about. all the people who have positively impacted your life and have somehow left a footprint in your heart. how many of those people have you told that they are important to you or that you care about them? due to a situation that occurred this week i was caused to think about the people i care about in my life... and i guess that if there's anything good that came out of this situation is that i learned i need to value people more... learn to value their presence and to treasure every moment i am able to spend with them.. treasure every relationship made. because as much as people like to think that there's always going to be a tommorow for them to finally say "i love you", in a second, that tommorow could be cut off from our grasp. i i guess i just want all my friends and family to know that i care about them... just in case... also, this situation has kind of shaken me to hurry up and start sharing the gospel with my non christian friends and family...cuz at least with Christians you know where they'll be, you know where they're going... and that gives some peace of mind that our Heavenly Father is with them and that one day you'll be together again... but with non Christians... i guess i just want to make as great an effort as possible to ensure that my friendships with everyone will last forever.
also, i resolved to try hard not to judge others before getting to know them... and to try to get to know people even if they seem unapproachable... if God has provided me with a chance to meet people who have the potential to impact my life i should take it... before the chance is taken away...

::second half of the week::
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (err sorry i forget the biblical ref. Phillipians something...)
i won't ever give up. or come close to giving up again. i promise. -- but i understand.

my deepest prayers and sympathy go out to all those who are weary hearted or feel broken because of what happened... especially his family and close friends-- may God comfort you during this difficult time and give you peace in your hearts.

hi :P
wow computers are really screwed.
i dunno what happened but my whole blog just suddenly got really screwed up hence the dullness of it now.
write later..

halloooo... i'm in dc right now... yes. dc O_o i actually came here at like 8:30 this morning as a cause of my mom having to work and not being able to drive me to my exam that is at 1:30... at 1 i'm leaving to write my exam... i really should be studying as i don't really have very much time left until my exam i guess but yeah. i had breakfast with pattycakes which was cool as we were able to talk and stuff...
and i just ran into tanya who was coincidentally just 3 computers down from me... :D it's funny cuz i think ... although it may sound strange that it was meant for us to run into eachother? .. we just had a really good in depth conversation... and we were able to pray together :) which is cool because i've never prayed in a library before just out of no where... i think it's really cool to just be able to do that.. just... admist everything with school and whatever that God is just ever present everywhere we go in whatever we do... it's truly a blessing. anyhoo, i now have a lot to think about...and i think that it's important to be able to think about things instead of being a total airhead all the time and blog about how i'm dying my hair today and getting a haircut.. although that is still exciting. i'm gonna try to spend more time with God and really try to get to know myself and where i stand on things so that when i'm asked i'll be able to understand my own thoughts and just share with others in a comprehendable manner. i would like to build up the "intillect in me" HA! ^_^ and somewhat lessen the "airhead in me". tanya said "maturity isn't based upon age, it's based upon life experience" if i am able to aquire more life experience and pray sincerely to God for wisdom, perhaps i will worry less about whether my young age has an effect on other people's thinking of me because i will know the extent of maturity within myself and be confident in who i am. but ... who i am is still to be determined. anyways, i should really get back to studying now. three down one to go....

exams exams... three down one to go.... funfunfun.
my week has been filled with exam stuff... i haven't gotten a decent night of sleep in a while. ... had my math and accounting exams yesterday :P after my accounting one i headed over to dc where eumie was extremely awesome and helped me with science which i had that exam today... but i was still up til 3 last nite studying the weather unit and trying to comprehend the physics unit which tobes ended up clarifying for me :) i find it so cool that i have friends in all different academic areas... english, math, sciences, history, you name it! :D so like when i need help with any subject i'll just be like hmmmm ... who do i know in THIS subject and stuff heehee

after our science exam today, me dora and kat hung out at dora's for a bit and then met jo for lunch (jo had to leave cuz she had a french exam) ... after lunch, me dora and kat went to DC to study HAHAHAAHA i'm becoming a dc geek ^_~ btu it's a nice plce to study... not too much noise, and uncrowded...
CCF Coffeehouse was tonight... twas very cool :) after actually contemplating of the reasons why i would go instead of just going "because i feel like it", i thoguht of a reason... but it was a pretty big sunday school answer reason i guess... but after going, i'm really glad i went... cuz eventho i am not a non christian and stuff... a lot of the stuff ppl said made me think alot abotu stuff... for example, sam was talkign about how everyone has a void thatcan only be filled by God but ppl try to fillit with different stuff... and i never really thought about it... but i'm beginning to think that i focus a lot on people... like, my relationships in my life with other people mean a lot to me... and i think sometimes to an unhealthy degree... i think i really needto get my spiritual life back on track and just make Jesus my number 1 priority all the time. but yeah... patty drove me home (thanks patty :)) so we got to talk some which was really good :) see there i go with people again ;P gonna go do some devos and go to sleep.

i was sitting at home starving to death tonite but then my mom can and gave me this huge thing of kfc ^_^ and left again...
so i'm alone at home with this HUGE bag of kfc so naturally.. i call jo who came down to my place because she truly enjoys spending time with me :P HA! spending time with kfc is more like it :P btu anyhoo, nice spending time with my best = ) we took some crazy pics with my web cam as you can see above ¬_¬ insane? perhaps.

time to discuss my phone problem on the net so everyone will be informed. i have been diagnosed with answeringmachiniphobia and compulsive never leaving messages =P ... admitting my problem is the first step :P ... yeah ... uhh ok. today i called janey 7 or 8 times because see, when i call and get the answering machine, instead of leaving a msg i just keep calling over and over and over and over until i get you instead of actually ever leaving a msg cuz see, i hate my voice on answering machines and i always sound dumb cuz i dunno what to say. secondly, when i leave a msg i tend to have to wait for ppl to call me back. i hate that. like, i'm kind of an impatient person but like, sometimes ppl don't relaly get around to calling you back or they don't end up getting your msg and i just sit there and wait and stuff :P which i just can't do without getting all stressed out :P so yeah. there now everyone knows. i'm not really a freak .... just kinda. O_o
[aside: thanks patty for the offer of the popsicle even though i was in the shower :9]
[aside: gladys i'm sooooo happy :) :) :) cuz relationships are a gooooood topic :) let's spread the word :D]

One Girl Revolution (Superchic[k])

i wear a disguise
i'm just your average jane
the super doesn't stand for model
but that doesn't mean i'm plain
if all you see is how i look
you miss the superchick within
and i christen you titanic
underestimate and swim

i got the rifle going to be myself

and i'll be everything that i want to be
i am confident in insecurity
i am a voice just waiting to be heard
i'll shoot the shot bang
that you hear around the world
and i'm a one girl revolution
i'm a one girl revolution
i'm a one girl revolution

some people see the revolution
but most only see the girl
i can lose my hard earned freedom
if my fear defines my world
i declare my independance
from the critics and their stones
i can find my revolution
i can learn to stand alone

congrats to all you graduating peeps! ^_^
went to eumie's after school today and me, eumie, anita, toby, and yuling walked to clara's convocation... only toby had to go write his exam so he didn't end up going to the convo =( so yeah, went to the convo (or post convo i should say)... took some pics, saw cute brother ^_~ =) =) *teehee*, and then headed back to b106/07 and chillaxed in the building for a bit ... went down to this cafeteria type place and sat around while eumie anita yu and jason were eating... jason is a really nice guy but he made some jokes that i didn't understand. ¬_¬ clara was talking about japan and i was sitting there playing with her keys ... after, we went back up to b106 and chillaxed some more and watched part of the Bachellorettes (hahahaha) ... yeah. i dont' know what was wrong with me today. perhaps it was my lack of sleep last night that just made me feel really down today. i dunno. i still feel down. down in the dumps =P but twas nice to be able to hang with clara some ... haven't for a while.

got home and slept. slept for a long time. i want to go sleep again. when i sleep i dont' have to think about depressing things. *sigh* i feel like the whole world is against me

fried i tells ya ... fried.
it's 2:22 am. ... is this even supposed to happen in highschool? O_o
it's gonna be at least another hour for me if i decide NOT to do the 6 research journals. hoorah.

Main Entry: 1fry
Pronunciation: 'frI
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): fried; fry·ing
Etymology: Middle English frien, from Old French frire, from Latin frigere to roast; akin to Greek phrygein to roast, fry, Sanskrit bhrjjati he roasts
Date: 13th century
transitive senses : to cook in a pan or on a griddle over heat especially with the use of fat
intransitive senses
crap! bell rang.. write more later

this is me in my polar bear pj's . it is 1:06 a.m. and i have to get up at 6 tommorow.
i detest computers... my entire report got deleted on me and when i finally did it all over again, my printer breaks down. ARGHHHH!!!!
time to get off the internet.... that's what i'm going to look like all of tommorow :P gnite... finally.
ps. i know i know... it's not as bad as in university :P like i really care right now :P :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGEE!
(today in your time and tommorow in mine :) )

hummm... nothing really happened today so i can't really think of anything to blog about. *sigh* why oh why is waterloo such a boring place?
i remember sam saying "wow... highschool in waterloo must be so boring! like, what do you even DO? what's the point of skipping class? to go watch the deer at waterloo park? O_o" LOL how true... how sad. :P but no no no there's other things to do in waterloo! yes there are. such as... uhhh.... welll it's not like we don't have a mall (cough cough) or a movie theater :P so yeah there's something to do when skipping class... not saying that i skip class...¬_¬ plus we have FRESH AIR. now how many people who don't live in loo can say they have nice are huh? HA :P [this is my pathetic attempt to think of something to blog about]

i have a thought. you know how in protestant churches there's lots and lots of denominations? such as alliance, baptist, presby, pentecostal, etc. well... i always had theidea in my head that they all believed the same thing just had differences in certain aspects of the procedure of services or administrative stuff right? well i was wondering.... like, i go to an alliance church and when we do Lord's Supper it's open to all proffessing and practicing Christians which does not neccessarily mean you have to be baptised... so some people who aren't baptised but are Christians take the Lord's Supper... but i went to a baptist church for my friend's baptism in tdot and well they made it so you have to be baptised in order to take the Lord's Supper. and that's ok and everything i was just curious as to why... i dont' really get it because like, you can for surely be a Christian without having been baptised right? and so is the Lord's Supper for only those baptised Christians to commemorate Christ or for all Christians? cuz certainly you can do it either way i'm just wondering.... i personally think it's better to have it that all Christians can take it.. it's just a personal opinion, not implying anything... but i think this because when you do it so that only baptised Christians can take it than doesn't that give off a false impression to others that only the people who are baptised are Christian? dunno

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMIEE!
well i'm back after four whole days :P what ever happened to daily blogging? :)
reading lyds' blog today and thinking about what she said about how there's a certain pressure in blogging to "preform" ... so true! ... i remember when i started blogging way back when.. but not before emily :) there certainly was not as much variety and a way smaller "blog community"... and i didn't think many people read my blog at all, my blog was more for me who at the time when i started was going through a tough situation and felt like ranting and feeling like others were hearing it... and i would go on these huge rants and just spaz beyond spaz... sure i still spaz.. but for some reason... it feels like i've developed maybe a different tone.. and there's certain things i'll think about writing and then i'll be like "no... what would ppl think?" or "i don't know if that would be interesting to put" or whatever.. i remember when a bunch of ppl started telling me they read my blog and stuff i was like "wow really?" and i was talking about it to my parents or something and my dad was like "wow really? well then i guess you really have to watch what you say on there if so many ppl are reading it. no telling what they might think... " and i was just like ... hmmm never really thoguht about it. i think i've tamed up my blog a little since then... i wanna go back in to writing with my heart instead of my mind... i was telling tm yesterday that he shouldn't "edit his thoughts" and should just say what he means... i was mostly saying it because he was taking so long to answer me on the phone because he was trying to think of a good way to say things or whatever. but i think.. that i've really been editting my thoughts before they go down here lately... and i think i should stop. i try to be genuine most of the time in person and before on here too... so i'm gonna try to spend less time thinking about whether stuff sounds right or is good enough... and just spew out me. it'll prolly be more interesting that way anyways :P

something happened this week that i'm really confused about. see, there's this event that's coming up... and my friend "j1" wanted to be in it... well actually it was another friend- "j2" who actually asked her to sing a duet with him for this event although j1 is not directly involved in the group who is putting on this event. so j2 asked the people who are coordinating the event if it was ok for j1 to participate in it with him. he did not ask for her to sing a solo or anything... he didn't ask for her to get up and share her testimony with ppl or anything... but the people who are coordinating it said no. why? because j1 is not in the same "lifestage" as them. this decision was not a predetermined decision made at the beginning before the event was beginning to be organized, but instead was made when j2 asked about j1 being in it. am i annoyed? yes. but at the same time i'm not. people who know me... and even if you dont' really know me well but have been reading my blog should know that i'm really sensitive about the whole age thing. but i guess i dont' really care that much in this situation as it doesn't really directly involve me and j1 isn't very hurt by it. of course, she is disappointed but can live with the decision made. i think i'd be a lot more annoyed if she was hurt. so i guess in a way i'm really not caring about it ... btu at the same time i am. like, j1 wants me to go to this event with her and i said no. it's funny cuz it's a total roll reversal. normally, i would be the one to ask her to come with me to such an event but this time it's her who's trying to convince me without any success.. i'm really frustrated. i feel that i may be being really anal about this whole situation... i dont' know why things like this get to me so much. but ijust really don't feel right going cuz like... it feels like i'm somehow betraying my values if i do? does that make any sense? prolly not eh? :P i guess not many people ever see things the way i do. *sigh* sometimes i really wish i weren't me. before you think that i'm wallowing in self pity, stop. i'm not. i appreciate all the things i have and i'm greatful for how much God has blessed me in my life. it's just that lately, i've been feeling like "i'm a hazard to myself" Pink... like i just don't like WHO i am as in my personality... i take pride in being unique.... having different qualities and preferences than other people... becuase being different is what makes people beautiful! imagine if we were all exactly the same how scary that would be... but sometimes... i really do wish i were a different person because i really can't seem to do anything right. i mentioned two blogs ago that i was a traitor. i'll now explain the situation: i have a crush on the guy my best friend likes. i know it might not sound like a big deal but it is. a few months ago, some people thought i had a crush on my good friend's boyfriend... i flipped out. i couldn't believe that people would think that i would be capable of that type of atrocity against friendship. but now... i'm actually doing it. even tho they aren't going out this time... but the principle is the same. so that's one thing. second... i am sick and tired of my own.... convictions. i dont' mean Christianity :P i mean... like how i totally freak over agist or sexist comments and how it just makes me SO angry. it's hard because no one really seems to understand how hard it is. like... i'm always seemingly the youngest. i guess i put myself in that situation alot since i am friends with a lot of older people... btu even within my best friends who are my age i'm the youngest... i'll be the last to drive... the last to step into a bar (ok that's not THAT big of a deal :P ) btu ya know.. sometimes i really feel like i get left behind ... and i really just hate being treated different because of my age.. cuz i can't help when i was born and i guess it's just the people who love me regardless of the lifestage i'm in or how old i am that i really respect. and it hurts a lot when i'm treated differently because of my age and stuff. that's why it's such a big deal to me. but no one gets it and so i'm just sick of it. i wish i didn't care. it's too tiresome. but i can;t just stop caring about something i care about. that's like .... jsut doesn't work. there's a lot more reasons why my msn name right now is "i hate me..." but i'm sure you don't want to hear my complaints about how much i hate myself anymore (crap am i thinking about the audience again? :P ) well my fingers are tired too... so i am going to stop here ... "i'm a hazard to myself.. dont let me get me.. i'm my own worst enemy.. it's bad when you annoy yourself.. so irritating..don't wanna be my friend no more.. wanna be SOMEBODY ElSE."

"So many feelings... emotions running away with me... "
i feel... confused... change is scary. you'd think i'd be used to it by now living in waterloo seeing people come and go so often... but i'm not. i'm as unused to it as i was ever since i learned to miss people. it's weird. missing people before they leave is strange. or maybe not even leave leave... like you know how you can miss someone because things are changing after over a decade of it being the same and not neccessarily have them leave.. perhaps they are just moving on to a different stage of their life that you know you won't be a part of. it's hard. i won't say who i'm talking about... but to *you*: [i love you more than you could possibly know... sisters and friends forever]

referring to lyd's *poll* on whether it's possible for a guy and a girl to be best friends and not have a romantic relationship... i think yeah it's totally possible!! explain tommorow

we won our division and the division ahead of us for dragonboating!!!!!! YAY! :) our ending time was 2:24:55!!!! :) which is an all time record... :)

went out for bbt with jo, waiki, jiffy, patty, buffy, and dave today at timeless after db :)

just some thoughts as a result of this wknd:
1. being blown off sucks.
2. blueberry bbt is too sweet :P
3. i'm a traitor :(