A Fragmented Version of the "Hols" Thus Far

I spent a ridiculous amount of money this year. but I think it was worth it.

I like being with the old-time churchies and I haven't gotten sick of them yet, even though they've probably gotten sick of moi! ;)

My mom's in China with my sick grandma so I feel a bit guilty for all the fun I've been having.

I saw Juno and it was as good as I thought it would be!

I've got green, apple-scented glitter on my hands.

I watched the entire first season of The Hills today.

My thoughts have often been in an English accent. (And even as I write this!)

I know I'm getting more and more lame as this blog progresses.

Oh! Oh!--- I'm learning to COOK!
I most definitely made a spinach artichoke dip last night that was a HIT! *Flourishing bow (and a ty to S ;))*

I'm sick. (Sore throat, stuffy nose, light coughing)

AND *dun dun dun dunnnnnnn* I GOT MY COW BACK!

I'd take a picture but I have no camera right now... but my baby and i have been reunited and he's mooing hello to everyone right now. PT found him and gave him back to me and after I finished screaming I realized I could now show him to everyone I've met since the start of university-- it's really been four years! He has so many people to meet! Uncle Matthew thinks I should get him a sweater so he can have a "new look". LOL

Ok, I'm done wasting everyone's time. Back to making New Year's resolutions. Turrah!

I want to see this!!

Thoughts On Recent Lousy Decisions Made Not by Me.

Most positive things I've learned about being a Christian and being a member of a church come from the guidance and leadership of my pastor.

The two greatest commandments God gives Christians are:
1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind.
2. Love your neighbor as yourself.

Pastor Tim has always demonstrated these things to me. Anyone who is a member of KWCAC's English Congregation would know that PT encourages his congregation to seek after an understanding of God's heart through His Word and worshipping Him with your life. But MORE importantly, in my opinion, a pastor leads not by words, but by EXAMPLE. And PT has not only demonstrated his OWN fervent chase after God but he has UNrelentlessly LOVED and SERVED his congregation as himself. Sometimes better than himself. He takes the time to know people and nurture not only their spiritual needs but their physical and emotional ones too. I think that's what God means by loving someone as yourself. You'd take care of all your own needs. And true love, that's doing your best to fulfill those needs in others.

To some people, helping fix someone's computer or hosting five giggling 17 yr old girls' prom night or driving out in the winter to help someone fix a flat tire or handing out kleenexes while someone bawls their eyes out may not be the conventional work of a pastor. But in my opinion-- I only HOPE that there are other pastors who demonstrate the same love Jesus did. Because getting up on a bloody pulpit on Sundays and filling out paper work and doing set visitations? That isn't enough. And that's NOT what Jesus did either.

I hope certain people take the time to remember that Jesus was also less than conventional.

I know I'm not exactly the model Christian, but because of PT, I do understand what living out Christ's love means.

And it is a crying shame that the future generations of students passing through Waterloo won't get to experience God's love and care through him anymore.

I had quite a few more strongly worded and, honestly speaking, angry thoughts to share. But really, it doesn't matter whether or not I think certain decisions were made correctly or handled correctly by whom, etc etc etc. Because what's done is done.

The important thing is to recognize the significance of the past 15 years of ministry my pastor and my friend, has contributed in his service to God and the people of KWCAC.

What do you do when you recieve terrible news?

Step 1 is, of course, denial.

No. That can't be right. Read it again......ok, it's still true.

Step 2. I generally sit frozen in place for some time, muttering profanities and researching ridiculous plans of action such as how much it would cost me to fly to some random place in the US and assume a new identity.

Step 3. Call someone I trust loves me. It has to be someone who loves me kindly. It can't be someone who will say "Well you should have seen this coming" or "Well, it's your own fault this happened, you know". Because it's still too early at this point to be reasonable.

Step 4. Repeat Step 2, but add in some depressing music.

Step 5. Luckily, at this point, my best friend arrives with the best step of all-- comfort food! and in this case, it came in the form of Black Cherry Icecream, Kraft Dinner Mac and Cheese, and Ristorante Pizza. Mmmmmmm Mmmmm!

Step 6. Escape to some happy place and do happy things while gorging on your comfort food with a few of your favourite people and refuse to think about the problem for the rest of the night-- thus reducing likelihood of a minor stroke.

Step 7. Which may come a short (or long) while after Step 6 is when you actually have to start thinking about things. I rarely have any say over what happens in this step. The only thing I can do is "sum foo cup". Deep breath. Here goes nothing.

It Went Right!

Every mission needs a period of "working up to it". So Kat and I stopped off at the mall for a bit for some fuel.
I had my first big mac in ages and Kat got some padthai in the cutest little take out box!

This winter's choice beverage is the Candycane Hot Chocolate from Second Cup. It's both delicious and festive looking. I was tempted to buy a cannister of it to make at home.... but I didn't because of my mounting credit card bill. Oops!

We shopped for a little while and then took off to the newly privatized transportation license place where I got THIS:



My road test (aka d-day) is now officially on January 10th at 2:35pm.

I advise everyone to clear the roads on that day.

HEY YOU! GO RIGHT!

"I don't have a whole lot of excuses for what's gone wrong with my life, she said. But the ones I do have are really good." - Brian Andreas

Life lately, seems like a succession of failures and mishaps. Mostly mishaps really. Large ones. One after an another, after another...

Today I am going to the ministry of transportation to figure out this whole blasted drivers license mess.

This next thing had better go right.

Waiting

December's banner is coming-- I have an idea, but my camera is out of batteries and I can't find the charger.

In the meantime, check out this song, You Give Me Something by James Morrison-- song of the week! Marie Digby does a pretty good cover of it too, but I went with the original:



"Please give me something, cuz someday I might know my heart."

I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.

She said: you don't know me, you don't wear my chains.

Boston by Augustana

I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah



Essential yet appealed: carry all your thoughts across an open field.

Big girls don't cry.

La la da daaaaa.... it's 9 in the morning...

Clamping on the bit.

I think I'm so tired, I'm not. If that makes sense.

It scares me how many people are at the library at 9 am. But at least I still got a computer. *Muttering* Stupid laptop.

Um, correction: Stupid me.

Large half hotchocolate, half coffee means at least someone's feeling optomitstic.

And now, I'm going to inhale my coffee and get some crap done instead of wasting my early start on meaningless blogs.

"It's time to be a big girl now..."

Michael Buble : Lost

Love this song. The video is really sad though, basically just a bunch of people sitting there crying, but it suits my mood and the weather lately.

Rules:

Sing. Don't yell. Or whine. Or screech.

It's bad really. I should take a spoonful of humility. And really, it's not about how well you can belt out the tunes, but who you're singing it to and how much you mean it. But GEEZE it's hard to focus on God when I can't help cringing every few seconds.

I want!

I saw this colour on a waitress at Soeul Soul the other day and she told me it was called Apple of My Eye by Loreal. My mission in life right now is to get it.

Morning Coffee 2

This morning at Starbucks, surrounded by a small crowd of like-minded women waiting for our caffeine fix, I ordered a pumkin spice latte, and a caramel macciatto for Alison. The cashier, seeing that the change for my $20 would come out to an undesirable amount of change, kindly asked:

"Do you have 10 cents?"

"Uh..." I scrounge through my pockets. "No, sorry..."

And then, out of nowhere the lady behind me, wearing a brightly coloured sweater to match her smile, offers enthusiastically: "I have 10 cents!"

She runs her finger through her change purse producing a dime, which I try and refuse at first but then gratefully take when she assures me it's not a big deal.

Not two seconds after I recieve my very even change, the lady lets out an audible sigh and states "Oh great. Now I can't buy my coffee."

I gasp and whirl around wide eyed.

She let's out a hearty laugh. "Just kidding! Don't worry!"

I giggle relieved and can't help but grin as I leave Starbucks with my coffee thinking about the woman who magically brightened my morning.

And glancing at the "The Way I See It" quote on my coffee cup, I considered that the woman may have gotten this quote before as it would definitely provide one possible motivation for her random act of kindness.

So Small

I know it's hard on a rainy day.
You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone.



So easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big, at the time.
It's like a river that's so wide it swallows you whole.

While you're sittin' 'round thinking about what you can't change,
and worryin' about all the wrong things--
Time's flying by, moving so fast.
Better make it count, cause you can't get it back.

Morning Coffee

As far as morning's go, it's been a good one.

On our way to campus, Kat and I stopped by Starbucks where I satisfied my Pumpkin Spice Latte craving and Kat got a Green Tea Frap (without the melon shot of course).

One of the things I love about Starbucks (because I am a slave to good marketing) is their "The Way I See It" quotes on their cups. Delicious caffeine fix with a side of wisdom. Here's today's quote:

Coffee in hand, sun smiling down, we made our way through campus, pausing every so often to greet friends crossing our path, and now we're seated in the back right corner of Social Policy (prime classroom seat!). And what do you know, this class is actually really interesting!

Lucky for me because my laptop is about to run out of batteries.

Here's to good mornings! :)

Crossing your fingers doesn't really get you anywhere

I apologize for the lack of "real" updates lately. I promise this youtube song posting will end soon. Sometimes though, songs say it better than you ever could yourself, and so there isn't any point in writing about it because you're not going to do as good a job as the song will anyway. And it takes so much less effort.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song.
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud.
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to.



Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe... just breathe.

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you'd only try turning around.

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
and its keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I take it just a little bit
I, hold my breath and count to ten
I, I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe

Well it's all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade
And wondering what's real

non stop

I'm dizzy from commitments and obligations. From urgencies and expectations. (It's always about that.)
From playing catch up.

I can't even finish this blog, I have a meeting in 10 minutes and it's 15 minutes away at a reasonable pace.

celebrity of the day

I absolutely love Reba McEntire.

I know I'm a dork. I don't know how I suddenly fell into this country music rut. Laugh it up.

But I watched a special with Reba and Kelly Clarkson and I cried.

So cheesy, so good.

714

I think sometimes you can really surprise yourself at how much you can feel even after so long.

I think what's difficult is becoming very jaded toward most things while keeping a hold of just a few. Because investing very much in very little is almost more dangerous in investing a lot of yourself in everything. It's like putting all your eggs in one basket and if it just so happens that those baskets don't hold those eggs carefully (which is really an unrealistic expectation to think that any basket will always be reliable), then your eggs all break in one go.

Back to the old way

I'm kind of getting sick of the whole "composition" style of blogging.

It's starting to seem too much for other people and a lot less for myself which is why I've been geeking out on here for so long anyway.

So for now, I'm going back to the old way. Less boxes, less walls.

It's kind of reflective of life right now, I think.
It may be a result of biological events approaching, but it seems that those walls that went up almost a year ago are dissolving. It's not a good thing. It's like someone ripped off the bandaid too quickly. Like the bubble wrap's been taken off and now I'm feeling every bump, every scrape. Things aren't as meaningless. I am not so unaffected.

Maybe I just have to get over this "hump" before I get to that healthy balance.

My nails are at that stage right now. Long enough to get all that gross dirt and crap in it, but not long enough to look pretty. But I know that if I can just hold out a little longer and not bite them off, they can get pretty glamourous.

Fair Warning

This past Friday, I awoke to the smell of burning.

At first I dismissed it in my groggy state and willed myself to drift back out of conciousness.
Unfortunately, a short time later I found myself coughing and unable to tolerate the intense burning smell that was filling my bedroom. I don't know what took me so long but I finally panicked, leapt out of bed and flung open the door to a hallway filling with smoke wafting from the lower level.

"SOMETHING'S BURNINGGGGG!!!!!" I yell.

The story is pretty anticlimatic. It turns out that my mom had severely burnt some toast in our super-defective toaster. Days later, the smell of burning is still lingering. Yum.

What worries me is that our fire alarm didn't go off at all that morning.
Which basically means if a real fire were to start in my house, I would likely die.

Not to mention, someone should really inform the three people who are shacking up in my house for the week:

Warning: Toaster and fire alarm out of order. Permanent residents take no responsibility for resulting injuries and or deaths.

Theme song love

John Mayer : New Deep

I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been

Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my inner dwellings?
And look at the stars
Don't it remind you just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess

(*)

I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight

Stop trying to figure it out
Deep will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back porch poet with a book of rhymes
Always open knowing all the time I'm probably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'

A Tragic Loss

Does anyone else have that perfect pair of jeans?

The ones that make you feel comfortable yet confident, match with everything you own, and are worn again and again because you'd choose wearing them two maybe three days in a row rather than break out a cleaner (but less well loved) pair?

My denim of choice? Jacob Connexion. Dark wash. Stretch. Ahhh.

I love them so much that I continued wearing them even after they started wearing holes.

Sadly though, the holes are now too visible to ignore and I've been forced to retire them.

And although I'm looking forward to shopping for a replacement pair of "perfect jeans", I'm not looking forward to breaking the new one's in.

This Is Likely Why I am Wedding Dateless

I am gross.

My hair is stringy and is attaching itself to my sticky neck, further trapping the heat from this sauna-like bedroom against me.

My head hurts. My breasts hurt. Actually my entire body is sluggish and sore-- torn between taking today's second shower and staying right where it is. Unmoving. Perhaps forever.

It is impossible to fall asleep and somehow (stupidly), I find myself sitting in front of a bowl of Clam Chowder. Not good Clam Chowder, I might add! And I'm wrestling with yet another difficult choice:

Q: Do I choose the repulsiveness of actually eating this fishy paste or the guilt of dumping it out while less fortunate individuals go hungry?

A: Answer found on page I-hate-this-time-of-the-month.

It's not what it looks like...

Here's the scenario:

You are a waiter at East Side Marios.
Every Monday night, two asian girls come in to the bar to order half price wings.
They giggle a lot. A lot.
One of these nights, you see two other girls stroking eachother at the bar.
A few times you pass by the asian girls' table and hear snippets of their conversation:
"...where we should have the wedding... the church is too small!" ... "You're my date to..."
At the end of the meal, you ask if they want the bills seperate or together.
"Together." Says the girl on the left as she whips out her debit card.

True story.

Bee and I are a bit worried that the waiter at East Side's thinks we're an item. We're always there. We're always giggling. And last week, when an actual same sex couple was there as well, I happened to pay for Bee's drink.

Today we watched a basketball game together and contemplated whether or not Bee should be my date to an upcoming wedding. If it happens, I imagine the wedding reception will be yet another interestingly misinterpreted scenario for on-looking wedding guests.

"Are you a friend of the bride or groom?"
"Neither... I'm her date."
"Oh!..." *Trying to figure out when Jasmine came out of the closet.*

Goal Setting

I get what I want.
(I know I sound like a princess (ok, so I am one), but it's true.)

I don't always know what I want. But when i do, i have a strong urge to get it and will persevere in doing so. Unfortunately, these are usually very meaningless goals for the purpose of instant gratification.

Last week it was Black Cherry Icecream. This weekend, it was going to see Harry Potter.

My quest began on Wednesday where after much whining and pleading, Bee and Andrew still refused to see it with me. They don't like Harry Potter. And I think Bee had had enough childish behaviour for one evening. (hehe)

Thursday: Kat had promised her cousins she'd wait for them. Esther, unfortunately had already promised another group of people she'd go with them. She invited me, but I have high standards. I don't spend my time with just anybody you know.
Friday came. And tonight I decided, enough is enough! I'm seeing it tonight and that's that. So I called Joanna in Toronto; "Come up and see Harry Potter with me!". That was an almost. Wallace wanted to see it tomorrow.

But I wanted to go tonight! And so I did. With my sister. And it was good.

So there.

Eat-Over

This summer, Bee, Andrew, and I have been have had quite a few "eat-overs".

I call them eat-overs because they always start with food. No exceptions.
They start with food and then continue on to ... well, more food.


Tonight the items consumed included:
- 3 bbq boneless rib things
- 2 scoops of chocolate vanilla swirl soft-serve icecream
- 1 can of Chunky beef stew
- 1 can of WInnie the Pooh Heinz Pasta
- 1 Delissio (not delivery) pepperoni pizza

Maybe it's something about combining hot summer nights with a lot of eating that does something weird to our brains, because the night almost inevitably will progress to hours of hilarious but (very) un-intelligent conversation or creating Mii's in the likeness of certain "interesting" individuals.

And the next thing we know, the sun's rising again signaling another successful eat-over.

(As well as triggering the ever-lingering question of why on earth we wasted so many precious sleep hours away doing that... again.)

Fresh Face

I thought it was about time for a little change.

What do you get when you cross the laziest person in the world with the most scatterbrained?

My nails are long right now. (Relatively.)

My bookshelf and closet are clean-- and now for the floor and the desk. It's greuling work, you know.

I'm spending the long weekend with my three favourite people, also known as kreazeless. <3 I am a happy girl. Five nineteen. Enough said.

Extreme Makeover : My Home Edition

[the before photo]



... ahem, yeah. alot to do still. Step one? Clean the damn thing. *sigh*

Couple things about June

Save the environment. (Or at least try.)

Be careful. I'm moody.

I still haven't seen pirates.
Waiting for people is tiring, and so is trying to get people together. So i'm trying to decide how lame it would be to see it by myself.

I love this song:

rilo kiley : the frug

Prince Charming: You! You can't lie! Where is Shrek?
Pinocchio: Well, uh, I don't know where he's not.
Prince Charming: You don't know where Shrek is?
Pinocchio: On the contrary,
Prince Charming: So you do know where he is!
Pinocchio: I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that I undeniably
Prince Charming: Stop It!
Pinocchio: Do or do not know where he shouldn't probably be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't!

spectrums of pain

When I was around eight or nine years old, a few friends (Jo, Heidi, and Wallace) and I were playing baseball in the yard of the Catholic elementary school adjacent to my block. Our version of 'baseball' wasn't always consistent, but it generally consisted of my yellow, wooden baseball bat and a tennis ball. We used our hats or jackets as bases. Usually there was a pitcher and no defined teams. Every kid for themself.

This particular day, I remember, the game had ended and we were heading back to my house for dinner. Heidi was swinging the bat around as we walked. I recall bending down to tie my shoe and when I caught up she must not have heard me because the next thing I heard was the crack of that solid wooden bat colliding HARD with my right hip-bone. I know I collapsed right onto the ground and couldn't speak for a few moments but maybe a minute later I was back on my feet and lightly making my way back to my house. I didn't even cry. I think I actually laughed when we were back at my house. There ended up being a WICKED bruise that spanned the size of my hand but nothing else. Weird, eh?

I think I have a very large physical pain threshold. I've ran around on a sprained ankle (which is why my ankles are so messed up now), and over the many times my right earhole has closed up, I consistently grit my teeth and force the earring in anyway, dabbing away the blood like sweat.

Sorry. I know I'm grossing people out. The point is, I have a high tolerance for physical pain, but my tolerance for emotional pain is greatly lacking. I cry easily over emotional hurts, I miss people easily, I run away from things I don't want to deal with, things that seem too hard. Part of me wishes that my emotional tolerance and physical tolerance would swap places. Wouldn't life be easier to live that way? Instead of building emotional walls, I could just try harder not to fall on my face or let my earholes close up. And to stay out of the way of baseball bats.

Which is far easier when you're twenty than when you're eight.

Michael Buble : Everything



"and in this crazy life, and through these crazy times... it's YOU, it's you, you make me sing. You're every line, you're every word, you're everything."

purchase potentials

Sitting around at Bee's burning time and found something I want:





C'est moi!

summer days

Waterloo is boring.

Boring enough that I am choosing to-- get this --attend class. Haha... currently, I am relaxing in the dimly lit lecture hall in EIT in Laura's marketing class. :P -- Maleck is the prof and I'd forgotten the actually entertaining quality of his voice and this class is reminiscent of econ220 except it's way better considering its not 8:30am.

The funnest thing I can find to do lately is eat. With friends, mind you. ... So i have about 8 friends in Waterloo this term. Count'em -- 1. Kat 2. Laura 3. Janna 4. Bernice 5. Andrew 6. Alice 7. Steph 8. Nicole (disclaimer-- if i forgot you, it's probably just because i don't really hang out with you often. not that i don't consider you as a friend.) And I only really hang out with 4 of them.

And have you ever tried to find actually entertaining things to do in Waterloo? Trust me its not an easy task. At least during the day. Options? Basically all i do is eat.
Starbucks, Morty's, Chill&Grill, Mikey's... um yeah.

Someone entertain me. -_-

About Me
*updated my 'About Me' section on facebook and felt like sticking it on here.

I recently stopped biting my nails, but sometimes revert back to my old habits.

Some people say I'm a bit of a drama queen and I have two ways to cope with my wild influx of emotion:
1. Draw
2. Eat

I'm easily bought. And honest (mostly).

Current addictions include Tazo iced tea and Youtube.

Oh. And I'm redecorating my room this summer if I get around to finally getting it cleaned.

I L♥VE TORONTO!

- i'm just a city girl at ♥.

Ana Free: Cover of Bic Runga's Sway

"And there's no cure, no way to be sure why everything's turned inside out, instilling so much doubt. It makes me so tired. I feel so uninspired. My head is battling with my heart, my logic has been torn apart."

indignant

I was going to make an entry on my recently updated "summer goal" list. But recent events have caused me the need to discuss one of my pet-peeves, if only to relieve myself from this swelling pocket of indignation in my chest.

Two things that rub me the wrong way:

1. When people suggest in a manipulative manner that I do something. It's as if they assume that i am either too stupid to see through their ridiculous tactics or that I need people to 'trick' me into doing things. I am not a child that needs to be bribed with candy to go to bed. (This annoyance goes hand in hand with that other pet peeve i have of people trying to "teach other people lessons".) It's condescending and rude to assume that you 'know better' than someone and that it is your position to be 'getting' them to do things in the way you deem best (unless you have recieved specific permission/respect from this person to do so).

If I want to do something, I will likely do it. If I don't want to, I likely won't.

But if I somewhatly want to do something (or am considering it) and someone treats me like this, I will be strongly pushed in the direction of doing the exact opposite of whatever that person is trying to coerce me into.

2. When people directly order you to do something or imply that you "have to".

"You HAVE to _____!!!"

Actually, no. I don't. Not unless you happen to be an officer of the law or something-- are you?
Seriously- tell me. Who the bloody blank do you think you are?! (that IS directed to someone specific)

It makes me so angry when people act like this. Go ahead and make your own personal rules, but leave me out of them. Especially if you really don't have any authority over me at all and are just acting like a condescending jerk.
Honestly, I really had to hold myself back tonight.

Likewise with number 1, number 2 also generally causes me to do exactly the opposite of what that person is 'ordering' me to do.

--

It isn't that I don't respect anyone and that I don't listen to anyone. It's just that the people who actually do have influence over me know it, because I have told them, or I will actually willingly approach them for advice and do what they say because I do respect them.
And I'm not okay with giving people the impression that treating me in that manner will get them the results they desire.

Whew! End of rant! lol

et fini!

"s u m m e r came like cinnamon... so sweet!" - c.b.r.

worn out

until 6am : studying client-centred therapy and REBT
6am-7am : unsettling, nightmare-ridden 'nap'
7-8:40am : more studying
9-10:30am : SOCWK w Ind 2 Theory and Practice Final
10:40am-12am : unsettling, nightmare-ridden 'nap' 2
12:05pm-12:15pm : frantic shower
12:30p : meeting at mikey's
sometime during the meeting: unfortunate accident
2:00pm: return home AGAIN to deal with unfortunate accident

... and I have another long day/night of studying to look forward to. Someone shoot me.

*edit 5pm
-- when i got back to the library, i walked down the to basement to set down my stuff and back upstairs to get a mint Aero only to find that my watcard wasn't working. So I went BACK downstairs to get change, and back upstairs again only to find that the chocolate wasn't $1.25 it was $1.50-- at which point i decided there was no way in hell i was going back downstairs and borrowed 25 cents from a random stranger.

Today is not my day.

library juice

I came to the library particularily early this morning because Kat had her exam at 9am. Since its beautiful out, I detoured with Kat to RCH before heading over to DC, cut through EIT, picking up a cup of "Midnight Obsession" coffee on the way.

This has seriously got to be the most caffeinated coffee on the planet.

I did a little googling and found that it is a dark roast from Africa and the specific brand I purchased is from the Baden Coffee Company's Sleepy Monks Fair trade brand:

The Baden Coffee Company promotes Fair Trade Coffee under its Sleepy Monks Reserve brand, which is organic, shade grown and bird friendly. "Sleepy Monks Own", a blend of five Fair Trade beans of separate origin, has become one of our most popular coffees.


library art



... this blog is getting some serious love during exam time

Since I have been basically living at DC for the past week -- i thought it would be appropriate to show you a general idea of my "study area" -- with labels! haha
*click the picture to enlarge it

blue

hit kind of a 'down' day.

but Denise brought me the Ginny Owens Live cd and its cheering me up a bit :)

"when you're lost inside yourself and you can't find your way out-- you gotta find something, something to sing about." - live once, ginny owens

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 7 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books (list to be determined)
- re-do my room (been saying this for the past few summers but this summer-- i SHALL!)
- go to the gym thrice weekly
- stock up on new makeup and new nail polish :)
- and new shoes.
- learn to COOK! ha!
- learn how to edit videos and start a vlog
- start my 'comic' slash me and bee's company

... to be continued.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

at club dc - 'hard at work' as usual

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 9 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books (list to be determined)
- re-do my room (been saying this for the past few summers but this summer-- i SHALL!)
- go to the gym thrice weekly
- stock up on new makeup and new nail polish :)
- and new shoes.
- learn to COOK! ha!

... to be continued.

i really do


nataliedee.com

song of the day

She said, "What good is tomorrow without a guarantee?"
She can lick her lips and smile
And make you wanna believe

Chorus:
That the consequences of your actions really are just a game
That your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day
She says nothing's forever in this crazy world
Still I'm falling in love with the right now poster girl

Things To Do This Summer (starting in 10 days)
*this list is a work in progress

- save up enough money for my Euro-gradtrip
- visit Dora in ottawa (Canada Day wknd and possibly before)
- learn ASL (American Sign Language)
- figure out local volunteer opportunities for World Vision and "get on board"
- read 30 books

... to be continued.

I kind of hate waterloo right now.

Carson said i get like this everytime I see Dora... I go through a phase of not liking people very much except for a select few.

I can't help it!

I need my kreazeless.

Just feel like without them, I'm not REALLY myself... It's like i forget after not being with my kreazeless for so long how different i am with them... how natural and ME I feel ... how i can let loose and be myself and like they KNOW me. No expectations, no presumptions, no judgements, no... criticisms!

And i never laugh so hard without them.

It doesn't help that finals are upon us. Doesn't really add to the appeal of this city.

Sometimes (rarely, but sometimes) games can be amusing.

Mafia-- is a serious thing. Perhaps unwise to play with a group in which a lot of the people are still "getting to know eachother"... and who don't know how to play the game. It can produce a great deal of tension as experienced at the 3rd yr girls sleepover.

Which was a pretty funny considering it's just a silly game. :P

Taboo is another good one. (A game that I actually like ALL the time!)

bee: what would you say for BLT?
me: YUMMAAAAYYYY!!! :D

However-- regular Taboo is just never going to be that fun to me anymore-- what's better? JEOPARDY taboo!! ... "WHAT IS BUNGEE JUMPING!!!!"

Jacqueline: It's... something you do on a mountain....
Jo: TIME!!
Alison: What was it?
Jacqueline: Bungee jumping!... can't you do that on a mountain?
Bee: ...... you mean... SUICIDE?
Alison: *rapidly flails arms* BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!

two years today

and on an unrelated note-- sometimes i feel like dealing with people just isn't worth the frustration. I mean, it's not a constant thing, but sometimes people can be so inconsiderate. And they can have such high expectations.

The ultimate expectation of course, is that you are supposed to just sit there and comply and try and try and try even when nothing you do is appreciated. Sit and wait for things to be 'convenient' for them, because in their minds, that's when it should automatically be convenient for YOU too, right?

Sometimes I miss my 'hermit term' because I never had to deal with any of this stuff.

Oh I know, there are a million other factors. But when you're annoyed its easy for perspectives to be slanted... it's easy to just focus on that one ugly spot on the wall.

Welcome Home (You) : Brian Littrell

I can't get this song out of my head.
It's really cheesy, but also, really addictive.

quotes from 'club dc'

bee: wow. that was the longest pee ever. I think my bladder lost its elasticity.

__

guy1: did you say naughty?
guy2: NOT...
guy1: ohhhhhh.

__

asian: she'll probably ask something like "at what angle is the leaning tower of Pisa at?"..
non-asian: ...less than 45 degrees?
asian: 5.5 degrees.
non-asian: ... less than 45 degrees.

reality check (aka wow, i suck.)

"We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands.
The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him.
This is how we know we are in him:
Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did." 1John 2:6

AFTER FINISHING SHOPAHOLIC and Baby I have the ridiculous desire to begin, from now on, each blog entry in caps lock-- similar to the beginnings of each chapter in the book.

Shopaholic and Baby is fabulous. Better than Shopaholic and Sister in my opinion. I finished it in two days which my boss said is quite disciplined because she would have finished in one night. Unfortunately I do have to put it down for such frivolous (in comparison) things as... oh you know. Class. Work. Friends. Stuff like that.

Today we were dropping Koko back onto campus after preparing for our Palliative presentation and I asked Koko what song she wanted to listen to from my ipod.

"I like Chinese songs though," She says in a don't-bother-because-you-won't-have-anything-i-like voice.

"We're not as white as you think!!" Kat retorts almost instantly.

Laughing, I shoot Kat a dubious glance.

"Okay," correcting herself, "I'm not as white as you think. I watch ket jap."

A blog was really useful before, when i updated it daily, because it allowed me to record my thoughts-- sometimes i'll get lost in mini epiphanies, or maybe i'll suddenly think up good line of poetry or think of something funny or interesting -- but pull me out of the thought bubble for a while and those thoughts are lost and i find myself hopelessly trying to recall them.

On an aside-- know what was really fun? St. Paddy's Day!! :)
Last minutedly, kat, jo, jess, clara, and i went over to aaron and carson's and drank our brains out while playing taboo, eating wings and shanghai noodles, singing along(badly)to aaron's guitar playing (mostly just vitamin c over and over and over), and running screaming around the house incoherently. LOL it was so much fun! and I pick that over lining up for hours outside of a bar any day!! :D

I'm beginning to realize our "time" together is really limited... and I'm trying to treasure simple, happy moments more. 7man party, chocolate covered strawberries and bananas, NV 70% off sale hehe, mochas, and shopaholic and baby! These things make days smile-worthy.

understanding the "new me"

I used to be pretty clear on what was real & what I made up, but with everything going on in the world, none of that seems to matter, so I just decided to talk less & smile to myself more, so as not to add to the general confusion. -brian andreas

Watch this.

No, I don't know her. I just stumbled upon this by accident. Just watch it.
There are no words. bahahaha

'poon choy'

-- basically just a big tub of meat.

It's the second best thing about chinese new year. (we all know what the best thing is. ;))

feb one four

i was toying with whether i should study the day away and pretend it doesn't exist or have any effect on my life. certainly that would be the more mature thing to do. more dignified approach. yes, that would definitely be the ... oh screw it.

I HATE VALENTINES DAY!!

so there.

so you know how i never answer your calls?

well those days are over! :D

hello baby (phonelove*) hehe i love my dad

happy monday

I don't feel like this morning has been the best start to a new week.

I woke up with a scratchy throat and a stuffy nose. And the same headache I've had for two days that starts at the back right of my neck and shoots up to the upper right part of my forehead.

And now I'm at DP studying. blech.

positive thoughts:
- got myself a half hotchocolate-halfhazelnutcoffee,
- i snagged the best seat in the library (imo-- the computer in the left corner right in front of the Library Staff Only elevator. I like it because it's way over against the wall and nodody walks by and peeks at your screen or bumps you with their bag.
- its bee's birthday!

and at least its the last week before reading week! :) four days!!! go go go

the secret

the secret to good blogging is *hushed tones* the belief that your life is INTERESTING and worth talking about!

i used to think life was very interesting in highschool :) i always had something to tell! nowadays if you ask me how things are, my standard response is "okay, uneventful.. *shrug*"... but no more!! at least on my blog i will pretend to invest a great interest in my life.

chin fat

my dad asked me if my thyroids were swollen today.

i'm just like: WHAT!!! .... *pause...* ... WHAAAAT?!!?!

seriously, now.

ipod love

jiffy got me the most adorable ipod case (merci beaucoup!) which i love and felt the need to share with everyone!
It looks like this:

catching the bug

i thinking i'm re-catching the blog bug, i'm not sure why. my inner nerd is making a come back!

distractions

as of late my favourite has been watching tv and movies on the internet. it's such a fun thing to do by yourself! sex and the city at my fingertips! little miss sunshine two feet away!

was on the phone with dora for a few hours last night. it was supposed to be this 10 minute conversation to tell her about my latest "its driving me insane" story and to get away from the world of waterloo but for a few sweet moments. who knew it would turn into a 3 hr phone call? ... ok, guilty. =P but nevertheless, it was much needed. i miss my best friend. and i miss laughing incontrollably til i think i'm going to die from lack of oxygen.

we were talking about My Big Fat Greek Wedding. so after i got off the phone, naturally, i wanted to watch it! but its not on alluc :( and peekvid is down. so i looked it up on youtube and this clip is all i could find. not even one of the funniest parts! but still very satisfactory.

lists lists lists

there's something about lists that make me feel like i have my life slightly more under control.

it's as if having an organized manner of stating how far behind i am makes me less far behind.

makes no sense at all.

can't wait til reading week!

hey february!

february

... is alive with a renewed sense of "maybe i haven't lost ALL my luck?" accompanied by an awakeded spur of motivation (or urgency at least)

... began with breakfast with mamalaura && kat @ symposium. yum!

... is all about the Beatles.

... is new. which means i can still shape it. i can't change first year. or second. or last term. or yesterday. or one minute ago. but february? i have like a fresh tub of playdough!

bullet dodged

"Open up the skies of mercy,

rain down the cleansing flood...

... its your KINDNESS Lord"

i enjoy solving problems with humour

bee: just don't look dumb.
jasy: dumb?
bee: yeah. like, don't put a lot of shiney things in your hair.

"I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day"

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline

and do not resent his rebuke,

because the LORD disciplines those he loves,

as a father the son he delights in."

Psalm 3:11-12

may my life be one unbroken gaze

difference number 1

i used to think there wasn't any difference but there is. the first one, is that everything.... LIFE... just seems way more beautiful and meaningful with Him than without.

Native?

So I'm training new callers... and one girl I was training starts talking to me about her friend from her small town.
"My Native friend from my town's name is Jasmine, so when i saw that your name was Jasmine i was like so shocked! Because the only two Native girls i know are named Jasmine!"
*pause..*
"Umm... I'm not Native.... I'm Chinese."

Do i look Native? (It's kind of cool but ... weird! i always get korean but never native)

can you say dumbass? (my very own "dorkism")

I've been trying to be more responsible about my work schedule because i'm putting in a lot of extra hours doing training, sitting at the recruiting booth, and doing interviews-- the times for these are sporadic and i didn't want to miss any, so i copied all the times from my boss's email onto a piece of paper that i carry around.

For today i had written down: Interview -- 10-3pm

Unfortunately, the only ride i could get to school was at 8:30 this morning before my mom went to work, and i didn't want to WALK considering it's snowing a lot outside and i didn't think one measley hour of sleep was worth a cold walk to school. So i drug myself out of bed at around 7:30 this morning, left the house at 8:30 and getting to school at around 8:40, spent a WHILE in the bathroom fixing myself becuase i didn't want to look like I'd just drowned and came back to life while i was interviewing people.

I went up to the office at around 9:15 thinking, hey, maybe it's not so bad that i'm 45 minutes early because i've never done an interview before and i could take this time to figure out what i need to even do and get some coffee. So i get upstairs and start chatting away with Pete and Joanna (2 of the supervisors) and somehow i get to talkign about how ridiculous i am that i signed up to do interviews from 10am - 3pm.

Joanna: uhhh... there aren't any interviews this morning...

Me: WHAT??... uhhh ghzala sent me an email!!

At this point, Pete, Joanna, and I are kind of running around and getting all freaked out and worked up about why Ghzala would send me an email saying 10 - 3 when there aren't even any interviews! We go into their office and tell John who is also thoroughly confused.

Me: SERIOUSLY guys this sucks! I can't believe i got up at 7:30 in the morning for no reason! I'll show you the email!!

I pull the email up on the screen and here's what it it says:

Interviews:
January 10 - 3pm

Me: SEE??? January 10.... oh... oh my God... oh my God i'm such an idiot.

Of course we laughed at me for a while and then it wasn't so funny anymore when i realized how tired I was and how i'd left my cellphone at home and how this day SUCKS. >:(

*sigh* I need a cup of coffee desperately.

finally winter

It's finally really winter here. The snow's coming down like a blizzard, my ears and face practically freeze off everytime i go outside-- and i'm loving it! :) I think it's the wait that did it. Like I've been anticipating snow for so long, i'll take anything i can get!

This term's beginning has been basically the opposite of last term. I'm seeing people a lot, going out a lot while school's still just getting started... bursting out of my hidey hole so to speak. And i've been enjoying it but i know it's not going to last... moderation... organization.. it's difficult.

Okay this is a really boring blog entry :P so i'm going to stop now. bye!

a 2007 motto

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

- Pope John XXIII

p.s. notice how "on the ball" i am this month? definitely the marks of a new year. *grin*