seventeen

thankyou Father for these seventeen years. years that could have been taken away at any moment and almost were... years that have been filled with countless memories, countless blessings... years that i have come to treasure as they speed by faster and faster. I love You.

a week ago, maybe less, i was pretty miserable... thinking about all the things that were going wrong... thinking about how school was so different this year than the last... thinking about my classes and how everything seemed wrong and the stress of university coming overwhelming me a bit... thinking about my desire to serve God in Praylude with four of my best friends and the hurt i felt when i realized they would be serving on commitee together without me... thinking about my roles in life... how maybe i didn't fit them anymore. wondering... wondering whether if i was important anywhere at all anymore... wondering if i mattered. and so certain that i was not loved or valued by anyone. cared for yes, but loved and valued... no.

but then i got to thinking this weekend... how am i looking at this? g always says it's all about perspective. so last night i tried to percieve it in a different way. i wasn't excited about seventeen at all. in fact, i wanted to stay sixteen... yet this weekend was really really great. compared to last year's galla this weekend was very regular ... but i got to spend a lot of time with friends and family... people doing all these little nice things for me to show me how much they care... to show that they remembered.
time.
time is huge. it seems to pass more and more quickly every year... so precious... something only God can control. and you never really know how much you have left. the way you spend your time is like a vote. a vote as to what is important to you. this weekend a lot of time was devoted to me. and that meant alot... but what means even more is how much time is devoted to me regularily. the number of people who will spend their time talking to me, doing things for me, chilling out with me... is a great many more than i deserve. and over the years God has blessed me with countless friends ... friends that i am so lucky to have yet so often take for granted...
and i know that if that many people are will to invest so much time in me... then i must be pretty important to them :)-- valued. and VERY well cared for. and all these things exhibit love. can i say that i am certain that every single one of these people love me? no. but who cares? teh actions shown and the actual relationships are much mroe important than someone saying i love you.

also... i thought everything was going wrong ... but i'm sure everything that happens will be used by God in accordance with His plan for me... and everything will turn out in the end :)

and what have i done this year that's worth remembering?
i grew. i grew closer to God. I grew new relationships and deepened old ones. i discovered true friends. and friends that i could rely on for spiritual and emotional and physical support. i got baptised. i had fun. i laughed. and i made people smile.

i could not be more grateful for a year that could not have been better.