2013

Well, we've survived the Mayan-predicted apocalypse and barrelled through another holiday season!

So with the fervor that only comes but once a year (on January 1st) I blow the digital dust of my beloved blog and begin to write again.

2012 was by far this blog's saddest year, with the alarmingly low post-count of ... *coughs* two. One post relaying a conversation I had with a co-worker emphasizing the extremely dismal nature of my job (which, I have since quit to pursue art school)! And the other, I have to confess, I just wanted some place to upload a photo to. It doesn't even contain any words.

I feel like I should apologize. Like I've been awful with keeping up with a friend or something, and the blog's like "what, now it's new year's resolution time and you're calling me so you can feel productive?". Though let's be honest, blogging is not really even productive.

But I do miss it. I miss you, old friend, who was ever-present through my teenage angst and was a joyful assistant to my university procrastination!

I should tell you where I am these days:

The company moved to Toronto - and me along with it! I have a tiny studio apartment in the downtown core which I adore! And I have two new kitties (Ebby and Ponyo)! We make a cozy little family.

In August, I finally had enough of that god-awful place I called work for a year. Really, there comes a point where you realize you have to stop complaining and hating something but never doing anything about it, I guess. And you have to realize what your inability to function properly in an environment where you sit in a purple box day in and day out selling meaningless shitty software, in an office where literally nobody will tell the truth about anything, and where management continuously rapes you in the ass and then demands that you smile and like it... well you have to realize what it says about you as a person. That job made me this angry and bitter person. Vengeful, even. There was one day where I was sitting outside the office rage-crying and cursing terrible things upon those by whom I'd been wronged - and it hit me, like, this is how villains are born!! I think that's what finally got me to think it over properly. It wasn't just that it was a terrible place devoid of human kindness or logic. (Which it was.) But it's also that at the heart of myself, I am not a water-cooler-cubicle-office kind of girl. I'm an artist. And if I didn't kick my ass into gear to make that REALLY happen, it never would. And I would be stuck in awful places like that for the rest of my life. So I found the Toronto School of Art and applied for their Portfolio Development Program, and quit the craphole in September when I was accepted.

TSA was one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. And despite my fearfulness, I _thrived_ there. I made a lot of art and had some incredible teachers. I really made the right move on that one.

My life is now in a bit of a limbo again. I'm applying for proper art programs for fall and am on the hunt for a new job in the meantime. Hopefully something that pays the bills but doesn't suck the soul out of me. Wouldn't that be nice? ;)

Moving Forward:

I really want to get in gear this year. I want to take destiny by the motherfucking horns and be experience-filled and productive. I need to find a job, get into art school (again), develop a strong online portfolio/presence, learn to cook and start a food blog, be involved in a book club (check!), become physically fitter, save to travel... so many things! I just have to make sure I actually STAY motivated because I know I have this weird bi-polar nature about 'doing stuff'.

I wish no longer to be a "a great gasping fish, either squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or flopping hungrily toward ever more pleasure" as Elizabeth Gilbert so accurately and unintentionally described me, but I want to swim toward my desired destinations, despite obstacles, with strong gills and hard scales.