time for apologies

12:19 - i'm sorry for calling in the middle of the night. i'm sorry for putting burdens on you, for not being able to get it together. i'm sorry for telling you things that make you worry and for worry about and asking about you even though sometimes all you want is to be alone.

01:20 - sorry for going all psycho. really, i had/have no right. i dont' know what came over me. for an instant i found that 13-14 year old me coming back. i mean, who am i to want/expect to be before him right? who am i to expect antyhign really. i'm just some stupid kid who hates finding out she means a lot less to people than they do to her. oh wait, you already know that. in fact, you know almost everything about me. and yet... i'd better stop. this is getting embaressing. anywyas, you can stop wasting your time on me so this is great! :)

07:23 - i'm sorry for blaming you for so much of what's going wrong in my life. for taking everything you do and being so angry about it. i'm sorry that i make you mad and get you doing or saying things to me that you'd probably rather not say.

07:25 - i'm sorry that everytime we talk we have nothing to say or we fight. i dont' knwo what happened. i'm sorry for not growing up fast enough.

10:23-11:03 - sorry for not treating you guys better especially since you're pretty much the only ones i can even count on right now. maybe i'm pushing you guys away . and that's why things are going how they are going. i'm happy for you, i really am, but i can't help but question what the crap is wrong with me.

16:02 - i'm apologizing for something that you dont' know i did. you dont' know i feel. i love how things are, and i would wish they would stay like this forever... except .. somehow i screwed up and started wanting more. i'm sorry for falling.

my only consolation is HBA. =)