me

who am i?

i'm a girl... who is confused. confused abotu what is right and wrong.
confused about what to do ... what to feel....
sometimes... i just think... if i disappeared, everythign would be better for everybody. and it's probably true since i seem to be the cause of all these problems...
if not for me... well... things would definitely be simpler.
i try. i really do. but... but somehow what i know i *should* do and what i am "capable" of doing doesn't quite match up. and the wound in my heart will never fully heal. it's like a cut that has formed a scab but the scab has been picked off again and again... so that it can't heal. i know that it will.. and i know God will heal and take care of me...
but my weak patience is contributing to my downfall... i guess ... it's just difficult because a lot of bad things are happening in a really short time and ... well it's hard to always be optomistic and looking towards the future. but i guess it's not about these things. what i have or what i don't. what i'm good at or what i'm not... whether i'm even good enough for people... and perhaps i am putting too much focus on these things... i am trying. i really am. but it's not really that easy. not so black and white.
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." matt 6:19-21