reasons

i started this weekend out in a really disappointed kind of attitude.. see, a bunch of us were supposed to go down to toronto to visit euming from fri nite to sunday afternoon... we were supposed to go to the zoo today (kinda funny cuz kreazeless has been trying to get to the zoo together since grade nine :P) but because of conflicts and incontrolable inconveniences, our plans fell through and we didnt' end up getting to go. and so yeah, i was really bitter and i guess i felt like i really needed this trip out and whatnot...

Tonight there was this joint fellowship thingy between young adult (our parents) and praylude. i'd heard about it for a week... and i really didn't want to go. i mean, i heard it was going to be some sort of panel discussion or somethign and i was just so bitter thinking how can i go to this thing when i *should* be in tdot visiting eumie?? .. but...i ended up going. and i'm really glad.

sometimes... God has all these reasons for things that you don't know until so much later. that's been happening to me a bit this year. and tonight too. PT did kind of a workshop type thingy and i felt like it really applied to me, got me thinking alot. although, perhaps i felt at first that it was a really lame exchange of plans for the weekend, it's where i feel God really wanted me to be. wanted me to hear these things firsthand. about humilty. about seeing ourselves the way He sees us. letting Him work instead of trying to 'fix' everything ourselves.

something that was said really hit me. something like "pride is when we become independant and think we can do things ourselves, think we have to fix things"... i'm not sure if that was the exact wording but something to that effect. i guess i started thinking about UW. about how maybe if i dont' get in, it could be because God wants to put me in a situation in which i'll have to rely completely on Him, instead of being somewhere where i feel like i'm still somewhat in control. not that i dont' want to go to UW still ... but it made me think about good reasons of why maybe God *could* choose a different path for me.

and it was good to have discussions with different people... fun even. and it was really good to be able to fellowship with my family. (well with my parents)... to pray with my family. we dont' really get the opportunity to do that alot. to share, to pray for eachother... and so, i think i understand the reasons why i wasn't in toronto this specific weekend. although i would have really liked to go. and although i miss people alot. and i wanted to go to the zoo... sometimes... it's not really up to me. i really have to recognize these things earlier. recognize these type of things before God displays before me the answer, the reasons His way is always so much better. i guess it's jsut hard becuase i *am* proud, and untrusting.

How humbling.