... pensive. so much on my mind. i wanna let it out. let the thoughts break free from the prison walls of my mind. [rant time] but i can't. whom can i trust? or who can't i trust? i dont' know. i know i trust God. but sometimes it's not enough for me to just tell God. is that wrong? ... i like being comfortable in talking to people. being the outgoing type of person i easily start conversations with people, i can talk to the guys i like ^_~, i don't find it really really diffucult to open up to people about certain parts of my life. some people have the "opportunity" to experience knowing parts of me that i don't share with most other people. but now... i'm not sure... i'm not sure whether opening up those parts of myself was a good idea. it's made me vulnerable. internally naked. like, how is one to know whether people talk about them behind their back? or if those things that may have been intimate were shared amongst others that did not need to know? this is how it starts. this is how masks start. i'm afraid. afraid i'm on the verge of putting back on that mask. a front that everyone sees to be the truth when it is nothing but a costume to protect me from the fears inside my head. but i know it's too late. i have already revealed the real me and it will just be blantantly obvious to people that the mask i have on is just that-- a mask. i don't know -- i say that alot. i dont' know. i dont' know anything about anything. i am so confused abotu everything. you know what bugs me? one sided friendships. it bugs me more when i am the only person getting anything out of a friendship with someone. what the hell is the point of being friends with someone if you're the only one getting anything out of it? i hate that. i feel like a bother.. a burden. a pesky obligation that has to be dealt with in order for someone to ease their concience or make them feel self-righteous. and all i want to do is end it. so why is it that when you talk to people about this sort of thing they care so much? you would think taht they'd just want to ease their burden ... but no. maybe it really does make them feel really really good about themselves. well newsflash, it doesn't make me feel good at all. i don't know. i just don't know.



back to school again =P NNNNOOOOOOO..... today was the first day-- only an hour tho... i got my timetable... i don't have any classes with jo or kat but i have two with dora... other than that i know i have some stuff with robyn and adri but i didn't see anyone else after school today-- we left for mikeys =). my homeroom is ok... i know ppl but none of my closer friends are in my class =P anc. civ is my hmrm... which is good cuz i like history... good way to start off the morning. my teacher is reallllllllyyyy nice. and .... I HAVE DEWITTE FOR ENGLISH AGAIN! =D hoorah! [dewitte is the teacher i had in grade nine that LOVES me and lets me do whatever i want and oh yeah its' really really great =)] lalalalaladeeeddaaaaaa... my schedule's ok i guess. but i am going to have to be such a geek this year to do well. not fun. i'm hoping it wont'; be as hard as i think .... geekiness just really doesn't suit me. =P



so yeah that's my mini update on life... kinda depressing but hey i have good news too ... an issue that was going on was somewhat resolved today which is awesome and .... i turn sixteen in 12 days!!!!!! *^_^* yippeee :)