the 'm' word

i really haven't thought about 'm'aturity for quite a while. i think it's jsut becuase university is approaching and i'm afraid that i'm not ready. i used to give maturity a lot of thought, alot of time... i guess it used to matter to me a lot more.
mostly because when i was much younger and hanging around with older people i felt looked down on or judged because of my age, and i was determined to prove that i was more mature than they initially judged me to be before they knew me. which i guess is an immature thing to do in itself.
the thing about being younger though, is that people make up excuses for you for the stupider things you do... People used to tell me i was 5, 6 years more mature than my age... but i think it's because the immature things i did were brushed off because of my age. id unno. i guess i'm just used to getting away with things all these years that now it's like certain immature thoughts/things that i do are still here. but now i'm turning 18... no longer subject to agist judgements ... that i don't really care... and maybe i even try to be less mature sometimes because i think that's the way i'm "supposed" to act... and people don't make 'excuses' for me anymore...

in any case, last night someone told me i was "half and half" in htat sometimes my thoughts and reflections are really mature, but sometimes i act super immature... and it was weird thinking about this. i didn't realize i was such a flake :P i think i'm just really immature all the time hahaha... the point is......... i don't know what the point is, this is just on my mind and i felt like typing it out.
BLAH I HATE SCHOOL.