somewhere in between

it's like i've been stuck in a rut for so long that it didnt' seem like a rut anymore. it just seemed like normal life. not to jinx it or anything but i feel like the darkness is fading out, almost unnoticeably.

what puts my days together? (for the past few weeks at least) classes with kat-- giggling and writing notes, mon&wed with alison unable to find alone time but excited to see who's next to join us for random laughs, tues&thurs with laur after history walking aloooot and realizing we both talk like NONstop, moooovies (well, we try) with kat, mo, and carsno, midnight bbt runs/morning kd with devinka, shleeeepover with jess oh and voodoo with alison jess and bobby, "dinner"/chillage with andrew, chapters with him and miss bee, randomness with alison, betty, fanny, and anna, MEALS are good for catching up, going home and SLEEPING.

i haven't been brooding about rez much. tonight when i was telling laura's roomie about why i missed rez or whatever i dindt' feel that... fervor or whatever... i dunno how to explain. of course i'm still SAD, but it's a sadness that recognizes it was in the past. and i fail to find that broken part of me anymore.. i dunno, maybe its a temporary recess, or maybe i'm all cried out. whatever it is, i feel... happy. in a not-comparing way. i'm really appreciating things right now.

and i;'m excited. i'm excited (but scared) to explore what God wants to do in me. i DO want to stretch my faith a bit... take a dive... see what happens.. i dunno. i may be stuck in loo not having adventures, and i may not be in my safest happiest place that no longer exists, but today is NEW. and it seems i got up on the right side of bed.