no matter WHAT i do, it will always be wrong.

if i DON'T do it-- i'm not committed. a quitter.
if i DO -- i'm a hypocrite.
and now... i'm making it into a JOKE?

honestly all i can do is pray like hell .

BEFORE you try and use that "why do you care what everyone else thinks you shoudl jsut care what God thinks" line-- i DO care what God thinks. the problem is, that what eveyrone says is VALID.
yes. it IS bad of me to quit the DAY BEFORE (not that i didnt' try earlier).. it's irresponsible. *i* think.
but yes. it's also bad of me to get up and share something i dont' mean or understand.
and if people COULD interpret me as making something into a joke then maybe that isnt' such a good idea even if it isn't one.

so you see, everyone is right. so all i can do is pray and pray and pray.

please pray for me.