apology


i can be the most knowledgable christian ever, know all the right answers, believe so strongly in Jesus... but if i am unwilling to shape my life to be more like Christ ... then what kind of Christian am i? ...


God usually sends me wake up calls in the form of either life lows or certain people. i'm guessing it's because He knows that's what gets to me the most. and at first i thought "kay this is not really a big deal"... but actually i just spent the past bit praying about it... and i think this is something that really needs to be changed. otherwise, i don't think God would let people bring this up-- repeatedly.
so i just wanted to apologize for the profanity that's somehow snuck itself into this blog. ok. no. i shouldn't say it like that. because in typing i have every ability to look and delete. yet, i always decide to myself that i want this to be a record of my unedited thoughts-- completely real. i never gave a second thought to how maybe it IS important to edit... important to edit our thoughts everyday important to edit our thoughts before they become actions that can cause those to stumble. if i proclaim myself to be a Christian then i really need to clean it up. not just in this aspect of my life of course but i think this is something so simple that has been neglected because of my stubborness and sometimes desire to be stagnant. I think God is really telling me not only about swearing but ... well really about editting my thoughts. i mean, i always think it's stupid to do so but really-- i SHOULD be always doing just that. naturally, i am a very very sinful person but that doesn't mean that i should remain sinful because that's how i "really" am. even if in the beginning changing these sins seems forced and unnatural, practicing this change, by prayer, petition, and effort is what makes it natural and what God can use to help me become a NATURALLY less sinful person. Likewise with this swearing on my blog. Just because it is naturally what i am thinking when i'm typing, taking a tiny bit of effort in editing these thoughts can prove to help me be more aware of this sin and perhaps make it more natural for me not to swear....
and so i'd really like to change. honest. i think swearing is somethingthat God really wants out of my system because it is a constant stumbling block for others and especially for myself in being a good witness and being the most Christlike person i can be.


"9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt[1] water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. " james 3:9-12


so.. yeah. i prayed about it... and thought about it... and i'd like to be someone who produces fresh water, someone whose tongue is used as much as possible only to bring glory to God. so i apologize for the profanity that has occured in this blog and i will definitely refrain from that from now on. i'm sorry if it has caused anyone to stumble, or be offended... i'm sorry that you even had to lay eyes on it. this isn't easy... i mean, admitting that it's a problem isn't easy... but it shouldn't be. living a Christian life... shouldn't be easy. and i've known that. always known that. but God ... i'm willing to try really really really hard and struggle... because yeah, i'm really stubborn and whatnot but ... i really DO want to follow You completely.
and yeah...i know that there's a lot more to taming the tongue than just killing the profanity in my blog... but hey, baby steps.