i am disgusted with myself.

i feel so ... selfish.

you brat.

how is it that i can actually concieve the ideas that my problems are significant?

foolish. naive. ignorant child.
course selections. confusion of my future. lifelong friendships crumbling. little pebbles on my road of life i just happened to stub my toe on. yet why do i act as if they are giant boulders blocking my way? reminds me of our girl's cell bible study about Daniel... his trust in God and courage to face whatever came to Him acted as a witness to others. i am nothing like Daniel. he faced his problems head on. why do i turn so fast to grab the hand of the people i trust? not letting go. "lead me through this please! i don't know how to get around it..." i cry, gazing at the megalith i see before me... yet to those i cry to ... they must be gazing at my same megalith appearing as a pebble in their eyes. generously they hold my hand again and again. thankyou. and now... tears of shame flowing from my eyes... i see how compared to some i have the life of a princess. i must appear to people in the same light as a rich snob throwing a temper tantrum because i broke a nail. especially now. i feel like i'm helping sucking the life out of some of the people i care about most. and for what? for consolation from my completely insignificant life. i am so sorry. i don't even know what it's like to suffer... to struggle. i am completely blessed.


no more. i am putting down the phone and turning off the screen. no more chats no more whining no more. no more.

it is time i lived up to my claims of not being a child. grow up you retard. ...
falling in to the arms of the Father. time to remember to let it all go to Him again...
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
[Psalm 46:1-3]