Dead Ends

“There is a loneliness in this world so great that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.
people so tired
mutilated either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich the poor are not good to the poor.


we are afraid.


our educational system tells us that we can all be big-ass winners.
it hasn’t told us about the gutters or the suicides.
or the terror of one person aching in one place alone
untouched unspoken to
watering a plant.”

- Bukowski

A little Lisa on a lonely Tuesday

"Some of us hover when we weep for the other who was 
dying since the day they were born."
"You said that I was naive, and I thought that I was strong. And I thought hey I could leave I could leave..."

What happens on a dark-hearted Saturday

Despite having my first pumpkin spice latte of the season this morning, work still made me grumpy as hell. 

My foul mood combined with having little to no funds led to my declining an invitation of sushi and shopping with the roomies. I find window shopping excruciating. Instead, I watched How To Make a Button and subsequently fell into a thick sleep where I dreamed I was in some sort of open relationship with Miranda July. (Which was actually pretty awesome considering she is brilliant.)

My roommates came home filled with sushi and armed with colorful, lacy lingerie. I admired their loot as I consumed my sidekicks from the pot.

A forgotten segue later, P was cleaning out her room, sorting out items to donate and leafing through old clothing items. It wasn't until she asked if I had anything I wanted to get rid of that it came upon me, elbow deep in a garbage bag of clothes-- my shopping itch. 

It's just that it's fall again, and fall clothes are my favourite. Plus! I haven't been shopping in ages. I miss it. I miss the thrill of new things. I miss treasure-hunt thrifting. I miss creating new pairings. I miss not feeling anxious when I buy things. I am so sick of rotating the same tired outfits over and over and over. 

I know this is a bit superficial... and I acknowledge that it isn't an Actual Problem. (I hope I am not presenting it as such.) But yes. I miss it. Dressing myself feels like part of my art that I can't really engage in anymore. 

So instead... I torture myself by reading fashion blogs while mowing on leftover pizza. 

Check out Mademoiselle Robot. She has a green dress that is to die for and she teaches you how to make a scarf necklace!:

http://www.mademoisellerobot.com

Prod-tistic Soul

Something I love about my roommates is that they effectively counter my laziness while still being really chill people.

I think there's a certain healthy level of laziness that I regularly exceed. And while my roommates aren't the kind that regularly have the desire to "GO OUT!", they provide me with intellectual and cultural stimulation. And we often choose activities that richen my soul.

Today, Fai and I hit up the Kitchener Farmer's Market-- which I do prefer to the Waterloo/St.Jacob's one. I got some German pastries and a patty from Caribbean Kitchen. Fai got some produce. We chatted over coffee for a while outside, and then ventured back to Uptown, where an art show was winding down in the rain.

I'm feeling so inspired right now. I kind of hit kinks a lot with my art.. but I'm ready to make some stuff happen today! I met this girl selling prints and paintings who I really vibe with on an artistic level. I love her work and I got some prints. Check her out here: http://www.wix.com/sheenab/sheenab-designs

And now I'm off to sweep.

Productive + Artistic = Win.

Inner Child Dualities

Lyrics of the week

Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and bury them beneath the sea, 
I don't care what the people may say, what the people may say about me.
Pack up your troubles, get your old grin back, don't worry 'bout the calvalry.
I don't care what the whisperers say 'cause they whisper too loud for me.

- Eliza Doolittle, Pack Up

Heat Wave Down Memory Lane

It's sweltering here lately.

So hot my hair sweats. So hot the heart-shaped bejewel on my cellphone melted off.

Normally, I'd opt to stay inside my nicely air-conditioned house, but today I had to trek to campus to pick up a check from human resources. I'm quite prone to heat stroke, and so after I picked up my check I traveled quickly across the parking lot to the Davis Centre. (Ah, memories!)

It's been a while since I've really been in this building during the day when people are here. Unfortunately the cafeteria closes early in the summer so I was cheated out of a poutine. Instead, I purchased an iced cappuccino from Tim Hortons and ventured into the actual library itself to prolong my period in the a/c.

Being here takes me back to a time of scrambling for study spaces, hovering over computer spots (before I had a laptop!), and "studying" in the basement area. Right. Studying. Also known as facebooking, online shopping, and in my case, reaching to find my inner videographer:

Happy Canada Day!

Three things I love about my country:

1. People are nice.

2. We have good greens. :)

3. Health care.

(4. Tamia singing Oh Canada)

How old is this news? and A Midsummer Night

Any thoughts of switching permanently to Tumblr or Wordpress have been officially squashed.

Tabs! Oh, Blogger, how did you know?

And as Midsummer has been celebrated and the 'high school summer vacation' is upon us, I am (once again) recommencing my love for bloggage. But this time I'll stick to it. Because I just can't resist tabs. (Possible reason for lack of friends.)

I take small breaks from being a massive loser here and there though.
On one such occasion (yesterday), S (being quite knowledgeable about the Swedish Midsummer Festival), created for P, N, and I, a smörgåstårta-- a traditional dish served by the Swedish at Midsummer. Essentially, it's a Sandwich Cake.

It was delicious and I got a new dress. Happy Summer!

10 Signs of a Personal Recession

10. Silver circles elicit a "YES!!!" ...nickels mean something to you again.

9. Hell, pennies mean something to you. You often consider rolling them.

8. You're always sober. Even coffee is a luxury.

7. Food is a luxury.
Mixing a can of god-knows-how-old mushroom soup with boiled rice noodles you got from your parents house is considered a decent meal.

6. You spend a week eating nothing but scrambled eggs on hot dog buns your roommate stole from work.

5. Signing up for a lot of those pay-per-survey sites.

4. Deciding to have a yard sale and then looking in the Free section of Kijiji for things to sell.

3. You can't afford to 'do' anything so you ignore people's calls since they are inevitably going to ask you to 'do' something. (This has allowed me to get through the first 5 seasons of Gilmore Girls on megavideo.)

2. You find out how much a crossing guard makes. You considering applying for the position.

1. You notice there is only one roll of toilet paper left in your bathroom and are filled with an alarming panic.

Mondays

I'm feeling quite 'escapist' today. Citylove-syndrome. But alas, I am broke and... employed.
So I'm stuck in the suburbs.

I didn't sleep last night.
It was pouring rain.
It's sunny now though.

I had Swedish Fish (Swedish berries in the shape of fish) and Yorkshire tea for breakfast (thank you Gabbi).

And, through StereoMood, I have found my celebrity twin, and a great artist. Perfect morning music. GREAT shoes. Eliza Doolittle is bomb.

Lending Strength

I've been listening to a lot of Jewel lately, haha.
My favourite Jewel song is Life Uncommon, I think. Tied closely with Near You Always.

She says though "Lend your voices only to sounds of freedom. No longer lend your strength to that which you wish to be free from. Fill your lives with love and bravery and you shall leave a life uncommon."

I only really want to be "in" something for as long as it's Healthy, and Happy.
If something is going to make me miserable (even if it's self-inflicted), then why keep 'giving it my strength' so to speak?

Anyway, random Sunday thought.

Cleaning my room, finally!

It's obvious your tenderness is what I need

Staying awake to keep this taste in my mouth

Comfort food is a brilliant thing. Especially at 3 in the morning.

I mean, really. Who doesn't love a good grilled cheese sandwich? Crispy yet gooey. Flavorful and not uncomfortably heavy, paired with the salty-sweet globbing of ketchup. Plus, Pooja had the ingenius idea to put garlic powder on the cheese. I have not lived up until this moment!

I am so glad to be passionate about my food.

I can't really imagine mechanically feeding myself simply to fulfill a hunger void.
To be chubby and happy, is so much better than being skinny IF eating is just a muted task. Of course skinny and eating passionately at the same time.......

Well, that's metabolism. (Dear friend from long ago.)

I have no photograph of this sandwich because it went down my throat in 30 glorious seconds flat.

Thursday Things I Like

It's kind of a cop out, but today's thing I like is sunshine and having a little time to do paint. Here's what I did today:

(This piece is still potentially unfinished. I can't make up my mind on whether or not to fill in the sunglasses, hair, and gum.)



(scanned version)

Monday is for Motivation

Mondays are for Motivation. Counteract the gloom.

Today's motivation: London Fogs and Gen X.

I spent my morning dealing with necessary unpleasantries(sp?) like Bell and financial stuff, resume revisions and the like. I'll be honest, it's a must, but it's getting me down. Sometimes I feel like no matter what, I'm going to be in this hole. And I've been having a hard time understanding why life just shits on you and shits on you even if you really try hard to be a good person... which really is such a cliched question, but an true one.

Monday decided to provide me with a little lift, though. Kat and I met up and went to Princess Cinema Cafe. If you haven't been there, it's one of my absolute favorite cafes in the city. They serve comforting beverages and bomb paninis, and famed soup. Indie without being cheesy, you know? I had a London Fog and vented about life. Afterward we went to Gen X and I rented Precious and The Princess and the Frog. And then we stopped at the dollar store and Kat bought me various items. Resume tool free for all. :)

It's nice to catch up. And it's nice to know that you have friends/family that have your back, and are willing to pick you up a little once in a while. It feels less lonely for sure.

And now, I'm going to disappear into a night of movie watching and life ignoring! Turrah!

Moment of Weakness

As anti-relationship/marriage I am right now, I do have to give it one point against me:

I want someone to take care of me when I feel like shit.

Don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano...

I am armed and ready (and disguised). Coffee. File. Game face. Ego.

The Joys of Yogurt Cake

Alison asked me what yogurt cake was this afternoon. And since Fai had just taken the gem out of the oven, I decided to take a few photographs and ask her for the recipe so that people who chance upon this could try it out. It's very simple but moist, and quite delectable.

Cut that delicious thing!

Fai's Yogurt Cake

You will need:
- 1/2 cup plain yogurt
- 1 cup of white sugar
- 1 1/2 cups flour
- 2 eggs
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 6 tablespoons butter (do NOT substitute with margerine)

Instructions:
1. Mix yogurt and sugar together
2. Mix in two eggs to the yogurt and sugar
3. Mix in flour
4. Add vanilla extract
5. Melt butter and mix in
6. Bake at 350F for 30min approx. (In a loaf pan or muffin tins.)
7. If you WANT you can pour a syrup over it after it's finished baking, comprised of the juice of three oranges and half a cup of sugar. You can also ice it if you feel like it or whatever.

Personally, I prefer to slather a little margerine on it and I'm good to go! :)

Productivity Take 2!

I have relocated to the living room.

Apparently my primary coloured bedroom primes me to watch Sesame Street on Youtube and chat online instead of actually getting anything done. I capped off at 3 tasks yesterday.

BUT TODAY IS A NEW DAY.

Fai is making yogourt cake.

I have my Sunnyday Sunday Playlist on!:



Overall, the outlook is pretty good.