my fingers are itching to type. to take the quivering inside my stomach and the tears flooding my eyes and to transform them in to these letters... to just spill all my confusion, anger, guilt, all those emotions... and just take them away from me. away.. i find that in times that i can't think straight, are the times that blogging matters the most to me. to be able to tell people everything.. but nothing at the same time ...
helplessness... "i feel helpless because i know that right now i can do nothing to help the situation. and no matter what i say or do... or think ... nothing can change what i've done"
i WISH soooooooooooo much that i could just turn back time. it sounds like some corny song or whatever. but i really do.

i had a ton of fun tonite at justin's =) watched "A Beautiful Mind" which was surprisingly a really good movie =) ... justin (of course),esther, celine, wallace, dora, victoria, heidi, kat, jo, nate, and belita were there and tim (pastor) came later on .. good times just chillaxin' ... able to take my mind off of things for a while... then i came home and everything came back and now... argh. it was a really good movie... maybe i'm pscitsophrenic.. maybe i'm just imagining all this... it's not real ... just a big elaborate illusion created by my mind...