have you ever been humiliated to the point of ...i dont' even raelly know what point that is. but you feel like your guts are gonna spill out on to the ground. you've just been made to feel like absolutely nothing. actually, you do feel like something. you feel stupid and ugly and unworthy. and all this by someone who's suppOSED to love you more than ANYONE ELSE.

... and you're made to feel like this... look like this in front of someone who you DO actually care about alot, someone whose opinion you really DO care about, someone who up until TODAY you were able to laugh with, talk to, eat with, grow with, without having to think every second that your'e not worthy to be their friend because you're like .. your'e just really not good enough for anyone.
i shouldnt' even be shopping in the same stores...

there is nothing to really do... i'm not going to go scream and shout at the person who made me feel like this. because, maybe they said it out of love? maybe they they didnt' realize how much it would hurt you... i dont' know. but i have to believe that. i have to. and maybe it's my fault. maybe if i just... made myself better, skinnier, ... i dunno.
all there is to do is say "next" like laura always says... "next." on to the next thing. life goes on. i just hate it that it has to go on with feeling like THIS.
all i've done is sobbed in my bed, screamed, skipped dinner, and thrown stuff around-- but what effect does that create? ... none.

because i'm still the same ugly, unworthy person.