It's the last week of school before the holidays! YAY! ^_^ i am so excited about Christmas and everything! but i have to do mass shopping this weekend :P blah. some people are just too hard to shop for. :Þ yes. i think everyone should just write out some special list of everything they want for Christmas and distribute it... but then i guess it wouldn't be much of a surprise then would it? i guess the element of surprise is good...

What do I want for Christmas this year... well.. i've told different people different things... i told my parents i want a drumset or a punching bag... i told my friends i wanted clothes, YM, etc... but what do i REALLY want for Christmas? i've been contemplating this... i want all those things... but there are other things i want that people can't give me. Firstly, i want the Lord to grant me perseverance and continuing motivation to do things God's way. in my heart i really want to ... but it's so hard.. "I do not understand what i do for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate, I do. And if i do what i do not want to do, i agree that the law is good." Romans... something. but that's exactly how i feel. i dont' want to do wrong things. and i know i shouldn't... but i do anyways.It's hard. Secondly, i want to gain back what i have lost through the various stupid things i have done. And thirdly, i want the time to spend with my true friends who love me as i am. i guess of all three of those things, the second will be the least likely for me to get. why? well... i'm sure with continued prayer to the Lord, he will grant me strength.. and i will make time in the holidays to spend with everyone if i truly make an effort. but the second one is totally nonsensical and unrealistic. it is also entirely beyond my control. so i really doubt i will be able to get everything back. maybe in some areas that my stupidity has effected but definitely not all. but hey, what can i do? nothing. just pray i guess. praying does a lot though... because the Lord always listens. "though you turn away, i tell you still, dont' know you i'll always love you, and i always will" (Third Day) it is a great reassurance to know the Lord loves me no matter how many times i screw up. it never ceases to amaze me.

btw, as many of you know i've been thinking about baptism for the past long long while... something hit me hard on Sunday and i would really appreciate prayer about God's guidance in the matter... thanks so much! :) time to go... i'm gonna go get my tc form before i gets all filled up before i mail my registration form in or something! =P bai!