i'm not going to prom.

i just can't now. not after that. i feel like the ugliest person in the world. i know her words were unintentional... and in part not even serious. but every joke holds it's truths and those truths really hurt too much that the most i can do right now is not cry.

it's like i can't even really talk about it to anyone either it's just too embarressing too shameful... i'm afraid that i'll say something and people will be comforting me with their words but inside they'll be thinking "well i kind of agree with that... that's not too far fetched"... it' sjust like one of those things you don't really forget ever.

no one can make you feel inferior without your consent but i FEEL INFERIOR. i can't NOT consent. and i can say and logic out everything possible but i will never stop wondering whether or not these things are true. if i really am that.

so unless i find some amazing guy who suddenly wants to go to prom with me-- i'm not going. i really dont' think my heart can take another kick.