ice
it's so cold today... freezing cold. whatever has melted in the warm weather in the past few days has once again frozen a solid icy state. being the absolute klutz that i am, i have fallen on this ice a number of times in the past few days. it isn't pleasant but i've picked myself up repeatedly without getting overly emotional about it and continued to walk despite the knowledge that i may fall again. this is the world i live in. the past few terms have proven to be icy and many may have noticed the numerous times in which i could not keep myself standing. and i've fallen again and again. but i *have*, with the help of my wonderful heavenly Father and a few amazing people, gotten up each time. i do not cease to move through life. i try not to cower and hide my bruises from others... now and again though i need to sigh and cry a little and freak out.

now is one of those times.

i never posted this but i "lost" my best friend a bit before christmas. yeah some of you might roll your eyes .. yes we've done this before. but this time... well i'm pretty sure it's forever this time. we are still close of course you dont' jsut cease to be close with someone youv'e been tight with since you were three years old... and yeah it's okay that we're not best friends anymore because it was a mutual decision to not say it but not play the role. yet sometimes it frustrates me to see how we've grown apart in some aspects. we talk. yeah. but ... i dunno it's not the same. i dont' think we can share *everything* with eachother anymore. or at least she doesnt' seem to want to share everything with me anymore.. which of course is fine. she isn't always the first person i tell things to anymore either. and most days it's okay and it's not a big deal. but some days like today i'll look at it and think "what happened?" right now at this very moment we are having an icq conversation. if that's what you'd like to call it. a "conversation" consisting of no real depth whatsoever. our icq conversations are actually always like that. but lately ... our in person ones have been like that too. and that scares me. i know it must sound so weird like i broke up with my boyfriend or whatever =P EW. but no... i'm okay. i'm not falling apart and dying but it still makes me sad when i remininsce about a girl who used to be my best friend .. someone who would know almost ALL my secrets and i hers... and now... now i read her blog and i have absolutely no idea what she is talking about.