i haven't blogged in an eternity. or so it seems now that i actually feel the urge in my fingers to hit the keys like punching bags electric currents of anger flowing from them rapidly... i've just had a confrontation with mr. anal. it wasn't amusing this time. i sigh as i realize how much the rage inside me was boiling ... is boiling. it's like a fire.. i try to keep it down but the sparks of bitter comments and cruel words can't help but jump out of my mouth. i can't remember a time that i have know mr. anal that he has not made an effort to make me feel like an outsider amongst my closest friends. from childhood i believe this is the weapon that he's used against me. to make me wither inside.. to make me feel small. well you win! it works! i feel insignifigant, i feel small. There was one thing he did say though... that might have made a bit of sense. but it doesn't make me feel good. he said "you always say stupid or get a life or other things like that! i hear you! i don't care you say it outside but just please! don't say it in our house!" ... i think i was pretty dumbstruck. a weapon i couldn't dodge because i've never seen in before. frozen i said something lame... i couldn't think of any wise crack or shield to really put up... maybe i have to work on that. maybe not. i dont' know. i just don't like the thought of him pointing out faults in me.

this monday was wonderland! =D tres fun!! got to see candace again which was cool and met her friend john (who dora thinks looks like kevin arnold) and her cousin jason (who was kicked out of his school and wasn't accepted in any other ones because he stupidly said absentmindedly that he was going to kill someone during the colombine incident O_o but he was actually a really funny and pretty nice guy) but the highlight of my day i'd have to say.... was..... meeting jon shaw (candace's hot hot hot hot bro) *grin* hahahahahahaha ... he didn't go on like any rides... so i opted out of Wild Beast to go sit and talk with him... it was ok i guess... i dunno if we had much to talk about... he's just really hot. and nice... and funny... and cool... but ... i dont' think he likes me. for sure not in *that* way. shmeh. why would he? he told me his girlfriend was voted by his school as "sexiest asian girl". joy. that is not an accomplishment i have made. i dunno. i have no hope of getting that first kiss in two weeks. by the way did i mention i'm turning 16 in two weeks and i haven't gotten my first kiss? yeah now the whole world knows my shame.

yesterday nite was kat's bday party! HAPPY BELATED SWEET SIXTEEN KAT!!! now i'm the only one left out of me jo dora and kat that is still 15 =P blech. oh wellies.... s'ok i guess... the party was fun and the food was good =) sushi =D ... i can't wait til mr. sushi opens up again on monday!!!!!! i miss my paradise roll! =P
anyhoo... there's more going on ... but i dont' really feel like making myself any more depressed than i already am... later dayz!