time travel

this is Jeremy Tao. (dont' make fun of how ugly i look in this picture please its from a lonnnnnnng time ago.)

jer used to go to UW... i met him when i was nine and he graduated university when i was in grade SEVEN. in my old old old "yahoo photos" page where i found this picture, i gave it the caption "superman". cuz yeha. jeremy loves superman. and when i was a kid... he was my superman. my big brother. my hero. he went to kwcac and taught sunday school but NEVER to me but somehow he still gave me special attention and brought me kinder surprises and took time to talk to me and hang out with me. he'd remember my birthday, send me emails on valentine's day, and in the beginning after he graduated, jeremy visited. he always made me feel special and cared for. as a kid, i can truly say, i believed that jeremy was the COOLEST BEST guy in the entire world.

today, jeremy got married. (congratulations!!!!!!!!!)

and i was so nervous... SOOOOoooOOOOOOoo nervous to go. see the thing is, when i was a kid i hung around with a lot of university students... talked to a lot of them... treasured alot of them. these people (well some of them) watched me grow up for four/five years of my life. these people inspired me. built me up. there were people about whom i DECLARED as a child, "i want to be JUST like her when i grow up", poeple who inspired me to seek after God, people who took care of me, people who believed in me. people i grew really emotionally attached to.

(i saw all these people minus kat and jo(obviously) and jeanne tonite. three of them are married. gahhhh)

some of these relationships were actually errr real i guess... and some of them remain strong to this day... some of them, because of distance and time were somewhatly severed, and some of them i think were just not what i percieved them to be. and today, i knew i was going to see some of these epople again... some of whom i havent' seen in years ... and just... i guess i was afraid for old feelings to come back. old wounds? old attachments? ... or afraid to see that everything was a lie? ... especially since lately, i've been hanging on to the "old days" alot. the times where people actually thought i was worth something. what if i saw these people and realized they never thought that at all?.. then what?

so i saw people today. and i survived. i can't say that every encounter was so meaningful. and to be honest there were some that i was really disappointed with. and i couldn't really "be myself" around alot of these people. but i AM very very grateful for the relationships that God has allowed me to keep... namely my ga, alan, janice... ppl like that...
and i am so thankful for jeremy. RIGHT before we left he was saying "some of you i havent' seen in so long because of distance or busyness... but you've made an impact on my life". i'm so thankful for the impact that all of these people have had on my life. and i'm so thankful for the impact that JEREMY has had on my life. i found teh card he wrote me when he graduated the other day... he said "so how's jr. high? lots of cute guys? anway, it was really cool getting to know you! i still think its amazing how you can talk to everyone! dont' worry, you will find lots of people to talk to after i leave (but you can still write me). The kids at church really look up to you and i know that you will continue to be a good role model and 'Big sister' to them. well, hope school and life go well, write me sometime and let me know what you're up to okay? And happy birthday. hope it's a great one! Your Friend, Jeremy"
...look at us now.

annnnnnnnnd
a bazillion thanks to carson who drove all the way to stc to drive me to richmond hill for the reception and then waited with me while i freaked out about seeing people and where to put my bag. and also drove around in circles over and over and over. haha you're a gem.
and to devinka who came to save me from my strandedness at t3c and then shop with me for TWO hours just to find a dress. haha :P ... i lub you dev paivaaaaa :D