someone said something not-so-nice to me on monday. not mean spiritedly. they may have even thought of it as an encouragement if i think about it hard enough and suppress my hurt well enough, but man it was like a kick in the gut. and the comment included in part something about myself and a close friend and that was like... ripping my heart out or something.
so maybe it's jsut that. maybe it;'s that eating away at me. and not having been consoled enough or something i just am believing more and more (even in anger) that it's true.
am i that unworthy? maybe.
maybe that's why i was so upset when dinner plans i thought were made were somewhatly cancelled by someone who i thought cared alot.
then tonight, at lunarfest --- OH MY GOSH--- hahahhaa... while alison and i were standing at the bar trying to get through and whatever, we spotted walter, eric man's dm from last year. On the last night eric was here we all went to kickoff and walter bought us all drinks and whatever. so alison's like "oh! maybe he'll recognize us and he'll buy us drinks!" ... SOOOO he pretty much just pushes past me not recognizing me at all and stands at the bar. what a let down. but THEN he turns to ALISON and is like "hey! your'e eric's friend right?! balbalabala" and starts reminiscing to her about last year and offering to buy her a drink which is actually for me.
SO . COMPLETELY . SHAFTED. but it's ok. i should come to expect these things if i'm gonna hang out with all the beautiful talented and smart ppl... i guess it just added a bit though to my feelings of worthlessness. even though who even cares about walter he was kind of weird last year anyways... but maybe it was jsut all that stuff it's just piling and every little thing just makes me see more and more how... ugh i am.
sorry for the depressingness. i just really needed to get that out.
REGARDLESS, lunarfest was still pretty fun =) ... andrew and haruka did an awesome awesome job!!!! and fj!!!! and there was a really sexybuffkarate guy =) chilled mainly with my giiiiirls who i went with -- that is, alice, alison, kat, and stephermie which was awesome becuase girls are so much BETTER than guys. ahha no offense guys. and ran into some highschool friends i.e. bryan and dave ... and ran into kristina and nicole tooo! =)
the best part of the night? a good friend waiting at the bar wth me for liek 20 min even though she dindt' even want a drink.. it kind of resolved things a bit for me. (i guess no matter what comment that person made on monday, our friendship is what it is. and who knows what it is? me and you. not that person. and it doesnt' matter whether or not freakin walter remembers who i am or not in the end becuase BETTER people such as you tell me that i'm worth your time and care wihtout even saying a word.)
and dj baby yu was pretty good regardless of why his name is baby yu hahaha
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