Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Girls and Banh Mi

I forgot I had this place, almost! 

If I had an unlimited supply of banh mi, I could keep watching Girls indefinitely. 
I just go back to Maitland-- cross legged on the bottom bunk, eating banh mi and watching Girls in my underwear. The apartment was so small, I could reach my toaster oven without getting off the bed.

God, I miss Toronto sometimes. 

With this new lady I live next to, who yells and bangs on the goddamn wall when I'm just speaking in a normal voice,  the couple with their dogs who'd thump on the ceiling at Maitland seem harmless. At least with them I can understand not wanting to hear your ceiling bang all the time. 

The couple who lives above me right now has two huge dogs that jump and bark through out the day/night. It's a bit annoying, but I live with it because I'm a semi-reasonable human being who understands what it's like to live in a bloody apartment building. The lady next to me is a real creep. A wild night for me involves Netflix and eating cereal alone while chatting on Google Hangouts. Really, now. 

I finish my first year at Emily Carr this week, yay. 
I wonder what 17 year old Jasmine was doing on April 16, 2004.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I've been wanting to write properly, but every time I think to do it, it's not a convenient moment. And every time I've got a chance to, I can't remember what I intended to write about.

I've just gotten out of the shower. My hair is drippy, and I'm towel-clad. Seems like as good a time as any.

I had so many things to Say when I was up at Willis' cottage this past weekend. But maybe it's something about seeing millions of stars so clearly, looking into the past, and spinning sparklers by the water. and beans, that makes my heart open up to the whole world.

 One of my favourite parts of the cottage was walking between the cottage and the beach at night. The trees up north are reallllllly tall. Probably from being so old and not having people mess with them. There's something so special about walking down this quiet dirt road, head tilted back at a right angle to see the smattering of stars framed by the trees on either side. Nicole cried and said 'we won the fucking lottery' because we beat out zillions of other sperm and attached to that specific egg and now we're here. Even if we don't wanna be, we are. We're here and we get to see this crazy shit, she said. It really makes you feel like nothing's too big of a deal, after all, except This Moment.

 On another one of these walks, Nicole, Anson, and I had a Serious Discussion about Snape.
 And on another one, Anson told Nik and I that sometimes we 'communicate on a level that doesn't involve words'. And he was sort of teasing us, just. But I took it as such compliment. I'm going to miss that so much when I'm not here anymore.

 I need to work on not operating so much on Extremes.

 Today is about: Productivity and Positivity.

 Here's what I need to do:

 1. Paint something.
 2. Carol Burnett illustration for M
 3. Clean my apartment (for fort night!)
 4. Invite everyone to fort night after deciding if it's tomorrow or Thursday! (Remember: Don't procrastinate on these, because you have to move a bunch of your stuff out this weekend.)
 5. Call potential apartments for viewings.
 6. Make more chicken salad.
 7. Dishes. (n)

And, this, for keeping <3:

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Catching up (Again)

I applied to Emily Carr and OCAD for Illustration. I got in to both schools. :) After much deliberation, I've decided to relocate to Vancouver and pursue my BFA there. I'm moving out of my Village apartment at the end of June. :( I'm moving to B.C. at the beginning of August. Change is terrifying, but exciting too.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

2013

Well, we've survived the Mayan-predicted apocalypse and barrelled through another holiday season!

So with the fervor that only comes but once a year (on January 1st) I blow the digital dust of my beloved blog and begin to write again.

2012 was by far this blog's saddest year, with the alarmingly low post-count of ... *coughs* two. One post relaying a conversation I had with a co-worker emphasizing the extremely dismal nature of my job (which, I have since quit to pursue art school)! And the other, I have to confess, I just wanted some place to upload a photo to. It doesn't even contain any words.

I feel like I should apologize. Like I've been awful with keeping up with a friend or something, and the blog's like "what, now it's new year's resolution time and you're calling me so you can feel productive?". Though let's be honest, blogging is not really even productive.

But I do miss it. I miss you, old friend, who was ever-present through my teenage angst and was a joyful assistant to my university procrastination!

I should tell you where I am these days:

The company moved to Toronto - and me along with it! I have a tiny studio apartment in the downtown core which I adore! And I have two new kitties (Ebby and Ponyo)! We make a cozy little family.

In August, I finally had enough of that god-awful place I called work for a year. Really, there comes a point where you realize you have to stop complaining and hating something but never doing anything about it, I guess. And you have to realize what your inability to function properly in an environment where you sit in a purple box day in and day out selling meaningless shitty software, in an office where literally nobody will tell the truth about anything, and where management continuously rapes you in the ass and then demands that you smile and like it... well you have to realize what it says about you as a person. That job made me this angry and bitter person. Vengeful, even. There was one day where I was sitting outside the office rage-crying and cursing terrible things upon those by whom I'd been wronged - and it hit me, like, this is how villains are born!! I think that's what finally got me to think it over properly. It wasn't just that it was a terrible place devoid of human kindness or logic. (Which it was.) But it's also that at the heart of myself, I am not a water-cooler-cubicle-office kind of girl. I'm an artist. And if I didn't kick my ass into gear to make that REALLY happen, it never would. And I would be stuck in awful places like that for the rest of my life. So I found the Toronto School of Art and applied for their Portfolio Development Program, and quit the craphole in September when I was accepted.

TSA was one of the most incredible experiences I've ever had. And despite my fearfulness, I _thrived_ there. I made a lot of art and had some incredible teachers. I really made the right move on that one.

My life is now in a bit of a limbo again. I'm applying for proper art programs for fall and am on the hunt for a new job in the meantime. Hopefully something that pays the bills but doesn't suck the soul out of me. Wouldn't that be nice? ;)

Moving Forward:

I really want to get in gear this year. I want to take destiny by the motherfucking horns and be experience-filled and productive. I need to find a job, get into art school (again), develop a strong online portfolio/presence, learn to cook and start a food blog, be involved in a book club (check!), become physically fitter, save to travel... so many things! I just have to make sure I actually STAY motivated because I know I have this weird bi-polar nature about 'doing stuff'.

I wish no longer to be a "a great gasping fish, either squirming away from some uncomfortable distress or flopping hungrily toward ever more pleasure" as Elizabeth Gilbert so accurately and unintentionally described me, but I want to swim toward my desired destinations, despite obstacles, with strong gills and hard scales.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Are you sorry you asked?


 Person:  Are you really that unhappy about what you do?

 me:  Honestly?

 Person:  yeah

 me:  If your 'career' was saying the same thing over and over and over again every day to get people to see demonstrations of software, would you be happy?

 Person:  no, but i wouldnt see that as my career.
are you seeing that as your career?

 me:  I'm funner, smarter, more interesting. I have dreams that thankfully span farther than sitting inside a cubicle uttering mind-numbing things that I care very little about.

No, that's the thing -- I have to convince myself DAILY that this is a temporary thing. A stepping stone.
But it's not like I have opportunities to move positions, and it's not like I am becoming a famous artist any time in the forseable future. So it gets a little soul-crushing.

It's not this place necessarily. It's not that this is a horrible job for what it is. It's just that it is depressing to think that this is what I have achieved so far, and what I do for the majority of my time.

I am really nothing but a wage-slave, a cubicle dog, a peon in the drone of 'the system' of the 'corporate' world. It makes me so sad because I used to think I was special, but the more you're told to sit down and shut up by the world, the more I realize I'm very much 'nobody'. And it makes me really sad.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Eggnog Lattes and Me-Time

Eggnog Latte's are back at Starbucks, harkening back to days of sitting in this establishment for many an unproductive hour. These days, I prefer smaller cafes that are quieter and less frequented by stressed out students. And I have to say, their Christmas cups this year aren't really that impressive. But there's still something comfortable about sitting here blogging and sipping my latte. It gives me the silly illusion that I won't have to get up and go to work tomorrow. And that I'm somehow tech savvy.



I like being by myself, but I miss coffee dates.

That's what places like this are good for, really. Wrapping cold hands around warm cups, catching up with a friend you pretty much see every day anyway. It's too bad my main coffee-shop squeeze is down under! (Hi Bee!)

Aside: Today at work, an old man 'wink and gun'ed me. I think my main question would be ... why do people think it's acceptable to do such things?

Only two days until the weekend comes again.


Friday, October 28, 2011

Weekend Culture

Work was actually okay today-- which, I think was in part because it's Friday and the momentum of weekend-anticipation gave me adrenaline. Isn't it funny, the culture of the weekend? For a while, I really wasn't understanding what the buzz was all about seeing as my weekends were the same as my weekdays. I miss having more time but it's also kind of nice to have motivation to do interesting things on the weekend since I can't during the week.

Also, we had free work breakfast at the Daily Grill this morning and I got a ride to work. I'm not sure whether it was eggs and homefries (fantastic homefries!) that made me happy or just the fact that I didn't have to trek through the frigid fall air at 7:30 in the morning because I got a ride there. Probably both. Also, sometimes funny things happen at work and that cuts through the drudgery a little.

I'm also fairly certain I'd make a pretty damn good personal assistant now judging by the intense calling and tact I had to employ to book certain appointments. ha...

At the moment, I'm sitting in Coffee Culture in Kitchener, which, is not a location I typically enjoy. But there is free wi-fi. I'm waiting for my 7:30 bus to Toronto! Now that I'm employed, I can afford to go places again. No longer shall I be trapped in Waterloo!

I miss Kitchener sometimes, the dirty bastard. I think I'm going to go get a Philly Cheesesteak for dinner. Mmm.




Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Work Rants

I'm working again.

Really, it's about time after two months of being unemployed and pretty much laying around on my broke ass. And honestly, maybe it's just Wednesday, and raining (again) and I'm just feeling frustrated with the drudgery and the forced standards society imposes... or that I'm tired and JUST got home because I got stuck in a call and missed my bus and have no other way of getting home.

But today I feel a little crushed by 'the man'. 

I should think of things I enjoy about work-- forget about the early mornings, the jolt of the city bus, the cold the people carry around with them and radiate (fucking Canada), the lack of sunlight, the monotonous and tireless phone calls, the perky coworker, the disgusting catch-phrases.... 

Things I like about work: 
- free breakfasts (quiche and bagels) 
- cubicle decorating 
- snacks 
- coffee 
- money. money, money, money, money! Sustenance-- yippee! 

Here is a picture of free breakfast that slightly dulls my despair about where my life is right now:


Still, I don't understand how people are 'fulfilled' by their jobs. I don't understand how people define working as success, how people take the MEANINGLESS bullshit they do every bloody day and esteem and define themselves by it. Nothing you do matters. Nothing I do matters. 

Funny how when I have NO time, that's when I suddenly wish for time to paint. 

Herein lies the flawed nature of this beast.

Unrelated: I'm loving the new layout options for Blogger-- perfect for a lazy comeback for my one year anniversary! Thank you, Blogger! 

Friday, August 19, 2011

Patience

I haven't had the patience to figure out how to re-format my blog... I might need some help. I'm not well-versed with xml (?) and I pretty much hate the new default templates blogger's providing now. I used to get so much enjoyment in high school out of tinkering with my blog. And now I just feel frustrated. I think it's also because I have no photoshop or like-program on my macbook, so it's really just difficult to do anything.

Patience is something I feel too tired for lately in general, and I'm not sure how one overcomes this.

I spent last night in with Irina and Jo, watching Ramona and Beezus, which I loved and which made me cry! I know it's just a kids movie, but besides how dear the classic Ramona books are to me, the on-screen version just spoke to the overwhelmingness in my life right now. I feel a bit like I'm just 9 years old sometimes, wondering why every single thing goes wrong, why every single thing I DO is wrong. And when Picky Picky died, it brought the whole thing just too close to home. I miss Chancho so many times a day, nowadays. Animals can give you a kind of love people can't.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Back to you...

Somehow when life is a shithole, I always come back to you, dear bloggy.

And since life is pretty much at the bottom of shitholes, I think we're due for a little revamp for our tenth anniversary year! haha

Isn't it nice to give yourself the illusion of some semblance of control and ownership over something? :)

Take it from Donny-- someday, we'll all be free.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.

-- I find it tragically hilarious, the things people perceive as Sacred. Just because you choose to label something as everlasting and important doesn't mean it is. Labels and promises are not tangible-- only people are. And the only person's actions you can reliably predict and control are your own. Therefore, only your own choices and commitments are sacred if you choose to deem them so, and not the institutions that society creates to bond us to certain patterns of life that we pretend to abide by.

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Touchdown in Korea-town

Landed in Seoul and killing time before we take off with Dennis and co. Dennis is our perky tour guide who keeps calling me Joanna. Talk about throw-back.

It's 6am HK time but 7am here, and I'm running on one hour of bad sleep on a plane near a couple of annoying spider-lashed girls. But nevermind them, I'm in Corea! :) 

Spotted a Dunkin' Donuts and had to try it (finally)-- asian dunkin' donuts is adorable! 

Pre-Corea Prep

I fly at midnight tonight!

And though I'll only be there five days, I'm excited to get to see a new piece of the world.

Testing out BB creams to gage which ones to buy. The coverage is actually more adequate than I thought it would be!

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Paris in HK

I'll be hard-pressed to ever save enough dough to finally hit euro soil. And with my recent re-charged excitement for fashion, I took myself to K11 (http://www.k11concepts.com/en/) after work tonight to see their tribute to Paris fashion week which is at its tail end.

It's pretty cool, actually! They have three exhibits that are dedicated to three Chinese designers who had their work out at Paris Fashion Week, they're playing French music (haha), and Parisian-esque decor is scattered throughout the mall.

I've been running around the exhibits, awkwardly taking self photos with my laptop because I forgot my memory card for my camera at home. After running away from a South African gentleman who wanted to take my 'very beautiful' ass to LKF, I found the largest outdoor/indoor exhibit and awkwardly (but hilariously) ran into Steph who along with her fiance's entire family spotted me boothing with my arm fulls of stuff. Poor girl has to spend five days in Seoul with this loser-- woot!

Right now, I'm having my first taste of macarons from Paul Lafayet to go with the theme, along with a Cafe Creme to perk myself up for the subway home.

Vive l'Hong Kong!




Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sai Kung Public Pier

I am here.

Exploriversity!

Apparently, I'm blending right back into the student culture. Sipping a mocha from a flimsy plastic cup and Facebooking from my Mac. Sounds about right.

Honestly, HKUST's campus-life-feel isn't too far from being at Waterloo at all-- disproportionate number of Chinese people v.s. Non-Chinese people included! (haha)

Of course the campus is FAR superior, with a mountain view of the water, and islands and eagles. There's a dim sum restaurant here. And everything looks far newer and prettier. But the right-most side past the sundial is suspiciously reminiscent of a certain Davis Centre look-- Waterloo architecture grad at work?

I need to get out of here if I'm going to finish exploring the residential areas I need to see, but I'm leaving behind this blast from the past:

I'd forgotten until my sister posted this photo, that 15 years ago, I was right back here in the same spot -- minus the mocha, and dressed head to toe in burgundy under the hideous vest that my fifth grade counterparts told me they wouldn't be caught dead wearing (even if it WAS Calvin Klein). (hahahaa..) Welcome back, subway kid.