i might

i might have to leave. oh i know, a part of me may be left behind as i walk away-- passing door frames and dimly lit computer labs in hesitation. and hesitate i will. in fact, this post is, in itself, a hesitation.
i'm fading. and even the hand that writes out this list of pros and cons is becoming translucent.
i might have to leave and it will be, partially, selfish.
but God tells me i can do more. now if only he would tell me how...
and the hands i held in the past would tell me i could do more. *they* have done more. and i too would like to.
and if, in order to do that, i have to leave, would that be wrong?
don't think it's a popularity contest please, because socially, i have no problems. people know that. but that's all they know.

to be frank-- it irks me that people think they can look at you. or read a few words and think they know who you are. just becuase you talk and laugh doesn't mean you don't think. doesnt' mean you can't do. this blog isn't the be all and end all of me. one night isn't it either. the way to care for someone, maybe, if you do, is to actually try to get to know them. NOT "find out" things about them through blogs or other people. spiritual maturity can not be determined by a glance. a person's character is something to be continually discovered, not so much a mystery uncovered. i am in no way saying that i have all the answers but these are some things i have been thinking about,

i'm standing with one foot out the door. but i wonder if God means for me to do more HERE.