chips, chocolate, and grudges held

i didn't know hardly anything about lent until just this year... but talking to shabba about it and reading different stuff got me really thinking about it and whether maybe i should observe it this year. I knew that you generally give something up during lent. last night, i decided that should be chips and chocolate. which includes smart food popcorn. which i tholught was an adequate thing to give up considering i have chips and chocolate everyday. But then i was reading this article shabba sent me a few days ago btu i never visited until today.

"Lent is a time of self-denial, a time to give up something. But Jesus isn’t concerned with chocolate and CD’s – he’s concerned with what’s going on in our hearts. Lent is a time to give up those sins in our lives. It’s a time to give up the sin of hypocrisy – acting like a Christian on the outside, but being proud and self-centered on the inside. Lent is a time to give up the sin of duplicity – being a Christian on Sundays, but being an unbeliever on Fridays. It’s a time to give up the sin of being lethargic – “someday I’ll get my act together spiritually. Right now, though, I’m just too busy focusing on everything except God.” What is Lent? Lent is that man who stood in the back of the temple, and looked down at the ground, and prayed to God, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”

kind of an eyeopener really. i never thoguht of it like that. i thought of lent as more of a time of self denial for the purpose of sharing in Jesus' sufferings to a miniscule degree, or practicing self-control. but perhaps it's both.

so i have decided to give up just one more thing, the grudges i hold. if you know me, you know i hang on fast to grudges and for a long time. i believe this to be something that is a barrier between God and myself... a stumbling block in my growth... and something that needs to be taken out. i just never really "got around to it" rather, i never made an effort becuase reality was, i wanted to hold those grudges. i have a multitude of sins to choose from... a crazy unending list of them... but i think this one is the most prominent and pressing beacuse how can i be close to Love when i hold so much hate and contempt in my heart?

so there you have it. forty days (and hopefully longer) of no chips, chocolate, or grudges. errr...'happy' ash wednesday?