Sept. 7, 2003. 2:05 am.

My room is dim, soft, white light bursts from the computer screen and Eagle Eye Cherry’s “Save Tonight” is only whispering from the speakers so as not to wake my family. I would sleep but my attempts to do so are completely in vain. It’s like all these things are trying to cram themselves into my mind and I can hardly begin to focus on even one and yet I can’t stop thinking about any of them. o/~ tomorrow comes to take me away, I wish that I that I could stay… save tonight fight the break of dawn come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone o/~ I have one week of 16 left… to many, it’s just another year… but 16 was a big deal to me. I had so many expectations for the 16th year of my life… I can’t remember whether they were fulfilled because I think some of these expectations have changed or rather I’ve changed and their importance has dissipated a great deal or almost completely. I remember one. I always thought I would get my first kiss at 16… and that hasn’t happened. Am I disappointed? Sometimes… but I guess more often I’m thankful. Thankful that something so important to me was preserved for the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I complain about it enough but really, I’m glad. But I’m not really thinking about past dreams… I’m thinking more along the lines of what I HAVE done… what made this year worth remembering…

In an attempt to organize my thoughts and properly reflect, I’ve slotted my life into a few areas:
1. relationship with God
2. relationships with others
3. praylude
4. school
5. character development?

I think I’m going to take the next week to think about each “section” as much as I can… I guess I’d like to think about development because even though I am not looking forward to turning 17, I’m gonna make it the best year it can possibly be and I’m going to grow and change and develop as much as I possibly can. I’m terrified of change but I will take charge of my own growth and pray to change in accordance with His plan in His time. It’s heartbreaking to see 16 go by in a blink of an eye, but perhaps it’s time for me to let go of the past a little and focus on today and on what’s to come… I wont’ be able to sing the song anymore but hey, 17 is the title of a magazine. =P