i think...
i think i don't think fast enuff. haha... ahhhhh... okay. well somethign gy said to me today about being thankful for friends gave me this idea of starting this new blog all about all the ppl i appreciate and so i'm all like gung ho to do it and then i come upstairs and i'm like well i'll just read some blogs first so i'm all reading and then i get to erica's blog and lo and behold she just started a blog all about the ppl she appreciates HAHA... ahhh well it was her idea first =) so i will just have to write about ppl i appreciate right here. =)

there's been alot on my mind lately. "take a trip in the mind of a princess" heh well if you *were* to take a trip in there right now... what would you see... ladies and gentlemen please keep your arms and legs inside at all times .... bumpy ride ahead. well to your right here is what we like to call a "front". this is useful for reminding jasmine to keep a smile on her face and hold her head up when she walks instead of looking at her shoes. it is programmed to absorb some of the words that may try to slip past her head and out through her mouth but is only succeeding in catching some of them... repairs are currently being made as well as upgrades such as letting the "front" fall in front of the eyes so others can't see the feelings in them. and... oh i'm sorry. that is the end of the tour. the rest of the mind has been hit by a rather large storm and it is impossible for anyone to get through. thankyou that'll be twenty five cents please. ¬_¬ ... okay. the jist of it is... things are changing. and i dont' like it. if u kno me u kno i don't like change. change makes me spaz. =P but this change... *sigh* it's a direct hit on my pride. that's something else i've really realized. i have too much pride. i dunno... i have a question. is dignity and pride the same thing? ... just wondering. anyways.. it's just... been so crazy because i'm taking some of this really hard because of my immense pride and then i can't even talk about things to anyone ALSO because i am too proud to show others how proud i am. does that make any sense? like i know how bratty i am being yet i can't help how i feel so i try to hide my feelings as best i can so as not to let others know of how much of a brat i really am. for once i actuallyhaven't told anyone about my feelings... well that's not entirely true i guess. i've told like... three close friends bits of it. but none the whole thing and mostly i've just talked about vague vague feelings or small small details that contribute only slightly to the bigger picture. i've told God about it... but i am only praying for him to take these feelings away because... i just don't even feel justified in feeling them. ugh. i'm so frustrated... but something good came out of it. devotions haha... well... see a long time ago a close friend wrote me a letter and in it was this verse that Paul said that is *exactly* how i'm feeling right now. and funny but i remembered that verse so i took some time to flip flip flip and here it is:
"I do not understand what i do. For what i want to do i don not do, but what i hate i do. And if i do what i do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As is its, it is no longer i muself who do it but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that uis in my sinful nature. For i have the desire to do what is good but i cannot carry it out. " Romans 7:15-18
and...
"For in my inner being I delight in God's law but i see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work withing my members. What a wretched man am i! who will rescue me from this body of death. thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 7:22-25

i'm tired. but i'll just leave you with that. it was really encouraging to find that even paul struggled with the same thing. and God had a HUGE plan for him. i guess he maybe has a huge plan for me too =) aside: i love how paul is so real and genuine in his feelings. it makes him a much more interesting author/person