oh the irony

if you could hear me laughing right now you'd hear this scornful breathy laugh and see eyes cast toward the grainy ceiling and black head shaking in disgusted yet pleased disbelief.
during a heated msn conversation with a friend about life, problems, and expectations i found myself launching into this shpiel [disclaimer: i am not displaying the context in respect for my friend so please don't think i'm cocky]:

*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
you know what? ...


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
i think ... its' all about perspective.


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
like... ok. i have a lot i complain about as well ... and so ... i have no business in saying you don't have a right ot complain about whatever


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
because yeah shit happens. but shit happens to everyone. and ... i dunno i think i myself... well... i've been moping alot lately. becuase of stuff that isn't seemingly goign my way..


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
and i think..."gosh this sucks. my life sucks. blabalbla" but does it really? i mean, how many good things do i have going for me that others dont' have? and not only that but if i decide that i'm goign to focus on everything negative... maybe i'm not as "important" seemingly as others, maybe people i htink are amazing and whatever dont' love me or love me as much as i'd like... but who the hell am i to expect anything from anyone? [especially those i regard in such high esteem]


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
or anything from God even? and if i regard everything in a negative way then that's just what it's going to be-- negative. because i wont find anything in anything. it's like... a self fulfilling prophesy.


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
Philippians 2
Imitating Christ's Humility
1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus


*moomoobear*--- all wrong. says:
i'm not saying i actually do all these things that i just said... i think that was just more of a self reflection actually wow.


i think i take to heart more than i think i do. sitting on a park bench kicking at the sand or clutching the phone against my ear i sometimes thought "it's logical but inapplicable" but on the outside looking in it seemed so obvious to me -- and then looking upon my own life... my own feelings, it all makes so much more sense now. i think i have an idea of where i need to start in my own life... where to start to discover my purpose-- something i've been thinking about alot.

i think in order to understand what i percieve success as for myself, i need to first understand who i am completely as a person... not grasping at what i think i want because of whatever seems to me as "the norm"... but what is REALLY valuable to me. and to place God above all these wants and all these values... and when i've TRULY made God the head of my life it is obvious that He will have an easier time revealing His plan for me, and what my purpose is. Becuase if He were to reveal it to me NOW... i would most probably try to shape it into something that fits my own worldy views and values... until it became something undesirable.

Considering God made me i think He knows better what i REALLY want, what i TRULY need much much better than i do. and instead of praying for material possessions, the love of others, a boyfriend... etc... i shoudl really be praying for wisdom and guidance and the ability to be humble and to love others regarding them as better than myself, and for focus in knowing Him and loving Him with all of my heart and soul and mind. It's so much easier said than done... but i think that's what i really want to achieve... i think that's what i think is real maturity...

i don't know how to end this suitably, but that was a really good reflection of sorts...

had viet noodles with patty and g tonite yumyumyum :) ... food and talk was good :)
tommorow vbs prep-- painting!! :Dkeke
also i added WALL's BLOG!!! check it out!! -- this is at the bottom of a huge long post so i will most likely elaborate tommorow so ppl will actually read it maybe :P