i feel two things

tonight after ccf a bunch of us went to bbtease and afterwards jt and mike were trying to give alison a ride home because she's sick but she was trying to leave because she wanted to walk. (for the full story read Alison's blog)...
anywyas we ended up walking and we were approaching DC we saw this black figure sitting on the curb... we were like "whoa.. that's so creepy.. is that a person? is that a firehydrant?" but when we got closer we saw it was a girl. she was hugging her legs, sobbing. Alison asked her if she was okay and we ended up staying to wait with her for her ride as she cried and vented about how she had a fight with a guy and he just left her in the dark and the cold "you're not supposed to do that!" she kept saying... she was a total wreck. she was in such a state that it seemed like her whole world had been torn apart because of this guy walking away from her. she seemed so alone. gosh she wanted us to be there so bad i could tell. she wouldnt' tell us to leave. when alison asked her if she wanted us to wait with her she cried harder.

you know what pissed me off though? the fact that i was so useless the entire time. i jsut stood there. like i didn't know what to say at all.. i dind't know whether to stand or sit. i didn't have any words of comfort. i was just like this blah standing there. it's like this girl is a total wreck. and i wanted to do something to help but i could think of no words. no actions. the only words that even came to mind was "boys are crap" ... like woohoo. it's like God places this perfect opportunity in front of your face to show His love... and i blank out.

i'm starting to believe more and more in my uselessness. it's like i feel like i can never really do anything to help anyone. not even my friends when they seem like they need something. not even the people who are always there to help me. sometimes not evne your best friend, what you say is just... not right. i dunno. it's so frustrating. becuase really, sometimes you just want to either shine a light in, or lend a hand, or jsut be a good friend. but i come out empty. so useless. I pray for opportunities to show His love, and i get them. i get a girl sitting on a curb crying her eyes out. and i help zero. nilch. it's lucky that alison was there ... with her kleenex and ready words...

the situation was thought stimulating. after the girl was picked up by her friend, we walked into dc and prayed. it was hard to be calm and jsut pray because there were just all these things running through my head. i guess concern for the safety of the girl and this overwhelming sense of gratitude in having His love in my life. it's so abundant and constant.He never leaves you in the cold darkness. but you know, there's so many people who don't haev that and they won;'t always be sitting on a curb waiting for you to show them His love. i guess i need to keep my eyes wider open.. and my ears... and my heart. cuz as long as we're blessed enough to have this amazing gift we need to share it. and also just thinking about how incredibly blessed i AM.. and i need to think about that more. blessed iwth His love and also blessed with friends who would never jsut leave me standing in the cold in the middle of the night no matter what kind of fight we were in.

i dunno. i guess just some food for thought. i kept thinking to myself "wow... God totally meant for us to walk that way and jsut be there for that girl..." but now i think maybe God brought us that way to show us something. give us a wakeup call. people who need Him are all around. and it's time i stopped being so self centred and be PREPARED to give of myself when the opportunities are shown.


on a totally seperate note.... herman made me something!!!! thanks herman!!!! :D boohahaha